Porch pirates stealing my packages. Advice welcome

[William Huggins]

What should he do if it is a woman?

Hmmmmm that's a really good question??

 

[650lb Sumo]

Hmmmmm that's a really good question??

Get a woman to do things to her I suppose would be the logical extrapolation.

 

[GSP_37]

I'd suggest paying for a PO Box or have packages delivered to some sort of parcel locker inside Whole Foods or however that works, but USPS workers would just steal your packages and then piece of shit supervisor would just say Amazon will just ship you a replacement free as if stealing Amazon packages is their birthright/compensation/fringe benefit.

 

[Tone C]

What should he do if it is a woman?

Grab her by the pussy of course.

 

[Adamant]

Just keep an eye out on delivery day, then when it's delivered wait and keep an eye on your camera. Then when the dirtbag comes up to your porch step out like this:

 

[Stoic1]

Thieves should have their hands cut off.

Seem extreme?

Well, I just drove 9 hours yesterday to drop my truck and a bunch of tools off to a friend. Why? Because night before last somebody stole his car with all his tools in it. That's how he makes his living. He's got a wife and newborn to take care of. This is how families end up homeless.


Ohhhhh... but it's amazon, and you can get your money back. Its not the same thing. Fuck that. Thieves are Thieves.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Are you posting from 1965?

There is nothing cops love more than an easy collar. If you have the person on video, they can use traffic cameras in the area to identify them.

 

[fungi]

Set up a shit-exploding decoy package. That's the only solution. Make sure it sprays stinky liquid diarrhea as widely as possible, and does not kill anyone at the same time. Just to be safe and sure.

 

[Brom Bones]

It's irritating and costing me money which are two things im not guna sit and do nothing about.

So, without hiding to fill the room with uppercuts or using a camera as the person doing it is using a mask I believe, what should I do?

I read a bunch of options via Google search but im thinking more like a bait package with a tracking device in it to see if its one of my neighbors or not ( apt complex). I am not that familiar with such things and it would need to be cheap as I will never see it again.

Send it to a Amazon box at a convenience store if it's Amazon. Save yourself the trouble. If it's not Amazon... I guess buy a gun to shoot thieves. Lol. The choice is yours.

 

[Brom Bones]

When you find out who it is , fuck them in the ass to assert dominance.

Unless it's a woman of course.

All the better if it's a woman. Just make sure you go ass-to-mouth. ALWAYS go ass-to-mouth.

Also, is your name pronounced like Tony? I was thinking about that group Tony! Toni! Tone! recently and it occurred to me that "that dude on Sherdog" goes by that name and maybe he pronounces it like that. I always said it like skin tone.

 

[Tone C]

All the better if it's a woman. Just make sure you go ass-to-mouth. ALWAYS go ass-to-mouth.

Also, is your name pronounced like Tony? I was thinking about that group Tony! Toni! Tone! recently and it occurred to me that "that dude on Sherdog" goes by that name and maybe he pronounces it like that. I always said it like skin tone.

Skin tone for me

 

[Mikeydontgiva]

 

[Thrawn33]

There is nothing cops love more than an easy collar. If you have the person on video, they can use traffic cameras in the area to identify them.

Yeah, if you live in bumfuck nowhere where the cops are bored....a bumfuck nowhere with traffic cameras.

Hate to.break it to you but petty theft is pretty low on the priorities list.

 

[fungi]

Set up a shit-exploding decoy package. That's the only solution. Make sure it sprays stinky liquid diarrhea as widely as possible, and does not kill anyone at the same time. Just to be safe and sure.

Something like that:

But make sure it explodes "not right away". Give'em time to walk away from your house.

 

[DragRacer]

I was thinking to use a dye pack like bank tellers do to robbers. Stains the skin semi-permanently, it’s got to wear off.

Set up a shit-exploding decoy package. That's the only solution. Make sure it sprays stinky liquid diarrhea as widely as possible, and does not kill anyone at the same time. Just to be safe and sure.

 

[BluntForceTrama]

Find out when amazons delivering

Park a car nearby, recline or eat that McDonald’s meal


Wait

 

[Jesus X]

Get a goose and fence in your yard.

This will start a trend on youtube of geese chasing folks like the guy in the picture.

 

[nonoob]

Something like that:

But make sure it explodes "not right away". Give'em time to walk away from your house.

Some great examples - fine well deserved payback for the scumbag thieves.

Joey Salads

Click that Subscribe button for New Videos! Where have I been? Basically Youtube shut my channel down for a few years but I am back now

www.youtube.com

 

[jeff7b9]

My old band used to close with that song followed by Chocolate Salty Balls from South Park.

We called it the "dick n balls" medley.

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Yeah, if you live in bumfuck nowhere where the cops are bored....a bumfuck nowhere with traffic cameras.

Hate to.break it to you but petty theft is pretty low on the priorities list.

Not if it’s an easy collar. If they can easily ID the person, they’ll do it.

If you live in bumfuck nowhere, they probably don’t have traffic cams.
If you live in a high density urban area, yeah they won’t give a fuck.

The suburbs. That’s the sweet spot.