Why I might strangle my boy Ed Taylor

Discussion in 'Archives' started by Bruce Lovely, Oct 29, 2002.

  1. Bruce Lovely

    Bruce Lovely Guest

    Remember earlier today when I said I wasn't going to post on here today? Yeah.....I was going to get a ton of work done. Well, I just found out I probably have Strept throat.

    I traced the problem back because Ed's been coughing and shit today. I looked at his tonsils, which he keeps in a jar next to his bed, but they looked fine still. Then I looked down his throat; about a foot and a half down his throat was some irritation, so I thought that he may have picked something up at school.

    I called Shadyside Elementary and spoke with his teacher. I asked her if Ed Taylor was molesting people again, which would have spread the disease. The teacher said, "No, but he bit everyone in the special ed class once again, and not only could he have received the bacteria that way, he should also be disciplined at home".
    I asked why I hadn't been contacted at work about the problem with Ed biting again. She said, "Sir, you carry around a Playskool phone and gave me a number with 5 digits. Also, I didn't think you were serious when you said your job involved pawning off your own sweat and urine as perfume; I assumed you stayed home all day. This always angers me. Then I asked, why didn't you call me at home, and she said "Well, I wasn't going to because of the perverted conversation you tried to have with me last time, but I did anyway. It says you're phone's been disconnected." I told her about how I cleverly spliced my neighbor's phone line and that sometimes you can't get through if they're on the phone. I also told her not to tell anyone about that.

    My throat burns, Ed's grumpy, and the teachers are still pissed at me. Fortunately, SID hasn't shown any signs yet. Hell, the boy hasn't shown signs of life in 6 months either, but that's besides the point.

    I hope you all had a fabulous day today.
     
  2. Bumble_Bee_Tuna

    Bumble_Bee_Tuna I'll sell my soul for a nice pair of hooters

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    Yes, I have some turds stuck to my ass hair!

    Other than that, it's been a lovely day. I actually had a whole meal today and the lady that fed me even brushed my tooth with a brush.

    Isn't that cool?

    I'm glad you have strep throat. I would sooo kiss you. Look at my lips and my teeth. I have a lifetime supply of strep throat and ginigivitis. I spread it freely.

    Hey, I might even help add a new ingredient to your perfume!
     
  3. Bruce Lovely

    Bruce Lovely Guest

    I already went to a soup kitchen and coughed in all of the food.

    Fuck those homeless fuckers. If I can find a home, anyone can.
     
  4. damn this is a good-lookin' group.
     
  5. Bumble_Bee_Tuna

    Bumble_Bee_Tuna I'll sell my soul for a nice pair of hooters

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    Yea but I'm not homeless. I just like to hang out with them and spread my strep throat and gingivitis. Now you know why all of them cough and sounds like they barely have a voice.

    I love this one homeless guy too, his name is Clam, and he was a Vietnam veteran. He plucks the turds out of my ass hair.

    Animal mother, I know you are Bruce's son and all, but I am your uncle! Wanna pluck my ass hair too?
     
  6. yes! i need directions. i can't find the sacred sancturary of smegma anywhere in this damn thomas guide.
     
  7. herecomestrouble

    herecomestrouble dope man

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    bruce lovely is like a sitcom
     
  8. Bumble_Bee_Tuna

    Bumble_Bee_Tuna I'll sell my soul for a nice pair of hooters

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    Well, if you meet me behind the bushes of where Bruce Lovely mutilates Ed Taylors relatives, I'll guide you through the path in the forest, to the Secluded Sanctum of Smegma. It is a very moist and wet place. Be sure to have your rain coat!
     
  9. Neil Allen

    Neil Allen Amateur Fighter

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    I hang out with the homeless looking for talent to bring to the big stage probably in the west end. There are some talented ones if you look hard enough. Some try to juggle fire and usually burn their hands off just because I let them tell me about touching young boys and licking dogs balls, I just have to look interested.
     
  10. Bumble_Bee_Tuna

    Bumble_Bee_Tuna I'll sell my soul for a nice pair of hooters

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    nakedchoke...you don't know how much talent bums have till you get your asshair plucked by them, begging and yearning to have those dry turds stuck to your ass hair.

    They loved it. They even constructed a statue of me made from TURD! I stand now in the alley, motionless in time, until it rains in the Sacred Sanctuary of Smegma and when it rains, it RAIIIINS!
     
  11. Neil Allen

    Neil Allen Amateur Fighter

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    Bums have to wash and drink in the rain but shit mixed rain doesn't go down to well, especially with the fire jugglers as it's quite flammable.

    Is the scared sanctuary of smegma underneath Rufu's the stunt bums foreskin? Do you scrape the smeg to use in your salad and make other bums toss it by any chance?
     

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