Sherbros I need your advice...

[flequin]

First of all sorry for my english in advance it's not my native language. Don't judge me too strictly on that and about my situation. This forum is the only one forum I care about it. I don't have other places to talk about it (including real life). I know most people easily gets bored by reading a ton of text but I hope some of you will read till the end. Even I don't have a lot of messages I was reading this forum (mostly UFC discussion) way before I registered here. Honestly I just didn't wanna embarrass myself with my poor and broken english even when I wanted to participate in fight discussions. But with my current situation I couldn't care less about my grammar mistakes.

I'm a longtime MMA fan (started watching since Fedor's glory days in Pride) and closely paying attention to the UFC since Velasquez - JDS trilogy.
So right now I'm experiencing literally the toughest period of my life. And I have no idea how to get out of this situation. My life has never been easy but for the last month or two it's the worst experience I've ever had. Anxiety and depression on a daily basis eating me alive. My mom is very sick with multiple diseases (mostly heart problems and headaches) She's only 57 and turns 58 at December 26. She's too young and I truly believe she can easily live for another 10-20 years. I don't care about my biological father (he left us long time ago) We don't really interact with relatives.. they're always treated us with some notes of contempt cuz we just people of different social statuses. Some of my friends died in freak accidents (I wish I was one of those guys) and with some of them I don't have anything in common anymore and they have their own families/kids etc. I never thought that I would find myself in a situation when literally the most important person in my life is suffering on a regular basis and I can't do anything about it.

So just recently I almost lost her due to some daily stress she started to choke due to lack of oxygen complaining to a severe headache and chest pain. For a moment I thought I will lose her forever in a matter of seconds because there was a moment when she didn't move at all and closed her eyes for a few seconds and that was terrifying experience and especially that look on her face right before when she was choking. In such a short period of time so many thoughts went through my head. Even writing this, is really hard for me. My question is have you ever experienced maybe not similar situation but when you felt that you completely lost and stuck in life related to some serious problems. And how it turned out at the end? Right now I have no idea how to get out of this situation. I'm just dying inside.. Every day walking up in the middle of the night with 3-4hrs sleep and huge amount of anxiety. Thinking constantly about what might happen If I won't be able to help her in time. I don't care about anything else right now.. all my thoughts is about how can I save her before it's too late. Knowing that I could never see her again, kills me. I wouldn't be able to accept it. I'm also having health problems (lower-back pain/eyesight/foot pain/headaches) but nothing life-threatening like in her case. How to cope with constant anxiety and depression and how to overcome situations when there's no escape?

 

[Diktaattori]

I'm sorry for your troubles. I really don't have time now to delve into your post. But when sherbros are in need I know there's alot of good people here and we're all sending our best to you.

 

[Cherry Brigand]

First. Don't get stuck in this bad moment. Never wish your life away because of your circumstances. Circumstances change. You are so much stronger than you think you are even at your weakest moment.

Second: I'm not clear why she started choking. Is it due to heart failure and inability to breathe? My dad had that at points when he was in heart failure.

Third. It may sound trite, but how is your fitness. Even exercising some with a small attainable initial goal can change your whole mindset about everything else.

Fourth, find a way to meet new people. Chess club. Dying parent support group. Gym friend. Whatever. It is many people's tendencies to isolate themselves when things get hard and that in many cases is the exact opposite of what we should do. Starting this thread is a good first step.

Lastly: pray. Pray to God for deliverance and wisdom.

 

[Davidjacksonjones]

Hey man, truly sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can definitely relate to dealing with depression and anxiety on a regular basis, its truly awful

I found some useful tips when dealing with anxiety, and depression
-Seeing a therapist
-Medication (works for some, takes many different tries to find the right combination of meds)
-Reaching out to someone. Friends, or even a suicidal crisis help line
-Exercising - boosts dopamine which is crucial to feeling well
-Eating the right diet and getting vitamins and minerals in
-Healthy distractions, such as reading a book, or doing any hobbies to stimulate your mind
-Deep breathing techniques and meditation

As for your situation. That sounds very scary and frightening. Losing a parent is probably one of the worst things that can happen in life, and I am sorry to hear you almost lost your mother. Can you elaborate more on your mother's condition? Is there any way for her to get cured?

 

[StonedLemur]

Hey man, truly sorry to hear about what you are going through. I can definitely relate to dealing with depression and anxiety on a regular basis, its truly awful

I found some useful tips when dealing with anxiety, and depression
-Seeing a therapist
-Medication (works for some, takes many different tries to find the right combination of meds)
-Reaching out to someone. Friends, or even a suicidal crisis help line
-Exercising - boosts dopamine which is crucial to feeling well
-Eating the right diet and getting vitamins and minerals in
-Healthy distractions, such as reading a book, or doing any hobbies to stimulate your mind
-Deep breathing techniques and meditation

As for your situation. That sounds very scary and frightening. Losing a parent is probably one of the worst things that can happen in life, and I am sorry to hear you almost lost your mother. Can you elaborate more on your mother's condition? Is there any way for her to get cured?

Didn't this dude write a similar thread last week?

 

[flequin]

As for your situation. That sounds very scary and frightening. Losing a parent is probably one of the worst things that can happen in life, and I am sorry to hear you almost lost your mother. Can you elaborate more on your mother's condition? Is there any way for her to get cured?

Thank you for your tips. I'm already trying something from this list.
She had a heart attack this summer while I was working in the nearby city and I had to come back to be always around her just in case... After cardiac examination and consulting a specialist I found out that she needs a Prosthetic Heart Valves (Mitral and Aortic) + Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting (CABG) as soon as possible. Before that I didn't know anything about those surgeries. But now after researching them for a while I know a lot. Everything what I'm getting online or on some temporary jobs is barely enough to pay rent/utilities and buy something to eat once in a while. I'm thinking about getting loan.. I don't know maan.

 

[StonedLemur]

Thank you for your tips. I'm already trying something from this list.
She had a heart attack this summer while I was working in the nearby city and I had to come back to be always around her just in case... After cardiac examination and consulting a specialist I found out that she needs a Prosthetic Heart Valves (Mitral and Aortic) + Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting (CABG) as soon as possible. Before that I didn't know anything about those surgeries. But now after researching them for a while I know a lot.

You need to reach out to professionals.

 

[Davidjacksonjones]

Didn't this dude write a similar thread last week?

Yeah i think the thread was deleted because it was in the UFC Section

 

[flequin]

Didn't this dude write a similar thread last week?

Yes I already wrote something similar. But my topic was removed. Because moderator thought I was asking for money or something. Even I really needed I was asking for some emotional support. Talking to someone really helpfull to relieve some stress. Like I said I don't really have someone to talk irl. that's why it's easier for me to talk online about these problems..

 

[Davidjacksonjones]

Thank you for your tips. I'm already trying something from this list.
She had a heart attack this summer while I was working in the nearby city and I had to come back to be always around her just in case... After cardiac examination and consulting a specialist I found out that she needs a Prosthetic Heart Valves (Mitral and Aortic) + Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting (CABG) as soon as possible. Before that I didn't know anything about those surgeries. But now after researching them for a while I know a lot.

Damn i am sorry to hear, that sounds very serious and life-threatening man.
Also sorry to hear your biological father left you. Abandonment at an early age can really mess with your mind and worsen mental health symptoms.

 

[Davidjacksonjones]

Yes I already wrote something similar. But my topic was removed. Because moderator thought I was asking for money or something. Even I really needed I was asking for some emotional support. Talking to someone really helpfull to relieve some stress. Like I said I don't really have someone to talk irl. that's why it's easier for me to talk online about these problems..

Having no one to talk to irl sucks. I know its not the same as talking face to face, but you can always message me here on Sherdog. Or as Stoned Lemur suggested, reaching out to a professional or a suicide help line.

 

[StonedLemur]

Yes I wrote already something similar. But my topic was removed. Because moderator thought I was asking for money or something. Even I really needed I was asking for some emotional support. Talking to someone really helpfull to relieve some stress. Like I said I don't really have someone to talk irl. that's why it's easier for me to talk online about these problems..

We're here for emotional support man, but you need professional support.
What's happening to you really sucks, and you need real help, something we can't do here unfortunately sir.

 

[flequin]

First. Don't get stuck in this bad moment. Never wish your life away because of your circumstances. Circumstances change. You are so much stronger than you think you are even at your weakest moment.

Second: I'm not clear why she started choking. Is it due to heart failure and inability to breathe? My dad had that at points when he was in heart failure.

Third. It may sound trite, but how is your fitness. Even exercising some with a small attainable initial goal can change your whole mindset about everything else.

Fourth, find a way to meet new people. Chess club. Dying parent support group. Gym friend. Whatever. It is many people's tendencies to isolate themselves when things get hard and that in many cases is the exact opposite of what we should do. Starting this thread is a good first step.

Lastly: pray. Pray to God for deliverance and wisdom.

Thank you for your advices. I'm trying to exercise and do some physical activities daily.. But overall It's just really hard for me to focus on anything else. She always had complicated relationships with her mother and relatives overall. She's genuinely good and kind person but I always didn't like some of traits of her character/personality. For example she tends to think that some of her relatives thinks about her in a bad way and starts deluding herself. And she's kinda person who can get upset over any little things. That of course affects her health.

 

[flequin]

We're here for emotional support man, but you need professional support.
What's happening to you really sucks, and you need real help, something we can't do here unfortunately sir.

Man I don't even know if we have professional support out here.. I'm from Kazakhstan and not even from one of the two main cities but small city. You mean like therapist/helpline or something? Or I'll look up if there's some decent online free support.

 

[StonedLemur]

Man I don't even know if we have professional support out here.. I'm from Kazakhstan and not even from one of the two main cities but small city. You mean like therapist/helpline or something? Or I'll look up if there's some decent online free support.

Look up hospitals in one of the bigger cities.
They will help when you call.

 

[Dogpound2020]

Yes. Once COVID hit we all were laid off, fortunately I qualified for the CERB money and I am able to live cheap.

I legitimately spent most of it on drugs and rent. I had money coming in, so I didn't care. I spent it the exact same way. I didn't work for almost 3 years, )I lied to everyone and said I was still at work) I wasn't taking my manic depression and anti psychotic meds and was legitimately having the time of my life being wasted all of the time. i decided to quit everything and try to dry out - it actually turned into a horrible two weeks where I almost froze to death being blacked out with no one to look out for me besides my neighbor who found me.

They sent me to CAMH in their psych ward, and after a few hours of consultation they didn't let me enter the centre despite me threatening to murder them and myself and the cop standing next to me. By this point I'm horribly low on money and I'm too scared to ask my rich parents for help since they think I've been working (and I've been sending them money for random things for their vacations so they think I'm fine)

I dug myself a hole. I was so pissed off and sad I took my meds again with a 750 ML of booze and as many pills as I thought would kill me. I was out for almost 2 days, unfortunately I survived because I wanted to die, truly.

Thankfully a job I worked opened up in an email and I applied, I got it after some interviews and am seeing a psychiatrist weekly. No one knows any of this and I am mega close with my family, but I live far away so I am able to hide how bad I still feel.

 

[Dogpound2020]

Now my dad is bound to pass any day now (he;s 57) and we haven't spoken in around 20 years. he named me his beneficiary as his first born so now I'm the one being responsible for all of his money? Which is annoying as I am 2 hours away from where he lives. Obviously he left me nothing, but paper work to do since no one else in the family can do it.

Just all around a crap time too. With Christmas coming up I'm also going to have to go light on the gifts too which I hate because I usually like to do it up......for once I can't. Harsh realities can really be found in the smallest forms.

 

[flequin]

Look up hospitals in one of the bigger cities.
They will help when you call.

To be honest I don't think they will. Cuz I've already tried to reach someone. They don't really care unless it's in their interest. My anxiety and depression mostly related to my mom's current condition. And me not being able to help her before it's too late that's what annoys me the most.

 

[StonedLemur]

To be honest I don't think they will. Cuz I've already tried to reach someone. They don't really care unless it's in their interest. My anxiety and depression mostly related to my mom's current condition. And me not being able to help her before it's too late that's what annoys me the most.

Call an ambulance and have her brought in to one of the bigger hospitals.

 

[flequin]

Now my dad is bound to pass any day now (he;s 57) and we haven't spoken in around 20 years. he named me his beneficiary as his first born so now I'm the one being responsible for all of his money? Which is annoying as I am 2 hours away from where he lives. Obviously he left me nothing, but paper work to do since no one else in the family can do it.

Just all around a crap time too. With Christmas coming up I'm also going to have to go light on the gifts too which I hate because I usually like to do it up......for once I can't. Harsh realities can really be found in the smallest forms.

Thank you for sharing your story. To be honest I couldn't care less about my biological father even if he dies tomorrow. My mom is the only close person that I have in this life. I won't be able to recover if something happens with her.