Relationships Does anyone regret having kids?

I dont regret it, but it is fucking tough work. The stress and limitation of it all put my relationship under more strain than it had ever been under, bearing in mind we were together 14 years before we had kids too.

I have 3 and a 4th on the way, all within 5 years. Its non stop chaos. In the grand scheme of things I still wouldnt change it though. Little shitheads.

Oh btw, if you plan on getting old, you will 100% regret NOT having kids eventually. It'll be a miserable life when you get old enough to start losing your independence and seeing everyone around you die. Being around the next generations of your family in your final years will be one of the few things you have left.
 
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i don't have kids, so take this as the opinion of a single person. i think years before it was much easier to raise children and begin a family financially sound. you had many things going for you then than you do today. our culture has shifted much more to an individualistic culture than ever before, and for many people it's both a financial and personal burden to begin a family. i get it. i'm one of them. in today's world you almost have to get lucky, in that you need to both find a partner who is as dedicated as you are to create a solid family, and you need the money to fund it.
 
TeenageMutantLesnarTurtle said:
I dont regret it, but it is fucking tough work. The stress and limitation of it all put my relationship under more strain than it had ever been under, bearing in mind we were together 14 years before we had kids too.

I have 3 and a 4th on the way, all within 5 years. Its non stop chaos. In the grand scheme of things I still wouldnt change it though. Little shitheads.

Oh btw, if you plan on getting old, you will 100% regret NOT having kids eventually. It'll be a miserable life when you get old enough to start losing your independence and seeing everyone around you die. Being around the next generations of your family in your final years will be one of the few things you have left.
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Don't have kids.

But I have nieces I'm quite close to, so I think I'll be fine in those regards. But I completely understand your sentiments.
 
A little, but, only so because I’m not the best father, and wish my sons had a father that was a much better one than myself. Made many of the same damn mistakes as my shithead father. Some cats in the cradle fuckery.
 
No way. Best thing to ever happen. You don't need to compromise. I've had a full life experience of sports, academia and business, while having kids. Out of the 4, the only one I would not give up is my two kids.. I would drop any of the other 3 experiences as opposed to not having my two kids.

Obviously, if you're married to a difficult person (or worse, a complete cunt) your life could be hell with kids. THat's about the only situation where having kids may not be a great thing. Didn't happen to me but I have friends that have had 10yrs of hell because of their wife/partner. OTOH - once they got past the divorce issues, things worked out.
 
TeenageMutantLesnarTurtle said:
I dont regret it, but it is fucking tough work. The stress and limitation of it all put my relationship under more strain than it had ever been under, bearing in mind we were together 14 years before we had kids too.

I have 3 and a 4th on the way, all within 5 years. Its non stop chaos. In the grand scheme of things I still wouldnt change it though. Little shitheads.

Oh btw, if you plan on getting old, you will 100% regret NOT having kids eventually. It'll be a miserable life when you get old enough to start losing your independence and seeing everyone around you die. Being around the next generations of your family in your final years will be one of the few things you have left.
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This random guys video came up in my feed and it got me thinking. I'm only 15 years younger than him and he seems to have pretty profound regret.

I have a teenage son who is a real blessing to me. He's a top student and athlete and a good guy too. I've paid child support and been through stress but he's worth it. Since I had him, I've always been careful not to have anymore kids so I won't be overwhelmed since it was tough enough to raise just him.

But now that I'm in a different state, I only see him during the summer and it is a bit lonely. At the same time, my life is a lot less stressful and complicated now.

I enjoy my current life and the freedom to do what I want but sometimes I do wonder if I will regret not having anymore kids. I've dated a few women in the last couple years who were open to having kids but I didn't do it because I remembered the stressful times and the child support, etc.

More recently I have been dating a couple women who are open to it. Both of them are a bit better off financially so I don't feel as stressed out about that part compared to some of the others. I work and do ok but I'm by no means rich.

I wonder if I don't do it again if I will feel regret and loneliness later in the not too distant future.

I'm pretty much still in my physical prime. I don't think I am better than anyone but I'm able to attract women still. As I age, this might diminish. Maybe I won't have the option to have kids with a good quality woman in the future because I will no longer be attractive to them as I'll be a bit old. Like I said, I pay my bills but I'm not rich so I can't rely on wealth to attract some pretty young ladies.

The thing is though, I still love my current lifestyle. I do whatever the hell I want and it's great. I don't really feel depressed or lonely ever but that's probably also because I still date women. Sometimes I will be hanging out with a woman and she'll start to annoy me. I can make up an excuse to go back to my safe, quiet life.

If I impregnate her, I can't easily run away. I'll be trapped. Will I feel trapped? Or will I be glad! Or both. I don't know. I do know that having a kid is not about your feelings, it's about them. I enjoyed being a good dad once but I had a great girlfriend who loved my son like he's her own. I'm not with her anymore. Would I do as good of a job without her?

Life is good now. I can do whatever I like and I don't often get the lonely feelings but I'm also at the end of my youthful handsomeness. I'm not trying to be a braggart but I can still get them but I can see that fading away in the coming years and not having the option to have a kid with a good woman like I do now.

Video of depressed old guy who regrets not having kids.

 
IIIIIIII said:
i don't have kids, so take this as the opinion of a single person. i think years before it was much easier to raise children and begin a family financially sound. you had many things going for you then than you do today. our culture has shifted much more to an individualistic culture than ever before, and for many people it's both a financial and personal burden to begin a family. i get it. i'm one of them. in today's world you almost have to get lucky, in that you need to both find a partner who is as dedicated as you are to create a solid family, and you need the money to fund it.
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We're livin in the fallout of the post ww2, baby boomer, military industrial complex, set it and forget it, white picket fence that only they will be able to achieve, American dream
 
IIIIIIII said:
i don't have kids, so take this as the opinion of a single person. i think years before it was much easier to raise children and begin a family financially sound. you had many things going for you then than you do today. our culture has shifted much more to an individualistic culture than ever before, and for many people it's both a financial and personal burden to begin a family. i get it. i'm one of them. in today's world you almost have to get lucky, in that you need to both find a partner who is as dedicated as you are to create a solid family, and you need the money to fund it.
Click to expand...
Same boat. i dont have a kid, so take this as the opinion of a single person.. My parents say they dont regret having me, but man seeing how they struggled from having nothing, I kinda wished i wasnt born due to the financial burden and stress I caused. My mum also said, "dont have a kid" cause of the cultural change and how money is loses its purchasing power. I see ppl in similar situation as my parents at work and I feel bad for them, and even more so for their child(ren). They are trying to pull off what my parents did, and its just not even feasible in the current economy.

I think being financially sound and having someone thats family orientated, as IIIIII suggested, would change my opinion.
 
No, but I pray to the Gods and thank them every day for having such great kids. They have filled my life with joy and make me proud so much. It was tough when they were babies, but I miss those days now lol. But I know not everyone has the experience I have. I know some people with nightmares to deal with--mental health issues, substance abuse, behavioral issues, criminal behavior, health issues, trans, bullying, bad grades etc. It can be stressful depending on what you are dealt with and how you handle it.
 
It's not something people are going to put in writing, but face to face there's a lot more honesty about it. I can't tell you how many parents we've both talked to who are super jelly of our lifestyle and very much wish they had our freedom and flexibility. Not necessarily that they would trade with us (although some actually would), but there's a lot of people who are too worn down from years of the parenting lifestyle and the strains it's put on their personal wants and desires that they don't mind being real about it.

It's not an admission that they don't love their kids to admit that everything that comes with raising a child (or 2 or 3) can be a huge, constant kick in the balls for a lot of people.
 
Gotta lot of regrets, my minions are definitely not one of them. Honestly, I’m a true family man. They are everything to me. They’re very well behaved kids too. I’m very blessed.
 
ObsoleteSoul said:
A little, but, only so because I’m not the best father, and wish my sons had a father that was a much better one than myself. Made many of the same damn mistakes as my shithead father. Some cats in the cradle fuckery.
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You make mistakes and learn. Im sure your better to your kids then your father was. Nobody is perfect. Dont beat yourself up too bad, aslong as your trying your best thats all you can do.
 
CI said:
Same boat. i dont have a kid, so take this as the opinion of a single person.. My parents say they dont regret having me, but man seeing how they struggled from having nothing, I kinda wished i wasnt born due to the financial burden and stress I caused. My mum also said, "dont have a kid" cause of the cultural change and how money is loses its purchasing power. I see ppl in similar situation as my parents at work and I feel bad for them, and even more so for their child(ren). They are trying to pull off what my parents did, and its just not even feasible in the current economy.

I think being financially sound and having someone thats family orientated, as IIIIII suggested, would change my opinion.
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Waiting to be financially sound is a mistake for many as biology and time don’t wait. If the opportunity presents itself, just go. If you can grow up in apartments, then your kids can do as well, you don’t need to wait until you’re in the home of your dreams. I had my first three before i had purchased a home.

I was in a tiny ass shared space, my kids grew up there and didn’t know better, they don’t have to be pampered, don’t need their own rooms ( everyone was in the same room), they don’t need a grand area to do homework.

In fact the bigger the home, the bigger the responsibilities, cleanup can be a real chore, almost regret buying so big, but i do have five.

Anecdotally, i rent one of my small units to a family that has to share rooms to fit. The guy got kids really late in life, but in California, buying a home, financial stability, not for everyone, and he came to a similar conclusion, can’t wait, and he’s already 50+++. His family is technically living with poverty levels of income and gets by fine. Zero luxuries, but makes rent and doesn’t have issues with rent/food/clothing or anything, just really low in luxuries.
 
Slothbroth said:
This random guys video came up in my feed and it got me thinking. I'm only 15 years younger than him and he seems to have pretty profound regret.

I have a teenage son who is a real blessing to me. He's a top student and athlete and a good guy too. I've paid child support and been through stress but he's worth it. Since I had him, I've always been careful not to have anymore kids so I won't be overwhelmed since it was tough enough to raise just him.

But now that I'm in a different state, I only see him during the summer and it is a bit lonely. At the same time, my life is a lot less stressful and complicated now.

I enjoy my current life and the freedom to do what I want but sometimes I do wonder if I will regret not having anymore kids. I've dated a few women in the last couple years who were open to having kids but I didn't do it because I remembered the stressful times and the child support, etc.

More recently I have been dating a couple women who are open to it. Both of them are a bit better off financially so I don't feel as stressed out about that part compared to some of the others. I work and do ok but I'm by no means rich.

I wonder if I don't do it again if I will feel regret and loneliness later in the not too distant future.

I'm pretty much still in my physical prime. I don't think I am better than anyone but I'm able to attract women still. As I age, this might diminish. Maybe I won't have the option to have kids with a good quality woman in the future because I will no longer be attractive to them as I'll be a bit old. Like I said, I pay my bills but I'm not rich so I can't rely on wealth to attract some pretty young ladies.

The thing is though, I still love my current lifestyle. I do whatever the hell I want and it's great. I don't really feel depressed or lonely ever but that's probably also because I still date women. Sometimes I will be hanging out with a woman and she'll start to annoy me. I can make up an excuse to go back to my safe, quiet life.

If I impregnate her, I can't easily run away. I'll be trapped. Will I feel trapped? Or will I be glad! Or both. I don't know. I do know that having a kid is not about your feelings, it's about them. I enjoyed being a good dad once but I had a great girlfriend who loved my son like he's her own. I'm not with her anymore. Would I do as good of a job without her?

Life is good now. I can do whatever I like and I don't often get the lonely feelings but I'm also at the end of my youthful handsomeness. I'm not trying to be a braggart but I can still get them but I can see that fading away in the coming years and not having the option to have a kid with a good woman like I do now.

Video of depressed old guy who regrets not having kids.

Click to expand...


That guy should regret his awful toupee.
 
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