First date horror stories

[Sweating Bullet]

Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.

 

[nakaiseye]

Ha, that was pretty good. I have one that's sort of similar.

I met this girl online. She's was good looking in her pictures. I got her to send me some nudes. She had gigantic knockers. I can't remember her size but I remember some of my other girlfriends telling me that that size didn't even exist. She lived a couple hours away and I didn't have a car at the time so she said she would come to me. The next day she texted me telling me that she was on her way but her car was broke so she was having her friend drive her. It was a man friend. Once I met him I realized he was one of those poor friend zoned chaps. I can't imagine why he agreed to drive her, maybe he thought he could **** block me. Also, I can't understand why she thought it was a good idea have this guy drive her. I could've waited for her car to be fixed.

They arrive, she's fatter than in her pictures. She has a pretty face though and those tits were real so I was still down. I took her to a bar. She then tells me she is younger than what she told me online. She can't drink but they still let her in. It's just me and her friend drinking. We don't stay long. We leave and pickup some beer and decide to hang out at my place. After about the most awkward 20 minutes of drinking and small chat I've ever had to endure she asks where the bathroom is. I tell her I'll show her. It's upstairs right next my bedroom.

We came back downstairs 12 hours later. She was actually really good in bed and she was not quiet. Her friend had to stay downstairs and listen to us have sex all night. We didn't even have a tv he could watch.

In bed she gave me her grandmothers ring to signify how much I meant to her. They left the next morning and I had to wear that girly ring in public for an hour while we got breakfast.

A week later she realized she made a mistake be giving me that ring, maybe because I wasn't replying to any of her texts. I sent it back to her in the mail.

this date sounds awesome. i love average chicks with massive tits.

 

[PabloZed]

Yeah its crazy. Last time I looked I think only 35% of the people in florida were actually natives. Sometimes I'll drive around and run into a town and I'm like,"huh, this looks a lot like Long Island(or another area)". Crazy. Miami is the weirdest place I have ever been to.

Sometimes I think we kind of have our own thing going on and its pretty cool, but then I get to an area like Miami and all I can think is, what the fuck?

I have to agree even though I kinda like all the different mixes.

Florida is really two if not three different states. Rednecks up north near the border; jews and old people in the middle and on coast; and freakin everyone who has a raft or a million dollars who was born in the Caribbean or South America. I am not hating, but Miami is basically one big immigration center/prostitution ring. I suspect the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases is only higher in an actual bathhouse.

 

[Tentacle]

Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.

Every time when you see an asian with great tits you should be suspicious.

 

[equus]

Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.

not so much being a hater as it is not wanting to bang a dude.

 

[cooks1]

Ha, that was pretty good. I have one that's sort of similar.

I met this girl online. She's was good looking in her pictures. I got her to send me some nudes. She had gigantic knockers. I can't remember her size but I remember some of my other girlfriends telling me that that size didn't even exist. She lived a couple hours away and I didn't have a car at the time so she said she would come to me. The next day she texted me telling me that she was on her way but her car was broke so she was having her friend drive her. It was a man friend. Once I met him I realized he was one of those poor friend zoned chaps. I can't imagine why he agreed to drive her, maybe he thought he could **** block me. Also, I can't understand why she thought it was a good idea have this guy drive her. I could've waited for her car to be fixed.

They arrive, she's fatter than in her pictures. She has a pretty face though and those tits were real so I was still down. I took her to a bar. She then tells me she is younger than what she told me online. She can't drink but they still let her in. It's just me and her friend drinking. We don't stay long. We leave and pickup some beer and decide to hang out at my place. After about the most awkward 20 minutes of drinking and small chat I've ever had to endure she asks where the bathroom is. I tell her I'll show her. It's upstairs right next my bedroom.

We came back downstairs 12 hours later. She was actually really good in bed and she was not quiet. Her friend had to stay downstairs and listen to us have sex all night. We didn't even have a tv he could watch.

In bed she gave me her grandmothers ring to signify how much I meant to her. They left the next morning and I had to wear that girly ring in public for an hour while we got breakfast.

A week later she realized she made a mistake be giving me that ring, maybe because I wasn't replying to any of her texts. I sent it back to her in the mail.

This is such an epic story.

I have only one bizarre first date story.

I was working in Saint John NB, and there was a chick that worked for an insurance company I dealt with. She was about 6 years older than me (I was 25) but she was absolutely beautiful. So one day I am in her office and out of the blue she asks me if I want to have drinks and go out with her on Friday. So I'm like- Sure!!!!

So I meet her at a bar across from her office. We have a cocktail and a nice chat. She was divorced. Quasi-recently (paperwork signed 6 months earlier). That put me off a little but I figured that since she was a little older it was not THAT unusual. She had no kids and she did not really go on at all about her ex- so no real red flags popped up.

She was drinking a fair bit, but I stayed sober because I was driving, and I sensed the evening was going to end well. We did a little dancing at a club with a few of the friends from her office then got a little cozy on a couch at the back of the club and the sexual tension was building.

Finally she whispered in my ear, 'I think it's about time you took me home.' She is massaging my legs and then my crotch in the car as she is giving me directions to her house. The second we pull in her driveway, she pulls down my pants and starts fellating me furiously right in the car. Amazing. I can't believe my luck. After she swallows my little swimmers all up and gets herself together, she has the biggest shit eating smirk on her face.

After expressing my gratitude and suggesting we head inside to continue, she starts laughing and says that is probably not the best idea. I look at her quite puzzled. And just then, the light on her front porch pops on and the door opens. An enormous dude with a hockey stick starts yelling and walking towards the car. The chick rolls down the window and starts yelling at the dude while I am reversing out of the drive way swiftly and preparing to haul ass.

Turns out the driveway she was blowing me in was not her driveway, but her ex-husbands. And that she was giving him a little payback because the reason for their split was she walked in on a chick sucking his dick.

After I came down from the adrenaline rush, we did manage to have a nice interlude back at her place. And i did hit it a few more times over the next year. But after that first night, I was never really able to see her as girlfriend material if you know what I am saying.

 

[lakersfan45]

I am willing to believe almost anything, but you are testing me on this one. Unless you live in the hills or something, but you said there was a doctor's office. So you were close to civilization.

I. Can vouch for his story. I don't know the dude but I've known a lot of chicks who sing opera and I know a lot of premed students and even a few girls who did both. The ones that were both are pretty much as he described

 

[tkotom]

I had set up an internet date with this Spanish girl to meet for lunch at a french restaurant near the university.

I arrive on time and end up waiting about 15 mins for her to arrive. When she finally gets there I am pretty irritated and am thinking about cancelling. She gets out of her car and the girl is smoking hot. She is 5'5', thin, with long black hair that came to the middle of her back.

She marches up to me and offers her hand for me to shake. This usually turns me off but I thought what the hell and we went inside.

Lunch is going well until the waiter briskly walks past our table and I am blasted with an intense aroma of B.O. I am really surprised that this waiter has such bad hygiene. The restaurant was by no means a dive.

The lunch passes and every time the waiter walks past I am again blasted by this BO. It so overwhelmingly bad that it is starting to ruin the date. I am thinking of how I should deal with this....Do i talk to the manager? Do I just leave?

I am thinking about this when she lifts her arm to brush back her hair when this BO just about overtakes me. The BO is coming from this girl! As she lifts her arm I see an INSANE amount of underarm hair pointed directly at me. The whole dinner I had not even paid attention to the hair as at a glance it looked like the bottoms of her hair was just showing from behind her arms.

NOPE!

The girl looked like she had one of those troll dolls in a headlock.

As we are leaving she moved in to hug me goodbye. I ended up giving her an awkward hi-five to squeezed hand and never saw her again.

lol the troll doll

 

[Plutoburn]

My method of never having a first date that can go too wrong:

1. Have multiple pictures of the girls if never met.
2. Coffee date on a weeknight or weekend afternoon
3. 2 to 3 hours in a cafe. Let her know you have plans after if meeting on the weekend or having to wake up early for work next day.

 

[Z4**]

My 3rd story - "the throat slash"

I was expecting this date to be full of fireworks. I was wrong. Picked her up at home and we went straight to the nearest mall for a casual dinner.

I didn't notice this until we both sat down face to face at the restaurant. She just had an operation in her thyroid, that's why she has a gauze in her throat. Being my usual curious self, I asked, "if you take that juice now what will happen?"

"It will squirt back to your face, hahaha" she said. That already ruined my night. So carry on, we went on to watch Tokyo Drift. I was floating the whole time for what she said, can't take it off my mind.

So there, I didn't wanna tap that. We left, now in the car talking like we are good friends. I don't know what got into me to immitate what I've seen in the movie and tried to drift an FWD car. The result? Car slammed itself into a concrete barrier. She looks at me totally shocked.

On the way home, neither one of us spoke one word. This was back in college. I remember laughing so hard after dropping her off.

We never spoke again. Although none of us got hurt just the car, I think it traumatized her.

Hahahahaha, my advice to all of you ask first if the girl recently had an operation of some sort.

 

[Zer]

Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.

 

[RoryFan]

My method of never having a first date that can go too wrong:

1. Have multiple pictures of the girls if never met.
2. Coffee date on a weeknight or weekend afternoon
3. 2 to 3 hours in a cafe. Let her know you have plans after if meeting on the weekend or having to wake up early for work next day.

3 hours in a cafe... no thanks jeff. 45 minutes, then next date drinks and smash.

 

[Plutoburn]

3 hours in a cafe... no thanks jeff. 45 minutes, then next date drinks and smash.

If you are just looking to tap as much ass as possible, why bother with the cafe in the first place.

My approach is to have meaningful relationship with quality women. Those 2-3 hours is her chance to show me her charming personality behind the pretty face.

 

[RoryFan]

If you are just looking to tap as much ass as possible, why bother with the cafe in the first place.

My approach is to have meaningful relationship with quality women. Those 2-3 hours is her chance to show me her charming personality behind the pretty face.

First date is just to break the ice, make it short and sweet and end it leaving a good impression. The longer the date the more chance of coming off badly imo, 45 minutes is more than enough.

But i dont do meaningful relationships ^^

 

[Plutoburn]

First date is just to break the ice, make it short and sweet and end it leaving a good impression. The longer the date the more chance of coming off badly imo, 45 minutes is more than enough.

But i dont do meaningful relationships ^^

I understand where you are coming from because I've been in your position before. You use a method that maximizes your chance to tap that. My method maximizes my chance of ending up with a woman I can possibly enjoy spend time with.

 

[SMillard]

LMFAO Great story, I'm almost in tears.

I was convinced the story would end with the two of getting married though.

that would have made it a real tragedy.

Alright, here's another.

Met this girl online, we talked online for a couple weeks. Finally, she sends me a picture and I ask for her phone number, she won't give it because of "all the weirdos" but she asks for mine. I give her my number and about two days later I get a phone call at about 1:30 in the morning, I answer and the person hangs up. I'm pissed someone woke me up so I call the number back and it's her. We talk for a few minutes and she asks if I want to go out with her the next night.

She asks me to meet her at a pool hall/sports bar, so I go in and I'm walking around. I can't find her, so I'm about to walk out when she comes up to me. We walk over to where she has her friend and this guy that was in his late 40's early 50's (the girl, her friend and I were all in our mid 20's), she tells me her friend is engaged but that this guy kept asking her out so she finally said alright. The guy seems nice enough and we all play pool for awhile, I suck at pool but this night I was playing out my ass, the other guy started getting pissed that I was beating him. Finally the girls say "let's go dancing". As we are leaving my girl runs over and jumps in my car. We kiss in the car and she just sits there I ask if she's alright she looks at me all bug eyed "did you feel that? please tell me you felt that" I didn't know what she was talking about but I just said "yeah, I felt it" and drove off.

I don't know where we are going so she is giving me directions. The "club" turned out to be the bar at a Holiday Inn. We go there and they try to get me to pay a cover for her and me. I just started laughing, all I could think was there was no way in hell i was paying a cover to get into a hotel bar, at least not one in Florida that is 30 minutes west of the beach. The girl says something and they let us in. Her friend and the guy come in about 10 minutes later.

We are having a drink at the bar and some guy walks up to the girl and asks "where's your husband? how's the baby?" they have a 10 minute conversation then the guy leaves. I ask her "you're married and have a baby?" she tells me she is divorced and yes she has a daughter, but it's easier to tell people she is still married". All I can think is so it's easier to let people think you are having an affair than to tell them you are divorced. Then she says she wants to dance, I say fine. She says, "no, I dance alone" This girl went out on the dance floor and did the electric slide by herself, the pinnacle of group dancing this girl is doing by herself. A couple of girls tried to join in and she waves them off real snotty. Meanwhile I've got the guy standing there dancing in front of the other girl, but he's doing the spinning thing. Basically every middle age white guy movie dancing cliche.

When she finishes dancing I tell her I'm done for the night, she tells me she wants to go home with me. I say fine, figure might as well get laid out of this fiasco. We get to my house and she basically turns into a mannequin. I literally have to undress her, I am doing everything, the whole time she is looking at me again bug eyed. When it's all said and done I'm thinking to myself "guess I didn't do a good job" when she says "oh my god, wow". I tell her I have to get up early in the morning, she tells me she has to get home because her ex was babysitting. I drop her off and don't think anything of it, I swear she lied about the whole divorce thing.

I get a call a couple days later asking me to go to a park with her and her daughter, I tell her I'm busy. She starts screaming at me "oh, you got what you wanted and now you want nothing to do with me" I tell her that's not true, so she asks me to come by her place later with some taco bell. So I go over to her place and on the bed is a vibrator, I ask what's up with that? She tells me she likes to put on a show for her neighbor, I look out the window and there is this dude peaking over the window sill. I tell her, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. Although I did confirm that she was divorced.

About a month later about 11:00 pm she calls me when I have another girl over at my place and asks if she can come over. I tell her it wasn't a good time, she asked if I had another girl over. I said "yes", that was the last I'd heard from her for almost a year. I'm at a super cuts or something getting a haircut and she walks in, she tells me how she got pregnant from another guy, married him and was just finishing up the divorce. Told her I was leaving the country for six months and left.

 

[Eisenkarl]

I just remembered a funny story, it wasn't a real date but it fits in here quite well.

I was in Florianopolis, Brazil and went to get some food and drinks with 2 guys from the hostel, one of which had a date with a Brazilian chick so he asked us to come along, as some sort of wingmen.
His date was a decent looking chick and she brought her friend who made a good impression as well.

I start a conversation with her friend and the first thing she tells me is that she had a motorbike accident and ran over a pedastrian, lol. She goes on to roll up her pants and show us a disgusting pus-filled huge-ass scab. We just look at each other in disbelief and the other guy was like "that's really sexy mate" and I just lost it haha.

Now I'm obviously feeling pretty uncomfortable, thinking of how to escape this psycho bitch when all of a sudden she starts leaning on me and trying to make out. She opens her mouth and shows me a fucking blotter acid on her tongue which didn't really surprise me to be honest.
Then out of the blue she tells me she has a kid but her grandma is taking care of it because she's not allowed to see it anymore lmao. She actually thought this was funny.

We leave soon after, the girl couldn't even stand straight anymore but her friend thought it was a good idea to put another blotter acid in her mouth and push her into some shady looking club, just to leave her there all by herself, lol.
She was like, "it's best for her, she just broke up with her boyfriend."
Looking back I should probably have done something, grab her and put her in a taxi cab or call an ambulance but she was so annoying that I didn't bother.

 

[Mr Gorgeous]

Most will consider this a nightmare, though I didn't really.

First night out in a new city. Walked into a bar/restaurant to have dinner and some beers. Walked past a table of babes with one guy. I hear "I love you" followed by giggling. Attempt to act nonchalant and continue to a free table. Get served, have a few beers, talk to a table of guys next to me. Later, a girl from the table comes and asks if she can sit next to me. She is smoking hot. Tells me her friend likes me and I should come sit with them. She points out the friend. 10/10 -- petite Asian girl with great tits etc, dressed really well, beautiful face.

I agree, go sit down, introduce myself to everyone. Order more drinks, felt bad because the charged the guy who was obviously paying for all the girls. So I started talking to the girl that liked me. She didn't appear very interested--she was shy I guess. They invite me to join them at a club nearby to dance etc. Got the girls number and left,just wasn't feeling it. Text back and forth for a few days. She invites me to her place.

We end up in the bedroom pretty quickly. Every time I reach "down there" she pushes my hand away. Keeps saying stuff like: "Do you like me? Do you like my personality?" etc etc.

Realise she won't let me touch her down there because she has a d**k. Have sex with 'her' anyway.

Haters gon' hate.

God damn, you lucky bastard!

 

[Mr Gorgeous]

I get a call a couple days later asking me to go to a park with her and her daughter, I tell her I'm busy. She starts screaming at me "oh, you got what you wanted and now you want nothing to do with me" I tell her that's not true, so she asks me to come by her place later with some taco bell. So I go over to her place and on the bed is a vibrator, I ask what's up with that? She tells me she likes to put on a show for her neighbor, I look out the window and there is this dude peaking over the window sill. I tell her, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later. Although I did confirm that she was divorced.

Wait, did she want you to be a part of the show? That's a crazy story regardless.

 

[v.kevin]

I just remembered a funny story, it wasn't a real date but it fits in here quite well.

I was in Florianopolis, Brazil and went to get some food and drinks with 2 guys from the hostel, one of which had a date with a Brazilian chick so he asked us to come along, as some sort of wingmen.
His date was a decent looking chick and she brought her friend who made a good impression as well.

I start a conversation with her friend and the first thing she tells me is that she had a motorbike accident and ran over a pedastrian, lol. She goes on to roll up her pants and show us a disgusting pus-filled huge-ass scab. We just look at each other in disbelief and the other guy was like "that's really sexy mate" and I just lost it haha.

Now I'm obviously feeling pretty uncomfortable, thinking of how to escape this psycho bitch when all of a sudden she starts leaning on me and trying to make out. She opens her mouth and shows me a fucking blotter acid on her tongue which didn't really surprise me to be honest.
Then out of the blue she tells me she has a kid but her grandma is taking care of it because she's not allowed to see it anymore lmao. She actually thought this was funny.

We leave soon after, the girl couldn't even stand straight anymore but her friend thought it was a good idea to put another blotter acid in her mouth and push her into some shady looking club, just to leave her there all by herself, lol.
She was like, "it's best for her, she just broke up with her boyfriend."
Looking back I should probably have done something, grab her and put her in a taxi cab or call an ambulance but she was so annoying that I didn't bother.

Chivalry is not dead. I can't say I blame you though. You can't be up in everybody's business trying to save the world one Brazilian at a time.