Know anyone that got screwed over in a divorce?

[GergreG]

I kinda got screwed. I was a stay at home dad as my ex-wife was and still is an executive for a major retailer. She literally made more than 3 times as much as me back then so it didn't make sense to put our kids in daycare which basically wiped out my entire pay and then some. When we got divorced, I did not get any alimony and I have to pay child support to the tune of half of my take home pay which means I was homeless for a while. The court make ZERO allowances for real world living conditions and only bases their determination on percentages and that is it. What she makes and what her husband makes is not relevant. Taking half of a monthly income of 3,000 hurts way more than it benefits the person getting it when they take home well over 5 figures a month.

She had since had multiple promotions, gotten remarried, between their combined salary makes well into 6 figures (she makes over 130K on her own) which is about 4 times what I make and they live in a 5 bedroom house while I have never been able to afford to live on my own. I gave up 2 career path positions during our marriage so had to start all over at the bottom with not a lot of work history and no degree. (She doesn't have one either but she has worked for the same company for almost 20 years)

She also filed for bankruptcy while we were still married and refused to include me if I didn't pay half (which as I was homeless and paying child support on unemployment checks) was impossible at the time. Considering it would not have cost her anything to add me since we were still married she did it totally out of spite to fuck me over. So i was saddled with all of our debt including all credit cards, line of credit using our house as collateral we got to fix our house up which we were underwater on and had to do a short sale so we couldn't pay it back plus other various debt. I had to go to court multiple times back in 2008/2009 but as I was homeless and unemployment, the debts were written off and I thought were discharged.

So I finally got a decent job in 2010 where I still am although I don't make a lot and I am still paying close to half my take home pay to her. My grandmother died and left me a decent amount of money which I was going to use to FINALLY get a little ahead and buy a small condo and just not live check to check. Well what happens? That old line of credit debt rears its ugly head as they refiled last June and I had to file for bankruptcy. The bankruptcy trustee took everything I had and now I am looking at being homeless again in the near future unless I can find a very cheap place to live for about 4-500 a month (all included) which is all I can afford after my child support. I am a very involved dad and have never missed any payments no matter what. I see my kids from Friday night until Monday morning every week plus split school vacation weeks and holidays.

Good times.

Now I also have several medical conditions which limit the type of work I can do and also affect my appearance which has cost me promotions and job opportunities for those who will say just get a better job or work harder. It's not that simple. I work very hard and am highly praised at my job, but I can't really advance due to those issues.

Man, that's tough to read. I hope it all works out for you.

 

[Oblivian]

I kinda got screwed. I was a stay at home dad as my ex-wife was and still is an executive for a major retailer. She literally made more than 3 times as much as me back then so it didn't make sense to put our kids in daycare which basically wiped out my entire pay and then some. When we got divorced, I did not get any alimony and I have to pay child support to the tune of half of my take home pay which means I was homeless for a while. The court make ZERO allowances for real world living conditions and only bases their determination on percentages and that is it. What she makes and what her husband makes is not relevant. Taking half of a monthly income of 3,000 hurts way more than it benefits the person getting it when they take home well over 5 figures a month.

She had since had multiple promotions, gotten remarried, between their combined salary makes well into 6 figures (she makes over 130K on her own) which is about 4 times what I make and they live in a 5 bedroom house while I have never been able to afford to live on my own. I gave up 2 career path positions during our marriage so had to start all over at the bottom with not a lot of work history and no degree. (She doesn't have one either but she has worked for the same company for almost 20 years)

She also filed for bankruptcy while we were still married and refused to include me if I didn't pay half (which as I was homeless and paying child support on unemployment checks) was impossible at the time. Considering it would not have cost her anything to add me since we were still married she did it totally out of spite to fuck me over. So i was saddled with all of our debt including all credit cards, line of credit using our house as collateral we got to fix our house up which we were underwater on and had to do a short sale so we couldn't pay it back plus other various debt. I had to go to court multiple times back in 2008/2009 but as I was homeless and unemployment, the debts were written off and I thought were discharged.

So I finally got a decent job in 2010 where I still am although I don't make a lot and I am still paying close to half my take home pay to her. My grandmother died and left me a decent amount of money which I was going to use to FINALLY get a little ahead and buy a small condo and just not live check to check. Well what happens? That old line of credit debt rears its ugly head as they refiled last June and I had to file for bankruptcy. The bankruptcy trustee took everything I had and now I am looking at being homeless again in the near future unless I can find a very cheap place to live for about 4-500 a month (all included) which is all I can afford after my child support. I am a very involved dad and have never missed any payments no matter what. I see my kids from Friday night until Monday morning every week plus split school vacation weeks and holidays.

Good times.

Now I also have several medical conditions which limit the type of work I can do and also affect my appearance which has cost me promotions and job opportunities for those who will say just get a better job or work harder. It's not that simple. I work very hard and am highly praised at my job, but I can't really advance due to those issues.

What state are you from? I wasn't aware of states that do not take the custodial parent's income into consideration when determining child support.

 

[Armbars]

Yes

My mother in law, she was shafted by my wife's dad.

She raised three lovely children, cooked, cleaned and ensured the kids were always happy. Tried to be a loving partner to a selfish bully.

The little runt filtered all of his money out of the accounts, gave his 2nd property away to someone on his side of the family, hired a really expensive top barrister, got the family car stolen, treated her like shit for the last 15 years of her life and refused to move out of the house through the 8 month long divorce.

She ended up with under 50% of the house they lived in, not enough for a house purchase of her own, ended up getting a 50% shared ownership small flat. Yet she had to look after the youngest of the three kids, feed her, put up with her shit, pay for pretty much everything she wants only to be reminded shes a bad mum for divorcing dad.

Meanwhile, the little runt lives in a 3 bed house, rent free, evades the tax man as a self employed worked, he pretends he doesn't work and gets welfare, but hes full of shit, has thousands of pounds of tucked away cash and doesn't spend any time with his kids.

 

[Der Eisbär]

I keep saying over and over. Date and marry in your own tax bracket and this wouldn't be an issue. If you settle for a stay at home wife, your income is treated as her income.

This is too simplistic. If you date someone in your own tax bracket and they have completely different values than you, it's doomed to fail.

 

[SammyPops]

He'd go to prison here after a month of not paying. If he refused, that is. The state puts you in a seek work probation program and if you don't meet the requirements you go to prison. Simple as that. One thing my state gets right anyway.

Its not that he dos not pay. Its he does not collect a proper income from the family business. He drives a car provided by the family company, his family pays for him and the kids to come on their vacations etc. Basically, his income is falsely low.

 

[Treeloy]

If I lost everything I worked for in my life because of a divorce. Id say fuck the law, sell everything, keep all the money and disappear before she can get anything. Kids? Your problem now.
Good luck without any money.

I dont know if id really do that but fuck that ho!

 

[Jack Reacheround]

Everyone gets screwed in a divorce. To your example, one of my good friend's brothers got divorced. 4 kids and the wife has never worked.

He got hammered! You know what though? Its his own fault. If your wife never works, you pretty much agreed to support her forever no matter what. After that 1st kid, he should have insisted she get a job and so on.

Another story, my wife's friend got divorced. She makes like $70K in Toronto so not a ton. Her husband works for his dad's company and gets underpaid big time. No idea how much, but she has full cusody of the kids (he does not really care) but she cannot get a penny out of him. He has serious cash but its all off the books.

Yeah, exactly. When your wife doesn’t work, she is not only forgoing the wages she would have earned during that time, but also the work experience that would have resulted in her getting a higher salary when she finally got a job after the divorce. So it’s fair, but also not fair.

That will likely change since more and more women who are married are working.

 

[UncleJosh]

What state are you from? I wasn't aware of states that do not take the custodial parent's income into consideration when determining child support.

Sorry I phrased that poorly. What i mean is they do take it into account as far as numbers go but they just base what they take from me on a percentage and not how that percentage actually affects each individual. In other words the amount I pay her does not benefit her as much as it does hurt me. My standard of living does not match hers and since she was supporting the household before and after me, my child support is basically entertainment money for them. My financial contributions are minimal compared to her income and what she is able to provide for them. I make up for that by being the best involved dad I can. I see them half the time and am very involved in their lives and do all the normal dad/kids stuff with them. I am not just a babysitter a few times a year to my kids. I am not complaining so much as just explaining the situation.