went on blind date in yokohama with 2 japanese girls and my buddy who set us up
they're japanese chicks so blind date isn't a big deal worst case they're a 5 and best case they're a 7, all in the acceptable range.
we get to the train station and i have to shit, NOW. fun fact about japan, most of their toilets are holes in the ground. a toilet with no bowel, in the ground. fine to pee in but if i'm using a public bathroom, it's likely going to have a last pattern and i need to be ass to target. well i hold it anyway with great trepidation and having to stop and stand still for a few seconds every couple hundred feet for the pain to subside and a cold sweat forming on my back.
we get to the bar, gas panic
http://gaspanic.co.jp/, and i introduced myself. went to the bathroom and am in full panic mode now. the other gas panics all have regular toilets so this should be no issue, it's why i opted to hold it for this long. there are 6 doors in here. great. it's also just opened so i am likely christening the bowls, so this is an all around win.
well i was wrong. kick open the first door and it's a hole in the ground. motherfucker. second door, hole. shit. 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 6th repeat. red line for the coming brown holocaust bubbling it's wat to the surface like a bp oil spill. there is one more door and it's a utility sink...with a lip all the way around it... this could work. is there room to close the door in front of me since it faces the door? not really...
go back to the nearest hole in the ground...you walk in and the platform the toilet is on is raised about 6 inches, perhaps to take your shoes off before stepping up and getting to business? well in either event it is brand new so there's no wet foot dropping around the bowl... grab a handful of toilet paper and wipe the rim anyway and all the area around it. take another handful and create a barrier for me to sit on and voila! a crude toilet from scratch!
i'm a genius
do my business and all is well, until i flush
here's how a bowl with no standing water flushes
the water comes from the back and hits the solid waste, pulling i to the back and into the murky depths of human despair
if you happen to be sitting in the path of wreckage that follows you get a plume of water, paper, and carnage.
all it needed was a ric flair woo!
now my delicate wonderland of happiness is engulfed in a fema style disaster. what do you do? the only thing i could do was pull my shit up to the bay of sinks and soap up. fortunately they had warm water. scrubbing up and the door opens to the bathroom.. who's standing on the other side but our dates, because somehow in a room with maybe 10 people there, there's still a line for the ladies room. they're in the hall directly across from the men's room. who the fuck was the architect? all they got to see was me washing my dick and balls off with hand soap at a bar bathroom sink, perhaps making it shiny for them.
not even going to try and explain this one. just snuck out the back after telling my friend i was out of there. took a cab home and never spoke to the ladies again. i think i wasn't going out on a limb thinking the date was over