Serious question for sherdog parents (regards to physical punishment on your kids)

[MMouse]

Came from migrated parents, grew up in a so so rough area. My parents were barely home cause they like any parent had to work their asses off to try to put food on the table and put a roof on the head. I didnt really have any role models growing up.

However my dad when he got the chance, used to lay the old school smackdown on me when he heard things he didnt like lol. While I find it funny now, growing up it used to bottle me up. As in something like I couldnt wait to get older so I can get revenge. I also used to hate when my younger siblings rat me out and I would wait to get a revenge opportunity on them.

This kept building to the point were I hated my father and into my teens and young adulthood which eventually lead into a physical confrontation.

While all is good now, looking back I just wish I was there more for my younger siblings and showed more respect after punishment from my father

And since I've matured and realized all this, what still questions me is what would make your own child want to get revenge on you after some tough love or physical punishment? Isnt your child suppose to respect? I wouldnt want my own child to have to build hate and revenge after every punishment to only want to wait for the opportunity.

Thoughts?

 

[Scott Parker 27]

Came from migrated parents, grew up in a so so rough area. My parents were barely home cause they like any parent had to work their asses off to try to put food on the table and put a roof on the head. I didnt really have any role models growing up.

However my dad when he got the chance, used to lay the old school smackdown on me when he heard things he didnt like lol. While I find it funny now, growing up it used to bottle me up. As in something like I couldnt wait to get older so I can get revenge. I also used to hate when my younger siblings rat me out and I would wait to get a revenge opportunity on them.

This kept building to the point were I hated my father and into my teens and young adulthood which eventually lead into a physical confrontation.

While all is good now, looking back I just wish I was there more for my younger siblings and showed more respect after punishment from my father

And since I've matured and realized all this, what still questions me is what would make your own child want to get revenge on you after some tough love or physical punishment? Isnt your child suppose to respect? I wouldnt want my own child to have to build hate and revenge after every punishment to only want to wait for the opportunity.

Thoughts?

The key to disciplining (spanking) your child and not having them resent you is to never spank out of anger. Explain to them why they are getting spanked, dont overuse it, and once its over with its forgotten about. Dont hold a grudge against your child for what he/she did. Source: Personal Experience.

 

[SammyPops]

nothing physical. Timeaways and losing privledges

 

[ROKKO]

I don't have kids and didn't read the thread but I'm pretty confident my opinion is invaluable to this topic - I got spanked and I would spank my kid after I tell them if you keep misbehaving I will spank you when we get home. I'll warn them once then I'm bringing the hammer down (metaphorically)

 

[IIIIIIII]

i have zero respect for parents who use any kind of physical acts against their children. what i find sickening, is when i hear about people who somehow feel proud about the fact that their parents spanked them as children, as if it's some badge-of-honor. no, it's not. you had parents who did not know how to install discipline with words. getting physical is never the answer.

 

[shanegotu11]

My sons autistic. It made it worse so I continue to learn to reason and relax.

 

[King of Fists]

Using spankings, beatings, etc as a primary means of punishment usually speaks to a lack of self-control and anger issues. The only caveat is with young kids, sometimes a slap on the hand or butt is the only way to get them to understand.

Past the age of 4 or 5, kids have enough cause-effect recognition and reasoning ability to make spankings or physical punishment wholly unnecessary.

 

[BJ@LW&WW]

i think for a child to want 'revenge', he/she would have to feel that punishment is undeserved. I wasn't by any means abused by my parents/grandparents, but they did spank me and hit me with belts/sticks when I misbehaved or they thought I misbehaved. I can't remember much of what went through my mind except that the times I was wrongfully punished, I was extremely angry inside, especially the wrongful punishment usually was a result of deception from my sibling.

I've never desired to get some sort of revenge on my parents, physical or otherwise, for them punishing me. My relationship with my father growing up as a teen was not very good, but it didn't really stem from physical punishments at all.




on a side note, there seems to be a fair amount of science that says physical negative punishment is not as effective as non-physical punishments. I'm not sure if I buy into this just anecdotally, but it's there and I will have to consider it if I ever have children.

 

[Scott Parker 27]

i think for a child to want 'revenge', he/she would have to feel that punishment is undeserved. I wasn't by any means abused by my parents/grandparents, but they did spank me and hit me with belts/sticks when I misbehaved or they thought I misbehaved. I can't remember much of what went through my mind except that the times I was wrongfully punished, I was extremely angry inside, especially the wrongful punishment usually was a result of deception from my sibling.

I've never desired to get some sort of revenge on my parents, physical or otherwise, for them punishing me. My relationship with my father growing up as a teen was not very good, but it didn't really stem from physical punishments at all.




on a side note, there seems to be a fair amount of science that says physical negative punishment is not as effective as non-physical punishments. I'm not sure if I buy into this just anecdotally, but it's there and I will have to consider it if I ever have children.

Nah, thats all B.S. about the non physical punishments. I know every kid is different; but growing up I would rather get a spanking and just get it over with than having to stand in the corner for 10 minutes...
I would still come out of there angry.

 

[BJ@LW&WW]

Nah, thats all B.S. about the non physical punishments. I know every kid is different; but growing up I would rather get a spanking and just get it over with than having to stand in the corner for 10 minutes...
I would still come out of there angry.

well if you'd rather get a spanking than stand in a corner, then standing in a corner is a more negative punishment..

 

[Kick Strickland]

You have to beat them until you break their will the way you would break a large horse.

 

[sub_thug]

I got spanked, and it was fine. I will likely spank my kids in the future, should I ever have them. I don't see it as a problem.

 

[Cool Hand Luke]

my dad didnt need to, i was shit scared of him as a child, hated him as a teen, learned my trade from him as a young man and found out he was so fucking smart at what he did.

my kids get a little pop every now and then from myself and the wife, not so much the 7 year old anymore because you can actually talk/reason with her, but the 3 year old boy for sure and the 20 month old boy is starting to learn about pushing boundaries.

the wooden spoon smacked on a table works wonders for the 3 year old - he knows that shit would hurt so stops his crap

 

[MMouse]

Some good responses here.

I understand a form of punishment varies from parent to parent. Some are mentioning once they are old enough to be reasoned w/, physical punishment shouldnt be necessary.

However, what about when verbal reasoning with a child isnt working and is old enough to realize they are able to get away with it.

I assume that's just poor verbal punishment in that case?

 

[mrsenor]

my dad didnt need to, i was shit scared of him as a child, hated him as a teen, learned my trade from him as a young man and found out he was so fucking smart at what he did.

my kids get a little pop every now and then from myself and the wife, not so much the 7 year old anymore because you can actually talk/reason with her, but the 3 year old boy for sure and the 20 month old boy is starting to learn about pushing boundaries.

the wooden spoon smacked on a table works wonders for the 3 year old - he knows that shit would hurt so stops his crap

you should fold and snap your belt

 

[Phlog]

My father once actually booted me out of the house.

It was the only time he laid hands on me and it meant all the more for it.

My mother used to give us a smack, I'm not really against that.

 

[Simian Raticus]

I've never disciplined my son physically. I don't think the spanking here and there would have traumatised him, I just don't think it's the best way to teach him.

I'm super diligent about the example I set in his presence, and when I don't like what he's doing I talk to him and make him understand why. That's my approach.

As with all children it hasn't always been a bed of roses. At those times you've just got to chill and stay in control. A kid is going to lose their shit from time to time, doesn't mean you have to lose yours. If it's a regular thing then yeah maybe you have a more serious problem on your hands.

Overall I'm stoked with the person he's become. He's kind, respectful, tries hard at everything he does, and is passionate about his interests. Many challenging years to go but so far so good.

 

[deise69]

My 3 brothers and I got beat almost weekly by our father, it didn't work and only made us resent him growing up. I've never laid a hand on either of my kids, just grounded them, switched off the power to their bedrooms or mac filtered the internet at home until they did what they were told.

 

[Thrawn33]

I've spanked my son once, it was deliberate and tempered to shock more than inflict pain. I warned him and he was told the consequences, he disobeyed anyway.

I haven't had to since. Of course I'm sure when he's a teenager and feeling his oats something will happen.

This happened to me in almost the exact same way when I was younger with my father.

Mom on the other hand did what she had to, to keep 3 rowdy boys in line, and as we got older it involved a wooden spoon. No resentment at all.

 

[Organic Damage]

It's funny, growing up my siblings all used to get the strap when they acted up, but it only ever took writing lines or standing in the corner (lol, remember that?) for me to get the message.

Fast-forward to now, and you'd think the non-violent correction was superior if you compare where we ended up in life. But IMO it was mostly our personalities that was the difference.

Corporal punishment has its place. But like any hammer, if you start acting like everything is a nail you'll have problems.