Im bored lets make jokes

[KoChang]

What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?

I cry when I cut up onions.

 

[Tone C]

What's the difference between onions and prostitutes?

I cry when I cut up onions.

In that vein..


When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic, I just find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates....

 

[Zinger]

Latvian girl is say, "I want go America one day."

Father say, "I send you America."

Daughter is thank father. Make tears of happy.

Father use for salty potato.

Father think moment, say, "Daughter, I no send you America." Potato is more salt.

_______________________________

Latvian man not see old neighbor for many days.

He go into house to see how is.

Neighbor frozen to death.

Man very happy. Family eat well for many weeks now.
____________________________________

One day, hear knock on door.

Latvian Man ask "Who is?"

"Is potato man, I come around to give free potato"

Man is very excite and opens door.

Is not potato man, is secret police.

 

[Cpt Migraine]

Latvian girl is say, "I want go America one day." Father say, "I send you America." Daughter is thank father. Make tears of happy. Father use for salty potato. Father think moment, say, "Daughter, I no send you America." Potato is more salt.

_______________________________

Latvian man not see old neighbor for many days. He go into house to see how is. Neighbor frozen to death. Man very happy. Family eat well for many weeks now.

_________________________________

One day, hear knock on door.

Latvian Man ask "Who is?"

"Is potato man, I come around to give free potato"

Man is very excite and opens door.

Is not potato man, is secret police.

What i take from this is 66% of latvian jokes are about potatoes..

 

[Tone C]

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

 

[Stranger Come Knocking]

A guy with a wooden eye asks out this chick with big ears.

OMG Would I?!?!

Fuck you big ears!!

 

[Tone C]

I started crying when dad was cutting Onions up.

Onions was such a good dog.

 

[Patrick Jane]

What is the difference between Isaac Newton and the toddler i murdered yesterday?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

 

[Tone C]

What is the difference between Isaac Newton and the toddler i murdered yesterday?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

I'm going to hell for liking that.

 

[MichiganMMA1978]

What's the hardest part to eat on a vegetable?

















The wheelchair

 

[MichiganMMA1978]

What's the first thing a woman does when returning home from the abuse clinic?














Dishes, if the bish knows what's good for her

 

[Ichibanner]

Did you hear about the Werewolf Comedian?

His name is Howlie Mandel. He kills on stage and leaves the audience in stitches.

 

[THE Red Beard]

What do you call a cat at the beach on Christmas?

Spoiler

Sandy Claws

Punchline coullda been

Spoiler

Sandy Paws

but I guess I'll go fuck myself...

 

[Amerikuracana]

What did the dog tail give the little boy for his birthday??
























A wagon

 

[Amerikuracana]

Why couldn’t bill Cosby find his date rape drugs?





















He kept pudding them in different places

 

[Amerikuracana]

How do you clean a Harley in the washing machine?






















Put the washing machine on the motor cycle

 

[Robocok]

 

[Amerikuracana]

Did you hear about the Werewolf Comedian?

His name is Howlie Mandel. He kills on stage and leaves the audience in stitches.

Oh, did you hear Howie Mandel saw Dee at the store?




OCDeez nuts

 

[Amerikuracana]

What did they call Bruce lee after he was cremated?

















Charlie

 

[Amerikuracana]

Where did Jennifer Lopez boyfriend say he had been after he went out to buy some insurance??























Ben Aflac