First date horror stories

[equus]

21 years old, I visited my friends at their party college for the huge Halloween party. I dressed as the Ultimate Warrior and we started drinking early. By the time our group of eight or so got to the party I was happily torqued. The party was at an old theater, thousands of kids and many, many kegs.

Right when we got in the door there were a group of girls all dressed as Minnie Mouse, and one caught my eye -- she looked like Mila Kunis -- and I made a blurry mental note to find her and talk to her. We'd waited in the line for a while so first order of business was to get a few beers and second was to locate the pisser.

Several beers later and after meeting some interesting cat women, jungle girls, female cops, french maids, and all that good Halloween whoredom, I tried to refocus on finding Minnie Mouse. Sure enough I did find one -- not the one I'd hoped to find, but the night was late, the beer had been consumed, and she did have the little round ears on her head. Close enough.

She got me back to her place, cleaned off the makeup (whiskers for her, multicolored Warrior paint for me) and we managed one hard bang before I passed out. In the morning, I woke up with a massive, pounding hangover, but also the same type of hardon, and rolled over to see what I'd gotten myself into.

Holy crap. At least fifty pounds overweight. Acne. The messy hair and scrubbed face didn't help. I had second thoughts, and then she woke up and lifted her sheets to kind of "invite me in". Mother Hubbard. A body that looked like a soft-serve ice cream cone. And it must have been awfully hot at the party because she stank like old hockey gear.

Whatever had been up when I woke was now down. I said, "Take me home." and got dressed. That was all I said until we pulled up to the street my buddies lived on. I had her drop me off at the corner so she wouldn't know what house I was going to. She tried asking me a few questions but I just straight-up ignored her. After that I was a little more careful about picking up chicks at parties.

oh.my.god. my new sig.

 

[Kadafi]

21 years old, I visited my friends at their party college for the huge Halloween party. I dressed as the Ultimate Warrior and we started drinking early. By the time our group of eight or so got to the party I was happily torqued. The party was at an old theater, thousands of kids and many, many kegs.

Right when we got in the door there were a group of girls all dressed as Minnie Mouse, and one caught my eye -- she looked like Mila Kunis -- and I made a blurry mental note to find her and talk to her. We'd waited in the line for a while so first order of business was to get a few beers and second was to locate the pisser.

Several beers later and after meeting some interesting cat women, jungle girls, female cops, french maids, and all that good Halloween whoredom, I tried to refocus on finding Minnie Mouse. Sure enough I did find one -- not the one I'd hoped to find, but the night was late, the beer had been consumed, and she did have the little round ears on her head. Close enough.

She got me back to her place, cleaned off the makeup (whiskers for her, multicolored Warrior paint for me) and we managed one hard bang before I passed out. In the morning, I woke up with a massive, pounding hangover, but also the same type of hardon, and rolled over to see what I'd gotten myself into.

Holy crap. At least fifty pounds overweight. Acne. The messy hair and scrubbed face didn't help. I had second thoughts, and then she woke up and lifted her sheets to kind of "invite me in". Mother Hubbard. A body that looked like a soft-serve ice cream cone. And it must have been awfully hot at the party because she stank like old hockey gear.

Whatever had been up when I woke was now down. I said, "Take me home." and got dressed. That was all I said until we pulled up to the street my buddies lived on. I had her drop me off at the corner so she wouldn't know what house I was going to. She tried asking me a few questions but I just straight-up ignored her. After that I was a little more careful about picking up chicks at parties.

Hahaha, brutal. She wasn't fat but she was shapes. Almost like an amoeba.

 

[Joe]

Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.

only one post, you couldnt top this

 

[equus]

only one post, you couldnt top this

im gonna respectfully disagree because i dont bang trannies or dudes who conceal their weiners. The win here is learning that she has a weiner and getting out before getting your weiner dunked.

 

[RoninJin]

Haha! Daytona, Orlando, Tampa?

People in Florida are strange in general.

Holllly shit! This reminds me of a date I had in Jacksonville Florida. I think the PTSD I received put this one in the back of my mind.

Talked to a girl on POF and I picked her up at her house. She was pretty chubby, but had one of the prettiest faces I had ever seen.

We started driving to a dive bar, I was new in town(like 2 weeks). She told me a story about how some guy tried to beat her up that she met on POF because she wouldn't sleep with him. This should have been a warning sign..... but of course I pushed on. At the bar she seemed normal enough. Got to talking about generic stuff. She was wearing a cute skirt, really nice, big boobies.

Some how we got onto the topic of strip clubs because there are a ton of them around Mayport naval base there. I had never been to one so I started telling her about it. She insisted that we go to one. I thought it was weird for a first date, but she kept insisting upon it.

So there I went, to the strip club with some chick I had just met. When we walked in, she knew like 2 of the bouncers. At this point it in my mind I was like "red flag number 17". She starts getting wasted(on my dime by the way). Took $200 out of the ATM, figured I'd at least have some fun at the club because I didn't plan on ever going to a titty bar again. This chick started letting the strippers suck on her boobs and stuff...... in front of all the other guys in the club..... did I mention this was a first date?

Anywho. We started talking to this couple that were there. The chick was super cute, looked like a short little pocahontas. The guy was a total tool, but she was all over the girl I was with. When her man went to the bathroom she started making out with the girl I was with. The girl I was with starts inviting everyone back to her house, including like 5 other guys. So now I'm sitting at her house with her and the pocahontas girl her plastered boyfriend and 5 random sketchy dudes from the club. The plastered boyfriend starts getting a little bit too hands on with me, and accusing the girl I'm with of trying to get a train run on her. That was the most honest and true thing I heard all night, but I didn't know why he wanted to fight me. I go into the back and the Pocahontas girl is walking to the bathroom. She sees me, leaves the door open, flashes her vag at me, squats down and starts taking a piss, the whole time staring me down. Very unusual.

Eventually all of the guys there start to realize that I'm not fucking around anymore and I kick them all out sans the plastered redneck boyfriend, my "date", and his pocahontas girlfriend. The guy insists on driving home, but he cant walk. I tell his girl to stay, because at the least I was definitely going to bang her. Well she goes with him. 30 minutes later, she texts me that he got a DUI, and shes on her way to the drunk tank. The date I was with lets me sleep in her bed, but I definitely didn't want to sleep with this whore. She tried sucking me off in the middle of the night and I just got up and went to the bathroom and never came back.

Oddest, weirdest date I've ever had. Probably spent $300-400 on an interns salary, Almost got into a fight numerous times, went to a strip club for the first time, had a date expose her self and have her boobs sucked on by a haggard stripper, had some girl pee in front of me for no reason, had a jekyl/hide date, almost had a threesome, think I prevented a train/rape, and the crazy texts and calls I got from both of those chicks in the subsequent days were nutso. What a fucked up time in my life. Glad I snapped back to reality after having a 5-7 month bender.

gosh this whole thread is classic...this story got me LMAO

 

[Prime LeVan]

Pretty boring actually. Before cell phones and GPS I had a date with a girl that I had been wanting to ask out for a while. I was supposed to pick her up at 8ish but couldnt find her house so ended up arriving at around 930ish. She was pretty pissed but I brought flowers for me being a dumb ass. Simple gesture that made her smile and agree to still go out with me that night. Other than that I have no horror stories...

 

[WalkenWouldOwn]

Pretty boring actually. Before cell phones and GPS I had a date with a girl that I had been wanting to ask out for a while. I was supposed to pick her up at 8ish but couldnt find her house so ended up arriving at around 930ish. She was pretty pissed but I brought flowers for me being a dumb ass. Simple gesture that made her smile and agree to still go out with me that night. Other than that I have no horror stories...

 

[Prime LeVan]

Lol. I got married at 21 to a girl I dated since I was 19. I'm 33 now but six months from my divorce being final. Hopefully I can contribute a "real" story on here like everyone else in the near future...

 

[Reverse Flash]

Pretty boring actually. Before cell phones and GPS I had a date with a girl that I had been wanting to ask out for a while. I was supposed to pick her up at 8ish but couldnt find her house so ended up arriving at around 930ish. She was pretty pissed but I brought flowers for me being a dumb ass. Simple gesture that made her smile and agree to still go out with me that night. Other than that I have no horror stories...

Man, as your PWD brother I highly suggest that you stick to posting in our thread.

Hahahahaha

 

[Prime LeVan]

Yeah Mayberry has turned into the second OT.

That story was traumatic for a 16 year old kid on his first date with his own car!!!!

 

[MPS1997]

This thread is Lol'zy and cringeworthy = 10/10

 

[WalkenWouldOwn]

Lol. I got married at 21 to a girl I dated since I was 19. I'm 33 now but six months from my divorce being final. Hopefully I can contribute a "real" story on here like everyone else in the near future...

Get on that!!

 

[Carniusss]

I hope this thread keeps getting bumped until the end of time. Some awesome stories on here.

 

[ODYSSEYMEMPHIS]

Ok I got one. This was about 7 years ago and went out with buddies to a club one night. Met chick and kinda hit it off. Come to find out she lives really close to me. You can imagine how the rest of the night went. At some point, my drunken self agreed to hang out the next night and she knew where I lived. Whatever, right? Next night she comes over and we start drinking. she says she is a rapper. I will not say what her rapper name is since I know how a lot of you sherdogians will contact her. Her rapping was like nails on a chalkboard. I thought to myself, Odysseymemphis, how the fuck did you not see this. But she was hot as fuck. We decide to hit up a bar down the street.

THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS NUTS. I get pulled over. As soon as she sees the blue lights she says " fuck , I have weed " Before I could even respond , ( she was wearing a tiny blue jean skirt ) she opens her legs, licks her fingers and starts rubbing herself furiously and grabs my hand to help. I'm like WTF!!! Cop comes over and she stops before he got to my door. Asks for my license. Goes back to his car. She picks up where she left off. Then sticks the little baggy of weed in her vag. Yes you read that right. Cop comes back and asks if I've been drinking. " No sir " . Dick wants to check my car. I say go ahead. He checks her stuff too. Did he find anything? Hell no.

 

[dirtypablo]

Ok I got one. This was about 7 years ago and went out with buddies to a club one night. Met chick and kinda hit it off. Come to find out she lives really close to me. You can imagine how the rest of the night went. At some point, my drunken self agreed to hang out the next night and she knew where I lived. Whatever, right? Next night she comes over and we start drinking. she says she is a rapper. I will not say what her rapper name is since I know how a lot of you sherdogians will contact her. Her rapping was like nails on a chalkboard. I thought to myself, Odysseymemphis, how the fuck did you not see this. But she was hot as fuck. We decide to hit up a bar down the street.

THIS IS WHERE SHIT GETS NUTS. I get pulled over. As soon as she sees the blue lights she says " fuck , I have weed " Before I could even respond , ( she was wearing a tiny blue jean skirt ) she opens her legs, licks her fingers and starts rubbing herself furiously and grabs my hand to help. I'm like WTF!!! Cop comes over and she stops before he got to my door. Asks for my license. Goes back to his car. She picks up where she left off. Then sticks the little baggy of weed in her vag. Yes you read that right. Cop comes back and asks if I've been drinking. " No sir " . Dick wants to check my car. I say go ahead. He checks her stuff too. Did he find anything? Hell no.

So.. Did you guys smoke later?

 

[ODYSSEYMEMPHIS]

So.. Did you guys smoke later?

of course

 

[Gametheory]

of course

Is that why they call it sticky?

 

[ODYSSEYMEMPHIS]

Is that why they call it sticky?

learn something everyday.....the more you know

 

[Bukowski82]

The Crazy Cat Lady:

Spoiler

About a month ago, I'm doing some serious Day drinking with some buddies downtown. We notice this gorgeous blonde girl sitting all by herself at the bar eating a salad wedge and drinking a PBR and I laughed and thought, now that's my kind of girl. She's piqued the interest of everyone at the place, including my friends who are all talking about getting her over to drink with us... But no ones done anything yet. I watched some idiot plea bargain himself a temporary set of testicles, go over and get shut down hard... Now I'm really liking this girl. So on my way back from the bathroom, being about three drinks deep... I thought 'what the hell' and walked over to her.

She looks at me while I was walking up and I notice she has the most piercing green eyes, so I give her the most backhanded compliment I could think of and said "Are those Contacts?" She smiles at first, then thinks about what I had just asked and replies that they aren't while looking confused. As if she couldn't tell if I was being a dick or not... I pointed in the general direction of the guy from earlier and joked that she was cold for shutting that him down and she replied that he wasn't her type of guy, but with a bit of a sly smirk. So, I asked her why she was sitting by herself and she tells me that she just moved from another city for work and doesn't really know anyone yet. So I told her that she was coming over to meet some awesome people and that we were doing a shot. She came with me, seemed grateful for the invite to actually meet people and does not just one, but two shots with us... And this girl is awesome... She's talking sports, talking shots and even giving my buddy shit for being such a pussy because he was drinking a chick drink.

We're both having a great time, so we all head over to a different spot... It's the just two of us in our own conversation now and I could sense it was going very well which was further compounded when I upped my game by telling her I thought we were going to be good friends/that she should come hang out with us whenever she wanted, really emphasizing the 'us...' meaning all of us. She looked bewildered by that comment and it took her five minutes of us talking about something else before she said "So... when you say friends, do you mean you've already decided there's no chance we're going to be anything else."

*Just a little Pro-tip, Fella's: When dealing with a girl that's used to having guys fall all over themselves for her, be a gentleman at all times, but treat her this exact way. In fact, Friendzone her...

So I just laughed it off, joked with her about something else and quickly changed the subject. But that damage to her ego had already been done and even worse, I'd joked it off... not denied it. That was the last push to her working for my attention that I needed, because about thirty minutes later, I feel her hand on my leg. We go outside for something and it's definitely on... We start making out. And then she's like "Why don't we go back to my place in a bit. It's just up the street." So I agree and we all hit another spot before just the two of us head back to her place... We get there and it's a decent place. Studio, but a nice building.

We walk in, her cat is sitting on her bed and she introduces us. Like... Formally introduces us. I'm a little drunk and thought it was funny, but then it starts... She begins to baby talk her cat... for a while. And you know when someone is doing something so uncomfortable that all you can do is laugh and hope they take the uncomfortable laugh hint and just stop... but somehow they just keep right on going? But even still, she kept right on doing it for a really awkward amount of time. So, now I'm a little suspicious. This girl has been unbelievably cool the entire night and now she's holding a full on baby-talk conversation with her cat after the formal introductions to it. I start to think she's blowing me off and get the clarification that is exactly what's happening when, while she's launching into a whole scenario about how she got the cat and their road trip here together, I text my Best Friend (Who happens to be a girl) to ask her what this could be about and she tells me "Yeah, she's blowing you off."

So, being a Gentleman... I decide to just leave. But it was so over the top I was slightly offended at the way in which she was choosing to do it. So, I just made it simple, smiled and said "Hey thanks for the tour (It was a studio) but I actually should head back to meet my friends for a bit." She gives me a disappointed face I can't read and says ok, I guess I'll see you around. And just like that... I'm out of there. But her reaction confused me and as I'm walking back to the strip where my friends were and now that I finally have a chance to check out her facebook (We added each other earlier that night) I notice that the last five posts on her wall are about her Cat. I go a little further and literally every other post is related her cat...

And I'm not just talking about simple "Hey, here's my cat..." With a picture of it and then just calling it a day. I'm talking about multiple pictures of the cat with multiple hashtags for each one like #handsome, #Gato, #ilovemycat and my personal favorite #fancyfeast. She even had the song he was named after in between these posts with a reference to the little guy.

Huge bullet dodged.

She began texting me almost immediately asking why I left in such a hurry and if everything was ok. I could have lived with the fact that a seriously hot girl was blowing me off... But this scenario just disturbs me.

She just text me today and simply said "Round Two Sat???"

It took everything I had not to reply: That would be a no... #crazycatlady #thanksanyways #enjoydatcatdoe

 

[HIMBOB]

21 years old, I visited my friends at their party college for the huge Halloween party. I dressed as the Ultimate Warrior and we started drinking early. By the time our group of eight or so got to the party I was happily torqued. The party was at an old theater, thousands of kids and many, many kegs.

Right when we got in the door there were a group of girls all dressed as Minnie Mouse, and one caught my eye -- she looked like Mila Kunis -- and I made a blurry mental note to find her and talk to her. We'd waited in the line for a while so first order of business was to get a few beers and second was to locate the pisser.

Several beers later and after meeting some interesting cat women, jungle girls, female cops, french maids, and all that good Halloween whoredom, I tried to refocus on finding Minnie Mouse. Sure enough I did find one -- not the one I'd hoped to find, but the night was late, the beer had been consumed, and she did have the little round ears on her head. Close enough.

She got me back to her place, cleaned off the makeup (whiskers for her, multicolored Warrior paint for me) and we managed one hard bang before I passed out. In the morning, I woke up with a massive, pounding hangover, but also the same type of hardon, and rolled over to see what I'd gotten myself into.

Holy crap. At least fifty pounds overweight. Acne. The messy hair and scrubbed face didn't help. I had second thoughts, and then she woke up and lifted her sheets to kind of "invite me in". Mother Hubbard. A body that looked like a soft-serve ice cream cone. And it must have been awfully hot at the party because she stank like old hockey gear.

Whatever had been up when I woke was now down. I said, "Take me home." and got dressed. That was all I said until we pulled up to the street my buddies lived on. I had her drop me off at the corner so she wouldn't know what house I was going to. She tried asking me a few questions but I just straight-up ignored her. After that I was a little more careful about picking up chicks at parties.

I have a similar story with a chick who was dressed as a cheer leader.

There was two cheerleaders at a fancy dress party one was hot the other was not, later another hot oine showed up who I took home. Woke up in the morning, there was no 3rd cheerleader.