May Burry!! I need your help with a drug test

[thebluerider]

My brother has beat many tests using fake piss he ordered online. I would suggest going that route.

Just remember to tuck it under your balls so it gets to the proper temperature. Good luck.

gotta microwave it before you go to the test.

 

[ThinkGreen]

I can't believe I'm actually posting something supportive of TS... but wouldn't that be a good thing. "Sorry you drank too much water, we are going to have to have you reschedule" 'Oh, ummm... I drink a lot because I train mma, I'll make sure to limit my intake before I come back in though.' And now TS has time to finish the 'flush' (assuming he is smart enough to not smoke in the meantime)

Yeah, but I don't think it's like that. They will say something like "your sample was diluted" or "there was an error with your sample," which will probably make the employer somewhat suspicious.

Drinking water all day because you train MMA is not the same as a diluted piss test.

 

[Yardener]

Hola, doc yardener here. I work in psych as a psychopharmacologist and have given lectures to MDs, nurses, etc about how drug tests work and how people cheat them.

Peoples comments thus far are pretty spot on. Some thoughts

1. Urine drug screens (UDS) are fairly easy to beat, as a positive response only means you've exceeded a concentration thereshold (i.e. 50 micrograms/ml for MJ). So, the trick to beat them is either A) have no MJ metabolites in your system, or B) dilute your sample so the concentration falls below the cutoff for a positive.

2. UDS's validate a sample on the following criteria:
a. Temperature - needs to be body temp, so they know you didn't add tapwater or use someone's old, cold piss.
b. Ph - If the sample is overly dilute the pH will be off (not acidic enough). That's where the cranberry juice comes in.
c. Creatinine - Just a measure of muscle protein (serum creatinine) in your urine. If it's super low, that's another sign of dilution. That's where creatine supplements help, or just eat lots of animal protein in the preceeding days.
d. Color - If it's not yellow enough, that's another sign of dilution. That's where B-complex vitamins come in - they turn your piss orange-y.

So...
your 1st piss of the day will have the highest concention of MJ metabolites. So, clear the chamber that AM before your test. And drink lots of cranberry juice up until your test - for the fluid dilution + acidity. Take a double dose of b-complex vitamin that morning. If your test is around noon, you'll be okay Ph and color-wise.

All the kits they sell are pretty much bullshit - they're just herbal diueretics and all the directions include "drink lots of water." MJ is a fat soluble drug, so you can't flush it out with water. That's also why it lasts so much longer than cocaine or other more water soluble drugs. How long MJ lasts in your fatty tissue depends on your metabolism and body fat %. But, for an in shape guy, casual use lasts maybe a week or less, while chronic smokers it can last a month or more.

Real drug tests are by definition supervised, so be careful about plans including fake piss or a whizinator or whatever. If you've just been chippin at the bowl here and there at like a gram/week, and you aren't a fat fuck, you should be okay w/ the dilution method.

and BTW - a known diluted sample = FAIL. If they really want to hire you, they might have you repeat it, but typically, if the sample fails color, pH, etc then it's considered a failed test and your screwed.

Good luck!

 

[ThinkGreen]

gotta microwave it before you go to the test.

Yes, with synthetic urine you microwave for 10 seconds, then tape it to your legs/balls... and it comes with a little heating pad that you rubber band to the bottle, which keeps it at temp. The bottle also has a thermometer on the side to make sure the temp is right.

Real drug tests are by definition supervised, so be careful about plans including fake piss or a whizinator or whatever. If you've just been chippin at the bowl here and there at like a gram/week, and you aren't a fat fuck, you should be okay w/ the dilution method.

You sure about this part? I'm almost positive that only when doing a piss test for some sort of probation can they actually watch you. Otherwise you go into a bathroom with a door... you're just told to not flush the toilet or use the faucet.

 

[QTdd**]

My brother has beat many tests using fake piss he ordered online. I would suggest going that route.

Just remember to tuck it under your balls so it gets to the proper temperature. Good luck.

I wonder how many people have gotten aids from that.
TS, don't shave your balls before doing this.

 

[QTdd**]

What if someone wants to be a bus driver, or a pilot, or a teacher? You think it's OK for them to be snorting coke at home at night?

As long as they're sober at work.
These tests are ridiculous anyway.

It doesn't prove you're on a substance at work.
He could have smoked weed 6 weeks ago.

 

[MSK1010]

You wasted a lot of worry for nothing. 3 and a half weeks and you're clean, and have been clean, for a while. Unless you're obese, that is.

I went from smoking an 1/8th or so a day to pissing clean in 11 days. I'm a skinny guy with a high metabolism though, so maybe I'm biased by my own results.

nah im 6' 170lbs pretty skinny but i didnt want to chance it. My pops put his name on the line for me to get into boeing and i couldnt test positive and have him look bad.

 

[edirpfc**]

water is the best bet for flushing out your system. water only. i wouldn't drink cups and cups per day, i would drink 1-2 cups per day and would drink heavily first thing the morning of (maybe 5 good size cups). make sure you take a pee or two while drinking that before you give your sample.

when you give your sample, make sure that you start and end up pissing in the toilet. don't start or finish in the cup.

red meat is good for creatinine levels if you have it, eat the night before. taking anything to change the test is risky, i wouldn't go that route. DO NOT exercise and do that type of crap near the test because thc metabolites can escape and go into the urine.

 

[ThinkGreen]

nah im 6' 170lbs pretty skinny but i didnt want to chance it. My pops put his name on the line for me to get into boeing and i couldnt test positive and have him look bad.

I stopped smoking weed for 3 weeks and I took an at home drug test and failed. Don't listen to people when they say shit like "oh my piss was clean in 11 days." That's simply not true.

 

[whatteheff]

Some places will make you re-test if it comes back diluted, though.

And many will just mark it as "tampered" and consider it a fail.

You sure about this part? I'm almost positive that only when doing a piss test for some sort of probation can they actually watch you. Otherwise you go into a bathroom with a door... you're just told to not flush the toilet or use the faucet.

I know they do for court probation, hell, even if you're just on trial where I live. Have to piss clean every week (random day) until proven innocent? Some country we live in. They literally watch you whip it out and pee in the cup.

nah im 6' 170lbs pretty skinny but i didnt want to chance it. My pops put his name on the line for me to get into boeing and i couldnt test positive and have him look bad.

Makes sense, then.

 

[RoninJin]

Whats your new job?

 

[QTdd**]

google the words "drug test fake "male member" in the google search bar.

they have heated fake weiners that hold urine in them.


*disclaimer. this of course is illegal and i cant support any illegal activities....

ps. if you are a caucasian male, best to stay away from purchasing the african american color penis.

You should buy a 12 inch version and slightly turn into the female who's checking if you're doing it right.

 

[KO By Knee]

Shout outs to whatteheff, yardener and MSK1010 really useful information, also anyone who contributed I thank you and wish the best!!

I didn't know so many people were high and mighty that marijuana is considered a drug, I felt like I was getting advice from a head-strong cop on being told "Never smoked", or "This is why I don't smoke"

So I can be a coke-head pass the test, but do coke all the time and be a total strung-out as long as im passing a drug test? But smoking a drug that helps me eat when I can't cuz im depressed, helps me laugh and smile when I feel pure rage is horrible? and im a drug abuser? When I spend MAYBE 20 dollars a week on something grown out of the earth...grass? I could be on all kinds of anti-depressents or adderall but that shits so much worse I felt like a tweeker.

also im skinny, 6'0 about 155-157


Edit*: also I assumed drinking lots of water would be the cure, I once detoxed playing volleyball and drinking four loko's for 2 days straight..not the best plan but it worked, im fairly confident I can get my piss clear then add some color. Also good chance I wont take the test for a good 3-4 days.

 

[ThinkGreen]

I know they do for court probation, hell, even if you're just on trial where I live. Have to piss clean every week (random day) until proven innocent? Some country we live in. They literally watch you whip it out and pee in the cup.
.

Yeah, exactly. But they won't watch you if it's just a drug test for a job.

 

[KO By Knee]

Whats your new job?

It's an office job for a shipping/receiving company where I communicate with customers but also help with projects (hourly pay I find out my full position tomorrow). The most important thing though is it offers full benefits a solid schedule (sundays off) pays enough for me to pay my fines and tickets off within a few months, get a nice place a dog and maybe a wife.


Basically get me back on the straight-arrow, it's a position with a lot of opportunity's to move up which is what i've been trying to get for years now.

 

[Pupi]

Drugs are bad, dude. Why are you doing them?

 

[MSK1010]

ive been drooped 2 times in my life and had one cheek swab.

the military was the worst and i knew i was clean for that. they watched you and it took me 45 min to pee lol.

cheeck swab was simple i quit for 2 weeks just to be sure but im pretty positive you could smoke at least 3 days before hand and be fine.

going to a place where they strickly do urine tests with a friends pee in your nuts can be nerve racking and i about blew it when i couldnt even sign my own name properly.

also they have been known to take perfect samples and toss them and make you pee again. so if you have a friends pee save some for this instance.

 

[KO By Knee]

Drugs are bad, dude. Why are you doing them?

Cuz not all of us have the perfect life. And I don't wanna hear people out there have it worse, suck it up..Because im probably close to them. I had a horrible traumatizing child hood, struggling my whole life and have never been comfortable ever. Sometimes I wanna quit, sometimes I go days without eating..months without smiling(Real smile, I've got a good fake).


Coke is addicting, crystal meth makes me unable to live life, I don't like downers cuz im constantly working to survive with a place to live and eating is a blessing. MJ makes me smile, makes me laugh and helps me sleep..reminds me that happiness is out there. I only smoke it like medication. Anti-depressants do more bad then good.



That's why I do Drugs (Marijuana).

 

[Yardener]

If you're that skinny, you should be fine, man. And good call on whoever pointed out about starting the flow in the toilet. You wanna fill the cup w/ the 2nd half of your stream, as that will have a lower concentration of metabolites.

As far as witnessing the pissing... I've worked in methadone clinics for a long time, and for legal or clinical purposes, a piss test doesn't count unless it's witnessed (literally eyeballing the schlong whilst you're peeing). If it's just a regular jobby-job, then I can see them being less stringent about that. And speaking of legal stuff - a positive UDS isn't considered a 100% foolproof result. So, if you pissed hot at a job you already have, they'd have to confirm the positive test w/ a blood sample. They'd run a toxicology screen (using GC/Mass Spec) that will detect anything and everything in your blood down to literally the molecule, so there's no escaping that. If they try and fire you or whatever w/out the plasma toxicology screen, you have legal recourse to claim the UDS was a false positive or whatever.
But, if it's for an interview, and your UDS is found dilute or positive, they'll just not hire you.

last thought: Basically every clinician I know thinks it's ridiculous that MJ is illegal, as its much (MUCH) safer than booze or even cigarettes. I'm very confident that its status will change. The Controlled Substances Act that determined all this was from Nixon in 1970, and it was in response to the establisment freaking out about hippies taking over America. That bill is over 40yrs old and outdated. And we're overdue for an updated, more rational, approach to drugs policy in the U.S.
Okay, end rant...

 

[Real_Magi]

Uh, no. Not overnight. Drink that much water overnight and your test will come back as "diluted." They're measuring things like Creatinine content, not the fucking color.

The person administering the test is doing a visual inspection of the urine for the color. Alot of cheaper tests (dip sticks) won't test for anything other than drugs.

The energy drink will cause your body to believe that you have over dosed on b vitamins and it will send a ton of shit with your piss in reaction to the overload from the energy drink. I have never failed a piss test or had it come back "diluted" using this method.

Also, diluted isn't an automatic fail anyway, so if you're in a pinch you can just dilute your piss on the fly by drinking tons of water then go back and retest if they make you. Tons of people who stay active and hydrated will have clear piss anyway and companies that conduct these tests do not count a diluted test as a fail.

Not over night? I can't really understand where that statement is coming from considering "over night" isn't anywhere in my post you quoted but you can do it in under an hour and it will still work...

Jesus man, if you would just drink the amount of water you need daily your pee would stay clear.

OK?

And of course you can smoke 5 minutes before the test and pass - it hasn't had time to metabolize or even begin to be eliminated by your kidneys. Fuck, I could shoot an Opana and piss clean five minutes later, if I was actually conscious.

My point was that you could smoke consistently for every day of your life, including 5 minutes before the test, and still pass.

A piss test for pot is fucking crazy easy to pass. you guys are making this too damned complicated. If you simply drink a ton of water you will pass. It really is that simple.