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VERY LONG... SORRY
Background
The Evolution
"You destroyed our family and don't care"
"Fuck you! You didn't' even try to repair our marriage. How could you just walk away"
"We were supposed to grow old together"
On and on it goes. Sometimes nothing for weeks or months. Sometimes nightly. My response was always the same.... No Response.
Turning Point
In Spring 2023, almost three years after our divorce she asked to meet her for lunch. I was a little worried... why couldn't we discuss whatever this was over the phone.
It was actually great news. She wanted to give up the house and asked if I wanted it. I knew it was too much for her. We would need to work out a deal, but I was going home. Furthermore, the girls would be living with me mostly full time. I didn't even care that I would be still paying full child support.
The X was going to move in with her mom. Her mom was very sick with stage 4 skin cancer. They had a mother in law house where her mom would live and my X was moving into the main house with my step daughter (we still had a great relationship). The girls were going to visit her every other weekend. Her mother was going to gift her the house when she passed away.
It was surreal. All the years... the taking the high road and the effort to stay cordial and even friendly seemed to have paid off.
The girls already told me they preferred to the live with me. And at 16, they have that choice if it comes to that. They loved my apartment and actually threw a goodbye party for leaving after being there for three years.
One of my daughters actually didn't want me to move back in... I guess the vibe in the house had been very bad for awhile. I reassured her that we could create our own vibe.
The Decline - One Year Later
After talking to my X's Mom and my step-daughter (who moved with her), my X's drinking was getting worse. She lost her job and was out of work for several months. Fortunately, she was recently able to find another job.
She had got a DUI two weeks earlier. Her first ticket in a long time... She had been drinking and driving for a long time now. The girls refused to ride with her. Fortunately, I had bought the girls a car in February so they didn't to rely on her for transportation.
But time finally caught up to the X and she got pulled over wasted....
Over the years, her family and friends have pulled away due to her drinking. She was mess. One by one... Bridges burned. It's been so sad to see... Someone who was the love of my life in 2006. Now an unhealthy alcoholic who mixes in sleeping and anti-anxiety pills.
One my end, I had procrastinated on negotiating deal for the house. I decided I needed to get this down sooner rather than later. So I sent her kind of a low offer, thinking that was a good place to start.
She took huge offense to it. I told her I'd send another offer on Monday. But I could tell she's been drinking. Here came the texts.
"I would rather see the house burn to the ground than for you to try to give me bullshit. Considering what you took from my life. You ruined our family and the kid's life. Fuck You"
"I loved you so much"
"I still love you"
As per my SOP, I didn't reply.
The Meltdown - Later that Night
It was my X's weekend, so I made the girls go over to her place even though they didn't want to. It was their grandma's birthday, so they all went to dinner with her.
However, the X and her mother got into argument because she was drinking. So grandma took all three girls to dinner without the X.
It was my first Kid free weekend in several weeks... But I decided to stay home. I was exhausted from work and the gym. I was starting to fade around 9pm when the X's mom called me
The X had sent disturbing texts to the guy she was seeing, like crazy... he was out of town so he called my step-daughter and asked her to check on my X. My Step-daughter checked Life360 and it looked like she was heading towards my house.
She was freaking out and told me to get dressed and try to intercept my X since she was drinking. A thought crossed my mind and I asked
"Does she have her gun?"
They ran to her room and her gun was gone from the nightstand.
I asked where she was and they said she was about 5 minutes away. By this time, they had called the police and were relaying instructions to them where she was and that they thought she was suicidal... or worse.
I jumped into my truck and parked three houses away... and turned off the lights. I was starting to freak a little, experiencing a massive adrenaline surge.
I watched her as she passed me and pulled into the driveway. She walked to the front door and tried to open it. It was locked and after a moment she went back to the car and drove off.
I started cautiously following her... trying not to alert her. Then she texted.
"Where are you"
I replied
"I went out to get some food. Heading home shortly. Why?"
She didn't respond...
She turned around and started heading back. I followed and watched her pull into the neighbor's driveway across the street. I pulled over with my lights off... I couldn't believe this was happening... it was so surreal.
One of my twin daughters came back into the room. My X had wrote on the mirrors in her bathroom
"I'm So Sorry... XOXO. I will love you always, Mom" <--- I have the pictures if anyone is interested... fucking nuts
This shit was real and happening in front of me. All three girls were hysterical at this point and I could hear them crying over the phone. They all knew what it meant.
My Step-Daughter said the police were almost there and then I saw four cruisers pull up and surround her. It suddenly occurred to me that I could be witnessing the complete destruction of my X's life and that nothing was ever going to be the same again.
She wouldn't get out of her vehicle initially, but after a few minutes she finally gave up.
I was still in my truck, watching all of this go down. Not daring to move...
After the cruisers started to leave, I finally got the nerve to move and headed towards my daughters. I wasn't ready to go back into the house. Knowing that I potentially avoided a massive tragedy of some kind.
When I arrived, the police called back and said she had been arrested for DUI and they confiscated her firearm.
She was going to see a judge within 48 hours and then she could be bailed out after that.
After that... her cousin went to get her and to try to convince her to seek help and treatment. She refused...
She did admit that she was planning to either shoot herself in front of me or in the house for me to find. She was also considering shooting me first, then herself.
Unbelievably, she wanted to see the girls... It's like she wants everyone to forget what happened.
I'm talking to a lawyer right now. I told the girls we may need to move out because she's likely to yank the house from me out of spite.
Don't care... And apparently my girls don't either. In amazing fashion, one of my daughter's got excited and started looking for apartments. God bless them...
Right now... I don't have a great update. But I can update later as things progress. If anyone is interested.
I still have visions of my opening the door to her pointing a gun in my face. I mean... yeah, if she had killed me that would have been terrible for me... lol. But it wouldn't matter to me anymore.
How could she have done that to her daughters? My mother? My brother and sister? The people left behind who would suffer. It kills me to think it was a complete fluke that we caught this in progress... just in time.
That I could have been the victim in a True Crime story...
Background
- Divorced 4 years now. We got married in 2006, divorced in Spring of 2020. Yes a Covid Divorce statistic. She was a bad alcoholic and didn't take care of herself. She wasn't when we met, but it had evolved and got worse and worse and worse.
- I got my fatass back into shape and things started spiraling between us. She would berate me and call me selfish for losing weight and working out regularly at the gym. I had also put up with a little bit of drama from her constantly, never rocking the boat too much to maintain peace. But in the last few years it started escalating and I pulled away.
- Now... Right at the end, I'm embarrassed to admit I did cheat on her. I should have taken the responsible way out and just left her. But we had 3 kids still at home, twins (12 at the time) and 16 year old stepdaughter... All girls. I dreaded the thought having to start over in an apartment and only seeing my girls on weekends or whatever. I took the easy way out... Cheated until I got caught...
- She confronted me about the cheating and I'm sure she was surprised that I just admitted it. I just went upstairs and packed enough clothes for a few days and left. I was actually elated... I was free. I went to a friends and crashed in a spare bedroom. But I was free
- I spent a month collecting used furniture and looking for a 2 bedroom apartment near the house. The girls weren't talking to me yet. They were understandably pissed off at me. When I moved in.... I spent a week getting everything perfect before I had them come over. Their room, the living room, the dining area, my room...etc. I wanted them to feel comfortable and welcome. Not have a place with a lawn chair and a TV sitting on a milk crate.
The Evolution
- Meanwhile, my X wasn't doing great. Her drinking had escalated and I had heard from mutual friends that she was devastated. But I also heard conflicting statements about how she had been talking shit about me for years and that she had been debating leaving me. I guess it had rubbed mutual friends the wrong way and they're weren't surprised our marriage had exploded. They also knew I had been dealing with her drinking for years... and her constant negative statements.
- Things with me and the girls were doing great! After a few weeks, the girls asked if they could stay over Sunday and have me take them to school Monday morning. My X agreed... Then they started staying over Thursdays and then Wednesdays. After a couple of months, we were on a 50/50 schedule, despite the Divorce agreement.
- All this time, I'd get the drunk texts from the X. My sister gave me great advice about how to deal with this. Don't. If it's something pertaining to the kids, keep it short... one or two words answers. But when she starts veering off into other topics. No response.
"You destroyed our family and don't care"
"Fuck you! You didn't' even try to repair our marriage. How could you just walk away"
"We were supposed to grow old together"
On and on it goes. Sometimes nothing for weeks or months. Sometimes nightly. My response was always the same.... No Response.
Turning Point
In Spring 2023, almost three years after our divorce she asked to meet her for lunch. I was a little worried... why couldn't we discuss whatever this was over the phone.
It was actually great news. She wanted to give up the house and asked if I wanted it. I knew it was too much for her. We would need to work out a deal, but I was going home. Furthermore, the girls would be living with me mostly full time. I didn't even care that I would be still paying full child support.
The X was going to move in with her mom. Her mom was very sick with stage 4 skin cancer. They had a mother in law house where her mom would live and my X was moving into the main house with my step daughter (we still had a great relationship). The girls were going to visit her every other weekend. Her mother was going to gift her the house when she passed away.
It was surreal. All the years... the taking the high road and the effort to stay cordial and even friendly seemed to have paid off.
The girls already told me they preferred to the live with me. And at 16, they have that choice if it comes to that. They loved my apartment and actually threw a goodbye party for leaving after being there for three years.
One of my daughters actually didn't want me to move back in... I guess the vibe in the house had been very bad for awhile. I reassured her that we could create our own vibe.
The Decline - One Year Later
After talking to my X's Mom and my step-daughter (who moved with her), my X's drinking was getting worse. She lost her job and was out of work for several months. Fortunately, she was recently able to find another job.
She had got a DUI two weeks earlier. Her first ticket in a long time... She had been drinking and driving for a long time now. The girls refused to ride with her. Fortunately, I had bought the girls a car in February so they didn't to rely on her for transportation.
But time finally caught up to the X and she got pulled over wasted....
Over the years, her family and friends have pulled away due to her drinking. She was mess. One by one... Bridges burned. It's been so sad to see... Someone who was the love of my life in 2006. Now an unhealthy alcoholic who mixes in sleeping and anti-anxiety pills.
One my end, I had procrastinated on negotiating deal for the house. I decided I needed to get this down sooner rather than later. So I sent her kind of a low offer, thinking that was a good place to start.
She took huge offense to it. I told her I'd send another offer on Monday. But I could tell she's been drinking. Here came the texts.
"I would rather see the house burn to the ground than for you to try to give me bullshit. Considering what you took from my life. You ruined our family and the kid's life. Fuck You"
"I loved you so much"
"I still love you"
As per my SOP, I didn't reply.
The Meltdown - Later that Night
It was my X's weekend, so I made the girls go over to her place even though they didn't want to. It was their grandma's birthday, so they all went to dinner with her.
However, the X and her mother got into argument because she was drinking. So grandma took all three girls to dinner without the X.
It was my first Kid free weekend in several weeks... But I decided to stay home. I was exhausted from work and the gym. I was starting to fade around 9pm when the X's mom called me
The X had sent disturbing texts to the guy she was seeing, like crazy... he was out of town so he called my step-daughter and asked her to check on my X. My Step-daughter checked Life360 and it looked like she was heading towards my house.
She was freaking out and told me to get dressed and try to intercept my X since she was drinking. A thought crossed my mind and I asked
"Does she have her gun?"
They ran to her room and her gun was gone from the nightstand.
I asked where she was and they said she was about 5 minutes away. By this time, they had called the police and were relaying instructions to them where she was and that they thought she was suicidal... or worse.
I jumped into my truck and parked three houses away... and turned off the lights. I was starting to freak a little, experiencing a massive adrenaline surge.
I watched her as she passed me and pulled into the driveway. She walked to the front door and tried to open it. It was locked and after a moment she went back to the car and drove off.
I started cautiously following her... trying not to alert her. Then she texted.
"Where are you"
I replied
"I went out to get some food. Heading home shortly. Why?"
She didn't respond...
She turned around and started heading back. I followed and watched her pull into the neighbor's driveway across the street. I pulled over with my lights off... I couldn't believe this was happening... it was so surreal.
One of my twin daughters came back into the room. My X had wrote on the mirrors in her bathroom
"I'm So Sorry... XOXO. I will love you always, Mom" <--- I have the pictures if anyone is interested... fucking nuts
This shit was real and happening in front of me. All three girls were hysterical at this point and I could hear them crying over the phone. They all knew what it meant.
My Step-Daughter said the police were almost there and then I saw four cruisers pull up and surround her. It suddenly occurred to me that I could be witnessing the complete destruction of my X's life and that nothing was ever going to be the same again.
She wouldn't get out of her vehicle initially, but after a few minutes she finally gave up.
I was still in my truck, watching all of this go down. Not daring to move...
After the cruisers started to leave, I finally got the nerve to move and headed towards my daughters. I wasn't ready to go back into the house. Knowing that I potentially avoided a massive tragedy of some kind.
When I arrived, the police called back and said she had been arrested for DUI and they confiscated her firearm.
She was going to see a judge within 48 hours and then she could be bailed out after that.
After that... her cousin went to get her and to try to convince her to seek help and treatment. She refused...
She did admit that she was planning to either shoot herself in front of me or in the house for me to find. She was also considering shooting me first, then herself.
Unbelievably, she wanted to see the girls... It's like she wants everyone to forget what happened.
I'm talking to a lawyer right now. I told the girls we may need to move out because she's likely to yank the house from me out of spite.
Don't care... And apparently my girls don't either. In amazing fashion, one of my daughter's got excited and started looking for apartments. God bless them...
Right now... I don't have a great update. But I can update later as things progress. If anyone is interested.
I still have visions of my opening the door to her pointing a gun in my face. I mean... yeah, if she had killed me that would have been terrible for me... lol. But it wouldn't matter to me anymore.
How could she have done that to her daughters? My mother? My brother and sister? The people left behind who would suffer. It kills me to think it was a complete fluke that we caught this in progress... just in time.
That I could have been the victim in a True Crime story...
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