Great article on suicide/mental health

[Daverisimo]

I wasnt going to post this, and am sure some with think Im a pos for it, but Im at my wits end, I dont know what to do, and wanted to see if anyone has been through something similar. I recently moved across the country, and my ex gf has been making suicide threats pretty much daily since I left. (I now live 2000+ miles away from her.) I never wanted something serious with her, but she is incredibly clingy and every time I would try and end things, she would go nuts and guilt me into staying, so I just kept dating her knowing I would soon be moving and that would be the end of things.

She is going through some rough stuff in her life beyond me leaving her, and had been before I left, but nothing that cant be overcome. The main problem is that no one else in her life cares or takes her seriously, and so Im left to freak out pretty much on a daily basis about whether or not she will make it through the day. She will text me that she is ending things and then not respond for a while, I have tried texting her 'best friend' to get her to go over to her place to check on her, and she just doesnt take it seriously. I asked her to go check on her, and her response was, "Ive been texting her, she isnt listening, she is being very stubborn." And Im like wtf? Thats it? I eventually called her on it, and told her she needed to step up and do something, and she told me its my fault and then blocked my number. Ive texted her mom, and she responds 'k.' Ive wanted to call the police/ambulance, but I dont know her apartment number, and she most likely has drugs on her, and if she got caught she would lose her job ect, and Im scared it would just make things worse.

I do care about her, and want her to get better. But nothing I say helps, and even when she seems to start doing better, she'll then want to chat all day, and then gets into "when can I come visit, we could maybe get back together" etc, and then I put a stop to it and we start the whole cycle over again. Pretty much every night I go to sleep not knowing if she'll make it through the night, and every morning I check my phone every 5 minutes for a text to see if she is still alive. I just started a new job, and have hardly been able to sleep at night, and when Im at work I can barely concentrate, and if she texts me something suicidal while Im at work, I spend the rest of the day zoning out not able to do anything.

I feel like a horrible person for thinking like this, but its like how long can this go on? What am I supposed to do? I cant remember the last time I was happy, I feel stressed out, guilty, helpless, and depressed pretty much 24/7. I get mad at her, then feel guilty for being mad at her, then mad at her for making me feel guilty and so on. Ive snapped at her a few times, and am so frustrated and beaten down by the situation that I have to do breathing exercises to calm myself pretty much every time we talk. I know I sound like a piece of shit, and feel guilty as hell about it. But at what point do I put my own life first? If I was there, it would be a completely different situation. But Im not, and there is only so much I can do from 2000 miles away. Its killing me but I want my life back.

This sounds like an absolutely nightmarish situation honestly. For both of you. You don't sound like a POS at all. Quite the contrary. You sound like an incredibly empathetic and compassionate person honestly, and that can be painful. The fact that you're acknowledging the fact that your concern over this woman has caused you stress absolutely does NOT make you a bad person.

I really think this might, unfortunately, be a bit of a "be cruel to be kind" sort of situation. Try to find somebody close to her and get them involved. Call the police if you have to. But quit trying to take this on yourself, because it's hurting both of you.

 

[Matt M]

Maybe it's not a threat and she just wants to know that she feels loved or she doesn't think it's worth living? I don't agree with that line of thinking for every case.

No not for every case and it's probably better to be safe than sorry, but it's pretty low of her to be doing that, especially if it keeps happening.
If you're at such a low that suicide is seriously being strongly considered, then I don't think you will be making threat after threat after threat.

If I was in the guy's position I would just try and keep calm and help to a certain extent but not let it dominate my thoughts and life. It's bang out of order for her to be doing it.
And the main thing is to try not to lose patience and end up saying something you may regret like "oh for f*cks sake i've had enough of this, just kill yourself then".
Because if (and it's a big if) she did end up doing it, then there would be major guilt.

 

[Mike]

Hard to believe just a couple of years ago I thought I finally had this shit figured out and everything was going so well and I finally felt happy. Had a job where I was making decent money and was well liked, and was about to get married.



Then poof it's all gone AGAIN. Crazy how long it can take to try to get your life together and bam it's all gone overnight. If I was going to commit suicide I guess I probably would have done it by now. Instead I'm just trapped here. Hmm thought I had a point I was getting to but guess not.

 

[philth]

Hard to believe just a couple of years ago I thought I finally had this shit figured out and everything was going so well and I finally felt happy. Had a job where I was making decent money and was well liked, and was about to get married.

Then poof it's all gone AGAIN. Crazy how long it can take to try to get your life together and bam it's all gone overnight. If I was going to commit suicide I guess I probably would have done it by now. Instead I'm just trapped here. Hmm thought I had a point I was getting to but guess not.

I'm pretty much in the same boat man.
Lost everything I(we) were working toward 11 months ago in brutal fashion. Trying to rebuild and heal myself. Changing career paths - focusing on my health - but some days it's extremely difficult to just get out of bed, or to get a good nights sleep. It gets incredibly overwhelming when your mind just won't let the past go. thankfully I have a few very good people in my life that keep me from just completely falling over an edge - hanging out in these forums has also helped.
You're not alone brother.

 

[the ax murderer]

I find this interesting.

 

[Lovestorm]

[YT]kU0pOmzj70o[/YT]

 

[Scuba]

one of my closest friends committed suicide on December 19, 2014. I feel like I could of stopped it somehow by just giving him a call checking up on him or something. He always seemed fine when I was with him. Life of the party kind of guy. I really wish he would of had as much trust in me as I had in him to tell me what was bothering him. but it's too late now and I can only accept what has happened and learn from this

 

[Langstarr]

my cousin just killed himself in a very gruesome way. It's crushed his family into pieces. I'm still absorbing what happened. More than anything i feel compelled to learn more about suicide and mental health. This whole experience has made me realize how little i know about these things. I will come back to this thread when i have time.

 

[equus]

my cousin just killed himself in a very gruesome way. It's crushed his family into pieces. I'm still absorbing what happened. More than anything i feel compelled to learn more about suicide and mental health. This whole experience has made me realize how little i know about these things. I will come back to this thread when i have time.

were here for all of you guys

 

[Langstarr]

I didn't know my cousin that killed himself very well. This is because he refused to come to family functions as an adult. I only knew him as a kid. My uncle told me at his funeral it was because he couldn't put on that "mask" and pretend everything was all right. He was beyond anti social. He was obsessed with killing himself. He tried numerous times before by od'ing on sleeping pills. He eventually stepped in front of a train and died of complications a week later. I saw him in the ICU. Probably the saddest thing i've ever seen in my life.

He wasn't addicted to drugs or alcohol. He was just addicted to death. He was obsessed with it. My aunt and uncle had him in and out of hospitals. They even tried shock therapy in desperation. I talked to as many people as i could about what he was like, because i didn't know him as an adult. He was only 23 when he died. I am so saddened to see my cousin die this way, but even more upset for his parents and sisters.

My initial reaction when he died was, "what could i have done to be a better, more loving cousin?" But after talking to people i realize the best thing i can do now is learn more about mental illness and be more aware and understanding of people who have it.

 

[Mike]

I'm pretty much in the same boat man.
Lost everything I(we) were working toward 11 months ago in brutal fashion. Trying to rebuild and heal myself. Changing career paths - focusing on my health - but some days it's extremely difficult to just get out of bed, or to get a good nights sleep. It gets incredibly overwhelming when your mind just won't let the past go. thankfully I have a few very good people in my life that keep me from just completely falling over an edge - hanging out in these forums has also helped.
You're not alone brother.

Thank you it helps a lot just to talk about it on here. Days like yesterday are so bad I don't know how I do it.

Took a nap and just woke up so completely fucked up physically and mentally.

Sorry about your situation hope it gets better for you soon. I'm here often, you ever need to vent to someone feel free to send a pm.

 

[philth]

Thank you it helps a lot just to talk about it on here. Days like yesterday are so bad I don't know how I do it.

Took a nap and just woke up so completely fucked up physically and mentally.

Sorry about your situation hope it gets better for you soon. I'm here often, you ever need to vent to someone feel free to send a pm.

Very much appreciated kind Sir, and the same goes for yourself and anyone else here, I'm always willing to just shut-up and listen and lend a hand/advise if need be.

And I know that feel. This time of year especially, around the holidays, is a little tougher to get through everything with a smile on my face. Lots of time to spend thinking about those you love and those who you loved and lost through-out your lifetime.

 

[GordoBarraBJJ]

well - 2014 (the last half) was a bit of a struggle to get through. Financial troubles, started drinking on a regular basis, a confusing relationship with someone who was/is unavailable (i did not go forward with it - just ended up cutting them off as it was best for both), attempting to get off of anti-depressants, x-mas blues, work eating up all my time and energy (no time to do the things I like - bjj, boxing, yoga, writing).

Over the holidays spent a lot of time at my parents just relaxing and trying to mellow out - this x-mas was hard mentally (i was just not into it more than usual and found myself breaking down quite a bit even a few times in public). And have come to the conclusion that I really need to overhaul my life.


So it starts today - basically going to make room and time for the things I like - spend less time devoting myself to a job that won't hold me in high regards once I get past a certain age (most of us are pretty disposable to our employers) and probably quit once my contract comes up in July i do believe. Currently on the lowest dose of the anti-depressants I was taking (my doctor and I figured out a plan to slowly ween myself off of them.)

Going to try go at each day with a PMA (positive mental attitude). Today was day 1 as I got back from holidays - it is going to be a struggle but I gotta take charge and leave 2014 behind.

Anyhow, anyone struggling - try and keep your head up and know there is always someone who is willing to help or listen.

 

[drbolony]

i was here at one point in my life, not long ago. for me, it wasn't drug based. it was what felt like to me, a profoundly deep-depression. without getting into all the details, i had become so angry and upset with myself and my situation, that i completely shut myself off from all human communication i didn't need. i understand when people say that depression affects you physically. it's like you're trapped in your own mind, and your body feels like a block of concrete. you literally change as a person. it's scary to look back at it now.

definitely reach out. it took having a nervous breakdown and being hospitalized that finally snapped me out of it.

Hey man your post really resonated with me, because I feel like that right now. Any advice on steps you took to feel better? Thanks man.

 

[LATEXXX COMMANDO]

Wow, that explains a bit.

When I thought I was about to drown when I was a kid I panicked at first but after a while I just started to accept it.

It's scary how easy you can accept your death.

 

[IIIIIIII]

Hey man your post really resonated with me, because I feel like that right now. Any advice on steps you took to feel better? Thanks man.

what helped me, was to confront and come to terms with the reasons why i was angry. even though something happened to me that was beyond my control, i had to come to the realization that being angry about it only hurt me. one of the hardest things you can do, is to let go of anger. you feel like you're advocating what took place. letting go of anger is deciding to move on with your life. once you realize that some things are beyond your control, you can begin to let go.

find out what it is that is angering you, or making you depressed, and come to terms with it.

 

[HUNTERMANIA]

You know what has actually helped me the most with emotional problems? Movement therapy.

I'm like a new fucking person... I really can't even describe the difference. But, the things I can feel now and understand about myself are so much more connected to reality than ever before. It's not even comparable, I don't know how I even lived before. I had a physical problem, I had really bad health problems, so I attacked them. I used 'Somatics' by Thomas Hanna and the Mattes Method, (Active Isolated Stretching) by Aaron Mattes.... and like, releasing that trauma - bc trauma gets stored in your nervous system and in your body, whether it's mental or physical. So, you have to release it physically for it to be released.

I cannot recommend this enough for physical, mental, and emotional health:

Somatics by Thomas Hanna
This is the therapy I've most done, and it's liek something you can do rather easily, as a short maintenance routine:


Awareness Through Movement by Moshe Feldenkrais
I haven't read this yet, but Moshe Feldenkrais was the inspiration and teacher of both Thomas Hanna and Aaron Mattes and he clearly sees physiological movement as ESSENTIAL to mental expression and understanding. I can't wait to get into this:


Active Isolated Stretching by Aaron Mattes
The Mattes Method, this is way more comprehensive, stretches every muscle in your body, complete nervous system regeneration, he literally heals paralyzed people, like this is the greatest system of well-being on the planet. I've done a lot of it, but now is when I'm just starting it full-time, and man, when your muscles wake up, it's amazing, it's like turning the switch on in your nervous system for each part of your body, one at a time, and the result is incredible, it's so different than anything you do right now, I'm pretty sure. Plus, long-term, keeping your body in this awakened and active state from these movements, can totally repair neurological damage and increase your nervous system functioning on every level:
http://www.stretchingusa.com/store/products/aaron-mattes-active-isolated-stretching

I'm really serious. I've suffered a lot from many different things from many parts of my life, I've done a lot of therapy, I talk about my life, I've been attacking these problems since I became aware of them as a teenager in HS. I'm 26 now. This is what works. I'm telling you. I was lucky to have the health problems I had to force myself to do these things. I didn't do this for the mental/emotional benefit, I had heard of it and the books talk about it, but I had no idea what that meant until it manifested. I was just doing this to heal myself physically, but the more profound change is in who I am mentally and emotionally and how different my perception of the world is, how much more awareness I have.

 

[equus]

I have actually done something like this. Back in the late 80's when I was in the Corps. I would go to this senior home and visit with an old WW I vet. I probably visited him 10 to 15 and we became kind of close. He would talk for hours about the ups and downs of his life and things he had seen and experienced. Years later when my wife passed a lot of his words really helped me out.

4 1/2 years later...man i really miss Wrath... if you made a new account on here...find me brother.

 

[ralphc1]

4 1/2 years later...man i really miss Wrath... if you made a new account on here...find me brother.

I haven't seen the "account retired" message before. The last seen info was for November of last year. Out of curiosity, I checked a few more accounts from this thread and there are several who haven't visited in a long time. It makes one wonder, especially in a suicide thread.