Mostly though it's the fact that my ex wife seems to have permanently broken me in terms of relationships.
So I'll try to work on getting the rest of my life in order for now. It's been a very long time since we split and I wouldn't be shocked if I never dated again.
Dude, few things fuck with a guy more than getting put through the ringer by a lady they loved. You look at yourself in the mirror and don't even recognize the image as you. It's a mangled distorted version of you. It's acceptable to be a mess-
for a little while.
There is such a stigma associated with getting professional help in the US, that when people start slipping a little bit, they try to 'fix their own car' from a mental and emotional standpoint, rather than going to a mechanic. And that's fine if you have a high aptitude in that area. But if you don't, you end up 'making the car worse' or just driving around with the escalating small problems until the 'car breaks down'. People give their cars oil changes every 3-4 thousand miles. But they typically give their minds and brains an oil change every
never.
You might benefit greatly from a little therapy.
There is a high incidence of mental illness in my wife's family. Her brother is severely mentally ill, and has been institutionalized several times. Even though she does not really have any 'issues' she goes to a therapist every 2 weeks anyway as a way of mental and emotional maintenance. We joke about it constantly because when I ask her what her therapist told her about something specific, she almost always says, 'the same thing you always tell me'
Getting your shit together when your life is in disarray can seem like a daunting task. Starting small and then expanding really builds momentum. Here is a tool I have given employees and friends that is simple (which is not the same as easy) to implement. I did not invent this, just heard it on my travels or read about it somewhere and it resonated and worked for me in more challenging periods.
Draw a mental circle around yourself. A really
tiny circle. Barely bigger than your body. With a circle this small, you can pretty much take TOTAL CONTROL of what goes on in that circle. Make sure that what ever happens inside that circle is done exclusively for your betterment. What goes in your body (food, booze, and drug choices) what goes into your mind (is it educational and inspirational, or is it banal and unhelpful) what you
do with your body (productive things like work, exercise, other productive activities, or are you inert?).
Focus all your improvement efforts in this small circle. Don't expand the circle until you have complete mastery of the small circle. For it is your mastery of this small circle that gives you the tools you need as the circle expands. As the circle expands, you will not have total control of things, you will only have varying
degrees of influence. The more you have mastered the small circle, the better able you are to exert your influence in the larger ones. Your
relationships are typically in this larger circle.
There is a still larger circle out there of things that may interest or concern you. But even if you exert all your control and influence, you are still unlikely to make a dent, as these are things where the outcome is determined by an aggregate (climate change, election results). So after you have exerted your control (recycled, or given personal time- for example) and your influence (encouraged others to do the same), you should refocus energies in the smaller circles as they will have more impact on your life. As you become more masterful in each circle, you can expand them.
