Married with newborn on the way.

[MortalWombat]

I want you to come back here in 20 years, TS, and tell us how things turned out. Look me up. I'll be making juvenile puns, looking how many replies they get. And you say to me, you say, "MortalWombat, listen, remember that thread by a father-to-be who was thinking about leaving his unborn child because he was getting substandard blowies from his pudgy pregnant wife? I mean, it wasn't quite that simple, but remember how that's what you reduced it to in your judgmental mind? Well, I was that father-to-be. And this is what happened, MortalWombat."

And then you tell me your story.

 

[RoryFan]

Ha ha, Dr. Phil, poop. He's pop culture, so he's a dumb dumb, right guys?

Dr. Phil is incredibly fucking smart. Dr. Phil could mind rape 99% of Sherdog without trying.

Dr. Phil played collegiate football (I think D1 1st string), never borrowed money for anything in his life, has a PHD, has his own television show, has people like Oprah in his Rolodex, etc...

Dr. Phil is more accomplished than anyone on this forum will ever be.

Sure, I'll take advice from a bunch of tools on a fighting forum, but not from an accomplished profesional like Dr. Phil. That would just be dumb.

Dr Phil uses a Rolodex?

 

[BillBlueski]

Dr Phil uses a Rolodex?

 

[BPA00]

At least try counseling and working it out.

If you don't want to do that, fine just don't complain when you're working 2 jobs to afford child support and she is raising your kid with another man. Divorces are so common these days as are step families, etc and it's not the end of the world. Just at least try first.

+1

You had a major part in her getting pregnant. You owe it to your un-born child to try your very best to work it out. However, if you absolutely cannot, then I think a child will be happier having divorced parents than growing up in a home w/ parents who obviously don't love each other and fight all of the time. Granted, I grew up in such a household and turned out just fine (I think).

 

[DespicablePeep]

Yeah, I think TS owes it to himself to express his concerns to his wife that this pregnancy wasn't an accident. That is a huge question to keep to oneself, and how she responds, and how he feels about her response will be the ground for what happens after that conversation. Tricking him into getting her pregnant is very different than her being surprised too that a baby happened so quickly.

Last night was awful, we went to a party and on the way home I tried to explain why I was not happy. Did not go well, she cried till 5am.

Talked to her again about getting off the pill when I asked not to, same explanation she said the doctor recommended, since being on it for many years. I don

 

[SowingSeason]

Yeah, I think TS owes it to himself to express his concerns to his wife that this pregnancy wasn't an accident. That is a huge question to keep to oneself, and how she responds, and how he feels about her response will be the ground for what happens after that conversation. Tricking him into getting her pregnant is very different than her being surprised too that a baby happened so quickly.

That is fair. That is some sheisty shit but I doubt she admits it and it wouldn't change his situation.

I don't know. If I were TS I would be worried about her moving on and my kid having another father essentially (which he has mentioned). That wouldn't sit right with me.

 

[SowingSeason]

I'll play devil's advocate to SowingSeason's advice above:

Are you going to regret staying around someone you don't love anymore or moving on?

The kid isn't born yet, so easier to leave now before you hold it in your arms and get attached to it. Any man can get a woman pregnant, someone else can be that kid's dad. Someone else who'll love your current wife for who she is.

Do you want your child to grow up around loveless parents? You will be shaping their view of marriage and will likely follow your example.

You are being selfish by not letting her go on to find someone more compatible. You are being selfish by depriving your offspring from being raised in a loving household.

I didn't say he shouldn't move on. I'm saying his circumstances demand that he try everything he can to keep his family together before he throws in the towel.

 

[Banchan]

and if you say "oh its fine, ill just be a good dad from two homes", there are COUNTLESS studies showing how much better it is to have both parents at home.

That is because the vast majority of single parent females had nothing going for them before they got pregnant...so they figure they may as well get pregnant. That's the general populace that gets pregnant without being married. There are exceptions but the majority are not successful working people. Single parent hood is not the causation of poverty families. Single women in poverty bringing children into the world is.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Last night was awful, we went to a party and on the way home I tried to explain why I was not happy. Did not go well, she cried till 5am.

Talked to her again about getting off the pill when I asked not to, same explanation she said the doctor recommended, since being on it for many years. I don

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Also, I don't want to come off too negative about a baby. It is hard, but it opens up new feelings of love and joy beyond anything you have ever experienced.

 

[Banchan]

That's not what counselling is. You know better.

Counseling is often a last resort and by the time most couples end up on a therapist's chair, it is already too late. Counseling doesn't provide miracles. Like most things, it's better utilized before reaching a point of no return.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Counseling is often a last resort and by the time most couples end up on a therapists chair, it is already too late. Counseling doesn't provide miracles. Like most yhings, it's better utilized before reaching a breaking point.

Last ditch efforts get last ditch results. Same goes for orthopedic surgery as it does for counseling.

 

[Banchan]

Last ditch efforts get last ditch results. Same goes for orthopedic surgery as it does for counseling.

Unfortunately that is when people seek help, when they have already given up. I read on psychology today that marriage counseling is often just a precursor to divorce because the couple seeks help when it's already too late. What ends up happening is that even if they try again and whether it is 1 month or 1 year later, they end up divorcing hating each other even more.

 

[djacobox372]

Don't feel you have to stay with her because of the baby. You can still be a good father and not be with someone you have problems with.

I feel a baby will have an easier time with two happy, but apart parent rather than two parents who stay together but have a constant state of tension and frustration in the household. Kids pick up on that.

Correction: if you choose a mother for your child that you can't stand to be with than you are not exactly a "good" father. It's the most important decision you can make for your child and you royally botched it.

You didn't give any reason other than "feelings" why you can't stay in the marriage, so man up and be a good husband and father.

Marriage and family isn't about "feelings" those wax and wane.

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Correction: if you choose a mother for your child that you can't stand to be with than you are not exactly a "good" father. It's the most important decision you can make for your child and you royally botched it.

You didn't give any reason other than "feelings" why you can't stay in the marriage, so man up and be a good husband and father.

Marriage and family isn't about "feelings" those wax and wane.

I would divorce you :wink:

 

[Cake4Breakfast]

Unfortunately that is when people seek help, when they have already given up. I read on psychology today that marriage counseling is often just a precursor to divorce because the couple seeks help when it's already too late. What ends up happening is that even if they try again and whether it is 1 month or 1 year later, they end up divorcing hating each other even more.

It can help if both people are willing to check their egos and learn new ways of relating to each other. if both go in thinking they are the victim and the other person is an ass, and want the counselor to be a judge and bring the hammer to their partner, then it isn't going to work. If people go in trying to learn and improve themselves, then it can be helpful going forward for them in their next relationship, even if their partner wants to keep doing the same dysfunctional crap. Like a "diet," it has to be a lifestlye change, or the results are going to be expected. That can be complicated if people still want to have relationships with dysfunctional parents and siblings, as those patterns are so inculcated, and people don't know how screwed up and weird their families are, especially to other people trying to live life and raise kids with them. A couselor has a lot going on outside of their offices, and only an hour or so a week to apply their craft.

 

[Banchan]

Please keep us updated through all the ups and downs TS.

 

[ralphc1]

Is it a newborn or on the way? Newborn would already be born!

 

[Stargazer Rex]

You should of manned up and broke it off a year ago before getting a child into it.

 

[MortalWombat]

If he had a time machine, he could break it off, and the newborn will have been on the way.