Joke thread

Why does Santa have such a big sack?

Because he only comes once a year.
 
Brother Numsi said:
A black guy, a white guy, a Latino guy, and an Asian guy climb Mt. Everest. When the four get to the very top of the mountain the Latino guy looks at the other three with tears in his eyes and says, "this is for my people!" and jumps off the mountain. The Asian guy overwhelmed by his actions looks at the other two and says, "this is for my people" and jumps right off the mountain, too.

The black guy and the white guy are both left standing on the mountain in disbelief. Finally, the black guy looks at the white guy and says, "this is for my people!"

And throws the white guy off the mountain.
Click to expand...

What's the difference between a black man and a park bench?





















































































A park bench can support a family of four.
 
Brother Numsi said:
A black guy, a white guy, a Latino guy, and an Asian guy climb Mt. Everest. When the four get to the very top of the mountain the Latino guy looks at the other three with tears in his eyes and says, "this is for my people!" and jumps off the mountain. The Asian guy overwhelmed by his actions looks at the other two and says, "this is for my people" and jumps right off the mountain, too.

The black guy and the white guy are both left standing on the mountain in disbelief. Finally, the black guy looks at the white guy and says, "this is for my people!"

And throws the white guy off the mountain.
Click to expand...

A Mexican and a black man are riding in a car. Who's driving?





































































































A cop.
 
Guy's wife is in a coma at the hospital. Etc etc
Doctor tells him that sometimes external stimulus can wake patients; sounds, smells, sensations. He says, "There aren't many options left. You should probably try stimulating a sensitive area. The way to wake your wife might be... oral sex."

The man is taken aback, but tells the doctor he's willing to try anything. So he walks into his wife's room and shuts the door.

After a moment he comes racing out in a panic, with his pants around his ankles. "Doctor doctor! She's choking!"
 
I always liked this one...


Brother Numsi said:
A black guy, a white guy, a Latino guy, and an Asian guy climb Mt. Everest. When the four get to the very top of the mountain the Latino guy looks at the other three with tears in his eyes and says, "this is for my people!" and jumps off the mountain. The Asian guy overwhelmed by his actions looks at the other two and says, "this is for my people" and jumps right off the mountain, too.

The black guy and the white guy are both left standing on the mountain in disbelief. Finally, the black guy looks at the white guy and says, "this is for my people!"

And throws the white guy off the mountain.
Click to expand...

I always heard it like this:
The ship is sinking and they need to jettison weight. People are going to have to jump in order to save the rest. The first five to draw short straws are an Englishman, a Scot, a Frenchman, a American, and a Mexican.
The Englishman cries out, "God save the Queen!" and jumps.
The Scot, not to be outdone by an English, yells out "Scotland forever!" and jumps.
The Frenchman shrugs, says "Vive la France!" and marches off the deck.
The American throws the Mexican overboard and yells out, "Remember the Alamo!"
 
Phlog said:
This thread clearly deliniates into jokes that are innately funny and those that need the right delivery.

(The inside of my head sucks at comic delivery)
Click to expand...
Well you know what the secret to jokes is timing.
 
Why did the chicken cross the road?

To go see a dipshit

Knock knock

Who’s there?

It’s the chicken
 
What's the best way to get a Jewish girl's number?


Lift up her sleeve.
 
Do you know how many Vietnam vets it takes to screw in a light bulb?

...No??


That's cuz you weren't fuckin' there, man!
 
What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around here I'ma go on ahead.
 
Ten Polish guys start to rape a German woman.

“Nein! Nein!” she cries.

So one Pole goes home.
 
Fijeeto said:
What's the best way to get a Jewish girl's number?
Click to expand...
giphy.gif
 
Last edited:
The one that was popular in my middle school was
What’s the worst part about being a black Jew?
Having to sit in the back of the oven.
 
How do you blindfold a Chinese person? Put floss over their eyes.
 
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