Why is legitimate Existential Crisis confused with depression ?

[Guestx]

Yeah my experience in relationships and observing the relationships of others has left me pretty jaded. Now that I'm older I know a lot of people that are divorced, or just resigned to unhappy marriages.

Even the ones that say they're happy and everything is great seem to be lying.

In my experience, it's just a real mixed bag. My parents were not happy and got divorced. But my dad's second marriage has been a very happy and successful one.

I have one friend who has been married twice and divorced twice. But then on the other hand I have another friend who is happily married with two kids.

I think a lot of it has to do with a) the people themselves being right for marriage (some just aren't), b) the timing being right (some get married too early before they're really ready), and c) the people being a good match.

 

[Guestx]

Interesting indeed.

Yep, that's the irony of it all. When it really came down to it, she couldn't have cared less about me (or anyone else for that matter) yet we had this intrinsic understanding of each other that led to a level of communication and openness that I've never experienced with anyone else in my life.

There was a short period after we split up where I became determined to "fix" her, partly because I really did love and care for her and wanted to see her happy, but also because I saw so much potential in her and us as a couple because of the connection we had. I quickly realized there was nothing I could do to help and that my efforts were not only unappreciated but were taking a toll on my own mental and emotional well being.

It's really a pretty sad story but I've learned a lot and became a better person because of it. There are a lot of positive changes I made in my life that wouldn't have happened had the two of us not crossed paths.

At least you were able to make a positive out of it. I don't think I could put the time and energy into someone that I didn't think REALLY cared about me.

I think it's also good that you came to the conclusion early on your efforts to fix her were in vain. Again, if she's really a legit psychopath, then she's inherently selfish my nature, much more so than the average person. So she could have used you and played you like a chump.

 

[Tycho- Taylor's Version]

This has been a really awesome thread for me - I've read all 13 pages worth. Thanks, everyone. What I'll think I'll have to do is this:

Accept that life is utterly meaninglessness, but accept that since I will won't live forever and there is nothing after, I will simply do whatever I can to make myself as emotionally, physically, and mentally happy as possible. I might as well train my mind (if possible) to stop asking these questions and just live for the moment. Be Here Now, I suppose, the only option for me.

I'm not sure you came away with the right messages from all that discussion lol.

Life isn't meaningless, but its meaning is personal. You don't need a cosmic purpose to have any purpose. If you don't like living for yourself you can dedicate your life to your family, your community, your country, your planet. There are plenty of alternatives to try out and become subsumed by if you want to live for something grander than yourself.

It isn't all about being happy either. @AmbivalenceKing gave an example of a pursuit other than happiness. The highest achievers or most principled virtuosos don't need to be experiencing a greater net happiness than everyone else to find success in what they do.

And you don't need to stop asking questions, you just need to realize there won't be any easy answers. Human life isn't dictated by reasons, it's first and foremost lived, and then reflected upon and adjusted after the fact.

Keeping in the moment is cool though, do that.

 

[Mike]

Has the TS come to that realization though? Last I gathered His shrink thinks he's depressed and he just thinks he's a realist. As long as he dismisses his malaise as a " normal " reaction to a pointless world he's probably doomed to stay in the same rut .

True. A large part of depression is rationalizing it. There must be a reason you feel that way. The idea that the reason is a dysfunctional brain feels a little too much like blame, and depressed people usually have a lot of self loathing going on already.


I already moved past the existential I'm sad because life is so shitty stage. I was on that level for years though. Life can be shitty, but that's usually a small part of why people are depressed.

 

[Mike]

In my experience, it's just a real mixed bag. My parents were not happy and got divorced. But my dad's second marriage has been a very happy and successful one.

I have one friend who has been married twice and divorced twice. But then on the other hand I have another friend who is happily married with two kids.

I think a lot of it has to do with a) the people themselves being right for marriage (some just aren't), b) the timing being right (some get married too early before they're really ready), and c) the people being a good match.

I would agree with all of that. It's complex, a lot of people grow up thinking you meet "the one" and then it all just happens. Life isn't really like that though.

 

[45ACP]

At least you were able to make a positive out of it. I don't think I could put the time and energy into someone that I didn't think REALLY cared about me.

I think it's also good that you came to the conclusion early on your efforts to fix her were in vain. Again, if she's really a legit psychopath, then she's inherently selfish my nature, much more so than the average person. So she could have used you and played you like a chump.

Well, I didn't get out completely unscathed but it could've been much, much worse. It took beating my head against the wall for a few months to finally accept the fact that she didn't actually care about me. She puts on a great act. By the time I'd accepted the fact that she didn't really give a shit I'd already fallen for her, so while I knew staying in a relationship with her would lead to nothing but disaster and had to end things, I still tried my best to be there for her as a friend afterwards.

If it wasn't for me caring about her as much as I did and the openness we still had with each other after we stopped dating, her suicide attempt may have been successful. I literally saved her life. I've told the story on here before and don't really feel like going over it again atm, but it was by far the most disturbing experience of my life.

 

[BearGrounds]

I've had similar thoughts. It's no use sweating it, you'll be dead before long. When you slip away you'll either have your answers or you'll be rewarded with oblivion. In the meantime, if your life has no meaning, give it one.

 

[45ACP]

True. A large part of depression is rationalizing it. There must be a reason you feel that way. The idea that the reason is a dysfunctional brain feels a little too much like blame, and depressed people usually have a lot of self loathing going on already.


I already moved past the existential I'm sad because life is so shitty stage. I was on that level for years though. Life can be shitty, but that's usually a small part of why people are depressed.

That's the tricky vicious circle with depression. Any reasonably intelligent person, when feeling inexplicably sad, will start looking for a reason for their sadness so they can change/fix it.

Which of course turns up a lot of reasons to be sad and normally just makes things even worse. It's not easy to do, but doing the opposite has helped me many times; instead of trying to figure out why you're sad, try to find reasons to be happy.

Depression is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

 

[mushishi]

You should hook up with the banker guy and start a reality show.

 

[Coffee79]

TS needs to check his white cis male privilege. Seriously. Only well off white fold have "existential crises." The rest of us, including not so well off white folk, are too busy working to worry about dumb shit like that.

I'm not white nor am I well off. Nice try on the race and gender baiting, you simple progressive, you.

 

[lsa]

Man, would you shut the fuck up?

You are depressing me...
Thats not cool.

 

[daken7]

There isn't an actual cure for legitimate depression is there?

 

[Thurisaz]

That's not really at all what's being said itt.

He asks existential questions, shits on the better answers and then proceeds to wonder as to why he feels so empty.

He has no idea what he is rejecting and he doesn't understand that the way to solve his problem is to learn from those who are wiser than him instead of dismissing them on basis of his own ignorance.

 

[Guestx]

You are depressing me...
Thats not cool.

I can only take so many cat jokes before I lose my shit!

 

[MoparOrNoCar]

He asks existential questions, shits on the better answers and then proceeds to wonder as to why he feels so empty.

He has no idea what he is rejecting and he doesn't understand that the way to solve his problem is to learn from those who are wiser than him instead of dismissing them on basis of his own ignorance.

Nailed it.

It's kind of like arguing with a teenager. He'll get it someday.

 

[Phlog]

There isn't an actual cure for legitimate depression is there?

Exercise combined with meditation cures 40%.

There are hallucinogens which while untried in legitimate studies have reported better rates of effect.

CBT is effective in many cases.

Depression is a wide ranging classification with many different subsets. No one treatment will work on all. Except maybe a bullet.

 

[Mike]

There isn't an actual cure for legitimate depression is there?

Not really, no. You can try to create a life that makes you happy, and there are many things you can do to try to mitigate it, but it'll still be there it's just dormant at times.

 

[Mike]

He asks existential questions, shits on the better answers and then proceeds to wonder as to why he feels so empty.

He has no idea what he is rejecting and he doesn't understand that the way to solve his problem is to learn from those who are wiser than him instead of dismissing them on basis of his own ignorance.

Yeah not being depressed doesn't necessarily make people wiser. A lot of advice was based around realizing life could be worse or other people have it worse. That advice is bullshit and worthless, people aren't depressed because they think their lives are worse than anyone else's


A lot of advice revolved around finding meaning or happiness. Also useless, most depressed people have tried doing various things and it didn't help because depression isn't really logical. In essence it's asking a sick person to will themselves better, they have no idea how to do that.


Some advice was basically well just don't think about it, be because it's not useful to do so. Hilariously unhelpful, if depressed people could magically just stop having the thought process that makes them depressed, then yeah we would just do that.

 

[daken7]

Exercise combined with meditation cures 40%.

There are hallucinogens which while untried in legitimate studies have reported better rates of effect.

CBT is effective in many cases.

Depression is a wide ranging classification with many different subsets. No one treatment will work on all. Except maybe a bullet.

I'm not sure that's true, except for the last part.

Not really, no. You can try to create a life that makes you happy, and there are many things you can do to try to mitigate it, but it'll still be there it's just dormant at times.

That's closer to the truth.

I have a lot to say about depression, just can't seem to find the right....thought structure to put it into a coherent, meaningful sentence.

 

[45ACP]

There isn't an actual cure for legitimate depression is there?

This isn't a cure, but seems promising as an option for people with severe treatment-resistant depression. My ex that I was talking about before gets ketamine infusions once every few months and says it's by far the best treatment she's ever tried. Only big problem currently is that it's expensive and considered experimental so most insurance providers don't cover it.

http://www.npr.org/sections/health-...-gains-traction-as-a-treatment-for-depression