Relationships Does anyone regret having kids?

24, and now I'm start to wonder if I'll have kids or not. it' something I've only really giving serious thought now that I enter my mid twenties. I'm leaning towards a no, and I think I have a lack of paternal instincts, but if I met some tomboy tank driver girl, I might reconsider
 
it is precisely ( from what I gather anyway) individuals and thinkers akin to yourself that should be having children that are not having children and in generations to come the idiots will far outnumber the good folk which will in turn deter the good folk from producing which will result in a major dilemma

See, I disagree with the "should" imperative here. Why "should" anyone do something for the sake of the prosperous continuation of a specie? The notion that anything is owed to this nebulous idea of mankind is foreign to me. I'm concerned about the environment but not so much for the sake of humans - more for the sake of animals who have no conscious agency in preserving it, and are, by that token, innocent, so I can get behind saving it for them, but for humans? I don't feel the obligation to produce better humans, even if the hope of outnumbering idiots in the future was not already infinitesimally slim. Also, in raising kids you increase risks to your health, starting with added stress that no good parent can escape. I've no way of telling whether the accumulated stress of rearing a child - protecting it until it's old enough to fend for itself and then worrying for the rest of my life about them either way - will reduce my lifespan. Why should i allow that, that makes no sense? I'm sure my parents, too, wanted to believe that their sacrifices would result in a better life for their progeny - me - so where's the sense in me taking on the same stressors - or worse, given the world we live in today - and just doing the same thing they did, paying it forward ad infinitum? The outcome of that is the extension of a lineage and the specie, but to what end?

If I have a kid, it won't be out of some misguided sense of duty to mankind, or so that I can have company and care in my old age (which is the #1 worst reason I have heard so far - no child should be saddled with that sort of responsibility), it will be more "just because", with zero reflection on "mankind", zero expectations of them and for them, zero illusions or denial about what I'm undergoing (i.e., none of the "this is fine, I am fine" self-soothing bullshit), and with zero unsolicited & bullshit "wisdom" for would-be parents.
 
24, and now I'm start to wonder if I'll have kids or not. it' something I've only really giving serious thought now that I enter my mid twenties. I'm leaning towards a no, and I think I have a lack of paternal instincts, but if I met some tomboy tank driver girl, I might reconsider
You've got time. My wife and I were 25 and 26 when we had our first and 30 when we had our youngest. Our girls are 26 and 22.
 
You've got time. My wife and I were 25 and 26 when we had our first and 30 when we had our youngest. Our girls are 26 and 22.
Crazy how young that seems now to be having kids, my parents didn't have me to they were 40! Most people these days don't even have kids until their late 30s, when 50 years ago a lot of families began when they parents were only 21-22.
 
Not sure I agree with the rock star parallel. It’s biologically innate in us, even primordial to produce, not to play strings on the acoustic lol.

However yes there is a huge part of the populace that should avoid producing.

Irony of it all - it is precisely ( from what I gather anyway) individuals and thinkers akin to yourself that should be having children that are not having children and in generations to come the idiots will far outnumber the good folk which will in turn deter the good folk from producing which will result in a major dilemma. If it isn’t happening now that is.
The rockstar scenario was based on time. Some people just dont have time to be parents. Therefore they shouldnt. You can produce all the money in the world, but if you are not there for them, they will grow up resenting you and possibly grow up fcked up in some way, then spread that onto their seeds.
 
There are a lot of "millionaires" on paper now in Vegas because of the housing boom.
Yeah I guess, but until they sell or unless they want to take out a loan against the equity, that doesn't mean a whole lot.
 
See, I disagree with the "should" imperative here. Why "should" anyone do something for the sake of the prosperous continuation of a specie? The notion that anything is owed to this nebulous idea of mankind is foreign to me. I'm concerned about the environment but not so much for the sake of humans - more for the sake of animals who have no conscious agency in preserving it, and are, by that token, innocent, so I can get behind saving it for them, but for humans? I don't feel the obligation to produce better humans, even if the hope of outnumbering idiots in the future was not already infinitesimally slim. Also, in raising kids you increase risks to your health, starting with added stress that no good parent can escape. I've no way of telling whether the accumulated stress of rearing a child - protecting it until it's old enough to fend for itself and then worrying for the rest of my life about them either way - will reduce my lifespan. Why should i allow that, that makes no sense? I'm sure my parents, too, wanted to believe that their sacrifices would result in a better life for their progeny - me - so where's the sense in me taking on the same stressors - or worse, given the world we live in today - and just doing the same thing they did, paying it forward ad infinitum? The outcome of that is the extension of a lineage and the specie, but to what end?

If I have a kid, it won't be out of some misguided sense of duty to mankind, or so that I can have company and care in my old age (which is the #1 worst reason I have heard so far - no child should be saddled with that sort of responsibility), it will be more "just because", with zero reflection on "mankind", zero expectations of them and for them, zero illusions or denial about what I'm undergoing (i.e., none of the "this is fine, I am fine" self-soothing bullshit), and with zero unsolicited & bullshit "wisdom" for would-be parents.
Firstly, I disagree that should is an imperative. It's more suggestive than anything else. Your attitude is rather defeatist and oxymoronic: If you do not outnumber the idiots then it can be safely assumed that said idiots will be far more negligible to animals/nature.

Secondly - Yes, raising a child has its challenges, stress included. However, there are reports/ studies that conclude such benefits as longer life expectancy compared to child free individuals, in part due to support of the family. You are also less likely to experience depression. There are a lot factors involved. It's not black and white.

You have a very nihilistic view of things.
 
Crazy how young that seems now to be having kids, my parents didn't have me to they were 40! Most people these days don't even have kids until their late 30s, when 50 years ago a lot of families began when they parents were only 21-22.
Whoa. I'm not sure I could've done it at 40. My parents were 21 when they had me . . . I know plenty of people born to younger parents.
 
Yeah I guess, but until they sell or unless they want to take out a loan against the equity, that doesn't mean a whole lot.
Im guessing he has a $700,000 home that he owes $650,000 on, a $100,000 Ford Raptor and a $80,000 Mercedes that he's upside down on, $120,000 speedboat he keeps in the garage to hide from the repo man. Combined with the $10 he has in his bank account he hits a cool million.

This is how a lot of people here think.
 
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Not sure I agree with the rock star parallel. It’s biologically innate in us, even primordial to produce, not to play strings on the acoustic lol.

However yes there is a huge part of the populace that should avoid producing.

Irony of it all - it is precisely ( from what I gather anyway) individuals and thinkers akin to yourself that should be having children that are not having children and in generations to come the idiots will far outnumber the good folk which will in turn deter the good folk from producing which will result in a major dilemma. If it isn’t happening now that is.
Yeah in my friendship circle among the girls theres two medical doctors, a vet, four PHD scientists and a high school physics teacher all aged 33-37 and between all those smart ladies they've only had one kid.

It was the physics teacher who had the baby.
 
I grew up not knowing my own father and I ran around as a crazy kid thinking death was just a word, but I eventually did a bit of growing up and when I met my girl and things turned serious, I wanted to prove to everyone around me and also myself that I could do what my own dad couldn't. So far it hasn't too bad.
 
I grew up not knowing my own father and I ran around as a crazy kid thinking death was just a word, but I eventually did a bit of growing up and when I met my girl and things turned serious, I wanted to prove to everyone around me and also myself that I could do what my own dad couldn't. So far it hasn't too bad.
I wish you serenity sherbro.
 
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