I would say write the letter, if nothing more than to express what you need to, but hold off on actually giving it to her. IF one day you decided to give it to her, you might realize that you want to revise your letter anyway.
I actually write women letters. I'm a romantic and I like to express my heartfelt feelings to people. But the difference is that I actually know the women I'm writing to and I have had connections with them. I also keep it short and genuine to tell them I like them as human beings.
IF you do give her the letter, do it in a way that you don't expect anything to come from it. You're doing it to say your peace and be done with it. And you have to actually be done with it. You remember that scene in Love Actually where the guy who's in love with Kiera Knightly's character expresses how he feels about her and leaves? Say your peace and leave.
Also, be mysterious a bit. Don't show up consistently. Do something interesting, go on a trip, go hiking for a few days, disappear for a bit. Make her miss you. So that when you come back, she'll be like, "where have you been?"
But here's something that I don't think has been discussed yet.
What are you going to do if it actually works out? What if she reciprocates? What will the relationship look like? Have you thought about that?
She's an attractive 20 year old working at a deli. She's going to get a lot of attention from other men, she'll probably want to hang out with her friends (including guys) her age, and there will likely be a lot of stuff she wants to explore like traveling, dating and hooking up with different people, different career options, etc. A 20 year old isn't a fully developed adult yet. The only thing you really know about her is that she's hot and is nice. You don't know her values (if she has any), how she reacts in difficult situations, her habits, her vices, her history with her parents or previous partners, etc., and all of these things will come crashing down when you're head over heels for somebody you don't know, and then you get to know really know them. I fucking been there lol.
Relationships between older men and much younger women work out if the guy has money, career, status, maturity, etc. Bonus points if she has daddy issues and is trying to resolve her feelings of being unloved by her father by dating an older guy. A girl isn't going to go after an older guy who's just another guy her age in an older man's body.
You're already in puppy love over a girl you don't really know. The dynamic is clearly skewed one way, and that is not a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
I feel like I have 2 and a half of the qualities you mentioned that young women will go for in an older man. I'm starting to become more mature at this stage in my life. Like, I really like her a lot and I understand that truly caring about someone isn't just caring about how good they make you feel but still caring about them as a person even if they don't feel the same way. I want things to go well for her and for her to reach her goals even if I'm not a part of her future. I want to be able to accept that and still offer my friendship or at the very least my well wishes, even if I get nothing in return.
If you genuinely like someone, you're not going to be mean and nasty to them if they don't reciprocate your interest.
So, I found out a couple other things about her because I found her on Facebook. She's close to her parents and her family are all the same faith as me and I mentioned earlier in the thread that I felt like this was the case. There are certain ways women act when they live a chaste, moral life compared to when they don't. I believe can usually tell the difference after watching their behavior and interacting with them a bit. Her sharing my faith is a major one for me because I have dated women who don't share my faith and it doesn't work. I have to ignore so many red flags that it's like I'm not accepting or getting to know them for who they really are. This wouldn't be necessary with the deli girl.
That said, you are still right. There's a lot I don't know. And, if I am right about her showing me signs of interest then whatever it is about me that she likes could be based on qualities that she thinks I have but actually don't, or her interest could be also partly based on qualities that I currently have but are fading, like my physicality. I'm currently in good shape but that's on the decline. Her physical attraction to me, if she has any, is only going to diminish with time.
As she ages she's definitely going to attract interest from other guys who have more money, looks, youth, status, etc. I'm not dirt poor but I'm not wealthy. I have a house but I can't afford to take her on lavish trips or to go buy her a car right away or things like that. I have a career that pays ok but it won't make me rich.
What I can offer her is 100% devotion to her and to becoming the best version of myself that I can to support her. She really does make me want to be a better man. It doesn't mean the same thing that it would if I was her age because our potential and windows of opportunities shrink as we age, but if she would have me, I would give it everything to support her and her goals.
I have been off the weed for however many days now. The other night was tough when I got off work because I felt a little stressed and anxious and I knew weed would help like it always does but I didn't smoke and went to jiu jitsu instead. I felt better afterwards with no more desire to smoke. I think I'm getting more clear headed with each day. The insomnia is a bitch but I'm alright. I will probably start training even more to offset that.
I don't go there every day. Sometimes I won't see her for over a week. Not to sound cocky, but I don't think I need to act mysterious. I'm comfortable with being myself as long as I'm striving to be the best version of myself, practicing my faith, and praying.
I'm leaning towards the letter route because it would give me a chance to explain these things that I can't tell her at the deli. I want her to know that even if it doesn't work out to remember that I consider myself one of the lucky people because I get it. I know that she is one of the great women on earth in a time when there are unprecedented levels of bad women out there. I want her to know that any time she is feeling discouraged or frustrated that, if it makes her feel any better, to remember that I am thinking about her and that I want to encourage her because I'm lucky enough to understand that she is the best woman in the world.
I want to encourage her to continue to pray and follow the path God has for her. I also want her to feel a sense of peace if I have indeed misinterpreted her friendly demeanor for romantic interest. For her to know that I accept it and that none of my feelings for her have changed and that I want her to be happy and to feel safe and comfortable at work and that I won't bother her anymore if she feels harassed at all by me.
I think that telling her these things in a letter would feel good (to me) to get it off my chest. I was down in the dumps for a few hours the other day when she was busy and didn't say as much to me but as the day went on, I felt better and better, ready to accept whatever reality is that I must understand, accept, and face. Then yesterday she smiled at me again, in a way that felt meaningful to me, and I felt happy all over again. But.. I know that if she is just being friendly and is not into me, that I'll be ok. I actually like living alone for a lot of reasons so I want her but if she's not for me then I will be ok.