Divorce thread....

[Crash Lance]

Everything I said was reasonable.

I'll have to read all of the messages in this thread later.

I have to do something now.

 

[Phlog]

I don't like citing religion in discussions like these, but the story of David is freaking apt here it's not even funny. The entire point of the Old Testament is to dispel barbaric myths regarding the baseline operations of man, and David smashing a fucking rock into Goliath's head is about all you need to know about human power dynamics in tribes and groups. If these guys who are obsessed with this alpha/beta complex within human social hierarchies think that the "Beta" males whimpered in the corner as the "Alpha" cucked them and got their partner pregnant, instead of being, ya know, walking, talking, thinking, cognizant hominids who are more than willing to smash someone else in the head with a rock for pissing them off, they're sadly mistaken.

The scary thought they don't want to have is that men were probably more than likely far more forceful to women than they were to other males in regards to monogamy and procreation. These guys have all been reading too many magazines where they're promised a supermodel who is going to try to "hold them down" and "own them" and "Tie them down" in these social stereotypes they forget men are hardwired to be possessive, jealous and willing to use force to keep what their psyche deems as "theirs". It's not out of the realm of possibility that monogamy is a male invention, but then again what isn't

Interestingly when men cheat they're more likely to be 'interviewing' their next monogamous relationship where as women are more likely to be just getting some side action/different genetics. Makes sense evolutionarily.

I think people get tripped up by us having the facility to be non monogamous that in some environments increases survival, they then conclude that it's the norm rather than a toolkit on the path to the holy grail of human relationships: the stable family unit with kids, grandparents etc.

 

[Phlog]

Oh, I know you didn't say that, because you have no concept of what love is. Which is my original point.
Loving someone is true, blind devotion to them on an emotional level that trumps all social power hierarchies you seem to put any stake of value in at this very moment. Love means that someone else's life and happiness is your main source of life and happiness, as well as the opposite. You're so caught up in your own ego that you're unwilling to be a fool for anyone, and that is exactly what loving is. Ask any of the married guys or dads around this forum.

I know at the moment you're thinking everyone is just a simpy cornball, but if you're fortunate enough to deal with your own emotional issues and find someone you truly care about more than yourself, you'll see how much sweeter life is. "BUT WHAT IF ENDS IN DIVORCE THAT MEANS WE SHOULDN'T BE MONOGAMOUS", dude, we used to live to be like 35 when the judeo-cristian idea of marriage even existed, nothing lasts forever or is meant to last forever, but if you enter every interaction with that mindset, you're gonna be fucking miserable and probably kill yourself.

I'm sure you're gonna keep arguing with me, but one day you're gonna bust a nut like you have never busted before inside of some girl who makes you feel like a complete fucking idiot and think to yourself "Da Speeit was right". If you're lucky.

Most people who died, died in childbirth and that brought the average lifespan down, people always lasted into old age if they didn't get merced by nature. Maternal grandmothers are the biggest factor in child success, the menopause etc is a feature of our evolution.

 

[Phlog]

And to think I’m “lonely” at 20 is very amusing. You may have been, but I certainly am not. I have a great fucking life and wouldn’t change a thing. So in your opinion every 20 year old should be married or in a committed relationship? That’s an absurd strange outlook. There is way more to life than to jump right into marriage and having a kid. You shouldn’t have to rely on being married or be in a committed relationship to be “happy”. That is a completely toxic outlook, and if that’s really what you are convinced with - then I feel sorry for you.

It's absolutely prime time to be looking for a contemporary you can build a life with that's for sure. People that age have had a few relationships, they know what they want more, they're free of commitments.

That's the first draft, by the time you're 35 you're into the 5th or 6th draft and your options are way more limited. Yes you can go for the juniors, but you're still competing against their contemporaries.

Having a bunch of resources as part of your attraction makes it a more transactional relationship and it's less likely to last.

I'm not saying what your saying is wrong for you, what works works and Da Sp knows that really, but you should appreciate he's right as well.

 

[Phlog]

Yeah you dont get it at all. I wish you were as smart as you think you are.

We were all 20 bro.

 

[aldeniro78]

She wanted to spend more time hanging out at her best friend's than she did at home because home was "too stressful". Nevermind we had two kids. I tried to have a civil conversation with her one night where I told her how I felt and how much I missed the way things were before. When I was done she stood up, dead-panned, and walked out of the room. I think that's when I knew she no longer cared at all.

 

[phipps66]

She wanted to spend more time hanging out at her best friend's than she did at home because home was "too stressful". Nevermind we had two kids. I tried to have a civil conversation with her one night where I told her how I felt and how much I missed the way things were before. When I was done she stood up, dead-panned, and walked out of the room. I think that's when I knew she no longer cared at all.

I'm basically in this boat bro. I'm moving out Friday.

 

[OverCoronavirus Pressure]

Sounds like the beginning of a porno.

Wakka kajawakka
"Baby, this marriage is over, let's fuuuuuuck!"

 

[ThaiSexPills]

I felt my relationship slowly fade for 7 years, realizing that we were essentially roommates who slept with each other by the end of it.

My biggest regret is becoming complacent. After leaving her, I realize that she really did care about me. I’m not sure why I felt like she didn’t but it ruined it for me.

It probably could have been saved if I said something. I just feel like it’s too far gone now so I won’t be getting back with her. She’s a good woman and a good person but she wanted kids and to be married by now while I have absolutely no clue what I want

 

[Oblivian]

Nope. (Mostly) Happily married. 24.5 years with my wife, and 21 years married this Thursday. 2 almost grown kids. And yes, my avatar is my wife.

That being said, biology is what it is. We've been programmed by society to be in monogamous relationship, but it goes against thousands of years of genetic programming.

I don't think you could be more of a caricature of a Tapout wearing amateur fighter. I can just see you sitting there watching Joe Rogan's podcast while saying, "man, we just weren't made to be monogamous. Biology like said so". Not only have you been slaughtered on the basic premise of that, but the irony that you are posting that on an internet forum is lost on you. Also, lol at using a picture of your wife and her tramp stamp as your av. Hopefully you aren't teaching your kids the "monogamy just isn't natural" philosophy. If so, make sure you teach them about child support.

 

[Only Here for Attachments]

I got blindsided. Which is why I got hurt so very badly. A smarter or less distracted person would never have married her in the first place. I guess deep down I knew something was off but told myself it wasn't a big deal.

She started acting weird and shady. And ultra bitchy. Got in a huge fight. Admitted she was cheating. It isn't even that she was really mean to me throughout the breakup. It's the fact that once she decided she was done she flipped a switch and didn't give a single fuck about me anymore.

The exact same thing happened to me. Exact same. The worst part was I like to think that I can work to improve things if given a chance but was never given that chance.

 

[Deleted member 484047]

I SHOULD have known it was over well before I did. I was not a wise man, and wasted a few more years with that two timing cunt. Can't wait to somehow outlive her and shit on her grave.

Never again. If I want to get laid, I'll get a hooker. Less headaches, and probably cleaner.

 

[bad mojo]

This is a good thread. Some Sherbros are being honest and sharing the truth. Read and learn, young bucks.

 

[D Train]

I’m curious if anyone went through a mediator rather than a lawyer and what that was like? I had an acquaintance do this and it was an amicable divorce. Still hard obviously. They didn’t hate each other or anything like that, and they both really wanted to do right by each other and their daughter. I believe they are still friends.

 

[Fawlty]

Biologically speaking, we weren't meant to be in monogamous relationships. We we're meant to spread our seed and procreate. This monogamy shit is a human invention, created by the church.

I don't think this is true. Monogamy is also a successful strategy for getting your genes into the next generations and is practiced by many primates (suggesting it predates our species), because you're better able to protect your mate and your offspring. Both are viable approaches to passing on genes.

 

[Fawlty]

When did you know it was over? Was it a look, an act, something that they said?

Share my sherbros

It was just...over. There had been too many failed attempts at reconciliation and finally there was an acknowledgment that it was no longer worth it to try. There wasn't any single action or conversation, just sort of what you could call a preponderance of the evidence. And not even a specific commitment to end it, or some kind of clean break with a definite ending. More of a thing where we just didn't take the steps that would be needed to reconcile the next time. Got to tired of trying to try again. YMMV, there can be other considerations that call for a clean break and it's important to see those (abuse, advanced drug problem, big stuff like that). Sorry things are rough, good luck.

 

[LeSwas]

Yes, im very mad you’re slayin it at 20. When my kid is born later in the year, i’m going to think “damn, i could be a lonely 20 year old with shitty parents”. As i look my girl in her beautiful eyes, instead of imagining the beautiful life we’re going to lead, i am going to think “damn, what if she takes the house”
Because I’m the damaged one

He's 20 years old!! Calm down Doctor Fool, I mean Phil.

 

[SowingSeason]

I appreciate everyone's feedback and I'm taking the time to read through all the responses (both trolly and helpful).

As things stand now, I have her name off the lease, changed the locks and I have my dog hidden at my mother's house for the moment. I've been denied an order of protection twice now so I'm at a loss as to how to proceed from here besides getting a lawyer.

 

[SowingSeason]

I’m curious if anyone went through a mediator rather than a lawyer and what that was like? I had an acquaintance do this and it was an amicable divorce. Still hard obviously. They didn’t hate each other or anything like that, and they both really wanted to do right by each other and their daughter. I believe they are still friends.

I've also been wondering about this.

 

[Fedorgasm]

Hate to admit it, but I'm not getting the meaning of the iPads. Care to help a brother out?

No prob. I always hate all the inside jokes on this site when I'm not in the loop.

Basically some guy made a thread about how his girlfriend bought him an iPad, and the more he described the relationship, the more sherdoggers realized he was about to get dumped, and that she was probably cheating on him. So now the girlfriend buying you an iPad is basically the universal clue that she's banging other dudes and is about to dump you.