Female co-worker was saying she was a short fat kid when young, like single digits young, she had a best friend who was a little ballet dancer, co-workers mom was evidently really hung up on looks and would always make my co-worker feel bad by comparing her to the little skinny dancer kid. cut to the chase they are out for ice cream banana splits, co-worker is complaining that dancer kid's banana split is bigger, and when she leans over to take a bite of her's, her mom pushed her face into the ice cream and said something like, now is it enough for you, and her mom and dancer kid laughed at her face full of ice cream.....and I mean dayyyyyyummmmmmm that is some cold shit and I don't mean the ice cream.....Bad parenting 101.
So it got me to thinking of the McDojo I went to when I was like 11or 12 and a little twig of a sprout of a puff of a kid. The sensei was a real ego maniac but I was too young and naive and awed by his black belt to understand that at the time.
There are two incidents that stick out in my mind.. The first is I'm on the matt across from him for the very first time, fighting stance, we're going to spar, he says begin, throws his hands in the air while screaming bloody murder and charging at me, my little white belt ass runs straight back and off the matt, while the whole class, many of them adults laugh, and he starts preaching to me how I should've been ready for anything and relied on my techniques. I'm a fucking white belt, never sparred anyone other than other kid white belts, and even then I'd probably been in the class a month or less and he pulls that shit in front of the entire class? Fuckhead.
The second is I'm still all gung ho and haven't figured out he is a taint sucking piece of crap, so I show up for the optional summer saturday morning class when everyone else is at the beach. I'm the "biggest" of the 3 or 4 kids dumb enough to show up.
We're doing whatever bullshit dim mak tkd shit he taught when in walk 2 teenage girls in skimpy beach attire, they sit on the bench to watch, maybe mom was getting last minute snacks at the deli wtf do I know, he goes and chats them up for a bit, "Are you interested in studying here?" kinda shit.
Then he comes back on the matt and decides it is time for me to hold a kicking pad for him. I have never held a kicking pad for him, I have never held a kicking pad period, I have certainly never been taught how to hold a kicking pad.
Without showing me what to do or warning me what he is going to do, he backs up, takes a few running steps and either does a jumping side kick or a spinning back kick, whatever did sent me fucking flying "ass over tea kettles" as granma toasty would've said. When I finish rolling across the matt, he starts yelling at me for not holding the pad properly, and then after I needed to know wtf I was doing, he shows me the proper way to brace myself while holding the pad. I hope the beach nymphs enjoyed the show but I sure as shit did not.
One little caveat to the first story. He tried that same scream and rush at me while waving his hands in the air shit with me a second time. Even though I flinched like a flinching motherfucker, and ran back like a backward running motherfucker. I did throw an awkward, has nothing to do with TKD slapping hook which caught him in the ribs.....He then began to rip me for using an ineffectual technique he hadn't taught me.....TKD is about honor, tradition, techniques honed over centuries that killed armed invaders with their bare hands, blah blah blah,......but all I came remember thinking is "yeah but I hit you didn't i?"
So anyone have any douchebaggy adult stories they want to work out in therapy here at the Rabbit Hole Tavern and Psychological Trauma Ward?
