Social Update on the sandwich deli girl

Slothbroth said:
I went yesterday and she was busy with stuff outside of the deli. I thought she might have said a quick hi but I wasn't sure it was her because everyone says hi. I was pretty bummed for a few hours after that, thinking she had changed her mind from Sunday.



I saw her today and she checked my items at the register. She seemed happy and so beautiful. She seemed to be sending me positive energy with her beautiful smile as if she likes me but maybe I am misinterpreting the interaction. I thought she kind of blushed when she saw me like she may actually be starting to like me. I was quiet as I didn't want to overplay my hand and come across as desperate and cringey even though I think about her constantly.



I found out that the coworker who I was asking about his gym training and joking about him needing a bigger shirt if he keeps it up is actually her younger brother so I think this scored points with her because she gave me the long smile/stare on Sunday which was the next time I saw her after I had that interaction with him in front of her.



I'm not sure what to do at this point. It feels like she likes me. My in real life friend said don't ask again yet. Continue to let it build...

But I'm thinking about writing her a long heartfelt letter but @pugilistico said not to so I will maybe try some friendly questions like he suggested. It's difficult though because she's not always available for a conversation. It was a little busy today when she checked me out. My gut is leaning towards handing her a long letter but I don't want to ruin everything.
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I would say write the letter, if nothing more than to express what you need to, but hold off on actually giving it to her. IF one day you decided to give it to her, you might realize that you want to revise your letter anyway.

I actually write women letters. I'm a romantic and I like to express my heartfelt feelings to people. But the difference is that I actually know the women I'm writing to and I have had connections with them. I also keep it short and genuine to tell them I like them as human beings.

IF you do give her the letter, do it in a way that you don't expect anything to come from it. You're doing it to say your peace and be done with it. And you have to actually be done with it. You remember that scene in Love Actually where the guy who's in love with Kiera Knightly's character expresses how he feels about her and leaves? Say your peace and leave.

Also, be mysterious a bit. Don't show up consistently. Do something interesting, go on a trip, go hiking for a few days, disappear for a bit. Make her miss you. So that when you come back, she'll be like, "where have you been?"

But here's something that I don't think has been discussed yet.
What are you going to do if it actually works out? What if she reciprocates? What will the relationship look like? Have you thought about that?

She's an attractive 20 year old working at a deli. She's going to get a lot of attention from other men, she'll probably want to hang out with her friends (including guys) her age, and there will likely be a lot of stuff she wants to explore like traveling, dating and hooking up with different people, different career options, etc. A 20 year old isn't a fully developed adult yet. The only thing you really know about her is that she's hot and is nice. You don't know her values (if she has any), how she reacts in difficult situations, her habits, her vices, her history with her parents or previous partners, etc., and all of these things will come crashing down when you're head over heels for somebody you don't know, and then you get to know really know them. I fucking been there lol.

Relationships between older men and much younger women work out if the guy has money, career, status, maturity, etc. Bonus points if she has daddy issues and is trying to resolve her feelings of being unloved by her father by dating an older guy. A girl isn't going to go after an older guy who's just another guy her age in an older man's body.

You're already in puppy love over a girl you don't really know. The dynamic is clearly skewed one way, and that is not a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
 
Slothbroth said:
I went yesterday and she was busy with stuff outside of the deli. I thought she might have said a quick hi but I wasn't sure it was her because everyone says hi. I was pretty bummed for a few hours after that, thinking she had changed her mind from Sunday.



I saw her today and she checked my items at the register. She seemed happy and so beautiful. She seemed to be sending me positive energy with her beautiful smile as if she likes me but maybe I am misinterpreting the interaction. I thought she kind of blushed when she saw me like she may actually be starting to like me. I was quiet as I didn't want to overplay my hand and come across as desperate and cringey even though I think about her constantly.



I found out that the coworker who I was asking about his gym training and joking about him needing a bigger shirt if he keeps it up is actually her younger brother so I think this scored points with her because she gave me the long smile/stare on Sunday which was the next time I saw her after I had that interaction with him in front of her.



I'm not sure what to do at this point. It feels like she likes me. My in real life friend said don't ask again yet. Continue to let it build...

But I'm thinking about writing her a long heartfelt letter but @pugilistico said not to so I will maybe try some friendly questions like he suggested. It's difficult though because she's not always available for a conversation. It was a little busy today when she checked me out. My gut is leaning towards handing her a long letter but I don't want to ruin everything.
Click to expand...
icegif-309.gif


Truly top level trolling.
 
italiamusica said:
Can you please read this again and realize you might need to step back? If this isn't a troll thread, of course.

You interpreted her smile as being a beautiful smile just for you, when it's a normal smile she gives everyone, that's part of a customer service job, you're NICE and you SMILE at people. If she already turned you down, you need to stop, otherwise you're just going to make this poor girl uncomfortable to come into work.
Click to expand...
Stop what? She never actually turned me down and since then I have complimented her hair, once.

I'm not totally sure if she is just giving me excellent customer service or if she likes me. It feels like more than customer service. I went to dinner last night and the waitress was smiling and made eye contact but it was different than deli girl.

I'm not saying this to brag like I think I'm hot stuff or something, but I have experience with women. I don't consider myself some pimp player extraordinaire but it's not my first rodeo. It feels like she's interested.

I'm going to proceed cautiously as I already told her once when I asked her out that I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and she said "no, it's ok. I appreciate it." And she was smiling when she said it. Since then she regularly initiates greeting me by name while smiling and with direct eye contact. Time will tell but I have done nothing to cross any boundaries.
 
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pugilistico said:
I would say write the letter, if nothing more than to express what you need to, but hold off on actually giving it to her. IF one day you decided to give it to her, you might realize that you want to revise your letter anyway.

I actually write women letters. I'm a romantic and I like to express my heartfelt feelings to people. But the difference is that I actually know the women I'm writing to and I have had connections with them. I also keep it short and genuine to tell them I like them as human beings.

IF you do give her the letter, do it in a way that you don't expect anything to come from it. You're doing it to say your peace and be done with it. And you have to actually be done with it. You remember that scene in Love Actually where the guy who's in love with Kiera Knightly's character expresses how he feels about her and leaves? Say your peace and leave.

Also, be mysterious a bit. Don't show up consistently. Do something interesting, go on a trip, go hiking for a few days, disappear for a bit. Make her miss you. So that when you come back, she'll be like, "where have you been?"

But here's something that I don't think has been discussed yet.
What are you going to do if it actually works out? What if she reciprocates? What will the relationship look like? Have you thought about that?

She's an attractive 20 year old working at a deli. She's going to get a lot of attention from other men, she'll probably want to hang out with her friends (including guys) her age, and there will likely be a lot of stuff she wants to explore like traveling, dating and hooking up with different people, different career options, etc. A 20 year old isn't a fully developed adult yet. The only thing you really know about her is that she's hot and is nice. You don't know her values (if she has any), how she reacts in difficult situations, her habits, her vices, her history with her parents or previous partners, etc., and all of these things will come crashing down when you're head over heels for somebody you don't know, and then you get to know really know them. I fucking been there lol.

Relationships between older men and much younger women work out if the guy has money, career, status, maturity, etc. Bonus points if she has daddy issues and is trying to resolve her feelings of being unloved by her father by dating an older guy. A girl isn't going to go after an older guy who's just another guy her age in an older man's body.

You're already in puppy love over a girl you don't really know. The dynamic is clearly skewed one way, and that is not a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
Click to expand...
I feel like I have 2 and a half of the qualities you mentioned that young women will go for in an older man. I'm starting to become more mature at this stage in my life. Like, I really like her a lot and I understand that truly caring about someone isn't just caring about how good they make you feel but still caring about them as a person even if they don't feel the same way. I want things to go well for her and for her to reach her goals even if I'm not a part of her future. I want to be able to accept that and still offer my friendship or at the very least my well wishes, even if I get nothing in return.

If you genuinely like someone, you're not going to be mean and nasty to them if they don't reciprocate your interest.

So, I found out a couple other things about her because I found her on Facebook. She's close to her parents and her family are all the same faith as me and I mentioned earlier in the thread that I felt like this was the case. There are certain ways women act when they live a chaste, moral life compared to when they don't. I believe can usually tell the difference after watching their behavior and interacting with them a bit. Her sharing my faith is a major one for me because I have dated women who don't share my faith and it doesn't work. I have to ignore so many red flags that it's like I'm not accepting or getting to know them for who they really are. This wouldn't be necessary with the deli girl.

That said, you are still right. There's a lot I don't know. And, if I am right about her showing me signs of interest then whatever it is about me that she likes could be based on qualities that she thinks I have but actually don't, or her interest could be also partly based on qualities that I currently have but are fading, like my physicality. I'm currently in good shape but that's on the decline. Her physical attraction to me, if she has any, is only going to diminish with time.

As she ages she's definitely going to attract interest from other guys who have more money, looks, youth, status, etc. I'm not dirt poor but I'm not wealthy. I have a house but I can't afford to take her on lavish trips or to go buy her a car right away or things like that. I have a career that pays ok but it won't make me rich.

What I can offer her is 100% devotion to her and to becoming the best version of myself that I can to support her. She really does make me want to be a better man. It doesn't mean the same thing that it would if I was her age because our potential and windows of opportunities shrink as we age, but if she would have me, I would give it everything to support her and her goals.

I have been off the weed for however many days now. The other night was tough when I got off work because I felt a little stressed and anxious and I knew weed would help like it always does but I didn't smoke and went to jiu jitsu instead. I felt better afterwards with no more desire to smoke. I think I'm getting more clear headed with each day. The insomnia is a bitch but I'm alright. I will probably start training even more to offset that.

I don't go there every day. Sometimes I won't see her for over a week. Not to sound cocky, but I don't think I need to act mysterious. I'm comfortable with being myself as long as I'm striving to be the best version of myself, practicing my faith, and praying.

I'm leaning towards the letter route because it would give me a chance to explain these things that I can't tell her at the deli. I want her to know that even if it doesn't work out to remember that I consider myself one of the lucky people because I get it. I know that she is one of the great women on earth in a time when there are unprecedented levels of bad women out there. I want her to know that any time she is feeling discouraged or frustrated that, if it makes her feel any better, to remember that I am thinking about her and that I want to encourage her because I'm lucky enough to understand that she is the best woman in the world.

I want to encourage her to continue to pray and follow the path God has for her. I also want her to feel a sense of peace if I have indeed misinterpreted her friendly demeanor for romantic interest. For her to know that I accept it and that none of my feelings for her have changed and that I want her to be happy and to feel safe and comfortable at work and that I won't bother her anymore if she feels harassed at all by me.

I think that telling her these things in a letter would feel good (to me) to get it off my chest. I was down in the dumps for a few hours the other day when she was busy and didn't say as much to me but as the day went on, I felt better and better, ready to accept whatever reality is that I must understand, accept, and face. Then yesterday she smiled at me again, in a way that felt meaningful to me, and I felt happy all over again. But.. I know that if she is just being friendly and is not into me, that I'll be ok. I actually like living alone for a lot of reasons so I want her but if she's not for me then I will be ok.
 
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Slothbroth said:
I feel like I have 2 and a half of the qualities you mentioned that young women will go for in an older man. I'm starting to become more mature at this stage in my life. Like, I really like her a lot and I understand that truly caring about someone isn't just caring about how good they make you feel but still caring about them as a person even if they don't feel the same way. I want things to go well for her and for her to reach her goals even if I'm not a part of her future. I want to be able to accept that and still offer my friendship or at the very least my well wishes, even if I get nothing in return.

If you genuinely like someone, you're not going to be mean and nasty to them if they don't reciprocate your interest.

So, I found out a couple other things about her because I found her on Facebook. She's close to her parents and her family are all the same faith as me and I mentioned earlier in the thread that I felt like this was the case. There are certain ways women act when they live a chaste, moral life compared to when they don't. I believe can usually tell the difference after watching their behavior and interacting with them a bit. Her sharing my faith is a major one for me because I have dated women who don't share my faith and it doesn't work. I have to ignore so many red flags that it's like I'm not accepting or getting to know them for who they really are. This wouldn't be necessary with the deli girl.

That said, you are still right. There's a lot I don't know. And, if I am right about her showing me signs of interest then whatever it is about me that she likes could be based on qualities that she thinks I have but actually don't, or her interest could be also partly based on qualities that I currently have but are fading, like my physicality. I'm currently in good shape but that's on the decline. Her physical attraction to me, if she has any, is only going to diminish with time.

As she ages she's definitely going to attract interest from other guys who have more money, looks, youth, status, etc. I'm not dirt poor but I'm not wealthy. I have a house but I can't afford to take her on lavish trips or to go buy her a car right away or things like that. I have a career that pays ok but it won't make me rich.

What I can offer her is 100% devotion to her and to becoming the best version of myself that I can to support her. She really does make me want to be a better man. It doesn't mean the same thing that it would if I was her age because our potential and windows of opportunities shrink as we age, but if she would have me, I would give it everything to support her and her goals.

I have been off the weed for however many days now. The other night was tough when I got off work because I felt a little stressed and anxious and I knew weed would help like it always does but I didn't smoke and went to jiu jitsu instead. I felt better afterwards with no more desire to smoke. I think I'm getting more clear headed with each day. The insomnia is a bitch but I'm alright. I will probably start training even more to offset that.

I don't go there every day. Sometimes I won't see her for over a week. Not to sound cocky, but I don't think I need to act mysterious. I'm comfortable with being myself as long as I'm striving to be the best version of myself, practicing my faith, and praying.

I'm leaning towards the letter route because it would give me a chance to explain these things that I can't tell her at the deli. I want her to know that even if it doesn't work out to remember that I consider myself one of the lucky people because I get it. I know that she is one of the great women on earth in a time when there are unprecedented levels of bad women out there. I want her to know that any time she is feeling discouraged or frustrated that, if it makes her feel any better, to remember that I am thinking about her and want to encourage her because I know she is an amazing woman.

I want to encourage her to continue to pray and follow the path God has for her. I also want her to feel a sense of peace if I have indeed misinterpreted her friendly demeanor for romantic interest. That I accept it and that none of my feelings for her have changed and that I want her to be happy and to feel safe and comfortable at work and that I won't bother her anymore if she feels harassed at all by me.

I think that telling her these things in a letter would feel good to get it off my chest. I was down in the dumps for a few hours the other day when she was busy and didn't say as much to me but as the day went on, I felt better and better, ready to accept whatever reality is that I must understand, accept, and face. Then she smiled at me again, in a way that felt meaningful to me, and I felt happy all over again. But.. I know that if she is just being friendly and is not into me, that I'll be ok. I actually like living alone for a lot of reasons.
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Sounds like you're lonely and isolated so much that when a pretty girl smiles at you it's the best day of your life. Don't let someone have this much power over you man. You shot your shot and she turned you down. Move on. All your doing is torturing yourself lol


She's never going to date you. She probably doesn't even know you exist 99% of the time. I'm not saying this to be rude, you seem like a nice guy, but all you're doing is setting yourself up for a big time down fall.

If she was interested she would make it known. She's not. She's just trying to be nice.
 
The Good The Bad The HBK said:
Sounds like you're lonely and isolated so much that when a pretty girl smiles at you it's the best day of your life. Don't let someone have this much power over you man. You shot your shot and she turned you down. Move on. All your doing is torturing yourself lol


She's never going to date you. She probably doesn't even know you exist 99% of the time. I'm not saying this to be rude, you seem like a nice guy, but all you're doing is setting yourself up for a big time down fall.

If she was interested she would make it known. She's not. She's just trying to be nice.
Click to expand...
I'm not trying to brag but I have dated a lot of different women in the last few years. It's rare that I don't have some lady who is willing to come to my house if I ask her to. But they don't have all the qualities that I want. They might be hot but they are also disagreeable. Or they are sweet and pleasant but overweight. This is not to say that I think I deserve better, but I want it. I actually really like my peace. My dog is great company.

As I said, I think the young lady is making it known with her behavior to me. There's a look in her eyes sometimes that doesn't feel like a polite customer interaction. But I'm not sure so I will hold off for now but maybe soon I will give her a letter.
 
Slothbroth said:
I'm not trying to brag but I have dated a lot of different women in the last few years. It's rare that I don't have some lady who is willing to come to my house if I ask her to. But they don't have all the qualities that I want. They might be hot but they are also disagreeable. Or they are sweet and pleasant but overweight. This is not to say that I think I deserve better, but I want it. I actually really like my peace. My dog is great company.

As I said, I think the young lady is making it known with her behavior to me. There's a look in her eyes sometimes that doesn't feel like a polite customer interaction. But I'm not sure so I will hold off for now but maybe soon I will give her a letter.
Click to expand...

I'm getting sweetviolenturg vibes from you
 
SuperAlly said:
So that’s why you are mental about this one attractive girl
Click to expand...
She is physically attractive, yes, but I have been with physically attractive women before. I like how she carries herself. I feel like she's a good person.
 
Slothbroth said:
I feel like I have 2 and a half of the qualities you mentioned that young women will go for in an older man. I'm starting to become more mature at this stage in my life. Like, I really like her a lot and I understand that truly caring about someone isn't just caring about how good they make you feel but still caring about them as a person even if they don't feel the same way. I want things to go well for her and for her to reach her goals even if I'm not a part of her future. I want to be able to accept that and still offer my friendship or at the very least my well wishes, even if I get nothing in return.

If you genuinely like someone, you're not going to be mean and nasty to them if they don't reciprocate your interest.

So, I found out a couple other things about her because I found her on Facebook. She's close to her parents and her family are all the same faith as me and I mentioned earlier in the thread that I felt like this was the case. There are certain ways women act when they live a chaste, moral life compared to when they don't. I believe can usually tell the difference after watching their behavior and interacting with them a bit. Her sharing my faith is a major one for me because I have dated women who don't share my faith and it doesn't work. I have to ignore so many red flags that it's like I'm not accepting or getting to know them for who they really are. This wouldn't be necessary with the deli girl.

That said, you are still right. There's a lot I don't know. And, if I am right about her showing me signs of interest then whatever it is about me that she likes could be based on qualities that she thinks I have but actually don't, or her interest could be also partly based on qualities that I currently have but are fading, like my physicality. I'm currently in good shape but that's on the decline. Her physical attraction to me, if she has any, is only going to diminish with time.

As she ages she's definitely going to attract interest from other guys who have more money, looks, youth, status, etc. I'm not dirt poor but I'm not wealthy. I have a house but I can't afford to take her on lavish trips or to go buy her a car right away or things like that. I have a career that pays ok but it won't make me rich.

What I can offer her is 100% devotion to her and to becoming the best version of myself that I can to support her. She really does make me want to be a better man. It doesn't mean the same thing that it would if I was her age because our potential and windows of opportunities shrink as we age, but if she would have me, I would give it everything to support her and her goals.

I have been off the weed for however many days now. The other night was tough when I got off work because I felt a little stressed and anxious and I knew weed would help like it always does but I didn't smoke and went to jiu jitsu instead. I felt better afterwards with no more desire to smoke. I think I'm getting more clear headed with each day. The insomnia is a bitch but I'm alright. I will probably start training even more to offset that.

I don't go there every day. Sometimes I won't see her for over a week. Not to sound cocky, but I don't think I need to act mysterious. I'm comfortable with being myself as long as I'm striving to be the best version of myself, practicing my faith, and praying.

I'm leaning towards the letter route because it would give me a chance to explain these things that I can't tell her at the deli. I want her to know that even if it doesn't work out to remember that I consider myself one of the lucky people because I get it. I know that she is one of the great women on earth in a time when there are unprecedented levels of bad women out there. I want her to know that any time she is feeling discouraged or frustrated that, if it makes her feel any better, to remember that I am thinking about her and that I want to encourage her because I'm lucky enough to understand that she is the best woman in the world.

I want to encourage her to continue to pray and follow the path God has for her. I also want her to feel a sense of peace if I have indeed misinterpreted her friendly demeanor for romantic interest. For her to know that I accept it and that none of my feelings for her have changed and that I want her to be happy and to feel safe and comfortable at work and that I won't bother her anymore if she feels harassed at all by me.

I think that telling her these things in a letter would feel good (to me) to get it off my chest. I was down in the dumps for a few hours the other day when she was busy and didn't say as much to me but as the day went on, I felt better and better, ready to accept whatever reality is that I must understand, accept, and face. Then yesterday she smiled at me again, in a way that felt meaningful to me, and I felt happy all over again. But.. I know that if she is just being friendly and is not into me, that I'll be ok. I actually like living alone for a lot of reasons so I want her but if she's not for me then I will be ok.
Click to expand...
Man in some ways I think you're being too much and in one way I get you. I'm also an over thinker and analyze the shit out of everything, which is why my posts are also TLDR. I would also analyze every interaction and smile I get from a girl I like even if I had lots of experience before. The reason I don't do so much anymore is because there's a lot of other things going on in my head and I also have more than one woman who's on my radar. Just don't have the mental bandwidth to think too much about it.

When I mean mysterious, I don't mean being mysterious for the sake of it, although some space between people is healthy. Living a life full of things that interest you makes you automatically interesting. But you say you're living the way that makes your life feel full, then you're good. That's more important than having a woman, because woman are ultimately an accessory to a good life, not the goal.

From my personal experience, whenever I had the feeling a woman likes me, I was usually right. They make it extremely clear that they're interested, or they sometimes outright make a move. It's possible that your deli girl is toying with the idea.

But how much a woman likes you is very contextual. Women are much more fickle than we are. For us a hot girl is hot whether she's playing tennis, cleaning the toilet, or in her pajamas watching TV. A woman might find a man attractive when he looks like the boss on the football field or killing it on a speech, but then get the "ick" when he doesn't know how to replace a tire or something. I had women who were crazy about me but then get lose attraction for me when they see me everyday in my daily life, watching sports in my underwear, taking shits, not knowing how to do stuff, and overall seeing me be a normal human.

I also had several women change their plans and spend a lot of money to fly over to me, buy me dinners, go on adventures together and fuck me crazy before leaving teary eyed. These same women would probably lose attraction for me for one fuck up lol.

Overall I think you have a good attitude about how you want to love someone. It's noble to love someone without expecting so much back. But at the same time, it's a bit too much to want to give so much to someone you don't know. She could turn out to be a shitty person and take advantage of you. Watch out man. I've seen too many guys fall in love to their downfall, including myself.

If you're going to say anything in that letter, I would recommend only saying it under one of the two conditions:
1. When you already have her. It's cute to tell her how much you were into her when you're already together.
2. You're saying your peace and leaving her alone for good.
 
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