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I wasnt going to post this, and am sure some with think Im a pos for it, but Im at my wits end, I dont know what to do, and wanted to see if anyone has been through something similar. I recently moved across the country, and my ex gf has been making suicide threats pretty much daily since I left. (I now live 2000+ miles away from her.) I never wanted something serious with her, but she is incredibly clingy and every time I would try and end things, she would go nuts and guilt me into staying, so I just kept dating her knowing I would soon be moving and that would be the end of things.
She is going through some rough stuff in her life beyond me leaving her, and had been before I left, but nothing that cant be overcome. The main problem is that no one else in her life cares or takes her seriously, and so Im left to freak out pretty much on a daily basis about whether or not she will make it through the day. She will text me that she is ending things and then not respond for a while, I have tried texting her 'best friend' to get her to go over to her place to check on her, and she just doesnt take it seriously. I asked her to go check on her, and her response was, "Ive been texting her, she isnt listening, she is being very stubborn." And Im like wtf? Thats it? I eventually called her on it, and told her she needed to step up and do something, and she told me its my fault and then blocked my number. Ive texted her mom, and she responds 'k.' Ive wanted to call the police/ambulance, but I dont know her apartment number, and she most likely has drugs on her, and if she got caught she would lose her job ect, and Im scared it would just make things worse.
I do care about her, and want her to get better. But nothing I say helps, and even when she seems to start doing better, she'll then want to chat all day, and then gets into "when can I come visit, we could maybe get back together" etc, and then I put a stop to it and we start the whole cycle over again. Pretty much every night I go to sleep not knowing if she'll make it through the night, and every morning I check my phone every 5 minutes for a text to see if she is still alive. I just started a new job, and have hardly been able to sleep at night, and when Im at work I can barely concentrate, and if she texts me something suicidal while Im at work, I spend the rest of the day zoning out not able to do anything.
I feel like a horrible person for thinking like this, but its like how long can this go on? What am I supposed to do? I cant remember the last time I was happy, I feel stressed out, guilty, helpless, and depressed pretty much 24/7. I get mad at her, then feel guilty for being mad at her, then mad at her for making me feel guilty and so on. Ive snapped at her a few times, and am so frustrated and beaten down by the situation that I have to do breathing exercises to calm myself pretty much every time we talk. I know I sound like a piece of shit, and feel guilty as hell about it. But at what point do I put my own life first? If I was there, it would be a completely different situation. But Im not, and there is only so much I can do from 2000 miles away. Its killing me but I want my life back.
This sounds like an absolutely nightmarish situation honestly. For both of you. You don't sound like a POS at all. Quite the contrary. You sound like an incredibly empathetic and compassionate person honestly, and that can be painful. The fact that you're acknowledging the fact that your concern over this woman has caused you stress absolutely does NOT make you a bad person.
I really think this might, unfortunately, be a bit of a "be cruel to be kind" sort of situation. Try to find somebody close to her and get them involved. Call the police if you have to. But quit trying to take this on yourself, because it's hurting both of you.