Let's make puns

- What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
- Frostbite.
 
- What do you get from a pampered cow?
- Spoiled milk.
 
- What do you call Santa's helpers?
- Subordinate Clauses.
 
- What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
- You're too young to smoke.
 
- Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
- Because they spend years at C.
 
A man ran into a hospital and yelled, "I have only 59 seconds left to live!"
The receptionist said, "Just a minute, please."
 
- Did you hear about the apple on trial?
- It was judged by a jury of his pears.
 
- How much did the pirate pay for his piercing?
- A buccaneer.
 
Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
 
- What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
- Neck-tarines.
 
- What kind of snake is good at building things?
- A boa constructor.
 
- When does a bed grow longer?
- At night, because two feet are added to it.
 
- How do you make a Venetian blind?
- Stick a finger in his eye.
 
- What do you do with your dogs when you go shopping?
- Leave them in the barking lot.
 
- How do you call friendly pigs on a farm?
- Pen pals.
 
- How does an octopus go to war?
- Armed.
 
- How do you call a deeply disturbed bear who travels between the South and North Poles?
- A bi-polar bear.
 
A guy walks into the doctor's office with screws in his ears. The doctor asks:
- What seems to be the problem?
- Doc, I listen to metal.
 
Somebody complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said "Parking Fine".
 
A man with a strawberry growing out of his head visits a doctor.
The doc says: "I can give you some cream for that."
 
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