Good for u man. Even if life can seem harsh at the moment. One never knows what is waiting around the next turn. And that is the best argument against suicide, that things will be better.
I think it's important to just keep pushing forward. Things will get better if you're putting in the effort.
This.
I hit my "rock bottom" a few years back which eventually led to me putting a loaded .45 to my head. I believed the emotional pain was unbearable and I was so desperate for relief that I thought suicide to be my only option. When I didn't pull the trigger and put the gun back down that was the moment I decided I would never ever let myself get to that point again. I made the decision to keep fighting and to do everything within my power to get my mind healthy.
I was still completely miserable at that point, but I started trying things, anything at all that would take my mind off myself and my own problems and negative feelings. I got heavily into training mma (I'd been dabbling for years but really dedicated myself to it), started volunteering (including answering the national suicide hotline for a few months), took up guitar (which led to me starting a band), started going to therapy regularly, starting reading books, etc.
I've had some pretty shitty things happen to me since then, but also some really amazing and incredible things and that's why I quoted the posts above. The biggest takeaway for me deciding to stick around is the knowledge that none of the awesome things that have happened to me since I put that gun down would've happened if I hadn't. If you keep moving forward, don't allow yourself to stay stuck, and do everything you can do to change/improve your situation things will get better. Believe me I know how hard that is to do, to push yourself when you're already at your absolute lowest but that's where asking for help comes in. When I decided I wanted to live I put the word out. I told my friends and family that I was struggling and would like them to check on me and make time to spend with me. I found a therapist and a new psychiatrist. I joined support group message boards, had some books recommended to me, and I took all the advice I could find.
I've suffered with depression, anxiety and substance abuse for 2 decades and there are 3 main things I've done that have helped with each. I want to be clear before I type any of this... this is only what has worked for me. I can't guarantee it will work for everyone, but I would implore anyone suffering to at least try it consistently. If it doesn't work then try something else.
What helped my depression the most was service to others. When your emphasis is on others and their own struggles, not only does it take your mind off your own shit, it puts that shit in perspective as you start to understand that the reality will always be that there are a lot of people who have it worse than you do. Helping people also makes you feel good. It's wired into our brains, probably an evolutionary trait that helps us as a species - so don't let people tell you you're being selfish if you admit that part of the reason you help people is because it makes you feel good. The more you do this the more you become aware of other opportunities to help and it snowballs - you keep finding more opportunities to help, you keep feeling better, and the people you've helped end up being there to help you out as well.
For anxiety, regular strenuous exercise worked better than any medication I've ever tried. Sure, you can pop a xanax or something and feel relaxed for the moment, but it's only masking the symptoms. I still deal with anxiety sometimes, but only when I've been away from the gym for a while. Even really stressful situations don't cause me anxiety any more as long as I've been getting regular exercise.
For substance abuse, what worked best for me was to replace it with something. MMA/BJJ is now my drug of choice. I won't ever try to pretend this is easy to do. Trust me, I understand addiction, I've seen the worst of it so please don't take this advice as me thinking it's "just that simple". I know it is not and I'd hate for anyone to take this as me minimizing it. I'll also add that I recently relapsed myself. No one's perfect and you can't beat yourself up if this happens, you just have to pick yourself back up and use the lessons you've learned to fight your way back out. I've been through enough at this point that I know I'm capable of pulling myself back out of it and I've already begun that process. Sober 3 days now and am back at the gym.
If there is anyone here currently struggling (I still am myself - I'm not out of the woods yet) please reach out to someone. I will happily listen to any of you, feel free to PM me, reply in this thread - whatever you're comfortable with. There are a lot of great people here and I'm sure I'm not alone in this offer.
Last thing, discomfort is often what pushes us to make the changes we need in our lives. Sometimes these are painful or scary changes that we wouldn't be able to make if we weren't forced into them because we're so uncomfortable. When everything is fine and dandy it's hard to be self-reflective and we can easily get comfortable. When you're so uncomfortable that it feels like ending your life is the only way to end that discomfort, it means something is out of balance and needs to change.
Some of you may have seen this video, but I absolutely love it. I'd encourage anyone who hasn't seen it and is feeling beaten down, depressed, anxious, etc to watch it. I hope you can find some inspiration in it.
I love all of you guys!
