Relationships Does anyone regret having kids?

[MixMartialFarts]

Update from TS? I'm sure you feel it was worth it but do you ever miss your old life of freedom?

Yea man it was worth it, I couldn't imagine not having my little guy around now, seems like a stupid question to have even asked in retrospect. Sure I miss my old life from time to time, but I realize the life I have now being a parent is a better one.

I could understand what others said earlier in the thread about regretting who they had the kid with. Thankfully I am not in that position but some of these women are crazy as fuck and I've seen with other couples how they make the lives of the dad a living hell.

I do maybe regret now not starting a family when I was a few years younger. We want to have another one and I've been pushing the Mrs. for a couple years and she still wants another one as well, but she is going to be 39 in a few weeks so the clock is ticking. We'll be old ass parents either way. Better late than never.

 

[Berserker13]

So make Christmas another day when you do get to see the kid and go all out. I think success is the best revenge, in this instance success with ones kid.

In this house we celebrate Xmas until Candlemas in February.

Unfortunately communication is not possible due to her

 

[Berserker13]

It's depressing

 

[Berserker13]

The one thing that would solve all of our issues, she absolutely refuses....

 

[Berserker13]

100% hopeless situation

 

[Berserker13]

and I am the only one who thinks that this is insane

 

[Berserker13]

there's something wrong with her

 

[Kardashians]

there's something wrong with her

hun, you can put all of these comments within one post . . .

 

[Domitian]

I could probably make a thread about this but I do have a biological kid I gave up for adoption. The mother was 19 and wanted nothing to do with the baby or me. She was fucked in the head and she was also cheating on me. I had no idea if the kid was even mine to go fight for it. I ultimately decided the child needed a mother in their life and signed the papers. It was a middle-upper class family who already had 4 kids and very financially stable. I see pictures of the kid on Instagram and she looks 95% like me and 5% like her mother. She got all my genetics. I've never met her except when she was born.

 

[RichardHarrow]

I could probably make a thread about this but I do have a biological kid I gave up for adoption. The mother was 19 and wanted nothing to do with the baby or me. She was fucked in the head and she was also cheating on me. I had no idea if the kid was even mine to go fight for it. I ultimately decided the child needed a mother in their life and signed the papers. It was a middle-upper class family who already had 4 kids and very financially stable. I see pictures of the kid on Instagram and she looks 95% like me and 5% like her mother. She got all my genetics. I've never met her except when she was born.

Man that’s a hard decision to have made. I wish you strength and solace. Do you want to ever make a connection with your child? Has your ex ?

 

[Domitian]

Man that’s a hard decision to have made. I wish you strength and solace. Do you want to ever make a connection with your child? Has your ex ?

It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, yes. It really bothers me honestly. The kid looks happy though and very well taken care of.

The story with the ex is we only dated a week or two. This is personal but I'll share. When we were having sex one night I was at the point of orgasm and about to pull out but she wrapped her legs around me suddenly while grabbing my arms, basically grabbed my whole body as hard as she could and pulled me into her. I wanted to punch her. A few days later I caught her texting another guy and broke up with her on the spot. I ignored her completely. I think she hated me at that point.

She denies knowing anything about the adopted parents when I asked her, yet I see her as friends with them on Instagram making plans to go there. Meanwhile, I've contacted them and they give me no response. I can only imagine what she's said about me.

Very sad, yes. Like I said though, the kid has a big family and looks to be very well loved. That's all I can really ask for. I don't want to meet her until she's an adult. I don't want to do anything that would be inappropriate to the family. I don't know if that will ever happen though.

 

[RichardHarrow]

It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make, yes. It really bothers me honestly. The kid looks happy though and very well taken care of.

The story with the ex is we only dated a week or two. This is personal but I'll share. When we were having sex one night I was at the point of orgasm and about to pull out but she wrapped her legs around me suddenly while grabbing my arms, basically grabbed my whole body as hard as she could and pulled me into her. I wanted to punch her. A few days later I caught her texting another guy and broke up with her on the spot. I ignored her completely. I think she hated me at that point.

She denies knowing anything about the adopted parents when I asked her, yet I see her as friends with them on Instagram making plans to go there. Meanwhile, I've contacted them and they give me no response. I can only imagine what she's said about me.

Very sad, yes. Like I said though, the kid has a big family and looks to be very well loved. That's all I can really ask for. I don't want to meet her until she's an adult. I don't want to do anything that would be inappropriate to the family. I don't know if that will ever happen though.

I wish the child the absolute best. Seriously.

 

[Wilmer Digreux]

I do. Man where do i start? my oldest beat me in basketball a few months ago. it was bad. i was spent and the little bastard dunked on me. i took my pocket knife out and popped the ball real quick like. i blamed it on a rock in the driveway. then i made him sweep the driveway because fuck him.

 

[Berserker13]

hun, you can put all of these comments within one post . . .

I know she's reading this, and I know she will completely ignore it....

 

[Phlog]

Unfortunately communication is not possible due to her

Isn't that illegal where you are? Have you lawyered up?

 

[Berserker13]

Isn't that illegal where you are? Have you lawyered up?

That won't do any good either she will just dry my finances out

 

[Phlog]

That won't do any good either she will just dry my finances out

Hmmmm....

Not sure I could handle not having thrown everything at seeing my kid. But you know what you have to deal with.

 

[Berserker13]

Hmmmm....

Not sure I could handle not having thrown everything at seeing my kid. But you know what you have to deal with.

She has daddy's money,

 

[Darth_Inv1ctu5]

I wish everyone here the best. Life's tough whatever path you choose. None of us here can really offer up anything other than our feelings about this stuff.

The people saying they don't like kids so no thanks are missing the point. I don't like kids either, but my kids are fucking great. Partly because they're part of me and partly because of they start to annoy me I let them know and help them not.


What do you owe? Nothing, everything, it depends on your pov. Personally I wanted to experience what life is actually about, I loved being a child and I wanted to make the world better, making a good family with my wife seemed the way for me to do that. I couldn't miss out on what's to offer.

It just so happend to do all that and improve the lives of their grandparents. My kids report that they love their lives so alls good. Wife didn't want kids into her 30s and I was resigned to it. Realised just in time and I know for a fact it was the best choice she ever made.

None of this is to try to convince you, just to answer from my pov.


Evidentially. Obviously. That's not to say they cannot find fulfilment or a valuable life, but by it's very nature a life without children is less, in the same way that a life without a parent is definitively less. And it's up to him to rank happiness as he subjectively sees it, it's fine for him to think it's even reasonable given the data.


The reason for that is the you that chose that mother.

If having children isn't an opportunity for self reflection, it's nothing. Usually speaking you make a person with a person you choose and raise them within reason, how you see fit. How can any of that be someone else's fault.

You can say you could have known better what the woman was like, but probably should have known better is more accurate. Unless one is a simpleton, a victim. I don't like the victim narrative personally.


One can say it's all just an unceasing river of no free will. But that's not all the story. I don't think one has to feel bad about oneself now for making a poor choice in the past either. That was a different you. Recognising ones mistakes is part of preventing further ones.

"but by it's very nature a life without children is less, in the same way that a life without a parent is definitively less"

See, this is bad logic. Not having kids is in no way comparable to not having parents, if for no other reason - and there are many other reasons - but for the fact that the experience of being a child catered to by parents is by no stretch of imagination comparable to that of being a parent catering to a child (and I will not belabor this point, it cannot not be self-evident). But even if those two experiences were, for the sake of this argument, comparable (they're absolutely not) - what of the people whose parents died early in their lives, or left them for adoption, and who also don't have/can't have/don't want kids - are those lives automatically capped at how happy they can be compared to those of the people with children? To me, arguing that is very naive and reflects a very simplistic, unimaginative view of what life can be. Every mind is, to a lesser or greater extent, a black box, so making blanket assumptions or claims about what someone can or cannot experience, especially based on arbitrary factors like familial relationships, is guesswork at best - never a statement of observable or measurable facts. Not having kids is not a disability or an illness for us to assume that it invariably has an adverse effect on happiness or on the capacity for happiness - or on the maximum achievable happiness.

 

[Lycandroid]

I regret not having kids, I wouldn't want to kick the bucket before my kids are of age themselves so even though I could at this point I feel it is too late.