Private Property appeared one day in the local Canadian army HQ.
"I've been transferred here" boomed a voice from the Private, who was at least 7 feet tall and around 400 lbs. he barely fit the door to the main office, and the lieutenant in charge of the base was completely baffled. we simply can't use this soldier anywhere, he thought.
"Umm, your first assignment is to guard the western wall, starting tomorrow at 0500".
"Sir!", shouted the Private, who appeared to have grown half a foot since squeezing in the lieutenant's office.
Next morning, the 9 feet tall, 500 lbs Private Property slowly moved his bulk towards the gigantic wall. By the time he got there, he could see over the 11 feet height of it. The end of his shift saw him leaning with his elbow on it. He was now well over 15 feet tall, and closing in on 1000 pounds.
In a week's time, Private property grew into the largest unit at the base. Way bigger than any tank or helicopter, at least 40 feet tall and almost 6000 lbs, he could still move with relative ease. The frantic, panicked phone-calls of the lieutenant were first ignored, then taken as a joke, but soon, after a month, Private Property was clearly visible from at least 30 miles away.
"what can we do?" was the message being hysterically transmitted all across the military communication lines. "if he grows more, i don't think we can kill him. not to mention he'd make a completely apocalyptic mess, the stench of his decomposing body would fill half of Canada for years." NATO convened many times over with no solution. The latest pictures, taken from the stratosphere, showed a colossal mass, with little to point out to its previous form. according to projections, Private Property would cover all the Canadian territories in a matter of years. the world, in decades.
The conclusion was sobering - there is no way to abolish Private Property.