Thoughts of suicide

You never know how tough life can get until it's smacking you around. I had a pretty amazing childhood and lucky teens-20s, nothing storybook but I had health, family, friends and some good adventures.

Then life said "nah you don't get health" and my brain exploded. I became a burden who was nothing but an inevitable seizure to my family, and I said fuck that. I took enough pills to give myself a seizure and killed myself. I don't know why but during chest compressions(they couldn't use paddles) I got my pulse back, and woke up to a family I realized would've been worse without my seizing ass.

I'm not religious and I don't believe in personal magic, but something decided I wasn't allowed to kill myself that day, and I'm not gonna argue with it ever again. Life's worth living, and like someone already said, I have eternity to be dead, I'm gonna enjoy life while I can.
 
to consciously kill yourself is pretty brave imo. regardless of the reasoning/excuse for it, to knowingly agree to end your very existence is a very difficult thing to do
 
Minotauro Rex said:
Should change the site name to Zerdog IMO.
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@Zer
 
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UncleJosh said:
I have contemplated suicide pretty much everyday since I was a little child. Even though I am 99% positive I would never actually do it, I still would rather not be alive most of the time. No matter the coping method used whether it is therapy, meds, higher power, or just sheer willpower it is always an underlying feeling pretty much non stop even during my most happy moments throughout my life. Sucks that so many people have these chemical issues within their brain that causes so may issues. It really is no fun. I am just not quite selfish enough to do it and hurt my family and friends, but I always think about it. Not even like specifics or methods, it is just a constant "I really wish I were not alive anymore". I have had these thoughts literally in the middle of having sex as well in the past. That is how ever present it is.
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Welcome to the chemically imbalanced club!

I thought i'd try CBD oil see if that helps and after taking a couple drops 2x a day for a week it does improve my mood as well as helps me sleep a bit better. Not a solution, but it's better than nothing.

Also keeping active and keeping your mind busy on something helps a lot. I have a full time job and run a little online store in my apare time so dont have much time for my mind to 'wander off into the darkeness'.
 
I always think about it. Not really because I hate life, just don't really connect with people in deep meaningful ways, and obviously that is a huge component of life as we know it.

Wouldn't do it though, just on the off chance that I get punished for it, and have to live forever in some sort of capacity. I'm hoping if I just do good to people, and stick it out, that maybe if there is some sort of creator, it will grant me non-existence upon death. If not, then oblivion will be there waiting for me.

I hope that whatever peace you feel you need, comes to you. No matter what that may be.
 
I couldn't do it. I've walked right up to that line, and friend that I couldn't cross it.
 
Brodels said:
How's it going today ROBO
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I'm good today, thanks for asking. I did some cardio outside yesterday and Tuesday and feel positive. I feel like I'll grow from the experience of last week and appreciate the kindness shown by so many here. Sherdog is an overall good community.
 
Robocok said:
I went through this recently but the feeling has passed now. I didn't want to post about it in BEER's thread and take attention away from him, so thought it might be good to make a thread to share these feelings.

I was feeling down because I've had my own business since 2014 and the last month or so has not been great. I was concerned that I can't take care of my son and pay child support and other bills. This made me depressed and made it hard to concentrate on my work.

I also broke up with my girlfriend somewhat recently so that had me bummed out too. Even though I was the one that ended it I still would feel lonely and depressed about it.

I think another factor is that I was drinking distilled water for the last few weeks and I just recently discovered that this can deplete the body of electrolytes so I feel like that might have contributed to my depression and inability to think clearly and concentrate also. That one is kind of embarrassing. I feel like a dumbass for not knowing that but I've been drinking regular water the last couple days and my mood and thought process has improved.

Anyway, I don't feel like killing myself now and am motivated to work harder on my business and am also really interested in real estate and am studying everyday to get my license.

If you want to talk about yourself, feel free to share.
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there is never a good reason for suicide, it is always something that will pass. There are always other opportunities, and money isn't everything.
 
Phlog said:
It doesn't, but it's always the result of factors that's usually can be modified.

Often it can be the result of inflammation or unresolved trauma, disease or circumstance.

It is rare that a person cannot be helped.
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some people dont want help though, and you cant reason with that really.

and really, i get the idea of living your life for others around you, but when it comes down to shit you really do it for yourself. as selfish as it is, thats how i feel. but thats because i am selfish too in ways.

id probs feel different if i had a wife and kids or those that i felt i need to be there for, so if they come into my life id probs change my train of thought.
 
KnightTemplar said:
This. People who commit suicide often think no one cares about them. But imagine how your son would feel if you were no longer there for him.
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Yeah, I thought about how he would feel if I disappeared and while I was still depressed at that time, it made me realize that not being around wasn't an option. I need to be there for him as much as I can.

It bums me out that my folks have nothing to do with him and try to blame it on me. I've told them that regardless of whether or not things are good with us, they're always welcome to see their grandson and they've never shown any interest in seeing him. It makes me hate their guts that much more.

A few years back, my mom complained and threw a temper tantrum out of stress because I left my son with her for 4 hours (it wasn't unplanned), telling me that she's not a babysitter and don't ever put her in that position again, blah, blah. That pissed me off. It was only one time I ever left my son with her but it is what it is. She's a lazy bitch and I don't waste my time with them anymore.
 
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TS remember your son will need you when he grows older. He'll want you to be part of his life and vice versa. I stress do not ever feel alone as myself and others on sherdog are here to provide you emotional support. I recommend going to a psychologist or doctor for professional help.
 
the ambush said:
TS remember your son will need you when he grows older. He'll want you to be part of his life and vice versa. I stress do not ever feel alone as myself and others on sherdog are here to provide you emotional support. I recommend going to a psychologist or doctor for professional help.
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I appreciate it, but tbh that sounds awful. I think I would hate sitting in a chair talking to some asshole about my thoughts. I prefer to vent here and bounce after I get it off my chest, but I do appreciate the positive feedback and support from you guys.

I also don't want to take any meds. I'm pretty sure I have bipolar based on reading about the symptoms, but I don't like the side effects of the commonly prescribed drugs to treat this. It sounds like it makes you an asexual zombie with little passion. I prefer to just exercise, eat healthy, and ride the highs and lows the best I can all natural.

Thanks for the advice though as I know you offer it to help. I appreciate it.
 
Man, between Shonuf dying, BEER's attempt and the front page of the Berry being about addiction/depression/suicide, Sherdog has been a real downer lately.

I think anyone who has a child should honestly think first before doing the deed. Yes, life can suck sometimes, and things get hard, but you really need to take the high road and not be selfish in that regard. Imagine never knowing your dad because he killed himself when you were young. And I say this knowing the full blown pain of chronic depression and anxiety.
 
I have had suicidal thoughts since my early teens. I felt I had no soul, no body to talk to. I often dreamed of suicide and how I would do it. I had thoughts that I was useless, deserved to die and that I just wanted to sleep forever. I got to points where I felt out of control but never did anything because I didn't want my parents to have to deal with the mess, plus I wanted to live and be happy with my family but I became very withdrawn. I tried hard to fit in to highschool, from grades to talking to girls, other peers. I have no social skills, I feel negative after I socialize with people. Now I just deal with it, these thoughts are part of my life.
 
SheetsMMAfan said:
Sherdog has a particular set of skills, and they will find you.......
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No shit.

TS, you made the right decision. Just attempting it put so much pain on those around me, and it was a really selfish thing to attempt. I'm so glad that I'm still here. And you will always feel better on the other side of that tunnel, whether you go through it once or a million times.

Shoot me a PM if you ever need to talk.
 
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