Mayberry Chat Thread V5: Dogs are the best

spamking said:
Shooting a 1500 lbs. bull with a 9mm won't do anything except make it mad. It's much easier to distract them like the rodeo clowns do and then provide help.

Using a gun at a rodeo isn't the best idea.
Click to expand...
Stop it. You know sherdoggers are expert marksmen. They will shoot it right in the eye. We need more guns especially at schools in case of random bulls.
 
NoSmilez said:
Stop it. You know sherdoggers are expert marksmen. They will shoot it right in the eye. We need more guns especially at schools in case of random bulls.
Click to expand...
giphy-downsized-large.gif
 
So I'm at a private golf club, fancy shamcy kind of outing I don't normally get to participate in,,,,,

Anyway I hop into the men's for a quick tinkle and hear the most tremendous blattting fart issue from a nearby stall, after that trumpet solo the guy in there continues to grunt and moan like he is giving birth to a baby orangutan in there, so I start boiling water and getting towels ready,,,,

Seriously though, is this normal behavior for the rich? have they no shame? Giveth they no fuckeths? I for one try not to fart and have never had a poop so big that I needed a midwife and a Doula in there to assist when it crowns.

In short, please don't grunt and groan when crapping in public. If this is something you do in the privacy of your own home for pleasure, so be it, but I need all the peace and quiet I can get when standing at a public urinalBlack Panther quiet Im concentrating.jpg
 
so since I'm going scatological let's talk about the poor and their bathroom choices.

Going in to a quikie-mart type place to take a piss in a poorish rural town and there is this just massive dude decked out in flaming orange under armour shirt urinal squirting when I turn the corner. I mean you couldn't miss this dude had to be like 6'6' and 320 and in neon orange.

So he finishes and out the door he goes, not even breaking stride at the sink, like didn't even cross his mind to stop and at least rinse. So I get back to my car and I see him elbow deep in an already opened bag of chips. I mean I guess it might be cheaper to buy plain chips and season them with your own ball sweat but Ima go ahead and pay the extra up charge for the sour cream and onies for my own self.

God I hope he didn't have kids in that jacked up Ford 35809050 or if he did he didn't share those chips with the little urchins.
 
How long before I can post in the War Room? I've got something perfect for it.
 
Wilmer Digreux said:
Is it hard being impotent? And is that ironic?

#deepthoughts
Click to expand...
this deep thought might be the funniest thing ever written-

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." — Jack Handey​


The idea of what is the funniest thing you ever read is probably thread worthy but I'm going to just leave it here between you and me WD
 
you ever see one of your co-workers naked unexpectedly?

I'm still pretty traumatized by this story but I'm going to try some Shertherapy posting and see if I can overcome.

I worked in a fairly large city with numerous gyms within walking distance of my job. Things had not been going well as we were bought by a larger company and anyone that has gone through that knows the larger company fish eat all the smaller company fish and eventually you end up unemployed. Mind you this is not based on merit, just familiarity and taking the safe way when deciding which of the 2 employees gets the 1 spot left, the one you know and have worked with for a decade or the one who might be better but you've never met.

Anyway, I've met the new CEO, watched him bumblefuck his way through a project I was working on while completely ignoring my advice as I had about a year's worth of hands on experience and tried to pass that to him only to get a "We've got consultants for that" reply. And I do mean that was the complete reply.

So knowing the writing was on the wall, I figured I'd take some longer lunches, stroll about and maybe get some laps swimming if I could find a place with a pool that would let me go month to month on the membership.

Guy is showing me the gym, "pool is this way you have to go through the men's locker room and past the showers. All members are asked to shower before getting in the pool"

Yup you guessed it, walking out of the shower at that very moment, no towel in sight, is the new CEO who smiles and says hello.

The consultants cost us 3x's what it would have cost to do on our own, displaced an entire section of the company unnecessarily moving them out and back into their offices, I quit shortly thereafter.

but the mental image of that naked, bird chested, skinny pimply smiling man saying hello seeming unaware of my hared, in my minds eye I've somehow corrupted the memory to include the stupid elmer's fudd winter cap he used to wear and everyone laughed at behind his back being on his head though in reality it probably wasn't, that image still haunts me
 
In just 10 days, I have made 10 posts more than a 10th of the number of posts you've made in 20 years, 3 months, and 9 days.
 
spamking said:
Shooting a 1500 lbs. bull with a 9mm won't do anything except make it mad. It's much easier to distract them like the rodeo clowns do and then provide help.

Using a gun at a rodeo isn't the best idea.
Click to expand...

So a bull mauling people are not already mad?

Dang.
 
Is it more fun to rile up Republicans or democrats in the war room here....asking for a friend
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Latest posts

Forum statistics

Threads
1,275,156
Messages
57,971,408
Members
175,886
Latest member
Dagestanaev

Share this page

Back
Top