Does having kids kill all your personal ambitions?

If someone decides to flush away their dreams as an individual after having kids, more power to 'em.

What really chaps my ass is when they don't get that everyone else isn't obsessed with their kids.

Once that's all you have to talk about, go the fuck away, be a good parent, and leave me the hell out of it. Don't need to know what little Cody did 14 times a day or see his face plastered on fb every hour.

Seems unhealthy and unbalanced to me.
 
WINNERBYTWISTER said:
This is true. Especialy when both parents have jobs and also have to handle responsibilities around the house. Its not intentional, you just need time to do things that need done.
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Yeah I mean obviously I never thought raising a kid would be easy, but when I see (occasionally obese) kids so completely addicted to video games and TV I always thought to myself man those parents neglected their kids. But I can see now what a slippery slope it is and how hard it is to get shit done without distracting the kid lol, we are still unpacking and such and it's impossible to do any of that unless she is hypnotized by the TV.
 
Cool Hand Luke said:
You can have ambition and goals while you have kids. In fact, pursuing your ambitions and goals while raising your kids is a good way of setting a positive example for them.
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Totally agree.

The people who have a kid and say, 'now everything I do in life is 100% for the benefit of the kid'! are not walking the right path in my opinion. Your kids will be a part of your life - a large part of it - but they aren't you. 17 years from when they're born, they basically don't even need you, now where does that leave you? If everything you do is about the kids, you're going to raise some narcissistic pains in the arse.

It's all about balance. Your work, your relationship with your wife and other friends, your hobbies...none of that should go away due to kids. I have no problem with almost ignoring my kids sometimes if I have other things to do...not video games, but projects around the house, or even cleaning the house, working out, etc. You're setting an example of what an adult needs to do to maintain a household and teaching your kids that adults aren't simply there to entertain them. My kids can learn as much from watching me install a new closet or get in a workout as they can if I sat and played legos with them all day. I love bringing them to my triathlons - that's an activity I do almost completely for my own benefit, but just having the kids in that environment and letting them see all the people and their dad being healthy and trying to accomplish goals is good for them.
 
WINNERBYTWISTER said:
No. Having kids is far more gratifying than any personal ambitions.

Having kids is a joy that no personal ambition could ever acheive.

But having kids is also like climbing Mount Everest. In hindsite it is an amazing accomplishment raising kids and is a joy, but the journey itself is exhausting.
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Very, very true. I'll add that it's important to keep something (hobby or whatever) for yourself to make sure you continue to grow and have fun. I still do everything I use to before kids, just less. I'm very happy though. I love being a dad.
 
Being a good role model and raising your kids right is a personal achievement of the highest order, if you don't see(feel) that you shouldn't have kids.
 
jackietreehorn8 said:
Totally agree.

The people who have a kid and say, 'now everything I do in life is 100% for the benefit of the kid'! are not walking the right path in my opinion. Your kids will be a part of your life - a large part of it - but they aren't you. 17 years from when they're born, they basically don't even need you, now where does that leave you? If everything you do is about the kids, you're going to raise some narcissistic pains in the arse.

It's all about balance. Your work, your relationship with your wife and other friends, your hobbies...none of that should go away due to kids. I have no problem with almost ignoring my kids sometimes if I have other things to do...not video games, but projects around the house, or even cleaning the house, working out, etc. You're setting an example of what an adult needs to do to maintain a household and teaching your kids that adults aren't simply there to entertain them. My kids can learn as much from watching me install a new closet or get in a workout as they can if I sat and played legos with them all day. I love bringing them to my triathlons - that's an activity I do almost completely for my own benefit, but just having the kids in that environment and letting them see all the people and their dad being healthy and trying to accomplish goals is good for them.
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IMO, you're doin'it rite.

I can't help but think when someone says "sure, it murders your sex life, ends your individual hopes and dreams, kills your social life, and turns you into a shell of a human...but It's totally worth it!" that their life sucked to begin with.

Also, narcissistic, egomaniacal, maladjusted kids who think they're the center of the universe.
 
If you have things that you want to do in life you should do them before having kids. You can still do them after having kids, but it is not nearly as easy. Once the kids come along the things you want to do come second to your children and spouse and in my case my religious obligations.
 
We_Todd_Did said:
IMO, you're doin'it rite.

I can't help but think when someone says "sure, it murders your sex life, ends your individual hopes and dreams, kills your social life, and turns you into a shell of a human...but It's totally worth it!" that their life sucked to begin with.

Also, narcissistic, egomaniacal, maladjusted kids who think they're the center of the universe.
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Why else would we spend time in the Mayberry?
 
I wonder how much impact this mentality has on divorce rates. If every second of your life is devoted to your kids, what is left of you for your partner? Furthermore, what kind of example does this set for your kids' future relationships? Junior is never going to learn how to properly treat a lady (nor vice-versa) if they interact strictly as a parental unit. This is probably why there's so many young women nowadays who think they're the goddamn princess of Wales.

I have a cousin just like this. She and her husband do nothing but obsess over their kids, but both are miserable people with no chemistry for each other whatsoever. I find it horribly depressing.
 
There can be no doubt that when your kids are small, particularly if you have more than one small one at a time, like 5 - 3 - 1 or so, life is going to be very very difficult for a while. You will learn that sleep deprivation may not kill you, but it can make you wish you were dead. On the other hand - the rewards are comensurate with the difficulty if you are any kind of human being. The description "acid trip with hugs and kisses" is pretty good. The amount of joy and pride and love that kids bring is not understandable until you have some of your own. Also the potential for grief and heartbreak and dissapointment - but its all part of the package.

Things get easier as they get older, but the parenting gets more subtle, and to me, more difficult. You move from trying to keep them from killing themselves suddenly to keeping them from killing themselves slowly. Teenage boys get sullen and withdrawn, teenage girls get reactive and start crying all the time - but if you put the work in and stay connected, keep meeting their emotional needs, find family activities that keep them engaged, you just keep hanging in there, keep showing up and being on their side every day, and gradually transition from animal trainer to mentor and guidance counselor, your kids become your friends - a different caliber of friend you've ever had.

Your life is so much fuller - full of both their joys and their sorrows, but full to overflowing - to the point you aren't sure you can take it anymore, both the good and the bad.

Is it worth it? Hells yeah.
 
Kids are pretty fun sometimes. Especially once they hit about 5 and go to school, but are old enough to enjoy doing shit that is fun. Its also nice having an audience for video games. Also helps if you have cool parents that will watch them for special occasions. Like going to Europe for a week.
 
jackietreehorn8 said:
Totally agree.

The people who have a kid and say, 'now everything I do in life is 100% for the benefit of the kid'! are not walking the right path in my opinion. Your kids will be a part of your life - a large part of it - but they aren't you. 17 years from when they're born, they basically don't even need you, now where does that leave you? If everything you do is about the kids, you're going to raise some narcissistic pains in the arse.

It's all about balance. Your work, your relationship with your wife and other friends, your hobbies...none of that should go away due to kids. I have no problem with almost ignoring my kids sometimes if I have other things to do...not video games, but projects around the house, or even cleaning the house, working out, etc. You're setting an example of what an adult needs to do to maintain a household and teaching your kids that adults aren't simply there to entertain them. My kids can learn as much from watching me install a new closet or get in a workout as they can if I sat and played legos with them all day. I love bringing them to my triathlons - that's an activity I do almost completely for my own benefit, but just having the kids in that environment and letting them see all the people and their dad being healthy and trying to accomplish goals is good for them.
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This.
 
having kids should be a personal ambition
 
Kill? No. Change some of them? Yes
 
jackietreehorn8 said:
Totally agree.

The people who have a kid and say, 'now everything I do in life is 100% for the benefit of the kid'! are not walking the right path in my opinion. Your kids will be a part of your life - a large part of it - but they aren't you. 17 years from when they're born, they basically don't even need you, now where does that leave you? If everything you do is about the kids, you're going to raise some narcissistic pains in the arse.

It's all about balance. Your work, your relationship with your wife and other friends, your hobbies...none of that should go away due to kids. I have no problem with almost ignoring my kids sometimes if I have other things to do...not video games, but projects around the house, or even cleaning the house, working out, etc. You're setting an example of what an adult needs to do to maintain a household and teaching your kids that adults aren't simply there to entertain them. My kids can learn as much from watching me install a new closet or get in a workout as they can if I sat and played legos with them all day. I love bringing them to my triathlons - that's an activity I do almost completely for my own benefit, but just having the kids in that environment and letting them see all the people and their dad being healthy and trying to accomplish goals is good for them.
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This is excellent and what I needed to hear today. My wife and I are guilty of putting too much time into the kids and losing focus in other areas.
 
Yes. When I found out I was gonna be a father I had to give up my dream of graduating high school.
 
When you have kids and a partner your ambitions should shift from 'solely things that benefit you' more toward goals that benefit you and your family as a whole. If your priorities stay you-centric you won't have a functioning family for long.

Having a family makes people more ambitious, whereas they previously had little motivation they now have all the motivation necessary to protect their family by accumulating money and goods and being successful in all pursuits. If your personal ambition was to be the best at call of duty and now you have a family, that ambition is going to be killed quick, as it should be.
 
After a couple of years with my nephew in existance. I've noticed that brother in law has a little a gut and he longer has that vibe he had when he was like 25.
 
it pisses me off when I see these threads "does having kids kill your ambitions??" "does getting married kill your friendships? "does.... blah blah blah change blah blah blah blah" shit man, everybody in this world is different and for each individual the world is what you make of it. There is people who were born dirt poor and through work became millionaires, and there is rich people who fucked up their entire lives... ask those people if the intial circunstances in their lives MUST always lead them into a specific path... they dont. You are who decides what happens in your live with the circumstances you are given, and thats the end of it.

Having kids is just one gigantic responsibility you just took on that you didnt have before, thats it... what you make of it, its just up to you
 
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