She's gone. She passed away in her sleep for no apparent reason in the wee hours of the morning & I'm in total shock. I'm completely & utterly devastated. And I hurt so bad that it's even painful to breathe. Fuck, I don't even want to draw my next breath without her.
I'm posting here as a means to vent & to reach out because I'm totally alone here in Arizona. I've reached out to family, of course, but I still haven't notified her friends via phone or Facebook yet because I just can't face crying anymore. But I still need to distract myself from the emptiness & silence of this house. So, I've got the television on loud & I'm composing this as my heart lies shattered in my chest.
God, I loved her so much, guys. I mean, I think it was pretty obvious by how much I mentioned her & posted about her here. But you'd have to multiply that many times over to grasp how much I really loved her. And now, she's gone.
I won't know what happened to her until sometime Monday. Right now, I haven't got a clue. She was so young & so fit other than a couple of lingering issues from her tough battle with COVID last summer. She still experienced bouts of fatigue & she occasionally got a rattle in her lungs that she never dealt with before COVID. But other than that her doctor said she was in excellent health. None of this makes sense.
As I sit here alone all I can think of is how much I wish I had held her & told her I loved her even more often than I did. So, please, everyone. Take advantage of every moment that you can with your loved ones & be sure that you let them know how much you love them because time can be so damned short.
Rest in peace, my beloved wife, Jana. You were my life, baby & I don't want to go on without you.
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