Relationships Does anyone regret having kids?

RichardHarrow said:
Firstly, I disagree that should is an imperative. It's more suggestive than anything else. Your attitude is rather defeatist and oxymoronic: If you do not outnumber the idiots then it can be safely assumed that said idiots will be far more negligible to animals/nature.

Secondly - Yes, raising a child has its challenges, stress included. However, there are reports/ studies that conclude such benefits as longer life expectancy compared to child free individuals, in part due to support of the family. You are also less likely to experience depression. There are a lot factors involved. It's not black and white.

You have a very nihilistic view of things.
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I wouldn't call it nihilistic, I just don't care about what happens to the human race. Re: life expectancy and depression, I don't think kids move the needle meaningfully here in either direction conclusively, I have a family (siblings, nieces/nephews) I don't feel the need to fortify further with my own progeny, and, on the flipside, I've been watching people sacrifice their non-family social ties (for years now) due to kids in ways that are, put very mildly, unhealthy, bordering on absurd and irrational. If company of other people is what keeps us healthy, having kids is no obvious way to help that and may even hinder that. Sure, you'll expand your social circle through kids too, but the quality of those net new relationships is not guaranteed to ever meet or exceed that of the relationships you've built since childhood (and left on the backburner until you've raised your kids). There are middle grounds here, of course, but my point is that kids aren't a guarantee of net positives in life by any stretch of the imagination.
 
Darth_Inv1ctu5 said:
I wouldn't call it nihilistic, I just don't care about what happens to the human race. Re: life expectancy and depression, I don't think kids move the needle meaningfully here in either direction conclusively, I have a family (siblings, nieces/nephews) I don't feel the need to fortify further with my own progeny, and, on the flipside, I've been watching people sacrifice their non-family social ties (for years now) due to kids in ways that are, put very mildly, unhealthy, bordering on absurd and irrational. If company of other people is what keeps us healthy, having kids is no obvious way to help that and may even hinder that. Sure, you'll expand your social circle through kids too, but the quality of those net new relationships is not guaranteed to ever meet or exceed that of the relationships you've built since childhood (and left on the backburner until you've raised your kids). There are middle grounds here, of course, but my point is that kids aren't a guarantee of net positives in life by any stretch of the imagination.
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Lol you sound like you read Rust Cohle philosophy all day.

kids aren't a guarantee of net positives in life by any stretch of the imagination.
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There is evidence to the contrary.

Most men don't have many friends by the time they reach 30. I can say indisputably there's no greater bond than that of a parent and his/her child. Having a friend doesn't compare.

Further, your idea of friendship is thus dependent to those in your network not having kids.
 
Woldog said:
My daughter turns two next month lol
worldofwar-timeschange.gif
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Nah, times dont change... puppies are always less work.

But congrats sherbro.
 
I've had a lot of female clients tell me they regret kids, most of which millennials.

It's usually the same story. They liked the idea of kids and the Kodak moments they see everyday on social media but not the actual responsibility aspect of it.

That's why I hate the question "do you want kids". When you word it like that your subconsciously viewing the kids as just an object. The real question you should be asking is "do you want to be a parent" or "do you want a family". In that case your viewing it as an actual responsibility.
 
FléauDeDieu said:
24, and now I'm start to wonder if I'll have kids or not. it' something I've only really giving serious thought now that I enter my mid twenties. I'm leaning towards a no, and I think I have a lack of paternal instincts, but if I met some tomboy tank driver girl, I might reconsider
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What is a tomboy tank driver girl?
 
RichardHarrow said:
Lol you sound like you read Rust Cohle philosophy all day.


There is evidence to the contrary.

Most men don't have many friends by the time they reach 30. I can say indisputably there's no greater bond than that of a parent and his/her child. Having a friend doesn't compare.

Further, your idea of friendship is thus dependent to those in your network not having kids.
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Wrong and wrong. I won't belabor the first point - indifference to the fate of mankind doesn't imply dislike of it, nor does it make a nihilist position. I just don't think about it in the context of me having any duty towards it.

"Most men don't have many friends by the time they reach 30" - and? I'll be 40 in March, my closest friends (close as in organ-donation-any-hour-of-night-or-day close) are people I've met 33, 30, and 21 years ago, 5 of them in total, with another 2-3 I've known about ten years, with whom I've maintained close relationships with - through hard work on both sides of navigating our life paths - until this very day, and across vast geographical distances. It's something that can be done if you give a shit. You also have to be adult enough to understand that you'll be doing most of the work sometimes, and that they'll have to do heavy lifting at different times, that it's not always the same level of effort because circumstances don't allow for that, but that - if you care to invest it - you can successfully maintain a close friend relationship.

"I can say indisputably there's no greater bond than that of a parent and his/her child" - And? Is this to say that people who cannot have kids are somehow doomed to less fulfilling lives? Don't make me laugh. You have a bond with your kid, people have bonds with their pets, with their friends, family - who gives a shit, if it makes you happy, who are you to rank that happiness in a completely arbitrary and subjective fashion?

"Further, your idea of friendship is thus dependent to those in your network not having kids" - No, maybe that's your idea, mine is dependent on people caring enough to maintain friendship despite their personal life choices, and I'm friends currently with people who have demonstrated that they feel the same. Three of my closest friends have kids (some more than one) ranging from 4 months to 12 years old. We make ourselves available to each other when we have time - but on regular basis, because we agree on the importance of the friendship. Check in with the person, jump on for a few hrs to play a few games of Rocket League, go out for a dinner every couple of months - everything counts. Having a child as a low-key way to protect yourself from solitude down the line is, without any doubt, the saddest of all possible reasons to have one. I actually can't imagine a worse reason than companionship - imagine saddling your kid with that sort of responsibility.
 
Darth_Inv1ctu5 said:
Wrong and wrong. I won't belabor the first point - indifference to the fate of mankind doesn't imply dislike of it, nor does it make a nihilist position. I just don't think about it in the context of me having any duty towards it.

"Most men don't have many friends by the time they reach 30" - and? I'll be 40 in March, my closest friends (close as in organ-donation-any-hour-of-night-or-day close) are people I've met 33, 30, and 21 years ago, 5 of them in total, with another 2-3 I've known about ten years, with whom I've maintained close relationships with - through hard work on both sides of navigating our life paths - until this very day, and across vast geographical distances. It's something that can be done if you give a shit. You also have to be adult enough to understand that you'll be doing most of the work sometimes, and that they'll have to do heavy lifting at different times, that it's not always the same level of effort because circumstances don't allow for that, but that - if you care to invest it - you can successfully maintain a close friend relationship.

"I can say indisputably there's no greater bond than that of a parent and his/her child" - And? Is this to say that people who cannot have kids are somehow doomed to a less fulfilling lives? Don't make me laugh. You have a bond with your kid, people have bonds with their pets, with their friends, family - who gives a shit, if it makes you happy, who are you to rank that happiness in a completely arbitrary and subjective fashion?

"Further, your idea of friendship is thus dependent to those in your network not having kids" - No, maybe that's your idea, mine is dependent on people caring enough to maintain friendship despite their personal life choices, and I'm friends currently with people who have demonstrated that they feel the same. Three of my closest friends have kids (some more than one) ranging from 4 months to 12 years old. We make ourselves available to each other when we have time - but on regular basis, because we agree on the importance of the friendship. Check in with the person, jump on for a few hrs to play a few games of Rocket League, go out for a dinner every couple of months - everything counts. Having a child as a low-key way to protect yourself from solitude down the line is, without any doubt, the saddest of all possible reasons to have one. I actually can't imagine a worse reason than companionship - imagine saddling your kid with that sort of responsibility.
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It’s 12 midnight where I live brother. We’ll agree to disagree. ❤️
 
I don’t have kids and I dont regret not having them with all of the chances I’ve had to impregnate a woman as theyve all turned out to be seemingly bad mothers. I do love being an uncle though, kids are so ridiculous.
 
Ladder Master said:
I don’t regret having kids at all.
But damn they are lots of work and expensive. Don’t get me even started on having a teenager.
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When hanging out with old friends back in high school who are also parents and they try to start convos like these, me and my wife would have awkward smiles like we understand but we really don't. I was a sob growing up. I always tell myself, if me and my kids were the same age, we would never cross paths.
 
Sensei Student said:
I kind of do because I want to be an actual good parent. It's kinda easy to just throw them an iPad and continue to do your usual things. But since I want to be an actual parent, I gave up all my free time just like TS described.

The first year was the worst, having to wake up every 2 hours to feed the baby and changing the diaper. Now it's a bit better. But all my free time still goes to him. I come back from work and I have to feed him, wash him, read him books and hopefully he goes to sleep without a fuss. I gave up TV too because I don't want my kid to watch TV, at least not until grade school. On weekends, we go to the park or other kiddie places. Pretty boring.

It's not all bad. You're essentially growing up with your kid. Both of you will be extremely excited for every milestone the kid reaches. It's amazing seeing the smile on my kid's face when he finally started walking on his own. At the moment, you're thinking to yourself that it's all worth it. I didn't know this before but they get equally excited with each milestone as we do.

But if you're like every other parents I see on the street who don't mind their kid's face glued to the screen, then it's only the first 6-12 months that will be bad. After that initial 6-12 months, then it'll be normal. Throw them an iPad and continue your usual self. I see parents do that in restaurants and other public places all the time. The kid is trying to talk, throw them the iPad so they will shut up. I've seen grandmas feeding the kid on the iPad.

tl;dr: it can be hard or it can easy. Depends on what kind of a parent you want to be.
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I've seen my nephew and other kids his age have complete breakdowns when you take away their ipads. Those things should be illegal for kids. They're are all going to have fucked up neck problems and posture issues when they're older cuz their bones are going to fuse at that staring down angle.
 
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