lol... He had some points, but he seems to be a poser and only focusing on posers. Most surfers are not like his stereotypes... and I know a whole lot of them from pros to old soul surfers. A key trait in most Surfers is that they do not follow the crowd and do their own thing. "Rugged Individualists" is a good descriptor.
Here's my personal responses.
1. You Can Stop Being a Heartthrob
I was never a heart throb. I was always a good looking guy (7.5/8) and still am, but I grew up with 4 sisters, no brothers, and they set me straight. Most the surfers I know have steady women and don't bounce around. The author is dreaming, because he wanted to be a "heartthrob".
2. You Can Stop Peeing in your Wetsuit
No... and peeing in the wetsuit is awesome on a cold day. Why would I stop?
3. You Can Stop Being an Asshole
Surfers are some of the nicest people. We'll save you in the water before a lifeguard could ever make it. We pick up trash all the time as a rule. We are pretty chill and relaxed, because we get the endorphins often from a strong work out. With that said, alright... we can be assholes when we see people walking their dog on the beach in areas they don't belong or littering. We will come up to people that drop their garbage and hand it back to them to their faces. I've done it... most of us have. We don't like being in surf with trash.
4.
You Can Clean Your Car – and your Ears
My truck is clean. WTF? I do have "Swimmer's Ear" whatever that means... the doc tells me, but I don't listen to him much.
5.
You Can Toss the Tattoos
They got us here, but not me. I have zero tats, but most my boys do. Yeah.
6. You Get to Dress Normal
I lose this one. I wear shorts, flip flops, Vans, etc... often.
7.
You Don’t Have to Wear Vans Anymore
Yeah.... well the new Vans have arch support, cushion, and are nice. I'm wearing a pair right now... at my office, but it is Friday.
8.
You Don’t Have to Pretend to like the Ukulele Anymore
I have zero musical skills and cannot sing. I don't now any of my boys that do either. Where did he get this one?
9. You Can Finally Change Your Kid’s Names
My son is "Jake". Jake is a badass. While he surfs, he prefers BJJ. He would absolutely kick this author's ass.
10. You Can Stop Wearing Flat Brims
I hate flat brims. Where did he get this one?
11.
You Don’t Have to Pretend to Like Jack Johnson Anymore
Meh... Jack has a song or two, but is not on my playlist.
12.
You Can Get a Real Job
I'm and EVP for a company that deals in data and analytics for nuclear plants, aerospace, and enormous project and secret sites. WTF?