Calling on some old timers. Funniest threads on sherdog.

[anarchy_12]

Off the top of my head,
Jim cozad and greg jackson at ufc 3 were gems in their days

 

[Medulla Omoplata]

wish i had been around back then

 

[NewS]

Two things:

1. Banchan should be unbanned, she was good for the forums
2. What happened to UberTS? He should be UFC HW champion by now

 

[ralphc1]

I swear it used to to be so difficult to sign up to Sherdog, or maybe I was just even dumber then than I am now, but I don't think that's possible.

Wasn't there a time where you would sign up but then you had to wait for someone to OK your account or something? I just remember having to create new accounts each time I wanted to post something & next time I used it it was locked or didn't exist

I used to post on 5Oz of Pain, but would come in here once a year or so

Yes, it was kind of a hassle. I guess bandwidth was more of a problem then.

 

[ralphc1]

That Crumbum thread, I Got Married Last Weekend (when it had pics) is the greatest thing I have ever read.

There will never be a finer piece of literature.

I used to go through the new posts at lunchtime at work and would laugh so hard.

 

[Goon Dog]

Damn, I'm in too many of those threads. I coulda cured cancer or learned to solve the Rubik's Cube or something productive.

 

[GalegoREB]

Stich threads in the grappling forum are also classics.

Hello my friends,
Since my last unfortunate saga involving a particularly unkempt gentleman, my training has been going well, I am training very hard at the moment, and doing a lot of wrestling with our resident wrestling coach to improve my overall game, and I am hoping to compete in a no –gi tournament in the upcoming month.

I started this thread to gain some advice and perhaps to hear other people’s stories regarding BJJ affecting their lovemaking skills, as I have been having consistent familiarity in the bedroom with BJJ related characteristics.

My story begins about two weeks ago, I had not been able to train for a couple of days due to a wrist injury and I was not allowed to train until it had fully recovered, so I was at an agitated disposition. During work I would often jump up on one of the support bars in our garage, and do sets of chin ups and rowing chin ups until my arms were numb, coupled with swimming for 30 minutes of my hour lunch break at the local swimming centre, alas this only fuelled the fire that I felt had consumed me. When I came home from work I found myself prowling the house like a caged lion, stopping only sometimes to casually shadow box myself in one the wall mirrors that are affixed to my home walls. I would sometimes go for a long run or have a frenzied sprinting session to try and get rid of this irritated attitude that had adorned my conscious mind and spread through my body like a demanding disease, but this only briefly fatigued my physical body and did nothing to stop the aggressive embryo that was growing within the womb that was my industrious mind.

My girlfriend was away on a training course for these few days, and I had not slept with her for the duration of this tense period due to her absence, and I could feel that I needed a substitute for training, something to appease the testosterone that was saturating my body similarly to how it would affect a sex-pest in an orgy sauna. I had masturbated frequently at home (and also sometimes at work) to try and lessen this feeling, however it only lessened the invading agitated sensation for twenty minutes or so until my stockpile replenished.

My girlfriend came home 3 days before I was due to start training again, and I greeted her with a tender embrace, which soon turned into an animalistic clinch with my hands grasping tender parts of her body as if they had been invaded by some sort of grip lust, once my stiff love sausage chafed against her then covered lady garden (it was shaved but the simile lady garden will suffice regardless).
I took her there and then, and made lascivious yet affectionate love to her and the agitated animalistic emotion that had remained embryonic in my mind and body for the past few days had finally taken form, and of course this is when things started to go wrong.

I was behind my girlfriend, bestowing an unyielding paddling with my loins upon her, when all of a sudden I stepped one sweaty leg over hers, followed by the other and untwined them with hers. At this point I fell forwards onto her and secured an under over grip, and realised that I had taken and secured her back. I was still attached so I proceeded to paddle and make it seem intentional, whilst the disturbing truth remained that it was entirely training impetus which had taken over my body.

After this position my girlfriend was prone and spread eagled on the floor and invited me in between her legs to continue making love in a sensual fashion. However after 4 shovels I found myself throwing her legs over my shoulder and explosively performing the double under guard pass, and I threw her legs aside with the speed that one would throw a baseball in a professional baseball match. Her legs bounced off the floor and she looked at me with a confused sense of disregard once I had secured side control and began slightly driving my shoulder into her jaw to prevent her escape.

I suddenly realised what I had done and proceeded to kind of joke about it whilst kissing her, hoping that she would not prevent me from further sensuous plunging. After this I lay on the floor and she assumed the missionary position on top of me and began to work. I found this position very agreeable, although there was an annoyance in the back of my mind regarding her knee positioning. Her knees were rather tight in to my body, and she was not basing on the floor to prevent the turn over.

After numerous palpitations from this position the concern within my mind of her sloppy positioning festered like an open staph addled skin infection, and then the animalistic intensity of instinct began to take over and I found myself bridging up onto my shoulders and driving her over onto her back. She hit the ground with the sound of her flesh thwacking against the floorboards, and she looked bewildered and tried to remain composed and libidinous even though she had experienced a top notch and tightly performed reversal from the mount position (it was technically the missionary position because we were making love and not training BJJ, but I am using the term ‘mount’ for the purpose of highlighting the reversal).

I proceeded to cultivate her from this position; however BJJ training instincts were plaguing my mind. Every time I looked at her midsection, her hands were in the wrong place, her legs were not tight, I could just push hard down on her knees and get the pass easily, or perhaps drop back for an ankle lock or turn for a heel hook, because she had not closed her guard properly.

I tried to focus my mind on making tender yet forceful love to my girlfriend, but the only thing I could think of was BJJ, guard passes, gaining posture, avoiding the triangle, remaining tight in this position. With every stab I had flashbacks of training in BJJ, rolling with my training partners, and drilling with my instructor.

This highly disturbed me, as I did not want to be thinking or considering BJJ so intently whilst giving my girlfriend an adequate thumping, the thought of rolling with other sweaty gi laden men was causing my stiff nerve for the situation to dissipate. Despite my efforts to resist the urge to pass her loose guard, I pushed her knee down to the floor and drove my opposite knee through the gap I had created. I attained side control, made sure it was tight, and then transitioned to mount, where I worked my knees up high immediately, and then entered her mouth.

After a minute of furious hammering, I managed to climax, I yelled with a triumphant cry and then a short but sincere whimper after the event, I rolled off her and just lay on the floor, in disbelief at what had just happened. I discussed it with my girlfriend and she has assured me that this will go away once I start training again, but I am not so sure. For the next few days we made love I could not finish because all I could think about was gi chokes and gripping her sleeve so she could not under hook my leg when she was wearing her bathrobe, or I was generally just noticing every single aspect of BJJ that had been programmed into my mind like it was a reflex.

I am due to start training again tomorrow, should I ask my instructor for advice regarding this? Or should I see how training helps it, and if it does indeed cure this BJJ lovemaking invasion that has captured the innermost workings of my mind. More importantly has anyone else experienced this or am I some singular anomaly?

Thanks in advance my friends.

 

[koolinkunming]

I used to go through the new posts at lunchtime at work and would laugh so hard.

Same. I remember people from other forums all over the net would come just to post in that thread. I think it was actually the first thread to get a million views or something and when they started putting a cap on the number of replies threads would get locked at.

 

[BFoe]

Haha never seen the Matt Hughes one either.
Tried not to laugh.

Lost it at "You look like AIDS"
View attachment 721583

Lmao! That’s some straight up Nosferatu looking shit.


edit: just read the whole thread and somebody already made the Nosferatu comment.
Goddammit.

 

[HunterSdVa29]

that one thread about Big Nog, but the TS misspelled Nog….

the first response was 'Kongo?'
and might've been the best first response to a thread ever

 

[Uptown Swinger]

Which was the thread when the guy posted a pic of his wife and resulted with shoops of his wife a burrito and a fighter like Cain Velasquez?

 

[neverwas]

my wife met cain velasquez, was a good un.

 

[neverwas]

Which was the thread when the guy posted a pic of his wife and resulted with shoops of his wife a burrito and a fighter like Cain Velasquez?

damn it, to slow!

 

[billiam]

Boise Dimes thread
Groundhog Expert thread
Hottest Sherdog Wife pic thread

 

[CyberRubberDuck]

I have a few to start, but there is a ton out there.
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/gf-bought-me-an-ipad-then-cheated-on-me.1608313/
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/red-bull-armor.676668/
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/obnoxious-groundhog.970222/
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/i-got-married-last-weekend-pics.877461/
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/pic-of-me-and-mah-boys-up-in-jersey.323157/
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/got-into-a-fight-at-walmart.2532123/
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/my-pic-with-matt-hughes.86718/
The images for some of these are gone. And they sort of make the thread. Sooo...
Red bull.

Got married...

The whole pic set is easy to find.
The my pic with Matt Hughes was tough. You have to go to
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/shoop-that-incredulous-cormier-drug-wars.2804589/page-110
and the fifth post down.
Me and the boys

This one.....
https://forums.sherdog.com/threads/we-did-not-evolve.351913/

The shit storm and hostility it created between two sides, was hilarious.
I suspect many people here were too young to be here then.
That thread saw a lot of bans take place and the mods loved getting out the hammer.

 

[SwamiLeoni]

The Matt Hughes thread will always go down as one of my favorites. Magic Man used to have some pretty epic MSpaint drawing threads that were gold as well.

 

[Halifax]

They deleted some of the best ones.

The Lawshuit thread for example. No reason to delete that gold mine. I mean YES I did go to the Nashville crime post and find the guy's mugshot and a bunch of us did wear them as avatars for a week, but that's his own fault for posting the arrest report

 

[TKing]

The I cant put my arms down to my side thread that Brampton Boy started if I remember correctly. That thread was way too funny and the sense of humor in there changed me from lurker to member.

 

[Sir Burton]

I remember these like it was yesterday.

“Y the long face” lol fuckin Donegal

 

[Sir Burton]

Lmao! That’s some straight up Nosferatu looking shit.
View attachment 721653

edit: just read the whole thread and somebody already made the Nosferatu comment.
Goddammit.

When he was eventually banned the Mods (or 1 sick Mod) wrote “Steaked” in place of “Banned”