Does having kids kill all your personal ambitions?

[slimybooger]

what life do people give up? Im 29 and dont have kids, but I really dont see what i would give up thats worth much once i have kids. I just laugh when people who dont have kids pretend like they are living this wonderful life. I mean all you can do is go out on the weekends and get drunk and party.....except that what do people give up. And i have reached an age where I have done enough of that. Lately Im starting to think that maybe I will be those lame 40+ with no kids who go clubbing looking for one night stands.....If I dont have a family of my own in the future, then whats the point? All everyone I know my age do is work 5 days a week for a shitty company who couldnt give fuck about them and get drunk on the weekends. it really isnt that meaningful life when you think about it

There are people with kids that do that drop them off at grandmas and get shit faced on the weekends. Those childless people that get wasted every weekend living that crappy cycle suck. Maybe they should pursue other hobbies besides raising their alcohol tolerance levels. That may add some meaning to their life.

 

[BigMazz]

I think it depends on the kind of personal ambitions you're speaking of.

If your personal ambition is to be a scratch golfer, then hell yes, having kids is going to have a negative effect on that goal. That type of goal takes a lot of time and the main change when you have kids is the lack of free personal time.

If your personal ambition is to be successful at your job and a good husband and to try and be healthy and live longer, then having kids makes it about 1000 times easier. You've never in your life been as motivated to succeed as when you know you have that awesome little kid at home counting on you to do the best you can for them.

Anyone with kids will tell you that there is absolutely nothing in the world they would trade for the experience of being a parent. Anyone that says "I don't want kids because I'm saving for a Corvette" - they aren't wrong to say that, they just don't know what it's like.

It's not like you give up your life to have kids. They add to your existence - they don't take anything away. Anyone that says having kids ruined their lives, well, IMHO they aren't doing it right.

 

[BigMazz]

Well, that's super duper and all, but it does not disprove what I said one bit. If anything it reinforces my statement.

I feel this attitude is born of instinct and not rationality. Also, note that I started with the qualifier "if".

There's many things which I hold dear, yet feel no need to ram it down anyone's throat. It's called obsessing, and is generally unhealthy in any context.

You're a great example. I wont judge you at all. You are 100% entitled to this opinion. All I can hope is that one day, if you ever change and decide to have kids, you can remember that you said these things and felt this way and not hold it against others when you hear this same stuff.

Just curious, but can you identify some of your personal ambitions that you think would be ruined by having children? Not dreams, but realistic ambitions.

And please, don't judge all parents because you know a few obsessive freaks. That's just not a fair assessment of anything.

 

[We_Todd_Did]

You're a great example. I wont judge you at all. You are 100% entitled to this opinion. All I can hope is that one day, if you ever change and decide to have kids, you can remember that you said these things and felt this way and not hold it against others when you hear this same stuff.

Just curious, but can you identify some of your personal ambitions that you think would be ruined by having children? Not dreams, but realistic ambitions.

And please, don't judge all parents because you know a few obsessive freaks. That's just not a fair assessment of anything.

I'm afraid you're jumping the gun just a bit. It seems that there's an attitude here that if you don't have kids, it's because you're out getting drunk and banging sloots or trying to buy toys. Total bullshit.

To answer your question, I'm becoming an environmental engineer in hopes to travel the world and save one forest/desert/ village at a time. Dragging a kid from school to school does not fit into the equation, as I was raised this way and it sucked.

I'm just tired of parents acting like your life cannot be complete unless you have kids. Maybe their lives were so unfulfilling that they had no purpose until parenthood, but that isn't me.

Also, I didn't even come close to judging all parents by some freaks. I will, however, say that said freaks get more of a pass from society than an adult making an educated decision to not have children.

 

[BigMazz]

I'm afraid you're jumping the gun just a bit. It seems that there's an attitude here that if you don't have kids, it's because you're out getting drunk and banging sloots or trying to buy toys. Total bullshit.

To answer your question, I'm becoming an environmental engineer in hopes to travel the world and save one forest/desert/ village at a time. Dragging a kid from school to school does not fit into the equation, as I was raised this way and it sucked.

I'm just tired of parents acting like your life cannot be complete unless you have kids. Maybe their lives were so unfulfilling that they had no purpose until parenthood, but that isn't me.

Also, I didn't even come close to judging all parents by some freaks. I will, however, say that said freaks get more of a pass from society than an adult making an educated decision to not have children.

It's not me jumping the gun. I'm trying to be as polite as possible. I said nothing at all, nothing even close to "if you aren't having kids you're out getting drunk". Nothing even close. Feel free to point out where I did - but I didn't.

Good for you and your hopes of becoming an engineer and saving forests. It's a noble ambition and I wish you luck.

You'll have a kid one day. The most successful and ambitious people in the world eventually have kids (no need to find examples of people who don't - I'm sure you can). It's the way the world works. I hope you remember this conversation when you do. That's all.

 

[Simian Raticus]

Doesn't have to be one or the other. When you have kids you're number one responsibility is their well being, so your problem is how do I accomplish the things I want to in my current situation, which is the same problem you had before. There are always obstacles to work around whether you have kids or not.

 

[We_Todd_Did]

Actually, the out drunk part was referring to Gervinho, bit your Corvette remark went with his narrative a bit.

 

[Sexy]

i bet you cant go to the movies as often if you have kids.

 

[wlu29]

I think it depends on the kind of personal ambitions you're speaking of.

If your personal ambition is to be a scratch golfer, then hell yes, having kids is going to have a negative effect on that goal. That type of goal takes a lot of time and the main change when you have kids is the lack of free personal time.

If your personal ambition is to be successful at your job and a good husband and to try and be healthy and live longer, then having kids makes it about 1000 times easier. You've never in your life been as motivated to succeed as when you know you have that awesome little kid at home counting on you to do the best you can for them.

Anyone with kids will tell you that there is absolutely nothing in the world they would trade for the experience of being a parent. Anyone that says "I don't want kids because I'm saving for a Corvette" - they aren't wrong to say that, they just don't know what it's like.

It's not like you give up your life to have kids. They add to your existence - they don't take anything away. Anyone that says having kids ruined their lives, well, IMHO they aren't doing it right.

i agree with 90% of this post, i can't wait until my son gets older so i can take him golfing with me, then i'll become a scratch golfer and he's going to become the next tiger

 

[wlu29]

i bet you cant go to the movies as often if you have kids.

there really aren't that many movies worth going out to see

 

[wlu29]

I'm afraid you're jumping the gun just a bit. It seems that there's an attitude here that if you don't have kids, it's because you're out getting drunk and banging sloots or trying to buy toys. Total bullshit.

To answer your question, I'm becoming an environmental engineer in hopes to travel the world and save one forest/desert/ village at a time. Dragging a kid from school to school does not fit into the equation, as I was raised this way and it sucked.

I'm just tired of parents acting like your life cannot be complete unless you have kids. Maybe their lives were so unfulfilling that they had no purpose until parenthood, but that isn't me.

Also, I didn't even come close to judging all parents by some freaks. I will, however, say that said freaks get more of a pass from society than an adult making an educated decision to not have children.

i think you are projecting a lot of inaccurate statements and grossly generalising

kids do give me purpose, they enrich my life and make me happy i don't think people who don't have kids are incomplete at all

like i've stated before in my case ever since i've had my son, i've been even more focused and successful at work and i'm motivated to get into shape and realise a goal that i had abandon like 6 years ago (which is to train and run a marathon)

 

[irc]

I think guys should wait til 40 to have kids. Spend your 20's and 30's going to grad school, traveling, chasing girls, going out a ton, playing sports, and building a career.

I'm 39 and and a 1 year old daughter and basically followed the above plan and am really glad I did. I think guys that have kids in their 20's are basically going to miss out on a LOT. Once you're established, having a kid really isn't that crazy. Yes it takes time, but I'm still doing the things I love.

I think people sometimes exagerate this stuff a little.

 

[Charles Brown]

I think guys should wait til 40 to have kids. Spend your 20's and 30's going to grad school, traveling, chasing girls, going out a ton, playing sports, and building a career.

I'm 39 and and a 1 year old daughter and basically followed the above plan and am really glad I did. I think guys that have kids in their 20's are basically going to miss out on a LOT. Once you're established, having a kid really isn't that crazy. Yes it takes time, but I'm still doing the things I love.

I think people sometimes exagerate this stuff a little.

Great advice. That way, your kids won't be out of the house until you're into your 60's. Maybe you have a heart attack before they can go to college.

 

[devante]

Kids do enrich your life...but they do result in some adjustments in how you live your life and what you do; this is also dependent on the situation under which you had/have kids...I.e. married..single dad...single mom. As well as how many kids you have w/ how many people; an you have to look at where you were in life prior to the kids being born.

If you have your finances in order and are well on the way to.accomplishing personal goals; it may not result in alot of change...but if you been screwing around and are trying to get things in order it becomes more difficult because your main priority is providing for those kids so certain chances you might take financially or personnaly don't get taken because you have someone depending on you.

Secondly providing for kids isn't as simple as sending money its having a continuous and beneficial presence in their life and certain goals make it very different to develop the necessary bonds to make that happen.

Most of the best fathers I know...aren't the most successful men I know and the same goes for the moms..not saying you can't do very well for yourself..you can. But its hard to be the best in all phases..

 

[devante]

Also you can have a good life without having kids...all things aren't for all people. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids...just like there is nothing wrong with achieving goals prior to having them; its better than having them and blaming them for why u didn't reach your goals.

 

[CutStryker]

Ultimately they slow your ambitions down

 

[We_Todd_Did]

i think you are projecting a lot of inaccurate statements and grossly generalising

kids do give me purpose, they enrich my life and make me happy i don't think people who don't have kids are incomplete at all

like i've stated before in my case ever since i've had my son, i've been even more focused and successful at work and i'm motivated to get into shape and realise a goal that i had abandon like 6 years ago (which is to train and run a marathon)

More like I'm responding to some gross generalizations. Obviously it worked out in your favor, and more power to ya. Perhaps it's more a matter of having kids at the right time in your life. As a single guy in my mid 30's, I am becoming resentful of many people my age talking like my life just cannot be complete until I have kids. I find such attitudes horribly myopic. Life is not a one-size-fits-all affair, nor is the decision to not have kids necessarily a wrong one, but some parents will waste no time in treating it as such. Probably just typical for my age group, I suppose.

Also, as Charles so dickishly attemted to refute (as he tends to do), some people may not be ready until later in life, and that's ok too, so long as you keep yourself healthy enough to keep up with your kids. This isn't the 1800's, and 60 isn't that old anymore.

 

[MuayThaiBX]

Also you can have a good life without having kids...all things aren't for all people. There is nothing wrong with not wanting kids...just like there is nothing wrong with achieving goals prior to having them; its better than having them and blaming them for why u didn't reach your goals.

This. I never want kids. Not for me for numerous reasons. I respect those that do but kind of resent the notion that some people have that life is meaningless without kids or that everybody should have kids no questions asked. I am plenty happy without them and would hate my life if I had them. Bottom line. Nothing could change my mind on this issue.

 

[irc]

Great advice. That way, your kids won't be out of the house until you're into your 60's. Maybe you have a heart attack before they can go to college.

I mean if you're in such a rush to get them out of your house, maybe you should think twice about having kids. Basically, its the difference between having kids with you in your 20's and 30's, which are the prime life-building and experience-getting years, or your 40's and 50's, giving you the chance to maximize your 20's and 30's.. I'll take the latter. Makes more sense to me.