When do you sever ties with your friends?

[big perken**]

Thanks man. I appreciate the support.

I need to find a new outlet and expand my horizons.

It's easier said than done but trying new things and meetin new people helps you grow as a person. Never know till you have tried something if you'll like it out not.
Best thing I ever done was leave home and all my friends behind.

 

[Lost]

You're just afraid to meet new people, I think. When you know several different groups, you can float where you're appreciated and disappear in a puff when someone acts like jackass.

The best part is you're not "abandoning" anybody, you're just "busy" lookin cool and doing a lot of stuff

You know man if I truly look at myself objectively, I really am a afraid of venturing off by myself and branching off to find new people to hangout with.

I have a friend like this, I'm starting to understand why he has distanced him self away from everyone. Maybe its being tired of petty things that get blown out of proportion.

 

[Lost]

Cut em loose. It took Facebook for me to realize how much I despised a lot of people as well as Facebook itself.

What can I say? I'm a bitter person who seems nice but deep down I'm saying "please stfu, I don't care how your day is going."

Sort of like a Jim Carrey Liar Liar or Yes Man character.

Depends also on you and your friends. I mean, I realized after a while my friends were just fillers. Friends because we partied but when it really came down to it, they were nothing.

Reading stupid shit constantly on facebook could make a guy want to give someone some lead aspirin with their artificial problems and their spawning of unnecessary drama its fucking petty.

Bravo sir.

Looking a far at the people I hang out the more and more it seems like these people are just wasting my time and effort with.

 

[Lost]

Is it a single person/turd?

Its a group of people within the group.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

Well it happens spontaneously when you go to college. Maybe you should do that. But you don't have to go to college to do that.

It's not hard, you just be pleasant and joke nicely with people (1 at a time) and you will meet their friends and it just works like that. As long as you have 1+ things in common and they seem decent (and you stay decent), it's so easy that it's actually hard not to when you just go out there with neutral intentions. It just happens by itself anywhere you go and see the same people regularly where conversation is allowed (classes, workplace, bus stop, church, volunteering, sports, games, etc.)

 

[Lost]

It's easier said than done but trying new things and meetin new people helps you grow as a person. Never know till you have tried something if you'll like it out not.
Best thing I ever done was leave home and all my friends behind.

Yeah it makes me wish I would have applied myself in highschool so I have more options as it I'm just dragging my feet through college.

The monotony and grind of it all is wearing me out, other people have worse problems, but its nice to feel like my problem is a real thing sometimes. I'm guess I'm kind of babbling regurgitating answers though.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

Ditch your friends. When they complain act like they're being clingy. You're an adult now so they can't do sh*

----

Also this: when kids grow up in public school, it feels (and IS) important to have a group of friends around you, even if those kids aren't the best. It's like prison in those schools, and you have to have a gang to back you up.

When you're out of highschool, it still might feel necessary, but isn't at all. It's totally unneeded. You only need a good friend or two. Or a bunch of good friends or two. You don't need a giant group, because those are hard to manage and it always comes down to the lowest common denominator so the loser in the group always ends up bringing the quality down, skewing the group decisions, and making the overall experience mediocre and pointless.

 

[Cestus]

Damn, I respect you man, I really do.

For me personally I'm not sure if I could do that, one of my biggest problems is I want everyone to like me, as stupid as that is and how impossible that would be to accomplish.

The worst part being if I just straight up told someone in my group I dislike them, I could be alienated. I kind of feel more comfortable just alienating everyone in my group.

The part that makes it difficult is I'm kind of the outsider being the newest member of group, so no one is willing really step up for me I assume. Maybe I just have shitty friends, hell if I know.

Make things clear as soon as possible prevent them to act confident as if are your friends, prevent them from passing the line of your patience
Act as if you accepted them and then at some point explode is a good way to lose the group

Also not only you don't get "alienated" usually as long you act openly and no bitch backstabber you usually can do the fuck you want and get respected for that.
You start being seen as somebody that say things to face and that your respect is'nt automatically given wich make more valuable your friendship

Also if possible in these things talks in front as many peoples is possible, don't be shy and take one at time because bitches tend to ever have "their version" of things and twist what you say... as long there is only one universal version they can't


But being honest a lot of things can change the situation
Why you see xxx/yyy as douchebags, your and their position on the group, how are other peoples involved, how you express yourself

 

[Lost]

Well it happens spontaneously when you go to college. Maybe you should do that. But you don't have to go to college to do that.

It's not hard, you just be pleasant and joke nicely with people (1 at a time) and you will meet their friends and it just works like that. As long as you have 1+ things in common and they seem decent (and you stay decent), it's so easy that it's actually hard not to when you just go out there with neutral intentions. It just happens by itself anywhere you go and see the same people regularly where conversation is allowed (classes, workplace, bus stop, church, volunteering, sports, games, etc.)

For the record you're absolutely right.

As far approaching people I don't know. I have anxiety and I always seem to have all kinds of blunders. I usually leave stale tastes in peoples mouths about me or I say inappropriate things.

I need to just relax and find a new hobby I suppose and try to bond with those people.

It feels rather strange excepting my thoughts on this. I've had these thoughts bubbling in my head for a while. as far as everyone in this thread I truly appreciate the support and understanding

 

[big perken**]

Yeah it makes me wish I would have applied myself in highschool so I have more options as it I'm just dragging my feet through college.

The monotony and grind of it all is wearing me out, other people have worse problems, but its nice to feel like my problem is a real thing sometimes. I'm guess I'm kind of babbling regurgitating answers though.

Man that's exactly how I felt when I was 20. You'll get over it and find something worth doing.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

Yeah you have anxiety, they(we) all do at that age. I had giant panic attacks where my vision went dim and I felt like I was choking while I met new people, but I still made it happen and they loved me. I wasn't even necessarily trying to make friends

So don't "try". If you "try" to pet a dog, it will run away. Know what I'm sayin? Just be decent and fun and don't pester anyone. That's it. They'll come to you, 1 at a time. But you got to be there (in different places)

----

Edit: bonus - if you feel painfully awkward, you can get a book or two off Amazon (or the library) on how to meet and talk with people. Get the 2 with the best reviews, there are some good cheap ones. I didnt realize it at the time but I had done this before meeting anyone at college (it was the old classic one, I think). The tips (especially what NOT to do) are money, and many of the books are only 70-150 pages and easy/quick to read

 

[Lost]

Man that's exactly how I felt when I was 20. You'll get over it and find something worth doing.

Thanks-man

Glad I got this off my chest was starting to feel like I was the only one that has ever felt like this.

The mind can truly play tricks on "you" [yourself]

making it seem as though you're just being irrational or unreasonable.

Gonna seriously look for a passion over the next year.

 

[Iroh]

You could confront the guy with what of his behavior is bothering you and he might learn from it and better himself. Because if nobody tells him, how does he know he is offensive? Or just in your case if you don't tell him, how does he know he is offensive to you. He might think it's all in good fun what he is doing. If he doesn't want to adept to you, then you haven't lost anything and you at least tried, so it's not your responsibility anymore to be friendly, because he isn't willing to do that either.

 

[Lost]

Yeah you have anxiety, they(we) all do at that age. I had giant panic attacks where my vision went dim and I felt like I was choking while I met new people, but I still made it happen and they loved me. I wasn't even necessarily trying to make friends

So don't "try". If you "try" to pet a dog, it will run away. Know what I'm sayin? Just be decent and fun and don't pester anyone. That's it. They'll come to you, 1 at a time. But you got to be there (in different places)

I see what you mean, its can be over bearing to others if want to desperately be their friend. Hell I can relate this to other people wanting to be my friend or when people come on to strong and they clearly want you, last year this chick was annoying the fuck out of me because she was being to aggressive in pursuing me.[ must be how most women feel]


Books on meeting wouldn't be such a bad thing.
I guess I need to just relax and be friendly whats the worse that could happen.

opening up and being more honest should filter all the bullshit out.

 

[Lost]

You could confront the guy with what of his behavior is bothering you and he might learn from it and better himself. Because if nobody tells him, how does he know he is offensive? Or just in your case if you don't tell him, how does he know he is offensive to you. He might think it's all in good fun what he is doing. If he doesn't want to adept to you, then you haven't lost anything and you at least tried, so it's not your responsibility anymore to be friendly, because he isn't willing to do that either.

I like this kind of advice, but I feel like everyone will just gang up on me if I tell that person they are acting like an asshole you know, one of my biggest problems is I'm a pushover and I always apologize even when I'm in the wrong, people take advantage of this and act like assholes, screw society some times.

 

[Slick_36]

When I was your age TS, all of my friends were drug dealers who I barely spoke with. And look at me now.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

You could lift bro, it'll help your state of mind and make it more steady. It also helps the anxiety a lot

 

[Lost]

You could lift bro, it'll help your state of mind and make it more steady. It also helps the anxiety a lot

I love lifting man, just starting lifting coming up on two months now.

I think its going to give me the courage to drop these people like the bad habbit they are. I definitely I have much more pride in myself now, the mental growth and physical growth in lifting definitely seems congruent.

found an article on this webpage that seemed relevant to this thread and the books you were suggesting

http://stronginsideout.com/2011/08/02/fire-your-friends-drop-the-negative-people-in-your-life/

 

[Lost]

When I was your age TS, all of my friends were drug dealers who I barely spoke with. And look at me now.

Dude, a lot of my friends are druggies, jobless and uninspired. The more I type about this and truly reflect the more it seems obvious dropping them is the only way.

 

[Reyesnuthugr]

Good article. I bookmarked it (interesting side links as well)

Anyways congrats.

Here's another sneaky tip. If at any time you want to distance yourself without having to confront or babysit those aholes (it's not your job), just start a new hobby that they don't do and/or don't like. It will naturally distance you mentally AND literally (the time spent away from them will break up the rhythm of your meeting times and take your thoughts off them as well). You'll drift away in a few weeks if not days