Do you ever lament the plethora of life's options?

[Guestx]

Is there ever a point where "the freedom of choice" becomes too much? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life's many options?

To many people, this may seem weird. Though I suspect that there will also be those handful of people out there who get what I'm saying.

Sometimes I feel like all the different options that life is constantly throwing at me is overwhelming. Maybe it's concern over what I'm missing out on. Maybe it's irritation that, as a person who is naturally a completist, I know that I'll never be able to experience but a fraction of all life has to offer. Or maybe it's that I know I'd be incapable of constantly thinking that the grass is always greener if I didn't know that that grass existed in the first place.

Let me offer a few examples: Take women for instance. Let's say you have your choice of five women to marry and you have to pick one of them. There is one that is the best looking and has the best personality of the five and so you pick her and are confident and happy with your choice . . . until you find out that there actually was a sixth woman who was superior in every way. Now, instead of being happy and pleased, you lament over what could've been.

Or take books for example. Let's say you're a reader. You walk into a library and you realize that there is ALL THIS KNOWLEDGE, and you want it, but you know you can only attain a fraction of it. And the option is there, to start attaining it, but you don't know where to start. And once you do start, you think to yourself, what's in that book over there that this book doesn't have? Perhaps a third of the way through your first choice, your curiosity gets the better of you and you put the first book down and pick up the second. I can't tell you how many books I've only partially completed for this reason. And it's in times like these I wish I only had four of five books to choose from, rather than four or five million. Maybe not four or five TOTAL, but four or five at a time, so that the duty to choose wisely isn't so overwhelming.

You can keep applying this to anything: choices of where to live, what movies to watch, what degree to obtain, what career to pursue, what religion to follow (or whether to even follow a religion at all), and just generally how to spend your life.

I often feel paralyzed by the options. And then instead of doing SOMETHING, even if it's not 100% ideal, I end up doing nothing. I end up putting it all off for another day, when I'll be better equipped to handle these challenges.

Can anyone else identify with this or do I just sound like a crazy person? Anyone else ever wished that there was LESS to life than their actually is, so that it would be more manageable, and therefore more conquerable? Do you ever wish there were fewer options, so that each option could be fully understood and compared to the others, so that you could have the utmost confidence in the fact that you made the right decisions?

 

[Mike]

Opposite issue for me. so much depth and beauty and variety to life, but the way I am as a person I just don't get to participate. I would be happy with just MY life, mediocre job, friends and family round me, a partner. I can love anyone that I feel loves me for the most part. I commit quickly and completely and pretty much never think about what if I could have someone better, just want someone to share my life with.


The way it's worked out I don't really get to have things. It's largely my own fault but it doesn't lessen the sting. I feel like I'm always drawing a smaller and smaller box of what I'd be satisfied with, and life is like "lolz nope, don't get to have all that". So i get up and dust myself off and try to draw the box a little smaller.

 

[Cubo de Sangre]

No.

 

[Guestx]

Opposite issue for me. so much depth and beauty and variety to life, but the way I am as a person I just don't get to participate. I would be happy with just MY life, mediocre job, friends and family round me, a partner. I can love anyone that I feel loves me for the most part. I commit quickly and completely and pretty much never think about what if I could have someone better, just want someone to share my life with.


The way it's worked out I don't really get to have things. It's largely my own fault but it doesn't lessen the sting. I feel like I'm always drawing a smaller and smaller box of what I'd be satisfied with, and life is like "lolz nope, don't get to have all that". So i get up and dust myself off and try to draw the box a little smaller.

Interesting. I find that the older I get the less I feel like I'll ever be content with just a simple, regular life. I want to do something big. Make an impact.

Are you being intentionally vague or would you be up to explaining why such modest needs aren't capable of being met for you?

 

[BisexualMMA]

Opposite issue for me. so much depth and beauty and variety to life, but the way I am as a person I just don't get to participate. I would be happy with just MY life, mediocre job, friends and family round me, a partner. I can love anyone that I feel loves me for the most part. I commit quickly and completely and pretty much never think about what if I could have someone better, just want someone to share my life with.

The way it's worked out I don't really get to have things. It's largely my own fault but it doesn't lessen the sting. I feel like I'm always drawing a smaller and smaller box of what I'd be satisfied with, and life is like "lolz nope, don't get to have all that". So i get up and dust myself off and try to draw the box a little smaller.

When you get old in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's part of life. But you only learn that, once you start losing stuff. You find out that life's this game of inches. One half a step too late or too early, and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast, you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us.

On this team, we fight for that inch...

 

[Bmurray]

My parents used to drag me kicking and screaming out of Toys R Us. I could never decide which toy to pick, so I wouldn't end up with anything.

Flash-forward to today and I can see the appeal of pretty much any hobby or pursuit. I never criticize what people like to spend their time doing, because usually after a little while of trying it myself I see the same skill-curve and similar but different nuances as the things I like to do. People always say "if you lived forever you'd want to kill yourself", but I totally disagree.

Creatively I know there are times where too many options leads to paralysis. Sometimes it can be easier to be creative within some boundaries.

 

[Guestx]

My parents used to drag me kicking and screaming out of Toys R Us. I could never decide which toy to pick, so I wouldn't end up with anything.

Flash-forward to today and I can see the appeal of pretty much any hobby or pursuit. I never criticize what people like to spend their time doing, because usually after a little while of trying it myself I see the same skill-curve and similar but different nuances as the things I like to do. People always say "if you lived forever you'd want to kill yourself", but I totally disagree.

Creatively I know there are times where too many options leads to paralysis. Sometimes it can be easier to be creative within some boundaries.

You get what I'm saying. I've spent a lot of my life dabbling. I'll do a little of this, a little of that. I'll learn a bit on this subject, and then learn a bit on that one. In the end, it hasn't amounted to much.

My dream is to be a filmmaker. It's something I've wanted to do for many years. And while in just the past couple of years I have done a better job of buckling down and have actually accomplished a few things, I know that if I had made it my singular goal ten years ago then I'd be much farther along than I am now. I am full of regrets on this.

I like your last statement about creativity within boundaries. I'd extend this to other areas of life as well. Sometimes it's easier to choose a path when there aren't a hundred of them laid out before you.

 

[LATEXXX COMMANDO]

Interesting. I find that the older I get the less I feel like I'll ever be content with just a simple, regular life. I want to do something big. Make an impact.

I usually hear the opposite.

When you're young you want to do something big with your life but as you get older you grow more content and comfortable with what you have.

 

[ocean size]

I feel u TS, not in the mood to really analyze all the places this gets at me but check this out https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en

 

[Guestx]

I usually hear the opposite.

When you're young you want to do something big with your life but as you get older you grow more content and comfortable with what you have.

Yeah, I think that's the way it usually goes.

Maybe for me my attitude has been cultivated by the fact that I'm 34 and haven't accomplished nearly as much as I had intended to by this age. I think I'm pissed and determined to make some big things happen for myself, and things like being in a committed relationship just seem like a barrier and a distraction to doing this.

 

[Gorack]

Wow, great post IMO. I sometimes lament not having gone into the Air Force full time. I like structure and when I've operated under controlled group scenarios I've always excelled. I typically rise to the position of leader, decision maker, or instructor but it's always been under the recognition and guidance of people I envy who know how to pass their knowledge and experiences on in inspirational ways.

I know how to put in work and if you tell me what needs to be done I'll put all of my mental and physical efforts into doing it.

I can be obsessive about learning new things through reading or experience but I can also lose interest virtually overnight. Most books I start I finish but most television shows I lose interest rapidly as I recognize formulas and hooks readily and don't get into trite bullshit.

The thought of being paralyzed by options really hits home for me at the moment. I'm at a sort of impasse where I don't need to do much since my wife is so successful but I feel compelled to want to do something that can make a difference for others.

Trying to figure out where to focus your energy can be quite the conundrum. There's thousands of rabbit holes to go down but sometimes you just keep looking at the ground you're on thinking "this is okay for now, I'll explore that hole tomorrow."

 

[Guestx]

I feel u TS, not in the mood to really analyze all the places this gets at me but check this out https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_on_the_paradox_of_choice?language=en

Thanks, I'll give that a look later and report back.

 

[LATEXXX COMMANDO]

Yeah, I think that's the way it usually goes.

Maybe for me my attitude has been cultivated by the fact that I'm 34 and haven't accomplished nearly as much as I had intended to by this age. I think I'm pissed and determined to make some big things happen for myself, and things like being in a committed relationship just seem like a barrier and a distraction to doing this.

What are some things you want to do if you don't mind me asking?

 

[VanteMMA]

Is there ever a point where "the freedom of choice" becomes too much? Do you ever feel overwhelmed by life's many options?

To many people, this may seem weird. Though I suspect that there will also be those handful of people out there who get what I'm saying.

Sometimes I feel like all the different options that life is constantly throwing at me is overwhelming. Maybe it's concern over what I'm missing out on. Maybe it's irritation that, as a person who is naturally a completist, I know that I'll never be able to experience but a fraction of all life has to offer. Or maybe it's that I know I'd be incapable of constantly thinking that the grass is always greener if I didn't know that that grass existed in the first place.

Let me offer a few examples: Take women for instance. Let's say you have your choice of five women to marry and you have to pick one of them. There is one that is the best looking and has the best personality of the five and so you pick her and are confident and happy with your choice . . . until you find out that there actually was a sixth woman who was superior in every way. Now, instead of being happy and pleased, you lament over what could've been.

Or take books for example. Let's say you're a reader. You walk into a library and you realize that there is ALL THIS KNOWLEDGE, and you want it, but you know you can only attain a fraction of it. And the option is there, to start attaining it, but you don't know where to start. And once you do start, you think to yourself, what's in that book over there that this book doesn't have? Perhaps a third of the way through your first choice, your curiosity gets the better of you and you put the first book down and pick up the second. I can't tell you how many books I've only partially completed for this reason. And it's in times like these I wish I only had four of five books to choose from, rather than four or five million. Maybe not four or five TOTAL, but four or five at a time, so that the duty to choose wisely isn't so overwhelming.

You can keep applying this to anything: choices of where to live, what movies to watch, what degree to obtain, what career to pursue, what religion to follow (or whether to even follow a religion at all), and just generally how to spend your life.

I often feel paralyzed by the options. And then instead of doing SOMETHING, even if it's not 100% ideal, I end up doing nothing. I end up putting it all off for another day, when I'll be better equipped to handle these challenges.

Can anyone else identify with this or do I just sound like a crazy person? Anyone else ever wished that there was LESS to life than their actually is, so that it would be more manageable, and therefore more conquerable? Do you ever wish there were fewer options, so that each option could be fully understood and compared to the others, so that you could have the utmost confidence in the fact that you made the right decisions?

Exactly the opposite. I revile in life's choices, I relish them and I (try to) thrive in them.

I find it amazing how many people say they get bored. Theres so much to do in life, boredom is a fuking rediculous notion. On a side note, they say boredom is important component to creativity, and I am actually trying to take time out of my schedule to get bored in order to help my imagination and improve my creative writing.

I can relate to that feeling of being overwhelmed that you mention. That is pretty normal and everyone experiences it in some form or the other. The key here is to just go for it, just try something the first opportunity you get. Do not over think it. When you actually start living life and stop thinking about it, the feeling of being overwhelmed dissipates as you gravitate towards the aspects of life that appeal to you the most.

 

[Bmurray]

You get what I'm saying. I've spent a lot of my life dabbling. I'll do a little of this, a little of that. I'll learn a bit on this subject, and then learn a bit on that one. In the end, it hasn't amounted to much.

My dream is to be a filmmaker. It's something I've wanted to do for many years. And while in just the past couple of years I have done a better job of buckling down and have actually accomplished a few things, I know that if I had made it my singular goal ten years ago then I'd be much farther along than I am now. I am full of regrets on this.

I like your last statement about creativity within boundaries. I'd extend this to other areas of life as well. Sometimes it's easier to choose a path when there aren't a hundred of them laid out before you.

I have a sister-in-law in the industry, and my brother does commercial cgi. They both wanted to be directors so they went to film-school.

Having seen their choices my best advice would be to just make film shorts however you can, with whatever you have. Over and over and over. Write treatments, evolve them into screenplays, work with amateurs from craigslist, etc. Look for small film festivals within a realistic radius of yourself, network with people you meet. That last one is big.

 

[LATEXXX COMMANDO]

You get what I'm saying. I've spent a lot of my life dabbling. I'll do a little of this, a little of that. I'll learn a bit on this subject, and then learn a bit on that one. In the end, it hasn't amounted to much.

My dream is to be a filmmaker. It's something I've wanted to do for many years. And while in just the past couple of years I have done a better job of buckling down and have actually accomplished a few things, I know that if I had made it my singular goal ten years ago then I'd be much farther along than I am now. I am full of regrets on this.

I like your last statement about creativity within boundaries. I'd extend this to other areas of life as well. Sometimes it's easier to choose a path when there aren't a hundred of them laid out before you.

You want to be a filmmaker? Nice. That's my dream as well.

I'm currently writing my first screenplay, over halfway done. Taking my time with it bu I know I've been slacking recently with some personal shit going on.

 

[Guestx]

Wow, great post IMO. I sometimes lament not having gone into the Air Force full time. I like structure and when I've operated under controlled group scenarios I've always excelled. I typically rise to the position of leader, decision maker, or instructor but it's always been under the recognition and guidance of people I envy who know how to pass their knowledge and experiences on in inspirational ways.

I know how to put in work and if you tell me what needs to be done I'll put all of my mental and physical efforts into doing it.

I can be obsessive about learning new things through reading or experience but I can also lose interest virtually overnight. Most books I start I finish but most television shows I lose interest rapidly as I recognize formulas and hooks readily and don't get into trite bullshit.

The thought of being paralyzed by options really hits home for me at the moment. I'm at a sort of impasse where I don't need to do much since my wife is so successful but I feel compelled to want to do something that can make a difference for others.

Trying to figure out where to focus your energy can be quite the conundrum. There's thousands of rabbit holes to go down but sometimes you just keep looking at the ground you're on thinking "this is okay for now, I'll explore that hole tomorrow."

The paralysis really is a huge problem. I don't know how many times I've asked myself, "Why did I spend five hours posting on Sherdog today instead of reading that film book that I've been meaning to get around to for the last year?" Or "Why did I kill this case of beer and listen to music tonight instead of work on that screenplay I've been wanting to write?"

It's terrible. It's an epidemic. Every once in a while I can find a way to break out of that trance and get some shit done but it's hard.

 

[VanteMMA]

You just have to buckle in and put in the work man.

There is one thing common among all of the most successful people in the world (even the talented ones) is that they are the hardest workers you will ever find.

This has been my issue too, and there are many behavioural and cognitive strategies you can use to get over this, but yeah it all takes more effort than slamming down a six pack and listening to Dido.

 

[Guestx]

I have a sister-in-law in the industry, and my brother does commercial cgi. They both wanted to be directors so they went to film-school.

Having seen their choices my best advice would be to just make film shorts however you can, with whatever you have. Over and over and over. Write treatments, evolve them into screenplays, work with amateurs from craigslist, etc. Look for small film festivals within a realistic radius of yourself, network with people you meet. That last one is big.

You want to be a filmmaker? Nice. That's my dream as well.

I'm currently writing my first screenplay, over halfway done. Taking my time with it bu I know I've been slacking recently with some personal shit going on.

Being a filmmaker has been my dream since my early 20s, so a little over 10 years now. I have always loved storytelling in general, but especially movies. I have been an on-again-off-again film student at the University of Utah for a little while now.

I did a couple of small projects for my Film Production I class, but they're not the kind of thing I'd want to show anyone. However, I'm about 90% finished with a 16-min short doc, which to me is my first "real" film. Once it's totally done, I'll make an attempt to get it into some little local festivals.

I'm trying to figure out what my next project is going to be. I need a topic. And since I'm not in class at the moment and can't check out equipment from the school, I also need to figure that out as well because I don't own anything.

But yeah, movies are what's up. And I really need to snap out of my mental fugue state and pursue this goal as one would an obsession.

 

[Gavster]

It sounds like you're describing the function of Ne (Extraverted Intuiting) in the Myers Brigg's Personality Testing.
Have you looked into it?

Intuitive types prefer the emphasis is placed on meaning and associations. Insight is valued higher than careful observation, and pattern recognition occurs naturally for Intuitive types. This is where you see lots of different threads and work on weaving them together. But may struggle to make definitive choices and work on one concept long enough for full fruition. The joy is in the scenarios and combining possibilities rather than what's in front of you. It's a great trait for a visionary.