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Serious question for sherdog parents (regards to physical punishment on your kids)

Physical punishment is for the weak minded. It's proven that all it does is lead to more violence and aggression.


I used to get beat up as a kid until I hit my late teens and was bigger and stronger than them. Then came the "if you ever put a hand on me again, I'm going to fucking hurt you" talk. That ended the punishments but they were sure bitter about it.
 
It's funny how most people won't agree with battering some person on the street that said or did something you didn't like, but it's all good when a grown adult batters a child for the same reason as long as the adult holds the title of "parent".
 
Dated a girl that got spanked but she said all it did was turn her on. True story!
 
I think my dad disciplined me physically like three times in my life. I didn't hate him for it because it was so rare, and I knew that I had pushed the limits of a very patient person who 99.9 percent of the time used well-reasoned arguments and fair punishments.
 
Organic Damage said:
It's funny, growing up my siblings all used to get the strap when they acted up, but it only ever took writing lines or standing in the corner (lol, remember that?) for me to get the message.

Fast-forward to now, and you'd think the non-violent correction was superior if you compare where we ended up in life. But IMO it was mostly our personalities that was the difference.

Corporal punishment has its place. But like any hammer, if you start acting like everything is a nail you'll have problems.
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No, corporal punishment does not have "it's place," anymore than slapping your wife has "it's place."

Anybody that hits a child is either:

A) Willfully ignorant about effective parenting techniques, and has not educated themselves on all the readily available information on how damaging and useless spanking is.

B) An abusive personality that either can't control their anger, or gets some sick joy out of feeling powerful
 
Thrawn33 said:
I've spanked my son once, it was deliberate and tempered to shock more than inflict pain. I warned him and he was told the consequences, he disobeyed anyway.

I haven't had to since. Of course I'm sure when he's a teenager and feeling his oats something will happen.

This happened to me in almost the exact same way when I was younger with my father.

Mom on the other hand did what she had to, to keep 3 rowdy boys in line, and as we got older it involved a wooden spoon. No resentment at all.
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So you are saying you are likely going to hit your teenage kid? Good luck with that.

The best parenting moment I ever experienced with my father started off with a threat of a spanking. I was about 6 and terrified. He was deliberate and tempered as well, he had me stand in my room and wait for it for what seemed like forever.

When the time came he came to me, and told me that he would and could NEVER hit me--and instead took my favorite toy and gave it to a poor kid he knew (which to me was a worse punishment than a spanking).

That's parenting. From then on I always trusted my father and never feared him physically--I only feared disappointing him.
 
djacobox372 said:
So you are saying you are likely going to hit your teenage kid? Good luck with that.

The best parenting moment I ever experienced with my father started off with a threat of a spanking. I was about 6 and terrified. He was deliberate and tempered as well, he had me stand in my room and wait for it for what seemed like forever.

When the time came he came to me, and told me that he would and could NEVER hit me--and instead took my favorite toy and gave it to a poor kid he knew (which to me was a worse punishment than a spanking).

That's parenting. From then on I always trusted my father and never feared him physically--I only feared disappointing him.
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I'm saying that if my son is a dumbass like his father at 16 and challenges his old man physically as a man, he will most likely suffer the same fate.

Sorry I'm not buying this whole corperal punishment is evil thing.

This is just more of the feminization of men.
 
I rarely strike my kids but I do get very physical. It is not undeserved. If any of my kids ever think they can have a "I'm bigger and tougher than you talk" I will prove just how wrong they really are.
 
Dog you answered your own shit before you even asked the question. You experience physical abuse and build resentment and then you expect to have your kid react differently when you pass the baton of pheggetry down to him? Cycle of violence idiots like you piss me off
 
I've changed my mind on this in the past few years after watching the interaction between a lot of kids and their parents.

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It's my observation that parents who use corporal punishment go to that well much more often than they think. I see a lot of parents who spank go much more quickly, some almost directly, to the threat of corporal punishment than kids who don't. I've listened to a number of dads say that they almost never spank when I've heard them threaten their kids with one a half dozen times in a single weekend. I see parents who don't generally using more proportional responses - taking away privileges, time outs, etc.

Related to this is that kids often don't understand why they're being punished corporally. They understand that they did something wrong, but often times, I see many parents as having a sort of arbitrary counter, where when a kid reaches X number of things worthy of punishment, he gets a spanking. The kid gets confused because that same behavior yesterday or this morning or an hour ago didn't warrant a spanking, why now? For immediate spot corrections for specific acts, such as spitting on or biting or hitting another kid, I get it. For general misbehavior that culminates in a spanking for no one specific act, that must leave the kid very confused and resentful because from the kid's perspective, corporal punishment is essentially arbitrary.

I also think that the time displacement thing that many parents do to remove the anger component from the punishment is almost exclusively for the benefit of the parent and not the kid. The more you remove a kid from the moment of infraction, the more you're making that act foreign to him to make the connection between an act and its consequences.

3-4 years ago, I was making the argument here in Mayberry that there wasn't anything wrong with it, but if I had a kid or have kids, wouldn't be a part of program.
 
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As a parent of two I can say that all kids are different. My son probably wouldn't have much of a reaction to spanking him tbh as we wrestle a lot and he would probably assume I was playing. It's not like I'm going to smack him crazy hard.

So far, timeout facing the wall has worked perfectly fine as he hates being "removed" from the action. Not that I'm against spanking or anything, my dad spanked me growing up and I still loved him and turned out fine.

My sons and I are crazy close anyway and if they see that I'm disappointed in a bad decision that they've made it has an impact on its own.
 
MMouse said:
Some good responses here.

I understand a form of punishment varies from parent to parent. Some are mentioning once they are old enough to be reasoned w/, physical punishment shouldnt be necessary.

However, what about when verbal reasoning with a child isnt working and is old enough to realize they are able to get away with it.

I assume that's just poor verbal punishment in that case?
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Yeah, the key is to show them when they are young that your word is law basically. I never talked back to my father and I respected his words. My sons do the same for me.
 
BigInJapan said:
Dog you answered your own shit before you even asked the question. You experience physical abuse and build resentment and then you expect to have your kid react differently when you pass the baton of pheggetry down to him? Cycle of violence idiots like you piss me off
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Lol at calling me an idiot. Strong reading skills. And strong assumption of me being a violent parent.

I never said I was or am violent nor have mentioned touching anyone.

Thread was a simple question asking the opinion of parents on physical punishment and to prevent resentment.
 
I got spanked a few times. Few times I deserved it and a few I didn't. Nothing bad though, 5-10 times maybe-ish. I remember one time I told my brother to "eff-off" we were playing and I got grabbed by the collar and spanked pretty good. I was pissed off. I think that was the last time, I was 9.

I have a daughter now and Ihope I never inflict pain on her.
 
BJ@LW&WW said:
yeah no. your understanding of the word proven is far below that of mine.
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There have been literally hundreds of studies on this type of thing. Saying nah I don't believe in science doesn't invalidate science
 
Enough of this everyone's opinion is valid bullshit. This IS NOT up for debate.


http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/spanking.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blo.../201404/why-physical-punishment-does-not-work

http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/23/health/effects-spanking-brain/

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/


Couple excerpts:

"Meta-analyses of hundreds of studies document that physical punishment is associated with: verbal and physical aggression; delinquent, antisocial, and criminal behavior; poorer quality of parent-child relationships; impaired mental health; and later abuse of one’s own spouse and children."

Hundreds of studies, spanning decades. Same results. Regular physical punishment makes people more aggressive, what a shock. It also raises the odds for having an antisocial personality and mental illness.


"Today, research showing the risks associated with physical punishment is robust, the convention has been integrated into the legal and policy frameworks of many nations, and 31 countries have enacted prohibitions against the physical punishment of children.1These three forces — research, the convention and law reform — have altered the landscape of physical punishment."

That's right spanking is so well known to be harmful it's actually banned in many countries. The same way punching or hitting ANYONE ELSE is banned in modern society. Why in the hell people think your children should be the only exception to the rules against violence all of civilized society has agreed to is beyond me.


"Some of these studies involved large representative samples from the United States;2 some studies controlled for potential confounders, such as parental stress3 and socioeconomic status;4 and some studies examined the potential of parental reasoning to moderate the association between physical punishment and child aggression.5 Virtually without exception, these studies found that physical punishment was associated with higher levels of aggression against parents, siblings, peers and spouse"

Not one study, hundreds of studies with the results being the same. That is a scientific consensus.


"Researchers found children who were regularly spanked had less gray matter in certain areas of the prefrontal cortex that have been linked to depression, addiction and other mental health disorders, the study authors say"


That's right, regularly spanking kids can actually fuck up their brains. You wanna hit your kids, then hit them. Let's not pretend like there's an actual debate here though. Hitting kids regularly makes them worse in every measurable way as human beings. Physical violence in any situation is for people that are so dumb they lack the critical thinking skills to resolve a conflict any other way.
 
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