is it "wrong" to sleep with a married person?

[lesnarsneedle]

While I know she does not use drugs, I and others are convinced she has a mental disorder of some kind. I am going to start keeping a journal of her outbursts and secretly recording her as well. So that when I file, I will have grounds for full custody.

Smart plan. Stay prepared

 

[lesnarsneedle]

I just dont understand it man. How does this happen to so many people?

Are people that shitty?
Am I that lucky ?
Do me and my old lady know some secret that others dont ?
Are some just not built for it but forced it to be normal ?

It's like a win streak in the ufc, nobody escapes unscathed.

Your wife has cheated on you bro.

 

[Mike]

I just dont understand it man. How does this happen to so many people?

Are people that shitty?
Am I that lucky ?
Do me and my old lady know some secret that others dont ?
Are some just not built for it but forced it to be normal ?

I've said it before in these threads, but it's a lot of things and I think cultural changes have a huge effect.


A generation ago getting divorced was a huge taboo for both genders, it was considered a major failure.


If you were thinking of divorce it was a lot more likely that your friends, family, and even acquaintances would try to talk you out of it.


That's not the case any more, and that old sense of community is long gone. Add to that the fact that our legal system heavily favors women, and you get the situation we have now.


Women are initiating these divorces the vast majority of the time, for a check or out of boredom or both.


Then you factor in social media, where even a below average girl can get tons of ego boosting attention.



I know I have severe social problems and terrible taste in women, but most of the guys I know are having the same problems.


Whether they're better looking, have more money or charisma, most guys I know are ending up divorced or heading for divorce by their 30s.



You mentioned your girl have been off and on and had to fight to make it work. Most women don't seem to be willing to fight for a relationship any more. It's too easy to just find someone else.

 

[Mike]

Double

 

[Gutter Chris]

You mentioned your girl have been off and on and had to fight to make it work. Most women don't seem to be willing to fight for a relationship any more. It's too easy to just find someone else.

Was just off than on once. Wasnt ready to be that guy and was young and insecure. Maybe its just an us thing or a midwest ethic thing but to me and Mrs Gutter its always seemed worth any struggle and we make a good team . Like the shit you see in a movie its just always been there for us. I actually like her and to be around her and it seems she feels the same.

Shits magic man
Inseparable as kids and the same as rapidly approaching middle aged suburbanites .

Was cute like a tv show we snuck out almost every night to be together and our parents got so sick of fighting it they just had a talk and gave in to it. Climbing out windows and up trees and shit lol. I know it sounds crazy and our parents tried to put the kabosh on it but we were some crazy kids and werent havin it. If no matter what you do you get the same results at some point you gotta find a different path

I love my wife Mike shes a hell of a girl.

 

[Mike]

Was just off than on once. Wasnt ready to be that guy and was young and insecure. Maybe its just an us thing or a midwest ethic thing but to me and Mrs Gutter its always seemed worth any struggle and we make a good team . Like the shit you see in a movie its just always been there for us. I actually like her and to be around her and it seems she feels the same.

Shits magic man
Inseparable as kids and the same as rapidly approaching middle aged suburbanites .

Was cute like a tv show we snuck out almost every night to be together and our parents got so sick of fighting it they just had a talk and gave in to it. Climbing out windows and up trees and shit lol. I know it sounds crazy and our parents tried to put the kabosh on it but we were some crazy kids and werent havin it. If no matter what you do you get the same results at some point you gotta find a different path

I love my wife Mike shes a hell of a girl.

That's cool man. I felt that way about my ex-wife when we met. IT was hard for us to spend time together and required a lot of sacrifice from both of us. We were broke as hell all the time too. I remember being so happy when we scraped enough money together to go see a movie or something.


We had so much chemistry back then, and seemed to fit so well. I don't know how it all went wrong. Sort of why I have no interest in doing it anymore.

 

[cooks1]

you have no intention of taking them from their spouse or telling. is it still a scum bag move?

Are you as big a douche as the cheating spouse? No. But are you still on the douche podium? You bet.

Here is a good rule of thumb for determining if you are doing something wrong. I call it the 'Sunlight Test'. How will your actions be viewed, especially by the offended party, when light is shone upon them.

 

[Banchan]

Are you as big a douche as the cheating spouse? No. But are you still on the douche podium? You bet.

Here is a good rule of thumb for determining if you are doing something wrong. I call it the 'Sunlight Test'. How will your actions be viewed, especially by the offended party, when light is shone upon them.

you know how i think she should view it? her fucking fault for thinking her predator husband is a good fucking man. im sure he's the perfect guy at home when he's not pushing himself onto girls at work. surprise bitch, your husband should be in jail. goodluck with your marriage!

 

[WandySaku2]

Whether they're better looking, have more money or charisma, most guys I know are ending up divorced or heading for divorce by their 30s.

This is a big part of the issue in my opinion. Beyond the whole "Why get married at all?" thing, why would a guy get married before his 30s?

 

[Mike]

This is a big part of the issue in my opinion. Beyond the whole "Why get married at all?" thing, why would a guy get married before his 30s?

Either idealistic ideas about love and relationships, or the fact that once you get serious with a girl she will push for marriage. Also parents and other family members push for it. Traditionally people have married way before 30, although that's probably around the age you realize hat you want in life.



I got married just before I turned 31 myself.

 

[Axx]

Military wives cheat all the time.

Seen it first hand and told the guy and he left her bitch ass at a moments notice.

Was easier for him because there weren't any kids.

She thought I was gonna be on her side and hide her secrets. Even tried to bang me after I told her I was going to expose her in attempt to keep me quiet.

Boy was she wrong.

just let her bang bro

 

[Kardashians]

I've said it before in these threads, but it's a lot of things and I think cultural changes have a huge effect.


A generation ago getting divorced was a huge taboo for both genders, it was considered a major failure.


If you were thinking of divorce it was a lot more likely that your friends, family, and even acquaintances would try to talk you out of it.


That's not the case any more, and that old sense of community is long gone. Add to that the fact that our legal system heavily favors women, and you get the situation we have now.


Women are initiating these divorces the vast majority of the time, for a check or out of boredom or both.


Then you factor in social media, where even a below average girl can get tons of ego boosting attention.



I know I have severe social problems and terrible taste in women, but most of the guys I know are having the same problems.


Whether they're better looking, have more money or charisma, most guys I know are ending up divorced or heading for divorce by their 30s.
.

I still view divorce as a massive failure tbh. Unless there are serious reasons for it ending, like abusive behavoir and that sort of thing, I just . . . Idk. When I think about who I'd like to be with I don't think I'd like to date somebody that has been divorced. To me marriage means a life time commitment, and if they already hopped outta one, I'm weary of how committed they are or are going to be in the future when things start getting tough. Lol I have an aunt that's been married four times . . . Why even bother after like, the third? Lol. It's rude of me but why would anybody want to marry a person that's been divorced that many times? Idk man. She plans to get married again to her current guy.

If I get married I wanna see that shit through. Easy to say, no doubt, but it's at least the attitude I wanna go into it with.

To be fair though, I see a lot of men that are lazy and neglectful as fuck towards their relationships, so it's not all on women. Men need to shape up too. I mean ofc for a relationship to work both people need to be carrying their weight and putting in the effort.

 

[cooks1]

you know how i think she should view it? her fucking fault for thinking her predator husband is a good fucking man. im sure he's the perfect guy at home when he's not pushing himself onto girls at work. surprise bitch, your husband should be in jail. goodluck with your marriage!

I agree that would be a reasonable assessment to make- regarding the wife's poor decision making. But that has 0.000 to do with the actions of the person that fucked her husband knowing he was married. Those are the actions of that person alone. Not her and not her husband. Let each person have a reckoning for their own actions.

If you truly think there is no moral terpitude here, then you would have no trouble whatsoever making this statement to someone you deeply respected. Someone whose opinion of you is very important to you. Like a mother, father or similar type figure, or another close mentor. Could you walk up to them and say, 'Listen, I fucked the wife of this married guy. I don't particularly dig her or anything, just did it for sport. I knew she was married, but I just did it anyway because her husband is a douche.'?

Moral terpitude baby- Bad Ju-Ju.

 

[Banchan]

I agree that would be a reasonable assessment to make- regarding the wife's poor decision making. But that has 0.000 to do with the actions of the person that fucked her husband knowing he was married. Those are the actions of that person alone. Not her and not her husband. Let each person have a reckoning for their own actions.

If you truly think there is no moral terpitude here, then you would have no trouble whatsoever making this statement to someone you deeply respected. Someone whose opinion of you is very important to you. Like a mother, father or similar type figure, or another close mentor. Could you walk up to them and say, 'Listen, I fucked the wife of this married guy. I don't particularly dig her or anything, just did it for sport. I knew she was married, but I just did it anyway because her husband is a douche.'?

Moral terpitude baby- Bad Ju-Ju.

i dont know that hes married. they deny it. that typically what cheating married people do.

ive begun to believe she is part of the problem. obviously he goes out trawling for sex due to his marriage to her being an unfulfilling prison so im just going to assumes its on her as well.

just like when a married serial killer is caught and people wonder how the spouse could not have known. either she she is the dumbest person in the world or she is so selfish and conceited she took no notice of anything going on around her. either way no one has ever said the wife of a serial killer should be innocent and without any blame.

 

[cooks1]

I've said it before in these threads, but it's a lot of things and I think cultural changes have a huge effect.

A generation ago getting divorced was a huge taboo for both genders, it was considered a major failure.

If you were thinking of divorce it was a lot more likely that your friends, family, and even acquaintances would try to talk you out of it.

That's not the case any more, and that old sense of community is long gone. Add to that the fact that our legal system heavily favors women, and you get the situation we have now.

Women are initiating these divorces the vast majority of the time, for a check or out of boredom or both.

Then you factor in social media, where even a below average girl can get tons of ego boosting attention.

I know I have severe social problems and terrible taste in women, but most of the guys I know are having the same problems.

Whether they're better looking, have more money or charisma, most guys I know are ending up divorced or heading for divorce by their 30s.

You mentioned your girl have been off and on and had to fight to make it work. Most women don't seem to be willing to fight for a relationship any more. It's too easy to just find someone else.

A lot of good points here, but you have also missed quite a bit. Perhaps due to your youth. I'm 47, so I am not as far removed from these things as many on the forum. A lot of these things I lived with as I grew up with my parents and grandparents.

You are right that a few generations back, that divorce was a huge social taboo. But you know what else was? Being old and not married. Especially for women. An older unmarried woman was a 'spinster' or 'old maid'. HUGE social stigma attached to that. An older unmarried man was merely a bachelor. Very little stigma was attached by comparison.

You are very right about the evaporating sense of community, and that is to our detriment. But even that has a lot more to do with economic factors vs social factors. 2 generations ago, a father working a 9-5 in a sears or as a garbage collector, and a stay at home Mom was 'middle class'. Now 2 full time working parents are barely making ends meet a lot of the time.

You talk about how the legal system heavily favors women in divorces, and perhaps that is true. It's important to recognize though that this is a perfectly normal pendulum swing from generations past. My grandmother got married in 1944 and was married for 70 years. If she had got divorced in 1954 she would have been completely and absolutely fucked. Completely at the mercy of her husband. The social expectation at that time would have mandated that she take the children and move back in with her parents, if that were economically feasible. Otherwise the expectation would be that she would more or less starve.

The social stigma you mentioned, along with the economic realities divorced women faced in the past, kept absolutely miserable couples married and in the womens case, often medicated.

All this said, I would absolutely agree with you that the pain threshold seems to be extremely low in married couples today. They seem to check out of marriage a lot easier. And I think this is a direct result of intolerance of infidelity, and the lessening social stigma of divorce, as well as the lessening economic consequence for women.

The rate at which married men and women cheat is pretty close. Somewhere between 60%-65%. Men with a slight edge.

Here is what is different now though. The % of people getting caught cheating is going up dramatically. With all the technology today, It's just easier to get caught. Though women seem to be much better at not getting caught than men.

What to do? Here is some advice from an old man that has been very happily married for a long time. Men tend to cheat a lot more when they are sexually dissatisfied and women tend to cheat more when they are emotionally dissatisfied. So men- Pay attention to your wives. Be interested and affectionate. Share your feelings occasionally, as painful as that might be. And ladies, keep in shape, present well, fuck your husbands and suck their dicks- A LOT!!

 

[cooks1]

i dont know that hes married. they deny it. that typically what cheating married people do.

ive begun to believe she is part of the problem. obviously he goes out trawling for sex due to his marriage to her being an unfulfilling prison so im just going to assumes its on her as well.

just like when a married serial killer is caught and people wonder how the spouse could not have known. either she she is the dumbest person in the world or she is so selfish and conceited she took no notice of anything going on around her. either way no one has ever said the wife of a serial killer should be innocent and without any blame.

Once again, you seem to be spending all your time judging the behavior of others, and using their shortcomings as a justification for yours. Not sure where you are from, but in my world that is distilled weaksauce amigo.

Tend to your own garden. You want to knock on other people for not tending to theirs-that's fine. But you better make sure you are tending to yours if you do. The worst kind of hypocrite is a morally corrupt person judging the moral weakness in others.

 

[Banchan]

Once again, you seem to be spending all your time judging the behavior of others, and using their shortcomings as a justification for yours. Not sure where you are from, but in my world that is distilled weaksauce amigo.

Tend to your own garden. You want to knock on other people for not tending to theirs-that's fine. But you better make sure you are tending to yours if you do. The worst kind of hypocrite is a morally corrupt person judging the moral weakness in others.

normally im on board with your posts but youve made me see how shes to blame as well. i wasnt actually feeling any ill will toward her until you had asked me what she would feel if this came to light. i think it would be quite karmatic for her to be upset for her husbands actions.

 

[koolinkunming]

What to do? Here is some advice from an old man that has been very happily married for a long time. Men tend to cheat a lot more when they are sexually dissatisfied and women tend to cheat more when they are emotionally dissatisfied. So men- Pay attention to your wives. Be interested and affectionate. Share your feelings occasionally, as painful as that might be. And ladies, keep in shape, present well, fuck your husbands and suck their dicks- A LOT!!

This this this. Show love and attention to your lady. Tell her you love her often. Tell her she's hot, beautiful, etc often. Tell her you're lucky to have her and that she chose YOU to be her husband. Tell her you want her and need her and no one else and she'll feel good about herself and your marriage together and she'll never stray.

 

[cooks1]

normally im on board with your posts but youve made me see how shes to blame as well. i wasnt actually feeling any ill will toward her until you had asked me what she would feel if this came to light. i think it would be quite karmatic for her to be upset for her husbands actions.

That's OK. I never said she was blameless. If she made poor choices and this is a result of those, you are right that there is an element of karma for her here.

Just as there will likely be karma for you due to your poor moral actions.

What you are suggesting here is that you are 'delivering the karma'. As though you are somehow karma's agent or employee. And that is a very, VERY bad way to look at it. Far better to look at karma as a great cosmic wall of sorts. It just bounces back what you throw at it. A lot of the time it comes back directly at you. Sometimes it bounces at an angle and hits someone in your orbit. Sometimes something hits you that someone in your orbit with threw back. Occasionally, things just seem to come from nowhere.

In the end, it all balances out. The wall bounces back everything, good and bad. But It is random and imperfect- and no one is immune from either bad or good karma, no matter how much bad or good they throw into the wall. Even rapists win the lottery and even the most wonderful people have bad things happen.. The best a person can do is give themselves the best possible chance they can by throwing only good things out and make sure they do their best to stay in the orbit of people doing the same.

 

[cooks1]

This this this. Show love and attention to your lady. Tell her you love her often. Tell her she's hot, beautiful, etc often. Tell her you're lucky to have her and that she chose YOU to be her husband. Tell her you want her and need her and no one else and she'll feel good about herself and your marriage together and she'll never stray.

Yep. And let me tell you, it is amazing just how horny a deeply emotionally satisfied woman can get. They will do things to you and for you that would make Caligula blush.