I have to roast battle seven people tonight.

[AgonyandIrony]

What's the cheesy footprints thing? Find a good way to call him a pedophile dude. It'll be hilarious.

Something about how "when we started this battle there were two sets of footprints. Now there's only one. Because I'm fucking carrying you"

"It's ironic you're a pastor because that last roast was so bad you just reaffirmed my belief there is no God"

LOL - Those are actually really funny..lol

The trans person is getting it the worst.

"Congratulations on being the one woman in Tulsa I don't want to fuck"

When she retorts..

"Hell the only time you've been ridden is because they thought you were a horse"

"Did you cut your dick off because (bi comic) is constantly begging for one?"

"I support you being able to use the women's restroom because I sure as fuck don't want to share a bathroom with you"

 

[lostdog000]

say "u inherited your moms hairry chest and your dads vagina"

 

[themainman]

When in doubt use insults using stereotypes and the way people look

 

[AgonyandIrony]

When in doubt use insults using stereotypes and the way people look

There's one I want to use on the promoter " if I wanted to listen to a bitter bald dude roast me I'll just do what he cant. Call my dad"

But I'm apprehensive about mocking his dead father.

 

[Cool Hand Luke]

DO IT

 

[fightingrabbit]

Call them cucks and tell them they sound poor. You got this in the bag.

 

[themainman]

There's one I want to use on the promoter " if I wanted to listen to a bitter bald dude roast me I'll just do what he cant. Call my dad"

But I'm apprehensive about mocking his dead father.

From what I've seen in roast battles nothing is off limits, I saw one girl make a joke out of the other persons brother committing suicide. I felt uncomfortable but apparently it's all good. No such thing as too mean

 

[MC Paul Barman]

An obese guy, a trans woman, this creepy joke stealing bisexual, Tulsa's best comic (black dude with dreads), a girl I used to bang, a biker pastor, and the guy who puts together the big comedy festival here.

Frankly I didn't ask to be on it or he getting roasted but the promoter made the event without asking so here I am.

I was lucky enough to open for Conor MacSpadden three times when he was on tour and he's on Comedy Centrals Roast Battles so I learned a bit from him.

My biggest concern is getting flustered or freezing up. I don't expect to win all of them but I don't want to get utterly humiliated.

Any tips for keeping your cool in tense situations?

Focus on your dignity and DON'T do a roast. They are the corniest, dumbest, simple-minded-drooling-through-open-mouthed humor there is.

 

[AgonyandIrony]

DO IT

I'll keep it in my back pocket in case he starts winning.

Call them cucks and tell them they sound poor. You got this in the bag.

I legit think this whole thing was put together to try and fuck me over, a lot of these people are salty af about my recent success but jokes on them. I can fake confidence better than anyone.

Also a little pissy about the cash prizes. They suck, especially considering I've basically had to write almost 70 new one liners for non guaranteed pay.

 

[themainman]

Let's do a practice run, make some fun of the people itt.
I'll volunteer, I'm not sensitive, I'm middle eastern Jewish, 30, people have said I look like a Persian Adam Sandler, live in LA

 

[AgonyandIrony]

From what I've seen in roast battles nothing is off limits, I saw one girl make a joke out of the other persons brother committing suicide. I felt uncomfortable but apparently it's all good. No such thing as too mean

True. But only three out of the seven are good comics. Some of the others are just butthurt open mic'rs wanting to take shots at me.

Focus on your dignity and DON'T do a roast. They are the corniest, dumbest, simple-minded-drooling-through-open-mouthed humor there is.

I'm trying to stay witty with my roasts, my act is pretty over the top confident so I'm just going to keep a smirk plastered on my face. I feel it will win me favor with the audience and the judges, I also have about ten people who will all be sporting my tshirt.

 

[AgonyandIrony]

Let's do a practice run, make some fun of the people itt.
I'll volunteer, I'm not sensitive, I'm middle eastern Jewish, 30, people have said I look like a Persian Adam Sandler, live in LA

After reading your posts I'm starting to think Hitler had the right idea.

 

[weed]

tell the fat dude

don't eat me after you roast me

 

[themainman]

After reading your posts I'm starting to think Hitler had the right idea.

A lot of the times the obvious jokes work, but when people look at me they assume I'm Muslim so that may fall flat idk

 

[weed]

tell the trans person it's the worst Decepticon you've ever seen.

 

[themainman]

tell the fat dude

don't eat me after you roast me

I thing I often say to fat people that don't like me or something is "I bet you'd like me if I was cream filled tho"

 

[AgonyandIrony]

tell the fat dude

don't eat me after you roast me

The only experience fat dude has with a roast involves being banned from Golden Corral.

 

[AgonyandIrony]

A lot of the times the obvious jokes work, but when people look at me they assume I'm Muslim so that may fall flat idk

A muslim looking jew? Whats Yiddish for I don't believe you?

I don't know you're kind of tricky lol.

 

[Strychnine]

You could tell the fat guy...

"I saw him kicking a box down the street the other day. I asked him "What'cha doin'? He said "Moving."

 

[weed]

A muslim looking jew? Whats Yiddish for I don't believe you?

I don't know you're kind of tricky lol.

I believe you say something like "what a load of meshugenuh" or whatever