First date horror stories

A few years ago a friend of mine went home with this girl that he met at a club. He woke up in the middle of the night, felt that something was off and soon found out that he had shit himself in his sleep. Now panicking, he took her underwear while she was sleeping and smeared the shit on it and bits and pieces (im lmao right now thinking about this) on her buttcheek and surrounding area trying to put the blame on her and then quietly sneaked out.

I almost died when he told me lol, it made me laugh so hard my heart literally hurt. But I wasn't sure if he was making it up or not.
A week later we are out for a few beers and the same girl walks in with a friend of hers..I will never forget his face when he realised who just came in lol! They had instant eye contact, it was glorious. She came over pissed as hell and started making a scene yelling "you fucking psycho, why did you do that?! You disgusting pos" and my favorite "you smeared shit on my ass!" which made me burst out laughing so fucking hard for some reason. We called him shitbreak for like 6 months after that, and I still got him saved as shitbreak on my phone.

Fin

Still reading through these stories but so far this is the winner ahahahahahahahahah
 
I had a date about a decade ago that went oddly. I got this girl's number at a show I played and we chatted online a bit. Decided to go out, because she was really cute and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The day of our date, I'm fiending for some buffalo wings, so me and my roomie had some hot wings for lunch. Later, I picked up my date and headed to a party in the woods. The date was going really well, and we started drinking when we got to the party. We're hitting it off, when some chick walks in and catches my eye. She was like 6'0 tall and was all emo with her faux hawk. She was gorgeous.

I'm chatting with my date and the guy who is hosting the party, and she sits down next to him. Apparently they're good friends so she jumps right into the conversation. It was like a whirlwind... we had everything in common and the chemistry was perfect. We're flirting back and forth and the people around us didn't matter at all. It was amazing. Until the stomach cramps kicked in. The hot wings started moving in my stomach and I had been drinking a lot, so I knew I had to take care of this situation. I excuse myself to the emo chick, totally ignoring my date. I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and unbuckle my belt... when all of a sudden the emo chick busts in the bathroom, slams the door shut, and just grabs me. We start making out, hands are flying, her pants hit the floor, my pants hit the floor, she grabs my junk, and all of a sudden, I remembered why I was in the bathroom in the first place.

I was a little drunk and my 18 year old self panicked. My pants were at my ankles, and I understood the inevitability of the situation. I told her to hold on, then proceeded to sit down on the toilet and take one of the biggest shits of my life. I remember the shear look of horror in her eyes as this seemingly endless destruction poured forth from my b-hole. Our eyes stayed locked, as if we were sharing some sort of tragically significant moment together. When I finally finished, I just kind of half-smiled at her... exhausted and spent. She told me she had to go, and rushed to get herself composed, dressed, and out the door. She just left. I stood up, and before I could buckle my belt, my date came in and just mauled me. We banged right there, with the unflushed toilet and the smell of a thousand rotting carcasses wafting in the air.

I never saw the tall emo girl again. And nobody had ever heard from her since... but I learned a valuable lesson about bathroom door locks, that day.

I can't breathe
 
bump...these make my day. I can't contribute, but maybe some others can
 
damn i did not expect this to go to 300 posts, thanks for all the funny stories guys

after some of these, mine doesn't feel so bad lol

Dude, I'm reading this shit at work and still have almost 600 posts to go.

If you're reading this under an alt, THANKS!!
 
Never understood the appeal of water sports.

Saw a few porn scenes with it, after that I just skip those parts.

I recall Rebecca Linares's only scene with Max Hardcore, he did it on her face without her consent... quite disturbing. And Zafira had a scene which she did the same thing... with her consent... and I could never look at her beautiful face the same way.

I've had alot of weird dates, and very freaky one-night-stands, but never one that suggested water sports... thank god.

tumblr_inline_n2cx1cET181srzzws.gif
 
I was out hanging with Leah, this crazy artsy chick I was casually seeing 2 years before. We go out to hang with her friends at a gig. One of her friends seemed to like me and she was very cute, slim and tanned. Nothing happens that night. About a month later we meet up and go to another gig. And we head back to Leahs place with her, the cute friend and another punk chick who was weird as.

We stop outside Leahs room and her cute friend goes in there. Leah whispers to me: she really likes you, you should make out with her then pushes me in her room and closes the door. I think, well I wasn't going to cause I thought you'd be pissed but if I have your blessing..

The room is pretty much one big bed so I sit next to this girl and we soon start kissing. The girl goes real awkward, aggressive on me. Too much tongue, too much lip everywhere. And she tries to put her hand down my pants instantly. I'm holding her wrist back, feeling massively awkward and she gets her hand down anyway. I'm not sure what the hell is going on but she must think its a stuck gear shift and just brutally starts gripping and torquing it in every direction.

I tell her to go gentler but she keeps going and im worried there will be damage so I figure enough enough and as Im pulling her hand out Leah comes in the room and yells: What the hell are you doing?? I have no clue. Ha. I get away from the crazy cute chick and go outside, Leah follows and starts screaming at me: Don't you know she was drunk, why are you hooking up with my friend? I tell her that she suggested it but that doesn't help and she keeps screaming. So I tell her I'm going home and quickly piss off. Thankful to be away from both of them.

If this happened in 2015, you would be labeled a rapist and expelled from school without a legitimate chance to defend yourself.

You fuckin' rapist. :D
 
I had a date about a decade ago that went oddly. I got this girl's number at a show I played and we chatted online a bit. Decided to go out, because she was really cute and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The day of our date, I'm fiending for some buffalo wings, so me and my roomie had some hot wings for lunch. Later, I picked up my date and headed to a party in the woods. The date was going really well, and we started drinking when we got to the party. We're hitting it off, when some chick walks in and catches my eye. She was like 6'0 tall and was all emo with her faux hawk. She was gorgeous.

I'm chatting with my date and the guy who is hosting the party, and she sits down next to him. Apparently they're good friends so she jumps right into the conversation. It was like a whirlwind... we had everything in common and the chemistry was perfect. We're flirting back and forth and the people around us didn't matter at all. It was amazing. Until the stomach cramps kicked in. The hot wings started moving in my stomach and I had been drinking a lot, so I knew I had to take care of this situation. I excuse myself to the emo chick, totally ignoring my date. I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and unbuckle my belt... when all of a sudden the emo chick busts in the bathroom, slams the door shut, and just grabs me. We start making out, hands are flying, her pants hit the floor, my pants hit the floor, she grabs my junk, and all of a sudden, I remembered why I was in the bathroom in the first place.

I was a little drunk and my 18 year old self panicked. My pants were at my ankles, and I understood the inevitability of the situation. I told her to hold on, then proceeded to sit down on the toilet and take one of the biggest shits of my life. I remember the shear look of horror in her eyes as this seemingly endless destruction poured forth from my b-hole. Our eyes stayed locked, as if we were sharing some sort of tragically significant moment together. When I finally finished, I just kind of half-smiled at her... exhausted and spent. She told me she had to go, and rushed to get herself composed, dressed, and out the door. She just left. I stood up, and before I could buckle my belt, my date came in and just mauled me. We banged right there, with the unflushed toilet and the smell of a thousand rotting carcasses wafting in the air.

I never saw the tall emo girl again. And nobody had ever heard from her since... but I learned a valuable lesson about bathroom door locks, that day.

lmao this is great
 
I had a date about a decade ago that went oddly. I got this girl's number at a show I played and we chatted online a bit. Decided to go out, because she was really cute and it seemed like we had a lot in common. The day of our date, I'm fiending for some buffalo wings, so me and my roomie had some hot wings for lunch. Later, I picked up my date and headed to a party in the woods. The date was going really well, and we started drinking when we got to the party. We're hitting it off, when some chick walks in and catches my eye. She was like 6'0 tall and was all emo with her faux hawk. She was gorgeous.

I'm chatting with my date and the guy who is hosting the party, and she sits down next to him. Apparently they're good friends so she jumps right into the conversation. It was like a whirlwind... we had everything in common and the chemistry was perfect. We're flirting back and forth and the people around us didn't matter at all. It was amazing. Until the stomach cramps kicked in. The hot wings started moving in my stomach and I had been drinking a lot, so I knew I had to take care of this situation. I excuse myself to the emo chick, totally ignoring my date. I go to the bathroom, shut the door, and unbuckle my belt... when all of a sudden the emo chick busts in the bathroom, slams the door shut, and just grabs me. We start making out, hands are flying, her pants hit the floor, my pants hit the floor, she grabs my junk, and all of a sudden, I remembered why I was in the bathroom in the first place.

I was a little drunk and my 18 year old self panicked. My pants were at my ankles, and I understood the inevitability of the situation. I told her to hold on, then proceeded to sit down on the toilet and take one of the biggest shits of my life. I remember the shear look of horror in her eyes as this seemingly endless destruction poured forth from my b-hole. Our eyes stayed locked, as if we were sharing some sort of tragically significant moment together. When I finally finished, I just kind of half-smiled at her... exhausted and spent. She told me she had to go, and rushed to get herself composed, dressed, and out the door. She just left. I stood up, and before I could buckle my belt, my date came in and just mauled me. We banged right there, with the unflushed toilet and the smell of a thousand rotting carcasses wafting in the air.

I never saw the tall emo girl again. And nobody had ever heard from her since... but I learned a valuable lesson about bathroom door locks, that day.

Man, who'd have thunk one of the best stories of the thread would pop up over 800 posts in. Everything about that story is incredible.
 
I met this girl on match and met up with her in person at a restaurant by the mall. She was hideous. We sat on the bench outside the place and it was obvious she and I were not interested in eachother. We talked for 5 agonizingly boring minutes and I left.

Met about 4 other good looking girls from Match and banged 2 of em.

I worked at a tower records and I had a crush on this one really slutty girl that worked there. She used to wear a pin that said Got Milk? or maybe it said Got Balls? something like that, anyways I think was a cu*slut.

Finally got an opportunity to hang out with her, my supervisor (fatchick) and non-competition guy. We went to the supervisor's dad's boat in the harbor and drank vodka. I hadn't eaten all day so the vodka fucked me up bad. I was out of it, felt sick and didn't have any game so I didn't even see the signs that were right in front of me.

Played spin the bottle and kissed the hot chick who said "That was nice, I liked that" and gave me a sexy smile. I ended up puking over the side of the dock and passing out on the wooden planks cause the boat was rocking too much.

I was a dipshit and started to get angsty about how this chick seemed to be leading me on all the time, and she fucked some other guys in the immediate vicinity. She ended up hating me after I said something to that effect to her friend and work got really uncomfortable.

Got fired.
 
So earlier this week the online dating thread got me back into POF. I just had my first date from there, and it went pretty bad. Anyone else have some bad stories to share as well?

I'll tell mine, but its pretty long and a shortened version wouldnt do it justice, you can skip reading it and just tell yours if you like,

It was a cute girl who messaged me, at least 8/10, so after some messaging and texting, we made plans for today. When I first pulled up to her house, there was a car with a pissed off looking dude parked in front, at this point my instincts told me to run and I should've listened. However, I called her and she told me it was her brother and to park around the corner and shed come to my car. I did, and when she came to my car she was at least 30-40 lbs heavier than her picture (she later mentioned that her pictures were over a year old). Once again, I wanted to stomp the gas and leave, but I didnt want to hurt her feelings so I let her in.

I originally planned to go to a nice restaurant, but by then I just wanted to cut my losses get through the date. So I scaled back and took her to Red Robin. The entire time, she was texting. She would talk to me, then just stop and text, ignoring anything going on, like she hit the pause button on life, then suddenly hit play and act like no time has passed. It took her less than 10 minutes to start telling me about her ex drama. I completely phased out and was just watching NBA on the tv behind her head, she didnt notice at all. THEN, she got creepy. She just started going on about how handsome I am (bitch is blind, im ugly as shit) and how lucky she is to eat with me. She got really quiet and pensive for a minute then SHE LITERALLY ASKED ME TO BE HER BOYFRIEND AND ASKED MY WEEKLY SCHEDULE SO SHE CAN PLAN ALL OF OUR DATES. I laughed it off, asked for the check, then thought better of it and just handed the server enough money to easily cover the bill+tip.

The whole car ride back to her house, she kept trying to make out with me and also demonstrate how good of a singer she is by singing full volume along with the radio. Once we got to her house, HER FUCKING EX WAS STILL SITTING OUT FRONT. So i parked around the corner (still thinking it was her brother) and thats when she told me who it was. I then told her "it was nice meeting you, so...", before she cut me off and asked if I wanted to sneak past her ex and come in. I declined and left as fast as I could.


Im still trying to process what the fuck just happened. I didnt know I signed up for this.

would have banged her just for the story
 
went on blind date in yokohama with 2 japanese girls and my buddy who set us up
they're japanese chicks so blind date isn't a big deal worst case they're a 5 and best case they're a 7, all in the acceptable range.

we get to the train station and i have to shit, NOW. fun fact about japan, most of their toilets are holes in the ground. a toilet with no bowel, in the ground. fine to pee in but if i'm using a public bathroom, it's likely going to have a last pattern and i need to be ass to target. well i hold it anyway with great trepidation and having to stop and stand still for a few seconds every couple hundred feet for the pain to subside and a cold sweat forming on my back.

we get to the bar, gas panic http://gaspanic.co.jp/, and i introduced myself. went to the bathroom and am in full panic mode now. the other gas panics all have regular toilets so this should be no issue, it's why i opted to hold it for this long. there are 6 doors in here. great. it's also just opened so i am likely christening the bowls, so this is an all around win.

well i was wrong. kick open the first door and it's a hole in the ground. motherfucker. second door, hole. shit. 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th repeat. red line for the coming brown holocaust bubbling it's wat to the surface like a bp oil spill. there is one more door and it's a utility sink...with a lip all the way around it... this could work. is there room to close the door in front of me since it faces the door? not really...

go back to the nearest hole in the ground...you walk in and the platform the toilet is on is raised about 6 inches, perhaps to take your shoes off before stepping up and getting to business? well in either event it is brand new so there's no wet foot dropping around the bowl... grab a handful of toilet paper and wipe the rim anyway and all the area around it. take another handful and create a barrier for me to sit on and voila! a crude toilet from scratch!
i'm a genius


do my business and all is well, until i flush
here's how a bowl with no standing water flushes
the water comes from the back and hits the solid waste, pulling i to the back and into the murky depths of human despair
if you happen to be sitting in the path of wreckage that follows you get a plume of water, paper, and carnage.

old-faithful-o.gif


all it needed was a ric flair woo!

now my delicate wonderland of happiness is engulfed in a fema style disaster. what do you do? the only thing i could do was pull my shit up to the bay of sinks and soap up. fortunately they had warm water. scrubbing up and the door opens to the bathroom.. who's standing on the other side but our dates, because somehow in a room with maybe 10 people there, there's still a line for the ladies room. they're in the hall directly across from the men's room. who the fuck was the architect? all they got to see was me washing my dick and balls off with hand soap at a bar bathroom sink, perhaps making it shiny for them.

not even going to try and explain this one. just snuck out the back after telling my friend i was out of there. took a cab home and never spoke to the ladies again. i think i wasn't going out on a limb thinking the date was over
 
went on blind date in yokohama with 2 japanese girls and my buddy who set us up
they're japanese chicks so blind date isn't a big deal worst case they're a 5 and best case they're a 7, all in the acceptable range.

we get to the train station and i have to shit, NOW. fun fact about japan, most of their toilets are holes in the ground. a toilet with no bowel, in the ground. fine to pee in but if i'm using a public bathroom, it's likely going to have a last pattern and i need to be ass to target. well i hold it anyway with great trepidation and having to stop and stand still for a few seconds every couple hundred feet for the pain to subside and a cold sweat forming on my back.

we get to the bar, gas panic http://gaspanic.co.jp/, and i introduced myself. went to the bathroom and am in full panic mode now. the other gas panics all have regular toilets so this should be no issue, it's why i opted to hold it for this long. there are 6 doors in here. great. it's also just opened so i am likely christening the bowls, so this is an all around win.

well i was wrong. kick open the first door and it's a hole in the ground. motherfucker. second door, hole. shit. 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th repeat. red line for the coming brown holocaust bubbling it's wat to the surface like a bp oil spill. there is one more door and it's a utility sink...with a lip all the way around it... this could work. is there room to close the door in front of me since it faces the door? not really...

go back to the nearest hole in the ground...you walk in and the platform the toilet is on is raised about 6 inches, perhaps to take your shoes off before stepping up and getting to business? well in either event it is brand new so there's no wet foot dropping around the bowl... grab a handful of toilet paper and wipe the rim anyway and all the area around it. take another handful and create a barrier for me to sit on and voila! a crude toilet from scratch!
i'm a genius


do my business and all is well, until i flush
here's how a bowl with no standing water flushes
the water comes from the back and hits the solid waste, pulling i to the back and into the murky depths of human despair
if you happen to be sitting in the path of wreckage that follows you get a plume of water, paper, and carnage.

old-faithful-o.gif


all it needed was a ric flair woo!

now my delicate wonderland of happiness is engulfed in a fema style disaster. what do you do? the only thing i could do was pull my shit up to the bay of sinks and soap up. fortunately they had warm water. scrubbing up and the door opens to the bathroom.. who's standing on the other side but our dates, because somehow in a room with maybe 10 people there, there's still a line for the ladies room. they're in the hall directly across from the men's room. who the fuck was the architect? all they got to see was me washing my dick and balls off with hand soap at a bar bathroom sink, perhaps making it shiny for them.

not even going to try and explain this one. just snuck out the back after telling my friend i was out of there. took a cab home and never spoke to the ladies again. i think i wasn't going out on a limb thinking the date was over

You could have got naked, turn around and flush again to clean off. lol
 
Lol, these stories are good.

I remember I met this girl from online, I asked her to a bar, we went to where I previously stayed.. with my ex at the same time, it was going nicely, then my ex come in and it showed she was very jealous and sat with us while watching some tv, I asked her if she wanted to see this view out my room (it is actually a nice view, but who cares about the view), we were getting into it on my bed, then my ex come in every 5 minutes, just staring at me.. then eventually starts shouting at me how I bring "wh*res back to our place" and then the girl who I met leaves, the night was filled with very small talk and awkward stares from my ex. The day after me and my ex settled to being together again, for like 4 days, then we split up again.. but I have never heard from this girl again... she was nice
 
went on blind date in yokohama with 2 japanese girls and my buddy who set us up
they're japanese chicks so blind date isn't a big deal worst case they're a 5 and best case they're a 7, all in the acceptable range.

we get to the train station and i have to shit, NOW. fun fact about japan, most of their toilets are holes in the ground. a toilet with no bowel, in the ground. fine to pee in but if i'm using a public bathroom, it's likely going to have a last pattern and i need to be ass to target. well i hold it anyway with great trepidation and having to stop and stand still for a few seconds every couple hundred feet for the pain to subside and a cold sweat forming on my back.

we get to the bar, gas panic http://gaspanic.co.jp/, and i introduced myself. went to the bathroom and am in full panic mode now. the other gas panics all have regular toilets so this should be no issue, it's why i opted to hold it for this long. there are 6 doors in here. great. it's also just opened so i am likely christening the bowls, so this is an all around win.

well i was wrong. kick open the first door and it's a hole in the ground. motherfucker. second door, hole. shit. 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th repeat. red line for the coming brown holocaust bubbling it's wat to the surface like a bp oil spill. there is one more door and it's a utility sink...with a lip all the way around it... this could work. is there room to close the door in front of me since it faces the door? not really...

go back to the nearest hole in the ground...you walk in and the platform the toilet is on is raised about 6 inches, perhaps to take your shoes off before stepping up and getting to business? well in either event it is brand new so there's no wet foot dropping around the bowl... grab a handful of toilet paper and wipe the rim anyway and all the area around it. take another handful and create a barrier for me to sit on and voila! a crude toilet from scratch!
i'm a genius


do my business and all is well, until i flush
here's how a bowl with no standing water flushes
the water comes from the back and hits the solid waste, pulling i to the back and into the murky depths of human despair
if you happen to be sitting in the path of wreckage that follows you get a plume of water, paper, and carnage.

old-faithful-o.gif


all it needed was a ric flair woo!

now my delicate wonderland of happiness is engulfed in a fema style disaster. what do you do? the only thing i could do was pull my shit up to the bay of sinks and soap up. fortunately they had warm water. scrubbing up and the door opens to the bathroom.. who's standing on the other side but our dates, because somehow in a room with maybe 10 people there, there's still a line for the ladies room. they're in the hall directly across from the men's room. who the fuck was the architect? all they got to see was me washing my dick and balls off with hand soap at a bar bathroom sink, perhaps making it shiny for them.

not even going to try and explain this one. just snuck out the back after telling my friend i was out of there. took a cab home and never spoke to the ladies again. i think i wasn't going out on a limb thinking the date was over


Lmfao 10/10
 
This whole thread needs potty trained
 
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