When do you sever ties with your friends?

Good article. Nowadays I just think about it in ways like "could I call that person at 3am and ask them to help me out". Would they care If I were in the hospital? Do they call to just hang out without needing something or is there always something. If they have a gf, do they forget about friends?
Im in a way like you, I try to be good friend, share things I have (car, motorbikes, even appartment etc..) , buy sh*t for birthdays ( If I remember:) ), ready to help. I sort of expect them to be open like that too, not in material way, just being there for you if you need them, caring/remembering what you say or do. I had this two "friends" that I really thought were my best friends, I always encouraged them to get this or that girl, to go after a job... They never did the same, not really. I told em about this chick or something I liked, they never asked me about it except maybe in passing, or cheered me on to go and just f*cking do it already, like I did always said, I even got pissed at them if they did not and asked later how it went.

In essence IMO its sort of quite simple, a friend gives a sh*t about you, helps you, tells you if your being a moron and doesnt resent if you do the same. But especially encourages you and backs you up (in public settings or in general ). It might take time to get to such a relationship but in general I think you quickly get "the vibe" and that gut feeling about a person.
 
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Wait just one second, I'm on your friend list. :icon_sad: Is this how you really feel about me?! :icon_cry2
 
I've only cut ties with one friend due to their behavior and it was only after they went too far...Acting in a way that I didn't agree with. I warned him, told him that I wasn't down with what he was doing, tried to give him advice and other things to do with his time, and he refused my help. I wasn't happy about it and I know it hurt him to lose me as a friend, but I couldn't be associated with him anymore.
 
TTech said:
Good article. Nowadays I just think about it in ways like "could I call that person at 3am and ask them to help me out". Would they care If I were in the hospital? Do they call to just hang out without needing something or is there always something. If they have a gf, do they forget about friends?
Im in a way like you, I try to be good friend, share things I have (car, motorbikes, even appartment etc..) , buy sh*t for birthdays ( If I remember:) ), ready to help. I sort of expect them to be open like that too, not in material way, just being there for you if you need them, caring/remembering what you say or do. I had this two "friends" that I really thought were my best friends, I always encouraged them to get this or that girl, to go after a job... They never did the same, not really. I told em about this chick or something I liked, they never asked me about it except maybe in passing, or cheered me on to go and just f*cking do it already, like I did always said, I even got pissed at them if they did not and asked later how it went.

In essence IMO its sort of quite simple, a friend gives a sh*t about you, helps you, tells you if your being a moron and doesnt resent if you do the same. But especially encourages you and backs you up (in public settings or in general ). It might take time to get to such a relationship but in general I think you quickly get "the vibe" and that gut feeling about a person.
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You're bro material indeed

seriously a friend should support you, give advice, and listen to your problems. Friends these days lol

Glad I made this thread
 
I can really relate to your problem ts. When I was in my late teens early 20s, our group of 10-15 so called mates were having fallouts, arguments, backstabbing etc. I grew up with these guys but by that stage most of the friendships i had became toxic and I didnt know who to trust amongst them.
Well eventually everything just got too much for me mentally, the bitterness and resentment within our group had gotten out of hand so I decided to break free and move to a new city. I changed my cell number and broke off all contact bar 2 of the guys who I knew since I was 5.
It was a tough move at first but its probably the best decision I ever made. All the ill will within our group was tearing me up inside so I had no other option than get out of that environment
The last I heard, most of my old pals are either locked up, junkies and 2 committed suicide. Which is sad but I could see it coming
 
i've had some ignorant ass friends in my day. When i ended up having a good job, and then my son was born, there just wasn't a reason to keep them around. I just stopped answering phone calls and fb. If you're forced to be in their company then I'd just let it be known that I don't like the person.
 
I'm not one to cut ties with friends except in extreme circumstances. Good friends are hard to come by and I feel if they're worth it, accept their faults and love them anyway.

That said, I've definitely stopped trying with a few friends just because the benefit of keeping the relationship strong isn't worth the effort. I don't call or text them as much but if they reached out to me I wouldn't ignore them, either.
 
I've never had to do this. I grew up with over protective parents so growing up it was hard for me to make really close friends and subsequently never had serious friend drama. There are plenty of people I don't talk to anymore but that's because I'm not as social as I'd like to be so I don't actively reach out so if they don't reach out to me the friendship just slowly dies out.

Its kind of funny, as a person with virtually zero social/sex life its interesting to see the problems I don't deal have to deal with like fights between couples, having to deal with shitty people like TS does or more extreme things like dealing with the possibility of having a baby as a teenager/young adult or infidelity from a long time romantic partner. I'd shoulder them in a heartbeat if it meant being a normal person but its slightly comforting at times.
 
I was in the same position myself. I simply have nothing in common with my friends, whatsoever. It got to a point where there was simply no joy at all in being around them. I hung out with my friends because "that's what you're supposed to do." I didn't get any kind of inner fulfillment from being around them. I'd hear people talk about how great their friends are, etc. and just thought, "I don't feel that way at all."
 
Lost said:
Yeah it makes me wish I would have applied myself in highschool so I have more options as it I'm just dragging my feet through college.

The monotony and grind of it all is wearing me out, other people have worse problems, but its nice to feel like my problem is a real thing sometimes. I'm guess I'm kind of babbling regurgitating answers though.
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I feel the exact same way. I'm in University right now(as in, as I'm typing this) and I find myself dong horribly in class and just feeling very gray outside it. I wouldn't say I'm depressed for the most part but its not a pleasant feeling either. I call it contentness, the feeling you have when you have your immediate needs met(food, water, shelter) and some luxuries(decent food, house, neighborhood, internet, cable) but little/no motivation and no immediate tangible goals. You're just waking up and mechanically going through life and it feels worse not having a social or sex life to be able to distract myself through it. I feel like I'm waiting for that big thing that I can really do and I'm not happy just pursuing a typical life like clubbing, getting a degree and working a barely-acceptable 9 to 5 while eventually getting married etc.

I kind of vented there, I hope that's okay.
 
Goat Meal said:
That said, I've definitely stopped trying with a few friends just because the benefit of keeping the relationship strong isn't worth the effort. I don't call or text them as much but if they reached out to me I wouldn't ignore them, either.
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This. It's not like we had some blow-out fight that "ended" things or something like that. I just don't try anymore, and neither do they.
 
You are at the age where you still run in packs. The older you get the more those friends shed off, due to work, gf/wife, family, relocating, etc. I ran with the pack from high school until I was around 24. Slowly but surely, they all filter away and you will only stay in contact with a couple of the "real" friends.

If said turds are going to be at a function you are invited to avoid it. Find other interests talk to some of the others and see how they feel about the situation.

Once you get a steady girlfriend or wife, this will take care of itself. Until then, only invite certain friends to hang out with and avoid the douches.
 
IIIIIIII said:
i've had to do this a few times. i think it's simply a matter of people changing with time, and other situations and influences affecting them.

this happens with all of us, and it's natural to move away from certain people. so i personally wouldn't worry about it if i were the threadstarter.
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Great advice.

It certainly sucks when people you've spent a large chunk of your life with start to change and drift away from you. But when ti happens, it's very difficult to reverse and at that point, it's best to just say goodbye and let it end.
 
TS, what are some of the specific problems you're having with this person and/or the group? I'm curious to see just how bad or annoying the situation is.

I was friends with a dude from 3rd grade up until I was 25. He was always kind of a dick but he was my only friend for a long time there until I stopped being so shy. He basically stopped being friends with me because I didn't give him a ride one day. I'm talking over 15 years of friendship wiped out over a ride. If this was high school, I would have apologized to him because he was my only friend. Now that I have more friends I was just like screw it, you're a dick anyway so I'm not going to try and make things better. In the end I've been better off for it because I no longer have a friend that tries to make me look bad in front of everyone else for his own enjoyment.
 
TS do you consider these people you're complaining about your friends because it doesn't seem so.

If my friends do stupid shit I don't mind calling them out on it. There is always a respectful and constructive way to do this without starting a war, take this into account. It might not be as easy as fighting and both of you need to swallow your pride but if you feel it's worth it, don't forcefully break your friendship.

However, if their stupid shit is morally wrong beyond a certain degree, let's say one of my friends rapes someone, I severe ties, instantly.

If a friend hits on my girl, disrespects me or my family in front of others and especially if a friend turns out to be illoyal - I'm gone for good. Usually if one of these things happens there is not even any need for discussion, I just walk away and delete the person from my life. And I don't care one bit about social circles, it's a matter of pride and respect.

I've done this many times before and I won't hesitate on walking away from such people again.
 
A Psych Major said:
I feel the exact same way. I'm in University right now(as in, as I'm typing this) and I find myself dong horribly in class and just feeling very gray outside it. I wouldn't say I'm depressed for the most part but its not a pleasant feeling either. I call it contentness, the feeling you have when you have your immediate needs met(food, water, shelter) and some luxuries(decent food, house, neighborhood, internet, cable) but little/no motivation and no immediate tangible goals. You're just waking up and mechanically going through life and it feels worse not having a social or sex life to be able to distract myself through it. I feel like I'm waiting for that big thing that I can really do and I'm not happy just pursuing a typical life like clubbing, getting a degree and working a barely-acceptable 9 to 5 while eventually getting married etc.

I kind of vented there, I hope that's okay.
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Completely fine that you vented, that is exactly how I feel man.
 
What bullshit do they pull exactly? Just curious.

I'm in agreement that sometimes you need to just do your own thing. I never really understood it when i was younger, but i've came to the realization that some people do create 'toxic' environments for you. Not in the sense that it'll make you physically ill, but it's just no good for you in a spiritual or mental sense.
 
I cut relationships when I have no drive to talk to them at all. Like, if I have no interest in them on facebook, texts, or anything else, I just remove them from my life completely.
 
fightingrabbit said:
What bullshit do they pull exactly? Just curious.

I'm in agreement that sometimes you need to just do your own thing. I never really understood it when i was younger, but i've came to the realization that some people do create 'toxic' environments for you. Not in the sense that it'll make you physically ill, but it's just no good for you in a spiritual or mental sense.
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well one of these people gave me bad drugs and I died in hospital last year, and they act like I did something wrong when I tell them who fucked up it is.

Only reason I'm nice to this person is they have been friends with my group for much longer than I was. Another one of them just likes to start confrontations trying to act tough shit is getting old. Tempted to get arrested for assualt at this point and just beat the crap out of them with a bat. Just gonna walk away I think not worth it.
 
Spoken said:
I cut relationships when I have no drive to talk to them at all. Like, if I have no interest in them on facebook, texts, or anything else, I just remove them from my life completely.
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Facebook and texting while riding a bike is dangerous bro.
 
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