Pettis' kickboxing record

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When my mom was pregnant with me back in '91 I kicked her belly pretty hard. The representatives of K1 must have been pretty impressed because one of them shoved his hand up my mom's snatch and handed me a contract for a title fight.
 
MonstaAJ said:
Definitely should've. You would've received an offer from k1 right after just for showing up.
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I just thought it was wild. Kinda blew my mind at the time since I didn't know much about him, but he's notorious for fighting guys with no experience at all.

Now Im just bummed I blew my chance at K-1 invitationals.

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My psychiatric aide took me to the mall the other day and some smelly santa asked me if I wanted to sit on his lap.

After some strange photos, I received an invitation to K1 for Christmas gift!
 
Was once at a local park, some complete stranger wearing sunglasses came up to me and offered me a invitation to join him and his friends in a KY tournament. I turned it down but do sometimes wonder how it would have gone.IMG_1908.JPG
 
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When I was 13, I was in my room masterbating furiously when my mom barged in without knocking and caught me. She was so shocked and upset but later sent me an invite to K-1
 
Frank Edgar said:
When my mom was pregnant with me back in '91 I kicked her belly pretty hard. The representatives of K1 must have been pretty impressed because one of them shoved his hand up my mom's snatch and handed me a contract for a title fight.
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"fist of fury"
 
Will Samuelson said:
As a 4 year old, I was learning the alphabet and got stuck on J... without notice, a middle aged Japanese businessman jumped out of the bushes and shouted "K". Then he asked me to choose a number BETWEEN 0 AND 2. I replied "1". He immediately took my under-aged hand, in his gentle and petite Japanese hand and guided it in pen strokes at the bottom of a badly translated paper. I could see it said "CONRTACRT" at the top but the rest was Japanese. Though there was a picture of a huge silverback looking motherfucker in the second paragraph. Next thing I know, I was being paid 10billion yen to take some steroids and receive a beating in the Tokyo Dome.
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Holy fuqqkk , owwww, my gut bruv, oh my lawd lol. You kind sir, fkn belted one out the park lmao
 
Will Samuelson said:
As a 4 year old, I was learning the alphabet and got stuck on J... without notice, a middle aged Japanese businessman jumped out of the bushes and shouted "K". Then he asked me to choose a number BETWEEN 0 AND 2. I replied "1". He immediately took my under-aged hand, in his gentle and petite Japanese hand and guided it in pen strokes at the bottom of a badly translated paper. I could see it said "CONRTACRT" at the top but the rest was Japanese. Though there was a picture of a huge silverback looking motherfucker in the second paragraph. Next thing I know, I was being paid 10billion yen to take some steroids and receive a beating in the Tokyo Dome.
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Hilarious
 
I'm building a fkn house in this thread lmao. I keep 're reading from start to finish and laughing harder every time lol.
 
I haven't done anything to deserve an invite to K-1...but I did sleep at a Holiday Inn last night!

....doorbell rings.
 
I accidentally clicked on the striking subforum when I was on my way to post hilarious memes in Mayberry. My phone started ringing off the hook from some Japanese number. Turns out it was K1, I am now signed to a 5 fight deal with a guaranteed title shot in the time and place of my choosing.
 
ABSthetics said:
True story:

Few years ago and I was like 18, was at the petrol station filling up, riding around with my little import scene friends, and some black dude and a tall Latino guy approaches me.

It was the boxer Zab Judah and his bodyguard. Said he was looking for a latino to fight (I'm mixed, no Latino) for a bout the following night. Told them I had no boxing record and I was a gymnast, Zab said "thats all good". They tried to coax me into signing shit and taking pics right in the parking lot. Was pretty wild.

Was an honor to be approached to be can crushed. Kinda regret not doing it even though I would've gotten wrecked, I would've been a pro boxer lol.
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I don't believe this. Not one mention of anyone's hairline or aesthetics. This is not a genuine ABSthetics post
 
Art-Wanderlei said:
I don't believe this. Not one mention of anyone's hairline or aesthetics. This is not a genuine ABSthetics post
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Legit LEL.

Really happened though. Was just like wtf. In all of about 25 seconds after telling him I had ZERO experience the guy had ran to his SUV and was trying to hand me papers with Zab saying it would be fine.
I honestly sphaghetti'd pretty hard. Was nervous af. Kept laughing and saying no thanks. Felt like I was starring in a Michael Cera movie.

I do think about it time to time to this day. If I could go back in time I would just say fuck it and get my jaw shattered in 15 seconds with a kick ass story to tell my grandkids one day.

Also after this thread, I need to find another way to get into K-1.
 
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I don't tell this story much, but I used to have a Bob Sapp avatar. I had to change it because the mail and phone calls from K1 wouldn't stop.
 
WalkenWouldOwn said:
I don't tell this story much, but I used to have a Bob Sapp avatar. I had to change it because the mail and phone calls from K1 wouldn't stop.
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I'm dreading the amount of K1 invitations I'll be receiving given my AV. Hell, they'll probably just FedEx me the belts.
 
Dowdy said:
Yeah, I watched Kickboxer on DVD once and then got a phone call asking me to fight Cro-Cop
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Funny because when I mentionned I watched Kickboxer, they canceled my fight with Crocop and pretended he was ill.

They were protecting him!
 
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