Dating and being dishonest about intentions

[Nimrod]

The grief is deep. You don't know what I feel. I think about her every day .

Sure sounds like it.. a week after your ploughing your way through multiple women lying your ass off in the process to get more ass..

I fucking scratch my head ?!

 

[Scerpi]

My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and I've started dating in the last week. Judge me if you want, but I still want to have sex.

I find women online. Pretty much every single girl out there says in their profile that they're looking for a ltr only, no hook ups/one night stands. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I just want to hook up so I lie and say I'm looking for a serious relationship. If I don't do this then I disqualify myself from lots of women I want to get with.

I'm not completely opposed to a long term relationship with the right woman, but I have physical needs to address in the meantime until I meet her.

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

Dude, there's totally adult, mature women out there who only want a FWB. It's best to just put that out there and you'll inevitably find one.

I had one for years. It was great. I'd go out with the boys, hunting for chicks. When I struck out... which happened more than I would like. I'd call this girl up to see if she was free. Wouldn't matter if it was 1am. She was always DTF.

I'd come over, pretend to be interested in her life, maybe watch a show for about 5 mins, then it would be on. We'd briefly hang out the next morning and I'd be out.

Just be fucking honest and you'll save yourself a ton of headaches.

 

[bushman505]

I used to kind of do this. I was just ambiguous about my intent. I didn't lie, I just didn't tell the truth.

I think it's best to just be honest and try to satisfy your own needs until you meet someone that's right for you.

It's part of becoming a mature man.

I don't think you're a bad man, just immature.

I used to live with this real scumbag who would do that to all sorts of girls when I was living in china. They would ask them if he wants to get married in the future he’d say oh yeah absolutely and then play it off like “well she asked if I want to get married someday....and I do but she didn’t ask if I wanted to get married to her”....he was constantly CONSTANTLY doing that stuff and he would get defensive to the point of almost physically fighting if you even dared called him on it. You’d be like “bro, you know what she meant”.....WHAT THE FUCK!!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I KNOW OR DONT KNOW FUCK YOU!!!

It was hilarious, he ended up having sex with the daughter of some lady he was dating and had to move away. I wonder what ever became of him....great things I’m sure.

 

[bushman505]

My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and I've started dating in the last week. Judge me if you want, but I still want to have sex.

I find women online. Pretty much every single girl out there says in their profile that they're looking for a ltr only, no hook ups/one night stands. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I just want to hook up so I lie and say I'm looking for a serious relationship. If I don't do this then I disqualify myself from lots of women I want to get with.

I'm not completely opposed to a long term relationship with the right woman, but I have physical needs to address in the meantime until I meet her.

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

How did your girlfriend die??? What the fuck??? And lol at your user name.

 

[Grassshoppa]

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

Sounds like just another day on Earth. You could replace sex with anything...

After I bought my new iPad, it crashed, BestBuy told me to fuck off and fix it myself...

I bought a car off CraigsList and found out it was stolen, the guy won't give me my money back...

A girl told me she loves me, but today says we should take things slow...

 

[Leonard Haid]

Well it's possible she was on a sick bed for a long time and he had already grieved and let her go long before the physical passing.

I know someone who did the bed side vigil for almost two years over a comatose partner and despite them being a vegetable end just waiting to die they would not cheat.

I would not blame a person in that spot for getting sex right away

No, it's not really that...it was the quick mentioning of his girlfriend dying, and quickly getting that out of the way, as if it was just a minor footnote in the real story, which is how horny he is.

 

[Jack Handy jr]

My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and I've started dating in the last week. Judge me if you want, but I still want to have sex.

I find women online. Pretty much every single girl out there says in their profile that they're looking for a ltr only, no hook ups/one night stands. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I just want to hook up so I lie and say I'm looking for a serious relationship. If I don't do this then I disqualify myself from lots of women I want to get with.

I'm not completely opposed to a long term relationship with the right woman, but I have physical needs to address in the meantime until I meet her.

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

 

[Leonard Haid]

You don't need an explanation of what happened to her or how it affected me.

I understand. I probably shouldn't have made light of it. I just badly need to lighten up and have some laughs these days, so I tend to try too hard to find humor on social media even when it's not appropriate. That being said, a few people did "like" my original post, so at least I made a few people smile. And one poster made a similar comment to mine, how it seemed from your post that before the corpse got cold you were looking for a hot date. Yes, a few people had a few chuckles at your expense. The risk of putting something deeply personal on Sherdog Forums I guess.

I wish you well. Don't listen to any of us and do what you like.

 

[Nimrod]

The lying I'm wrong for, but using vulgar terms like plowing ass doesn't make the act shameful. Some people drink, eat, or use hobbies to cope with emotional pain. I don't see why this is worse except for the fact that I could hurt someone's feelings. I do feel guilty about it. No more lying from now on .

The fact that your dead girlfriend was relatively fresh in the ground and you are actively fucking other women .. almost immediately. I find this highly disturbing to be honest. But hey ho.. that's just my opinion..

 

[Phlog]

My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and I've started dating in the last week. Judge me if you want, but I still want to have sex.

I find women online. Pretty much every single girl out there says in their profile that they're looking for a ltr only, no hook ups/one night stands. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I just want to hook up so I lie and say I'm looking for a serious relationship. If I don't do this then I disqualify myself from lots of women I want to get with.

I'm not completely opposed to a long term relationship with the right woman, but I have physical needs to address in the meantime until I meet her.

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

Women post that so they don't look like whores to people they know who see their profile. Bang on.

 

[Khabibs Tiramisu]

There are also women who are fine with just having teh sex only. You'd be surprised how many women would like to mate with you if you're just being honest that you're the type who just wants to fuck . Just give them hints though, don't tell girls directly.

In my case what usually works is that I used to just tell women that relationships are pretty complicated and that for the mean time i'm the type who'd just go with one night stands. If they seem to be interested then follow it up by saying that you're not selfish in bed and you've got yourself a pussey.

 

[Goonerview]

I used to live with this real scumbag who would do that to all sorts of girls when I was living in china. They would ask them if he wants to get married in the future he’d say oh yeah absolutely and then play it off like “well she asked if I want to get married someday....and I do but she didn’t ask if I wanted to get married to her”....he was constantly CONSTANTLY doing that stuff and he would get defensive to the point of almost physically fighting if you even dared called him on it. You’d be like “bro, you know what she meant”.....WHAT THE FUCK!!! YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THE FUCK I KNOW OR DONT KNOW FUCK YOU!!!

It was hilarious, he ended up having sex with the daughter of some lady he was dating and had to move away. I wonder what ever became of him....great things I’m sure.

wow, I was never that bad.

I was more, just invite them over for dinner/movies, let them stay the night if they wanted to. Without ever bringing up the issue of relationship/meeeting family members etc.

Looking back it was immature and a waste of time/money/emotional energy.

 

[Midnighter]

There's nothing wrong with being dishonest.

 

[Judoka1532]

My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and I've started dating in the last week. Judge me if you want, but I still want to have sex.

I find women online. Pretty much every single girl out there says in their profile that they're looking for a ltr only, no hook ups/one night stands. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I just want to hook up so I lie and say I'm looking for a serious relationship. If I don't do this then I disqualify myself from lots of women I want to get with.

I'm not completely opposed to a long term relationship with the right woman, but I have physical needs to address in the meantime until I meet her.

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

Let's break this down into three parts:
Part 1, did you and your girlfriend ever discuss what to do after if one of you dies? If so, I'd say try to follow what you two agreed on or hinted at. But, being that she wasn't your wife, it seems ok to me that you are trying to date other women a few weeks later. Out of respect to her family and friends, I would try to be on the down low about this at least for a couple of months.
Part 2, I don't understand the lying part. Why lie and say you are looking for a relationship when you're not. Imagine being on the other side of the equation where a girl lies to you about that and you really do want a relationship and you are led on. Karma does appear to be pretty real too btw. Also you See, you don't necessarily have to be a nice guy to land the girls. Why not omit certain details? Like if a girls asks what you are looking for, beat around the bush about it. Don't answer directly. At least you are not lying right? Here's why it would work just as good if not better, women love to solve a mystery. They like a challenge. Give them that challenge.
Part 3, are you using the death of your girlfriend to get girls? I'm not accusing I'm just asking. You've been pretty honest so far I think. I could see this working to your advantage, but I just would never bring myself to that point simply because at some point I would have to look myself in the mirror. It just seems wrong.

Lastly, and just some words of advice, be careful how you drop the girls. If you find one you're into but you tell yourself you're not looking for a relationship, you methods could backfire. Women are all the same yet all different. Some may chase you for years, others for a couple of days.

 

[Judoka1532]

I used to kind of do this. I was just ambiguous about my intent. I didn't lie, I just didn't tell the truth.

I think it's best to just be honest and try to satisfy your own needs until you meet someone that's right for you.

It's part of becoming a mature man.

I don't think you're a bad man, just immature.

I think most men who have messed around with multiple women can say at some point we lied about our intentions. I've led girls on before. I've took them on dates pretending to really be into them when I wasn't, goal being to land them in bed. Other times I just went out just for something to do.

Part of leading the girls on I think was me justifying it because some girls had done me wrong for years. I made an excuse for why my bad intentions were ok. Knowing I would potentially devastate an innocent woman. Another reason I think I did it was because I had low confidence. I viewed women as stepping stones or "practice." As I got older I forgave all those women that "did me wrong" and moved on. It's part of growing up. After maturing some I tried to be transparent about the women I dated and took out. My intentions were generally to form a relationship. When I didn't see it working, I didn't just leave them in the dark....I would tell them I don't think it was going to work. It really, imho, saved them from damage in the long run. Because I didn't want to lead a girl on for months at a time and then pull the rug out from them. But ofcourse it makes you the "jerk" but it reality it's the right move.

 

[Judoka1532]

Fuck that’s cold bro. I often think man if I put some small effort into it I could fuck some chicks from wholefoods or the gym but I would feel terrible after since I would only use them for my pleasure. The seconds after you bust are when you are the most mentally clear as a man and I know that I would feel like a piece of shit. Unless of course that’s what they are looking for also...haha

....hypothetically of course, my lady wouldn’t appreciate that...

that's some truth right there. Man I've been when some ugly chicks before and after I bust.......I was like how the F did I get into this situation, what the hell was I thinking, and how the hell do I get out of here. You know lil wayne mentions it in one of his songs. But aint no feeling better than busting and having no regrets. That's when you know you're with the right one lol.

 

[Judoka1532]

We talked about being a family and she was going to stop using birth control. We didn't talk about if one of us died because it happened fast and was totally unexpected. I have not used her death to get sex and I don't see how that would help. Getting sympathy? Seems too pathetic to work. I've been honest about it because it happened and it helps to talk about it but I don't use this to get sex and it has no bearing on my scoring with them. A woman will not have sex with a man because she feels sorry for him imo. I don't think it works like that. I make them feel comfortable on a nice date and at the end escalate from kissing.

You are right, it is pathetic if somebody pulls that card. And I've never lost anybody close to me nor would I ever do that. The reason I asked though, is because I've seen guys get injured or lose somebody close to them and the girls flock to them. It was just an observation. I think that's a good answer though. I believe you too.

 

[MarloStanfield]

My girlfriend passed away a few weeks ago and I've started dating in the last week. Judge me if you want, but I still want to have sex.

I find women online. Pretty much every single girl out there says in their profile that they're looking for a ltr only, no hook ups/one night stands. I'm not ready for a serious relationship and I just want to hook up so I lie and say I'm looking for a serious relationship. If I don't do this then I disqualify myself from lots of women I want to get with.

I'm not completely opposed to a long term relationship with the right woman, but I have physical needs to address in the meantime until I meet her.

After we've had sex, I try to let them down gently over the next couple days by staying in contact and saying I care about them but I'm not sure if I'm ready for this and can we slow down or still be friends. Does anyone else do this? Am I a bad person?

Sorry for your loss mate,Nothing wrong bro with your intentions considering what you’ve been through, maybe pick which sites you go to, some like POF have chicks who just want to have some fun, i find you can usually tell from their profile pics if they’re hot to trot, nothing you don’t already know, good luck bro

 

[N13]

You can never go wrong with the truth.

 

[Goonerview]

I think most men who have messed around with multiple women can say at some point we lied about our intentions. I've led girls on before. I've took them on dates pretending to really be into them when I wasn't, goal being to land them in bed. Other times I just went out just for something to do.

Part of leading the girls on I think was me justifying it because some girls had done me wrong for years. I made an excuse for why my bad intentions were ok. Knowing I would potentially devastate an innocent woman. Another reason I think I did it was because I had low confidence. I viewed women as stepping stones or "practice." As I got older I forgave all those women that "did me wrong" and moved on. It's part of growing up. After maturing some I tried to be transparent about the women I dated and took out. My intentions were generally to form a relationship. When I didn't see it working, I didn't just leave them in the dark....I would tell them I don't think it was going to work. It really, imho, saved them from damage in the long run. Because I didn't want to lead a girl on for months at a time and then pull the rug out from them. But ofcourse it makes you the "jerk" but it reality it's the right move.

Good post. I can relate.