Bad dates

Title mad me think of this.
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ok I have one.

many years back, right before I dated my wife, I dated many different women. out of sheer boredom one afternoon, my roommate Jon and I were joking around about yahoo personals since I had a yahoo email and that fucking ad kept popping up. we bet each other that we could snag a legit good looking woman off of yahoo before the other. the wager was a steak at the local steakhouse and a picked up full bar tab after at the bar we frequented. we had 3 chances each. first to get a cute one, won. or first to miss on 3, lost.

so we both make our profiles (I tried to look up my profile years later and I think they did away with the service.) and the nice thing was yahoo didn't have the service perfected yet and you could sneak your telephone number and email into your free profile that was active for a month and forgo the $20 monthly fee or whatever it was.

anyway, I make mine and he makes his. after a day or so I start getting bites. the equivalent of "likes" on fb and these girls start sending me their pics andmost of them are the same pic from their profiles. some are smoking hot and some are clearly bots. he starts getting hits too. only he doesn't do any research. he just responds to one of the first ones he thinks is cute. I on the other hand start searching myspace (f you. that's what it was then. fucking myspace. so maybe I got to listen to "lips of an angel" which is what every fucking woman had as her myspace song at the time) to vet these chicks. he sets up a date and meets this chick at a coffee house by our place. hes back in 2 hours. he said "welp. back to the drawing board. she was petite from her head to waist. and from waist to toes she was a beach ball. she was literally the shape of a squash." :icon_lol: bets still on. Jon 0-1...

I meet one. she looks great in every single pic. her body type on myspace said "athletic". I thought "I LOVE ATHLETIC WOMENZ". she called me and we set up a date to go to a royals game the next day. and she says "since we are meeting for the first time, do you care if I bring 2 girlfriends? can you bring 2 guy friends?" so I think "ok". why not? if we hit it off and she wants to come over after the game, that can happen. then she seals it by saying "if we like each other, they can leave and we can continue the date at your place." smooooth.

the next day, Jon (I let him be one of the friends. this didn't count as an attempt for him), our friend Rob and I are waiting for the girls to show at our townhouse. knock at the door and 3 women cast a shadow across our door that would make Mothra flee in terror. the girl I was set to take out, I would say its fair to say she "misrepresented" herself. She was about 15 years older and 100lbs heavier than her picture. she looked like "Nutrislim" Kirstie Alley. not season 3 "Cheers" Kirstie Alley. I could hear the snickers from Rob and Jon. right up until Mothra stepped aside and 2 of those imperial guard pig looking monsters from Return of the Jedi stepping inside the doorway. then it was my turn to turn around and look at them and flash a smile wider than the grand canyon. vindication.

well we had the tickets so we went to the game. had a good time and at one point one of the pig guards pulled me aside and said "Lisa" really finds you attractive. youre her type and she wants to hang out later." im sure she does since she doesn't leave the house often. this is an adventure. my fear was if I fed her after midnight shed turn into the biggest Gremlin ever.

anyway, after the game, we went home, alone. and I changed my number. and moved. no chances on that one. eq 0-1 also.
 
You sound uptight, so what its stupid, join the fun, its not like you would have to marry the chick, who gives a fuck about people laughing, as long as she was hot I would play all the damn stupid games just to bone her.

You are probably young and stupid, when I was 18 I used to think the same way.



MC Paul Barman said:
Share your 'fun'....

Sophmore year in college: I meet up with some of my friends from high school who went off to different colleges. We go back to our hometown, go out to eat, and there's this cute'ish waitress working there.

She and I hit it off and she gives me her phone number.

The movie Waterboy is out in the theaters and we go to see it. I hated it and she's cracking up at every dumb thing in the movie. I already know this is a bad sign. It's this low-sounding Butthead (from Beavis and Butthead) type laugh.

Movie ends and she and I just aren't on the same wavelength.

I quickly lose interest and just want to drop her off back home. We drive past Perkins and she starts begging for us to go there to get something to eat. So I think 'why not'. As we're turning around to go to Perkins she's being a bit more engaging....and I'm warming up to her.

We walk into the restaurant and she points to one of those claw drop machines and says "I love those!!".
We sit down, order our food, and she says she wants to quickly try it.

She's playing on that damn machine the entire time I'm sitting there waiting for our food. But she's playing it very animatedly: "Come on, Come on, Come on!!! Almost had it!!!" (stuff like that).... loud enough that anyone listening (and even those who aren't) can hear her.

I'm sitting at the table increasingly embarrassed as people are watching her laughing (she being completely oblvious to the whole thing). I'm honestly considering at this point sneaking out of the restaurant and just leaving her there and never talking to her again.

The food comes and she still doesn't come back to eat. I'm not certain if I'm more happy or more upset about it.

She comes back to the table, sits down, takes a bite or two and then asks if I have any quarters.
People are now realizing that we're together. She makes a scene begging for some dollars to play the machine some more. I hand her a couple of dollars out of shear embarrassment to just get the other people to stop looking at me.

She runs back to the machine, as loud and as animated as ever.... didn't do the trick: people are still looking at me, at her and laughing.

I have no appetite to even eat. But in my head the scene of me sitting there not eating is worse than that of me actually eating. So I start forcing it down.

Now I'm finished, too embarrassed to keep on sitting there and too embarrassed to go up to her and say "let's leave".
She yells to me as I'm paying the bill "get a doggie bag for my food!!".

When I finally muster up the courage to stand, I walk over by her and say "let's please leave now".

I'll leave it at that..... after that evening we never spoke again.
Click to expand...
 
Fucking went down on a chick and she tried to reciprocate with a dry handy
 
DespicablePeep said:
You sound uptight, so what its stupid, join the fun, its not like you would have to marry the chick, who gives a fuck about people laughing, as long as she was hot I would play all the damn stupid games just to bone her.

You are probably young and stupid, when I was 18 I used to think the same way.
Click to expand...

Well, not as stupid as you to not realize that the movie Waterboy came out in the late 1990s....
 
Did she at least get a stuffed animal? Those claw machines are a bitch.
 
Perkins is a cafeteria, you don
 
Not a bad first date. But I jerked off in a parking lot on a first date before.
 
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In highschool there was this one really religious girl who was known to be a prude but she was gorgeous.

I got her to warm up to me and I asked to if she wanted to go out on a date. She agreed and I asked her what movie she wanted to see. At this time all the movies were horrible other than the ones I already saw. They were showing the original Jurassic park in 3-D and I've never seen it before so I asked her and she said "sure but I'm a little scared". I thought it was a joke; it wasn't.

The whole movie she is turned away from the screen and has her glasses off. We ended up leaving early. I made out with her in the car and she told me I'm the second person she ever kissed. At this point, she's hugging on to my arm while I'm driving home and falls asleep attached to my arm.

I'm thinking in my head this girl is really weird but I still wanted to date her secretly. Well one of my friends snaked me and told her I have bad intentions (they went to the same church and we're both religious) and she told me but still liked me. But then that same friend told her I went on a date with another girl and i never talked to her since.
 
Not a first date but fucked up all the same. I shagged this girl a few times, a solid 4 but big jugs and provided decent BJ. Anyway I lost interest until I hit a dry spell, texted her again. She said she was keen so I went to her house, hoping to go for a quick drive and shag.

She neglected to mention she had been in a serious car accident a few months earlier, was in a coma for 8 weeks and had an acquired brain injury. What this meant was she walked with a walking stick, spoke like she'd had 98 beers and was generally acting a bit "special".

So anyway, off we went for a coffee. The good thing was she had a disabled sticker so we got a park right out the front of the cafe ha ha! Had a chat, she told me about the accident etc, I wanted to get the fuck out of there, keep in mind I thought it was just a shag not a coffee date.

Anyway drove her back home, thinking of going for a quick BJ but felt a bit wrong tbh. So dropped her off and never replied to calls or texts again.
 
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