Awkward hospital stories

[Gandulf]

Years ago I was on roids, and before I had sex with my at the time girlfriend I took viagra. One day the pharmacy doesn't give me viagra but cialis. So I pop one, nothing happens, pop two, nothing happens, pop three, and bang I have his raging boner combined with the worst headache I ever had. So bad I had to go to the hospital, and as the doctor calls the nurse, I realise it's a (female) friend of ours. My girlfriend explained what happened, an the doctors and the staff were quite amused. They gave me muscle relaxants and some other stuff.

 

[The HAMA]

Not so much awkward but scary

A few years back I had rhabdomyolysis in both arms and ended up in hospital for 5 days. I did it by going hard on my first few sessions after maybe 1 yr off weights.

The first night I was there I overheard the doctors talking about me in the hall. They were debating on what to do if it got worse. 2 things I heard from them was the possibility of putting me on a dialysis machine so I didn't have kidney failure and the other was amputation of 1 or both arms.

Worst 5 days I've had so far.

 

[Gandulf]

double post, shit internet

 

[Danger Dave]

Where do I begin

I was once in the ICU after an alcohol withdrawal seizure and when I woke up I was still hallucinating and thought I had been taken to some underground chop shop where they were gonna remove my organs to sell. I was, uh, uncooperative with the nursing staff and ended up in zip ties of some sort. At some point I broke a restraint and tried triangle choking one of the nurses

Another time when my liver was failing I knew I had to hit the ER but that there'd be a long admission wait. I'd been vomiting straight blood for hours at that point so I took with me a bucket and water bottle. I strolled straight up to the front of the line, chugged the water bottle, and instantly proceeded to vomit blood into the bucket. Next thing I know I'm in a wheelchair to the ER en route to a gurney to the ICU

The thing about alcohol is that it is literally hell for an alcoholic like me

so i have had seizures 2 times from withdrawl and it is weird just doing normal stuff then you are instantly on a gurny in an ambulence and have no clue what happened. Now i just drink sparingly even though the hospital said my liver is working like a pro.

That being said, you were attacking nurses and throwing up blood. I can tell you how much you probably drank that night for you to have those symptoms. You were like 3.0-4.0. you should be dead.

Let me guess you have really bad acid reflux and can only sleep on your left side.

 

[Sir Galahad]

My friend used to work as an security guard at an hospital. One evening a guy came to the ER with a flashlight up his rectum. The nurses asked my buddy to hold him down because he was high on drugs. They were able to extract the flashlight by dilating the anal sphincter.

 

[boingyman]

I use to work at a state psychiatric hospital. I had a colleague that was a tranny in transition (male to female). No one cared she was a tranny, but she was not a a good person. The units we worked at were far away from our office and behind the fence (90% forensic patients). I guess one day it was raining and she possibly forgot her umbrella. She walked to one of the units, somehow got access to the patient laundry room (It's in the same area that patients can walk around). Took off her clothes and put it in the dryer and just sat there in the small laundry room with a towel wrapped around her. Now who's the crazy one?

 

[SalvadorAllende]

Ex GF works at a public hospital specialized in mental health and addictions. It was the worst.
They had to work with a lot of homeless people who were involved in the shadiest shit.
Sometimes a fallen off celebrity would arrive.

One time one "Chica Crónica" (can't look for the pictures, NSFW) arrived. She was super high on everything you could imagine and she went to seek asile because she had stolen money from some trannys.

Another time, a local rock superstar called Pity Alvarez (known drug addict) was there. They had a really hard time because every person in the hospital wanted a picture with him.
She told me that the guy basically thinks he was some sort of ghetto jesuschrist or superhero, that he helps and saves people. He is a good guy but out of his mind.
Oh.. he is in jail now because he shot (and killed) a guy (supposedly a friend) in a rather bizarre situation. Last thing I knew he formed a rock band in prison with another well known drummer who is doing time because he set his wife on fire.
Don't do drugs kids:

 

[minute bull]

I once woke up from post-surgery to a woman wailing from another room. "¡¡AYUDAME!! ¡¡AYUDAMEE!!! ¡¡POR FAVORRRRRRRRRR!! ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡¡AYUDAMEEEEEEEEE!!!"

Just like that. It went on for a good five minutes like the extended version of Bruce Willis' therapy recording in THE SIXTH SENSE, only it was WAILING. You would rather not wake up like that, let me tell you.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeJr]

I have one that I told before. I used to work at a hospital. One time I got a call to meet a porter at the morgue to put a dead body in the cooler. I had never done it before, and I wasn't really sure what to do.

I went to the elevator, and as soon as I got there the door opened and a porter came out with an old guy on a stretcher with his arms sticking out in an unnatural position like he was seized up.

I don't know why, but I immediately just assumed he was the dead body. I looked at the porter and said "Is that him?" The old man in the stretcher looked at me and I had the realization he was not dead.

I just looked at the porter again and said "oops nevermind" while quickly walking away

 

[Satsui Ryu]

Not at a hospital, but one time when I was 17 I went to the doctor for a flu shot and that somehow segued into a hernia exam. First time that I can remember a grown man fiddling with my balls. And he referred to my scrotum as "low hanging."

 

[minute bull]

Dude, you were molested.

 

[phipps66]

Had some blood on the toilet paper so i went to the butt doctor. He did the finger exam, and said he wasn't sure if he felt anything, and asked if i wanted a second opinion. Of course I said yes. So he tried again and once he got his middle finger in there too, he did a thorough exam. Turns out I was fine all along.

 

[Nameless Ghoul]

I was 18 and wrecked my car while merging into the highway, causing the airbag to be deployed. We lived in the country, and I got out, walked up the ramp and to the Burger King I worked at. One of my friends gave me a ride home, and I waited for my parents to get home before returning to the scene and getting the car towed. No police or medical were involved afterwards. Now, fast forward a couple weeks...

One day I started getting some discomfort in my chest, but I figured whatever it was I would "tough it out" and it would pass. After a couple of days it swelled to almost a b-cup size, and I couldn't take it anymore and told my parents. My mom took me to the ER and they rushed me to a room, and hooked me to an IV. They started asking questions, trying to determine the cause, and I guess the head nurse wasn't happy with the cause being blunt impact to the chest from the airbag, and told my mom to leave the room.

From there she went into "Ok, your mom isn't in here, what really happened?", and when I said I didn't know? She said "Oh come on, you didn't try to pierce yourself? "You didn't inject drugs in there?", "This isn't an injury from some kind of sex act?"..no no no. I ended up having a wick put in, and having to get it cut and drained three more times over the next few weeks..but they never got the answer they were looking for.

 

[Cole train]

Oh yeah remembered the other russian one

They were removing threads from my big toe from operation earlier.

Anyway this fat nurse grabs the knife and cuts off threads along with my skin and toe meat

Im screaming like an animal and my grandma and the nurse call me a crying bitch

Fun times

 

[Horse Style]

I was 18 and wrecked my while merging into the highway, causing the airbag to be deployed. We lived in the country, and I got out, walked up the ramp and to the Burger King I worked at. One of my friends gave me a ride home, and I waited for my parents to get home before returning to the scene and getting the car towed. No police or medical were involved afterwards. Now, fast forward a couple weeks...

One day I started getting some discomfort in my chest, but I figured whatever it was I would "tough it out" and it would pass. After a couple of days it swelled to almost a b-cup size, and I couldn't take it anymore and told my parents. My mom took me to the ER and they rushed me to a room, and hooked me to an IV. They started asking questions, trying to determine the cause, and I guess the head nurse wasn't happy with the cause being blunt impact to the chest from the airbag, and told my mom to leave the room.

From there she went into "Ok, your mom isn't in here, what really happened?", and when I said I didn't know? She said "Oh come, you didn't try to pierce yourself? "You didn't inject drugs in there?", "This isn't an injury from some kind of sex act?"..no no no. I ended up having a wick put in, and having to get it cut and drained three more times over the next few weeks..but they never got the answer they were looking for.

Reminds me of the time I had the flu. Fever, aches and fatigue. I took some ibuprofen and tried to sleep it off but my father and girl dragged me to the ER. I looked drained. Nurse who was checking me in was questioning me and I told her my symptoms. She asked me father and girl to leave the room and did the whole "now do you really want to talk" schtick.

She thought I was bulimic and probably secretly purging like I'm some goofy high school girl. Turns out I was just dehydrated. Doctor confirmed I had the flu, gave me some IV fluids and told me to take ibuprofen.

 

[evergreenrider]

Few years ago had a wicked ingrown hair on my neck. Entire right side of my neck was swollen, huge goose egg sized bump. Went to ER, doctor proceeded to ask if I had attempted to inject any drugs into my neck. And didnt necessarily seem to believe me when I told him no. Day or 2 later the thing erupted and out came about a 6 inch hair

 

[Crawler89]

nothing major but im in hospital right now and the day nurse is a total babe and it was such a fucking embarassment to have her take my catheta and shit out
still, think she wants some right its totally not the painkillers
lol