Awkward hospital stories

[SamSchmidt]

Is it weird that I like hanging out in a hospital?

 

[Uber_Noober]

As I lay here for observation for the night in my hospital room, I can’t help but think of the odds of all the nurses that work here, my ex of 7 years ends up my nurse.

She’s been polite, professional and seems to genuinely care but still, it is slightly awkward. Also my junk was hanging out briefly on the stretcher.

I can’t help but think this probsbly pales in comparison to some of your stories. Got any good ones? And thanks Kate for the morphine, I feel fine now.

Did she laugh at your junk?

 

[Uber_Noober]

Last year I spent a week in the hospital, initially I was in PCU (upgraded version of ICU). After a few days they moved me upstairs, something happened to the tube they had in my nose into my gut.
I’m laying there for a while and asked the nurse if the pump was working right, she assured me it was. The tube in my nose was getting wet and moving around, before I know it I’m laying in a pool or dark green garbage from my stomach.
I hit the button, she comes in and I stand up. Damn tube hit me in the back of my throat, made me gag before it fell out and hit the floor. I strip down naked covered in goo, I’ve got a Russian nurse and a dude from Africa wiping me down in all my glory. I should’ve made them sign a full disclosure form after that.
I never want to spend another night in a hospital again if I can avoid it.

 

[Chesten_Hesten]

I went to see this Dermatologist once, I chose her cause she looked better than the rest when I googled Dermatologists.
https://health.usnews.com/doctors/katherine-cox-638221

Anyway she had this good looking Asian Chick who worked there as a side kick in the office. It was a new office and the Asian Chick was trying to up sell all the services. She said I should get a skin exam.
I said ok, whatever. (I thought that's what I was in there for anyhow)

Asian Chick leaves then in a moment comes back with the Dermatologist, who hands me one of those hospital gowns and says, "if you could just get undressed and put this on." I said, "That's the most romantic thing I've heard from a woman in 10 years." She laughed and said why, I said cause I'm married, why else! That got a bigger laugh, but then I noticed the Asian sidekick hung around for the skin exam which consisted of Cox running her soft hands up and down me. @Cubo de Sangre

A voice in my head said, there's opportunity with these two! Then I remembered on top of being married I simply didn't have the charm or charisma to get those two even remotely close to the sack.

So i left. Yet another of life's regrets.

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

I went to see this Dermatologist once, I chose her cause she looked better than the rest when I googled Dermatologists.
https://health.usnews.com/doctors/katherine-cox-638221

Anyway she had this good looking Asian Chick who worked there as a side kick in the office. It was a new office and the Asian Chick was trying to up sell all the services. She said I should get a skin exam.
I said ok, whatever. (I thought that's what I was in there for anyhow)

Asian Chick leaves then in a moment comes back with the Dermatologist, who hands me one of those hospital gowns and says, "if you could just get undressed and put this on." I said, "That's the most romantic thing I've heard from a woman in 10 years." She laughed and said why, I said cause I'm married, why else! That got a bigger laugh, but then I noticed the Asian sidekick hung around for the skin exam which consisted of Cox running her soft hands up and down me. @Cubo de Sangre

A voice in my head said, there's opportunity with these two! Then I remembered on top of being married I simply didn't have the charm or charisma to get those two even remotely close to the sack.

So i left. Yet another of life's regrets.

Nothing but hotties at my dermatologist's office. Still waiting for one to insist on seeing my junk.

 

[Horse Style]

Last year I spent a week in the hospital, initially I was in PCU (upgraded version of ICU). After a few days they moved me upstairs, something happened to the tube they had in my nose into my gut.
I’m laying there for a while and asked the nurse if the pump was working right, she assured me it was. The tube in my nose was getting wet and moving around, before I know it I’m laying in a pool or dark green garbage from my stomach.
I hit the button, she comes in and I stand up. Damn tube hit me in the back of my throat, made me gag before it fell out and hit the floor. I strip down naked covered in goo, I’ve got a Russian nurse and a dude from Africa wiping me down in all my glory. I should’ve made them sign a full disclosure form after that.
I never want to spend another night in a hospital again if I can avoid it.

A few days after my first abdominal surgery, I kept throwing up because my intestines hadn't "fully woken up" yet and I was drinking the hospital liquid diet. So this small asian woman doctor has to shove a tube up my nose into my gut. After she does, my nose was bleeding and she was like "aww, he's bleeding". I missed an opportunity to find out how far I could punt an asian.

Anyway, after a day or two, I cough a lot and it slips out my nose. I'm thinking good, that fucking thing was annoying. A nurse comes in later saying she'll have to call another doctor to reinsert it. For a few hours, I'm racking my brain for what to say to convince this dude not to put it back in my nose.

Dude comes in the middle of the night and I gave him reasons why I don't need it as if I'm pleading for my life and he just goes "ok". I'm like WTF? He explains that all I have to do is refuse and they have to abide by my wishes. So I was lying there with all this anxiety for no reason.

 

[Chesten_Hesten]

Nothing but hotties at my dermatologist's office. Still waiting for one to insist on seeing my junk.

I've known guys who probably could've parlayed a visit like mine into a threesome with those two.

I wish I knew how to do it.


Maybe it has something to do with politeness. (You know it seems impolite to try and bang your doctor the first visit) Which means you miss the opportunity instead of seizing it!

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

I've known guys who probably could've parlayed a visit like mine into a threesome with those two.

I wish I knew how to do it.


Maybe it has something to do with politeness. (You know it seems impolite to try and bang your doctor the first visit) Which means you miss the opportunity instead of seizing it!

Nice guys finish last.

Tell the doc your dick turns a funny shade of purple when you rub it and can she take a look.

 

[ThaiSexPills]

Did she laugh at your junk?

She’s had 7 years to laugh at it so no, lol.

 

[Milgrim]

Once awoke from surgery with a Junior Mint in my abdominal cavity

They're very refreshing.

 

[Headkicktoleg]

I once botched 3 surgeries in one day. YIKES! AWKWARDDDDDDDDDD talking to the family.

 

[OverCoronavirus Pressure]

I've worked at a hospital and in hospice care for long long.

Um.

There was an occasion when I had to follow a patient out as he was escaping a psychiatric hold. I was standing outside talking with him and a security officer, trying to cool him, when along comes some dumb fuck.
Guy walks up on us and inserts himself into the situation, telling us we had no right to keep the patient against his will.

While security talked with the patient, I explained to Captain Dumbfuck how far up his ass he'd stuck his head and to mind his own business because he doesn't have any idea what he's talking about. It remained a tense situation until an officer came over from ED and set the dude straight.

I've got a million stories.

 

[ChallengerDeep]

Told this before but here i go

I was in a hospital in russia because the nail on my big toe had gone inside the toe because i tripped and fell on street pavement.

Anyway doctor gave me nothing for the pain and i was screaming all over the place.

The nurse asks me who i want to be when i grow up

I say hockey player

"Then shut the fuck up and dont cry because hockey players dont cry"

I was 5 years old then

LOL same nurse from the OP, has to be

 

[ToxicShocker]

Is it weird that I like hanging out in a hospital?

Its comforting, you were born there and it reminds you of being up in your moms pussy

 

[ToxicShocker]

There was an occasion when I had to follow a patient out as he was escaping a psychiatric hold. I was standing outside talking with him and a security officer, trying to cool him, when along comes some dumb fuck.Guy walks up on us and inserts himself into the situation, telling us we had no right to keep the patient against his will.While security talked with the patient, I explained to Captain Dumbfuck how far up his ass he'd stuck his head and to mind his own business because he doesn't have any idea what he's talking about. It remained a tense situation until an officer came over from ED and set the dude straight.

I've got a million stories.

Share more cause that one sucked

 

[Oliver Clothesoff]

I had a nurse reach under the blanket with a stethoscope and the back of her hand brushed across my erect penis. The look she gave me was priceless. I often FAP to it.

 

[OverCoronavirus Pressure]

Share more cause that one sucked

We had this guy named @ToxicShocker who came in with about two feet of impacted rubber garden hose

 

[SamSchmidt]

Its comforting, you were born there and it reminds you of being up in your moms pussy

 

[ToxicShocker]

We had this guy named @ToxicShocker who came in with about two feet of impacted rubber garden hose

I was gonna say I've never been to a hospital but then I remembered I had a fever and a bad staph infection in my thigh, and ran my pointer finger into the bandsaw once

 

[OverCoronavirus Pressure]

I was gonna say I've never been to a hospital but then I remembered I had a fever and a bad staph infection in my thigh, and ran my pointer finger into the bandsaw once

Finger blasting a band saw

There's a subreddit for that