Jokes to tell cops when pulled over

Try screaming at the top of your lungs WHAT'S THE SECRET TO COMEDY TIMING.

If you're lucky, he will appreciate the timing.
 
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
You: ummm, You wanted a blowjob?
 
Also, once I was driving and a cop pulled me over thinking I was drunk or something since I swirled a little. I gave him my license and registration. He asked me to step out and did a sobriety test which I passed of course. Then he was like okay you can go Sir and went back to his car. That's when I realized he didn't even give me back my driving license so I went to his car and asked him if he still has my license. He checked and said "Sorry, here it is". I was like "Officer, you know it's wrong to drive when you are obviously drunk, right?". He laughed out loud embarrassingly and left.
 
Terror Zone said:
Cops minds are made up before they ever talk to you, all you can do is make things worse for yourself.
Click to expand...

Can't speak for other guys on the job but this isn't the case for me. I work a beat so I'm normally taking calls and I don't care much for traffic anyway but a lot of people have talked themselves into a ticket and just as many have received a warning for being cordial and polite. I'm not on a power trip and don't expect to be treated like royalty in fact it makes me a tad uncomfortable. Just show me the respect of a fellow human being and we will get along just fine.

And for a true story. A kid once told me that he had eaten Mexican food earlier in the day and that he was speeding because he was about to shit his pants. It made me laugh and got him a break.
 
when they signal you don't pull over straight away, when they ask you why you didn't pull over tell them your wife left you for a policeman and you thought he was trying to return her.

badum tish, the oldest cop joke known to man.
 
"No, it's a cardigan, but thanks for noticing."
 
A hilarious, effective joke that is sure to work out well is "it will be tough to explain my ticket to me with no teeth!!"
 
I was pulled over once for a breathalyser test and when it showed 0, I said "I'm glad I wasn't shitfaced this time around" and the policemans sense of humor ran out.
 
Real life exchange between my friend and a cop.

Cop - "Why are your eyes red? Have you been smoking weed?"

Friend - "No. Why are your eyes glazed over? Have you been eating donuts?"
 
My friend was asked how did he afford the particular car he was driving.
He replied

" by selling heroin to your kids".

Imo not the best way to start a conversation with a police officer.
 
I made a cop laugh and got out of ticket once in San Diego.

I was getting frustrated looking for a parking spot by the beach, and saw a hotel parking lot open on the right side, but I was in the left lane, and made the turn anyway.. Cop saw it, pulled me over.

Asked me if I know what I did, and I said "Hell yes, I do!" very matter-of-factly.


he laughed, gave me a "written warning" and then directed me to some hidden parking a lot of people didn't know about.
 
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