First date horror stories

v.kevin said:
Chivalry is not dead. I can't say I blame you though. You can't be up in everybody's business trying to save the world one Brazilian at a time.
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I'm not sure if that's the country I would choose to start saving the world from... :icon_arro
 
Again, not a first date or anything, but this story definitely beats the shit out of my other one.

Was at a bar with some friends just hanging out when a girl motions for me to come over to her from across the semi-circle we were all sitting at. She was cute so I went over and said hi. She was definitely a little off but I thought what the hell and I invited her back to my place. We hooked up and then the next day went out for breakfast. Nice enough girl, but I wasn't interested in anything more so when she invited me out the same night, I told her I had to go to my cousins party, which I did.

Then it started. Incessant text messages... All night. I answered the first one and no more than that. Some of them were kinda creepy, but I figured she was probably just drunk. The following Monday, I'm coming home from work and she pulls up in a car right by my place and says "Hey, what are the chances of this? Wanna go have dinner?" I was hungry and didn't think she was crazy enough to just wait outside my place (I live Downtown) and figured it was a coincidence, so I said ok.

Went out for dinner and the whole time she's just staring at me... which made me really uncomfortable. I'd keep trying to start a conversation to just cut out the awkwardness and she'd just smile, nod and keep staring. Then, she tells me "I wore this just for you tonight..."

Yeah, check please...

Before I could get out of the place, she starts in on how she thinks god meant for us to meet and all this other crazy bullshit. I got the hell out of there in a hurry. But then she finds me on FB and sends me some of the craziest e-mails I've ever even seen... Here's one of the many gems I got in the following weeks.

"When I'm w/ you, my heart jumps out of my skin, I can't breathe, for my breath, you have taken from me, unlike anyone before you, I know not what to say, your in my dreams, my thoughts, my every prayer. How have I lived so long in despair, when you where right there, a stranger at the bar, holding the key to unlock all that is and could be.

"What now?" the angels cry from on high. What shall be? What shall become of the broken hearted who found each other amongst the Starz, Truly the only One who knows, at this time, He who knows all, whether believed in or not, He is there to comfort us.

Once upon a time there was a lonely man who needed a help mate, so the Lord cast upon him a deep sleep that a rib may be taken from him to create the one woman who would be by his side forever n always. Flesh of his flesh, n the two became one.
What than this story of the two who where made at Starz, Only time will tell what is to become of them. For in one language there story is of One Love and in other it has just begun."

Terrifying right? Then one day they just stopped... Until December, when I got an e-mail that just said... "Merry Christmas"

lol :D
 
Bukowski82 said:
"When I'm w/ you, my heart jumps out of my skin, I can't breathe, for my breath, you have taken from me, unlike anyone before you, I know not what to say, your in my dreams, my thoughts, my every prayer. How have I lived so long in despair, when you where right there, a stranger at the bar, holding the key to unlock all that is and could be.
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tbh I would've started emailing and dating her more just so I could hint that she's abusing the fuck out of commas
 
Zer said:
tbh I would've started emailing and dating her more just so I could hint that she's abusing the fuck out of commas
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lol, I don't think she was the sharpest knife in the drawer. Each e-mail I got was just riddled with spelling and gramar errors.
 
But it was meant to be and you blew it, Bukowski. Shame on you.
 
lundred said:
Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.
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ha-gay-gif.gif
 
Bukowski82 said:
Terrifying right? Then one day they just stopped... Until December, when I got an e-mail that just said... "Merry Christmas"

lol :D
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Clearly, she, was, the, one, bro. Sometimes you just know, & she knew. Why didn't you know?
 
Damn. I've had a couple girls tell me they loved me after a date or two, but nothing this crazy.
 
lundred said:
Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.
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th
 
Snakesolidsnake said:
Damn. I've had a couple girls tell me they loved me after a date or two, but nothing this crazy.
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I picked up this girl a very trashy bar, under 2 hours after I met her we are out the front, making out waiting for a taxi to mine. She says "I love you" now she was drunk and so was I, so in my head I thought to myself "look she is probably just out of a long term relationship and it just slipped out, it doesn't mean she loves me she is probably embarrased as hell right now". We make out some more, she says it again. Oh fuck we got a boiler... lets get out of here. Ten seconds later she says it again, and 10 seconds after that I was gone.

Looking back I am infinetly greateful cabs were hard to find otherwise she would have been back at mine and know my address.
 
Mr Gorgeous said:
Wait, did she want you to be a part of the show? That's a crazy story regardless.
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well I didn't ask but the vibrator on the bed and chester the molester peeking over the sill was enough to make me think so.

I've actually got a couple more, one really quick one

I meet this woman in a used sporting goods store, I'm looking for hockey gear. She is there checking out inline skates. She's a little fat in the ass but other than that a pretty decent looking Latina. We get talking and she tells me she's a widow, her husband was a biker that got drunk, drove home and missed the exit; literally. The dude missed the ramp and hit the barrier flipping off the bike falling down to the underpass.

She tells me how she hasn't been on a date in a year since his passing. So I say what the hell and ask her out. So we meet, go out to dinner and she starts talking to me about her and the husband's sex life. She tells me she is bi, loved bringing women to the bedroom for the two of them and so on. She even goes on about her extensive "toy" collection and that she loved to record her adventures. At the end of dinner she invites me to her house, after what I just heard how could I resist.

So we get to her place start making out and she suggests we move things to the bedroom. Have a pretty wild time, one thing I notice is this girl had the worst cheesy tattoos but I figured I wasn't there for her artistic taste (one of her tattoos was of a blue whale across her shoulder) Then she asks me if i'd like to watch one of her videos, to which I say "sure". She starts one up and it starts out with her going down on another woman, so far so good. Then I see a pair of panty hosed legs walk in front of the camera. I think "cool, she had two women" no sooner the panty hosed individual bends down and it's her biker husband. Dude is walking around in panty hose, a garterbelt and high heels. He get's on the bed all fours and she and the other girl proceed to attach false appendages and started using them on the husband. I'm just sitting there wide eyed, when she looks at me and says "oh, i guess you aren't into that, well we'll work on that"

End up sleeping at her place, first thing in the morning her bedroom door gets slammed open and in runs this little kid. She says something like "there's my little man", she tells me it's her son and he's three years old. The kid jumps up on the bed and is trying to crawl under the covers with me, she and I are still naked. I start freaking out, I don't want some three year old in bed with me. i ask her to take him out of the room, I wanted to get dressed. She tells me "oh, don't worry it's nothing he hasn't seen before" still I ask again, finally she takes him out of the room.

I get dressed and try to beeline for the door. She yells out, "hey, I made my son some Capt. Crunch, you want some?" I look over and there's the kid sitting there in his underwear slurping down cereal. I think I outran my shadow that day getting out of there.
 
SMillard said:
well I didn't ask but the vibrator on the bed and chester the molester peeking over the sill was enough to make me think so.

I've actually got a couple more, one really quick one

I meet this woman in a used sporting goods store, I'm looking for hockey gear. She is there checking out inline skates. She's a little fat in the ass but other than that a pretty decent looking Latina. We get talking and she tells me she's a widow, her husband was a biker that got drunk, drove home and missed the exit; literally. The dude missed the ramp and hit the barrier flipping off the bike falling down to the underpass.

She tells me how she hasn't been on a date in a year since his passing. So I say what the hell and ask her out. So we meet, go out to dinner and she starts talking to me about her and the husband's sex life. She tells me she is bi, loved bringing women to the bedroom for the two of them and so on. She even goes on about her extensive "toy" collection and that she loved to record her adventures. At the end of dinner she invites me to her house, after what I just heard how could I resist.

So we get to her place start making out and she suggests we move things to the bedroom. Have a pretty wild time, one thing I notice is this girl had the worst cheesy tattoos but I figured I wasn't there for her artistic taste (one of her tattoos was of a blue whale across her shoulder) Then she asks me if i'd like to watch one of her videos, to which I say "sure". She starts one up and it starts out with her going down on another woman, so far so good. Then I see a pair of panty hosed legs walk in front of the camera. I think "cool, she had two women" no sooner the panty hosed individual bends down and it's her biker husband. Dude is walking around in panty hose, a garterbelt and high heels. He get's on the bed all fours and she and the other girl proceed to attach false appendages and started using them on the husband. I'm just sitting there wide eyed, when she looks at me and says "oh, i guess you aren't into that, well we'll work on that"

End up sleeping at her place, first thing in the morning her bedroom door gets slammed open and in runs this little kid. She says something like "there's my little man", she tells me it's her son and he's three years old. The kid jumps up on the bed and is trying to crawl under the covers with me, she and I are still naked. I start freaking out, I don't want some three year old in bed with me. i ask her to take him out of the room, I wanted to get dressed. She tells me "oh, don't worry it's nothing he hasn't seen before" still I ask again, finally she takes him out of the room.

I get dressed and try to beeline for the door. She yells out, "hey, I made my son some Capt. Crunch, you want some?" I look over and there's the kid sitting there in his underwear slurping down cereal. I think I outran my shadow that day getting out of there.
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Wow, pretty brutal. I would have puked!
 
damn i did not expect this to go to 300 posts, thanks for all the funny stories guys

after some of these, mine doesn't feel so bad lol
 
equus said:
Omega, didn't you go to Florida for a chick? Or with a chick?
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Kind of. I'm pretty much from Florida. Came here when I was 5. 3 years ago I went on an internship in SC then right after a law enforcement academy in NC. I met my ex at the LE academy and she moved to Florida to be with me. Thank god that's over.
 
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