Great article on suicide/mental health

[HUNTERMANIA]

http://www.samkieffer.com/post/106089894279/what-its-like-to-try-and-kill-yourself-then-get

A bit of advice to anyone who’s going to take a crack at killing yourself.

Do it on a Friday. Really make a weekend of it.

Try it on a weekday, and fail? You still have to go to work. And that’s a real frowny face moment; cleaning the sprays of blood off the bathroom tiles, wondering why you survived, then realizing oh boo…I’m late for the job I hate.

This story’s about to get fuck-ton more dramatic. I’m sure that’s a good old fashioned bummer to read if you care about me, I know that. I used to make an effort to sugar coat these stories.

But I am tired. I am beaten down.

I am drowning, reading story after story about 12 yr old kids dying alone & scared, feeling like they have no other option.

So many of these kids could have been helped, but the stigma’s of mental illness keeps everyone silent, as if feeling suicidal is weakness, a flaw, the markings of being ‘broken’.

The fear of being labeled “crazy” is stopping an antidote from spreading through our world. There is a pure, beautiful salvation for kids who feel alone and scared in this world.

We are not broken. We are not flawed.

We are not weak. We did not ask for this.

And with that; the first time I tried to kill myself I was 22. For all intents and purposes, life was great. I lived in beautiful Milwaukee, lived with my hilarious brother, and was within walking distance of a Little Ceasars.

But I was drowning. One day I woke up and I just….couldn’t.

I couldn’t force another smile, I couldn’t armor up to face the day. I couldn’t keep the thoughts out, the waves of horrid thoughts crushed through my walls like a beach home in a hurricane. I had nothing left in my tank.

...(continued on the link, great story!!)

This is the realest quote about suicide that there is:

You don’t live after a suicide attempt. A part of you dies. Always.

That's exactly what it feels like, but just because some parts of me have died doesn't make me a lesser person.

If you're suffering, if you're feeling hopeless, don't let your silence be the end of you. Reach out to someone. We care about you. People love you and want to help you. If anyone can say: things can get better, and it mean something, it should be me, and I'm saying it: THINGS CAN GET BETTER. You CAN do it. I'm doing it right now and I was destroyed completely, torn apart piece by piece for my whole fucking life mentally and emotionally until it manifested physically 9 years ago and my body came apart. I'm putting it all back together. I'm solving my problems one at a time and I have been successful and I will continue to be successful. But that was only because I was real about my problems. I never hid them. I talked about it. I looked for help, I wanted help. It's possible, you just have to keep trying.

Merry Christmas and speak up if you need help!!

 

[WorldofWarcraft]

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

Powerful.

I never had the out of body experience when I was near death or even when I died (I think I died - it wasn't 'official' there was no one else there, but I woke up with brown brain fluid, or whatever the fuck it was, paramedics that I know say they find it on dead people that have OD'ed all the time, on my tile that had leaked out of my nose as I lay there with my head in my refrigerator from 1440mg of oxycodone, tons of xanax and somas that I took in 36 hours IV/insufflated/oral and all of this with no tolerance - I had just gotten out of 52 days in rehab). I always just felt warm and peaceful. I was ready to die every time. I embraced it. But, to my enormous frustration, I did not die any of those times so now I'm here making the best of it, lol.

 

[LionExMachina]

Suicide is a slap in the face to all the people who care about you.

If you can;t control the emotional weather-storms in your head then gird yourself with the help of others.

Mentally dress yourself for that occasion with something spiritual (it doesn't have be religious).

Remember that you are nobly born, and you are the king of your thoughts, the sovereign of your cognition.

Assert control through doing things you love (if you're able), or being with people who understand.

Be ruthless about your survival and your well-being. Blue Seasons don't last forever.

 

[Michaelangelo]

This is more of an Easter thread than a Christmas one.

 

[Protectandserve]

I've seen a lot of suicides, both attempted and completed, in my job. The toll it takes on those around the person is astronomical.

I've been on scene trying to do CPR to save a dude who OD'd intentionally while his elementary age kids watched, I've walked down the stairs from the apartment of a man who put a .357 Magnum in his mouth and pulled the trigger and walked right into his ex wife, seen a dude drink rat poision, ridx and draino.

I was originally firmly in the camp of "its the way out for the weak" but the more I've seen and experienced, the more I've realized it is not a rational act of a weak mind.

If you're hurting, reach out. If you know someone who is, reach out to them. Can't tell you the times I've talked to someone who told me that it was a simple phone call that turned them back from the brink.

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

Suicide is a slap in the face to all the people who care about you.

If you can;t control the emotional weather-storms in your head then gird yourself with the help of others.

Mentally dress yourself for that occasion with something spiritual (it doesn't have be religious).

Remember that you are nobly born, and you are the king of your thoughts, the sovereign of your cognition.

Assert control through doing things you love (if you're able), or being with people who understand.

Be ruthless about your survival and your well-being. Blue Seasons don't last forever.

I agree with the rest of your post... but that attitude, to me, is sooo ridiculous. Suicide isn't about other people, it's about yourself. When you frame it like that, you make it impossible to have compassion for a person that's suffering because you're blaming them for other people's feelings. I don't agree with that at all. I know people that have committed suicide. I've been crushed by it before, but I could never get mad at someone that attempted suicide or committed suicide - that's so egregiously wrong, I just can't fathom it and I never could.

 

[LionExMachina]

I agree with the rest of your post... but that attitude, to me, is sooo ridiculous. Suicide isn't about other people, it's about yourself. When you frame it like that, you make it impossible to have compassion for a person that's suffering because you're blaming them for other people's feelings. I don't agree with that at all. I know people that have committed suicide. I've been crushed by it before, but I could never get mad at someone that attempted suicide or committed suicide - that's so egregiously wrong, I just can't fathom it and I never could.

But suicide isn't just about your self. What abut your kids, your wife, your mom?

Anyway, it's just a personal opinion based on my experience (I've lost two people a few decades ago and it still simultaneously hurts, bewilders and pisses me off to think about how abruptly they left...but as you correctly said, it's about them, not me or anyone else.)

Maybe I shouldn't have phrased it as an absolute statement but...You are inflicting a tremendous amount of pain on your loved ones. It's a terrible terrible thing to have experience that kind of grief.

It's not about your loved ones until your gone. And when your gone there's no more pain just sweet sweet oblivion ...but your loved ones have to deal with the wreckage. I've always considered it to be one of the more selfish things you can do to your loved ones.

Heck, I think a Sherbro took his own life earlier this year. People who only knew him as an avatar expressed shitloads of sadness. I never even encountered him on this forum but hearing about it and reading all the posts about him kinda wrecked my day.

I do know that the pit can not only be deep, but the sides slippery, however not acknowledging the effect it has on others might serve to enable it instead of deter it.

I consider this topic to be delicate wiring, I'm not trying to be "right" I'm not even sure if I am. I'm just kinda shooting from the hip on this one.

Peace and Be Well.

 

[IIIIIIII]

If you're hurting, reach out. If you know someone who is, reach out to them. Can't tell you the times I've talked to someone who told me that it was a simple phone call that turned them back from the brink.

i was here at one point in my life, not long ago. for me, it wasn't drug based. it was what felt like to me, a profoundly deep-depression. without getting into all the details, i had become so angry and upset with myself and my situation, that i completely shut myself off from all human communication i didn't need. i understand when people say that depression affects you physically. it's like you're trapped in your own mind, and your body feels like a block of concrete. you literally change as a person. it's scary to look back at it now.

definitely reach out. it took having a nervous breakdown and being hospitalized that finally snapped me out of it.

 

[ripskater]

No matter what you've done, no matter what someone did to you, no matter your shame, and no matter how worthless you think you are, God sent his son to this earth 2000 years ago for YOU. He loves you (no matter what), he died for your sins(no matter what) and he still has a purpose for your life(no matter what).

There are dozens of messed up people in the Bible, God was able to use them to do great things when they turn to him.

 

[faustian]

But suicide isn't just about your self. What abut your kids, your wife, your mom?

Anyway, it's just a personal opinion based on my experience (I've lost two people a few decades ago and it still simultaneously hurts, bewilders and pisses me off to think about how abruptly they left...but as you correctly said, it's about them, not me or anyone else.)

Maybe I shouldn't have phrased it as an absolute statement but...You are inflicting a tremendous amount of pain on your loved ones. It's a terrible terrible thing to have experience that kind of grief.

It's not about your loved ones until your gone. And when your gone there's no more pain just sweet sweet oblivion ...but your loved ones have to deal with the wreckage. I've always considered it to be one of the more selfish things you can do to your loved ones.

Heck, I think a Sherbro took his own life earlier this year. People who only knew him as an avatar expressed shitloads of sadness. I never even encountered him on this forum but hearing about it and reading all the posts about him kinda wrecked my day.

I do know that the pit can not only be deep, but the sides slippery, however not acknowledging the effect it has on others might serve to enable it instead of deter it.

I consider this topic to be delicate wiring, I'm not trying to be "right" I'm not even sure if I am. I'm just kinda shooting from the hip on this one.

Peace and Be Well.

The thing is it's possible to get so down on yourself that you genuinely believe the people who love you would be better off if you were dead

 

[ralphc1]

I agree with the rest of your post... but that attitude, to me, is sooo ridiculous. Suicide isn't about other people, it's about yourself. When you frame it like that, you make it impossible to have compassion for a person that's suffering because you're blaming them for other people's feelings. I don't agree with that at all. I know people that have committed suicide. I've been crushed by it before, but I could never get mad at someone that attempted suicide or committed suicide - that's so egregiously wrong, I just can't fathom it and I never could.

Yes, those who want to lay more guilt on a person who is in so much emotional pain that they feel the only way to end it is to end their life, are real lowlifes. People in pain don't want to inflict themselves on others. Let's face facts, people don't want to be around people who are depressed. Depressed people don't want to be around people who are happy because it shows them how bad their life is. It can be more depressing to have people trying to cheer you up.

 

[Troublesome10]

Thanks for posting. I actually found that hard to read.

 

[LionExMachina]

The thing is it's possible to get so down on yourself that you genuinely believe the people who love you would be better off if you were dead

True enough. It's hard to understand that mindset without having been there.

It doesn't make some one who doesn't understand a low life, anymore does it make the person who takes their own life a coward.

Although people who have gone through these things on both ends of that spectrum should be excused for thinking so.

 

[EARLOBE]

Thanks for posting this.

The thing is it's possible to get so down on yourself that you genuinely believe the people who love you would be better off if you were dead

Nailed it. This is exactly where I was.

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

True enough. It's hard to understand that mindset without having been there.

It doesn't make some one who doesn't understand a low life, anymore does it make the person who takes their own life a coward.

Although people who have gone through these things on both ends of that spectrum should be excused for thinking so.

Sounds reasonable to me. I'm just glad to get a discourse going about this subject.

 

[Err]

Thanks for posting that. Actually helped me a little bit.

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

Thanks for posting that. Actually helped me a little bit.

That's great to hear! Stay up, man. Things can get better.

 

[Matt M]

I agree with the rest of your post... but that attitude, to me, is sooo ridiculous. Suicide isn't about other people, it's about yourself.

I agree about that.

One of the worst phrases ever is that people who commit suicide are cowards.
It's actually completely the opposite. Killing yourself is arguably one of the bravest things you could ever possibly do.

To actually make that choice is without doubt the most important decision anyone can ever possibly make.
Of course it will affect people who care about you, but if you're in such a way that you think ending your life is the only way to go, regardless of people or things you love and enjoy, then it's only about yourself.

Unless someone has been there, it's very hard, maybe impossible, for them to understand and that's why they say things like "oh it's a cowards way out".
Same as people who think the same sort of thing about people with serious addiction issues.

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

I agree about that.

One of the worst phrases ever is that people who commit suicide are cowards.
It's actually completely the opposite. Killing yourself is arguably one of the bravest things you could ever possibly do.

To actually make that choice is without doubt the most important decision anyone can ever possibly make.
Of course it will affect people who care about you, but if you're in such a way that you think ending your life is the only way to go, regardless of people or things you love and enjoy, then it's only about yourself.

Unless someone has been there, it's very hard, maybe impossible, for them to understand and that's why they say things like "oh it's a cowards way out".
Same as people who think the same sort of thing about people with serious addiction issues.

Agree with everything you said.

One thing in the article that stood out for me was:

You don’t make it out, once suicide attempt burns deep enough to cause permanent damage. If you’re thinking “we all think about suicide sometimes”, no…we don’t, you beautiful idiot. Talk to someone. Keeping that inside you is a fucking cancer.

I think about suicide every day. I'm positive. I'm focused, I'm making progress, my life is coming together. I'm happy. It doesn't matter. Death sounds like home to me. Suicidal thoughts are a part of my every day reality. That is my normal. I don't think it's ever going away - I certainly don't expect it to. The only difference now is that I've put too much into living. I've tried too hard to stop now. I HAVE to see this through. I have to see what I'm capable of. I have to know if I'm the person I think I am or not. I can't die before then. But even on the happiest days - and this was the best Christmas I ever had: nothing could be going more positively for me than it is right now, given my circumstances - it still popped in my head tonight while I'm doing physical therapy. "You'll never get better.. Why are you even doing this? Stop wasting your time and just let go. You're not afraid, this is RIDICULOUS, why are you putting yourself through this? You don't have to fight anymore, you don't have to struggle, there's no meaning to this, you know all that, and you're at peace with it. There's nothing to stop you. Just go."

--even typing that out, I FEEL every word. That resonates so strongly with me. I could die right now. I've almost died so many times, I've faced death so many times... I used to walk around during thunderstorms just asking for lightning to strike me (and I live in FL). PLEASE, GOD, FUCKING STRIKE ME DOWN.

I'll never forget when I read in the NA book for Step 2 and it says something along the lines of "If you think it's insane to ask for a heart attack, you can work this step." and my first was that that was totally SANE. If I could just have a heart-attack, I could die and I wouldn't hurt anyone because I wouldn't have taken my own life and made them feel like they couldn't help me, etc. Having a heart attack made the most sense of anything I could even think of.

My point is... I don't know, actually. I don't feel like making a point now, lol. That's just daily existence for me, but I continue to strive and I continue to get better, and I continue to help people and I will continue to do all of these things... but I have to take it one day at a time. I have to decide to live every single day. It's like my default choice is death and I have to turn that switch back to life every single day. I'm gonna keep turning that switch. I'm gonna keep trying.