Did I just F up by loaning my friend $11k?

[mozfonky]

People are scumbaggy. They won't even attempt to re-pay it. If you ask about it, they'll just bullshit some excuse.

That wasn't the case for me, I was just plain stupid and younger. I was also a bit naive because I think I paid most of it back but not all of it and didn't think he'd hate me for it but it all came out. I was so obsessed with certain things when I was younger I did a lot of things wrong not because I was trying to but because I was obsessed. Still am today but the major difference is I try to only make myself pay for everything, either financially or hardship wise.

 

[mozfonky]

I’ve been fucked over by “friends” I’ve known since childhood and was seeing multiple times a week right up until they screwed me

Lending that amount of money to somebody you speak to a few times a year is ridiculous

me too, but how did they screw you over if you don't mind. In most of my cases, things are way too convoluted to make anyone innocent most of the time. It's the main reason why I try to be very, very cautious when accepting "favors" from people because it's inevitable that they'll turn around and say you screwed them if you can't do something crazy for them.

 

[mozfonky]

I general rule I want you guys to remember:

DO NOT LOAN MONEY THAT YOU ARE NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP

I can't think of how many times I've "loaned" people money and never saw it again. Luckily, it's never been a large sum like 11k. Most people asking for money are broke - which is why they are asking for money to begin with.

Either loan money to somebody you trust, or somebody who you wouldn't care giving money to, like a close family member that you care about.

Otherwise, avoid loaning out large sums... unless the person has loaned you a large sum of money.

that's the one great thing about go fund me's, no one expects the money back and that part is above board. Even though most of them are probably cons of some kind. I gave for my old friends funeral fund even though our relationship ended horribly over 20 years ago. Of course, I 'm not stupid, I know that that piece of shit of a son of his could have sold stuff to get burial money. I did it anyway.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeJr]

Hey bro so I'm kind of in a tough spot I could use 11k too. I promise I'll talk to you 3 or 4 times a year or whatever and pay you back.

All jokes aside that's a lot to loan someone. I would personally pay a friend back if he did that for me, but I expect most people wouldn't. Honestly, start accepting that the money is gone. If you ever get it back consider it a bonus

 

[cooks1]

Need more to the story.

What was the problem that he needed 11k?

Have you loaned him money before?

Would he or has he done something similar for you?

Can you afford to lose 11k?

This. For fuck sakes can't believe not one other person on the forum would want to know why the friend needed 11K before weighing in on it.

 

[Alphaboy]

that's the one great thing about go fund me's, no one expects the money back and that part is above board. Even though most of them are probably cons of some kind. I gave for my old friends funeral fund even though our relationship ended horribly over 20 years ago. Of course, I 'm not stupid, I know that that piece of shit of a son of his could have sold stuff to get burial money. I did it anyway.

You did the right thing. That's a good thing that he didn't have to sell stuff to bury his own father.

 

[mozfonky]

This. For fuck sakes can't believe not one other person on the forum would want to know why the friend needed 11K before weighing in on it.

I think most of us assume it's for bullshit bills and not anything serious like cancer treatment. Financial pressures are mostly a figment of our imaginations but they work very well on most people. Being in debt is worse than being dead or a slave to some people.

 

[mozfonky]

You did the right thing. That's a good thing that he didn't have to sell stuff to bury his own father.

Sure, the point is, that he didn't have to have a go fund me set up. Sell a car, or a boat or whatever the fuck of value he has left. Hell, he blew through millions, he's got to have something. But it's ok.

My other friend who I gave money to recently is genuinely not rich and his mom knew me when I was a baby, no problem there. Money really doesn't mean anything to me until I'm forced to care about it.

 

[JbModest]

Even though he's your friend you should've made a written agreement on how he was going to pay you back. Maybe even getting it notarized. I'll bet it would be really awkward to do that though.

If money doesn't mean anything to you then never mind.

 

[scorpiorising]

Unless his problem was he need led 11k to hire a hitman to kill his wife and collect 100k insurance policy tomorrow, you're probably getting little to nothing back.

 

[Alphaboy]

Sure, the point is, that he didn't have to have a go fund me set up. Sell a car, or a boat or whatever the fuck of value he has left. Hell, he blew through millions, he's got to have something. But it's ok.

My other friend who I gave money to recently is genuinely not rich and his mom knew me when I was a baby, no problem there. Money really doesn't mean anything to me until I'm forced to care about it.

Oh, dude used to have millions and set up a go fund me.

 

[FlyingDeathKick]

You talk on the phone with him 3-4x a year? And you loaned a guy you barely talk to 11k? Bullshit story.

In the age of the internet, text messages, social media etc.. To talk to a friend on the phone 3-4x a year seems weird..

Edit: Well it actually makes sense because 3-4x isn't much and with the internet and texting you don't need to talk on the phone that often. However if that's the only way you contact a friend in 2022.. weird.

 

[mozfonky]

Oh, dude used to have millions and set up a go fund me.

he didn't, a buddy of his did knowing his situation. I didn't find any of it hard to believe though.

 

[Snackbar]

I helped a family member buy a home, we had legal contracts written up and signed in front of my lawyer. They still tried to fuck me in the end.

You will never see that money dude. Welcome to humanity.

 

[Larzon]

I have good friends I'd lend that type of money to and good friends I wouldn't.

 

[mozfonky]

I helped a family member buy a home, we had legal contracts written up and signed in front of my lawyer. They still tried to fuck me in the end.

You will never see that money dude. Welcome to humanity.

They couldn't do it on a moral basis could they? They couldn't say you were trying to fuck them, or did they? Just curious.

 

[method115]

I’d never loan that much because the amount tells me some serious shit went down. Coming back from borrowing 11k to giving it back and taking care of your own bills isn’t easy. I’d need to know the whole situation though to really know if I’d do it. In general though I’d most likely say just go to the bank.

 

[bean88]

me too, but how did they screw you over if you don't mind. In most of my cases, things are way too convoluted to make anyone innocent most of the time. It's the main reason why I try to be very, very cautious when accepting "favors" from people because it's inevitable that they'll turn around and say you screwed them if you can't do something crazy for them.

Both examples I had in mind were people that I thought were good friends turning on me over trivial stuff, one guy bad mouthed me and had me forced out of a friendship group because I bought a car that he liked but couldn’t afford to buy himself

The other a good friend set me up with a girl she knew then proceeded to turn on the girl and me and seemed to think she was doing nothing wrong in the process

The strange thing was more that I’d known both parties for 20-25 years at this point (and still wouldn’t have lent either of them any more than probably £100)

 

[mozfonky]

Both examples I had in mind were people that I thought were good friends turning on me over trivial stuff, one guy bad mouthed me and had me forced out of a friendship group because I bought a car that he liked but couldn’t afford to buy himself

The other a good friend set me up with a girl she knew then proceeded to turn on the girl and me and seemed to think she was doing nothing wrong in the process

The strange thing was more that I’d known both parties for 20-25 years at this point (and still wouldn’t have lent either of them any more than probably £100)

I know, I've been there. One friend I'd known for over 20 years, he's the guy who helped me get musical equipment. I never fully paid him back, but honestly, I don't know if that's really what he turned on me over. I'll never know because I'm not gonna take abuse from people when I think it's not really deserved. I just think he got more and more involved with drugs and it just fucked up his brains and made him paranoid. But, as I say, I learned form it, I keep things as above board as possible and communicate things very, very clearly insofar as business and money are concerned. I'm an honest person and I don't even want the suspicion of me trying to screw people out there.

my other close friends just turned on me because I worked for their business and I didn't want to work for them anymore, that simple. Both times it was painful and those kinds of things just make me keep my world very, very small. I don't like people trying to rent space in my head and trying to make me think I'm something that I'm not. If I have to spend most of my time completely alone, that's what I'll do. It is not worth the drama for when people show their true selves. It's a lot of time and energy. It's difficult because I don't like saying no and somehow I attract people who always take advantage of that but I'm on it at all times trying to keep them all in check. In fact, I'm gonna change my cell number soon and tell people in my life to email me if they want to communicate. No one seems to respect boundaries.

 

[bean88]

I know, I've been there. One friend I'd known for over 20 years, he's the guy who helped me get musical equipment. I never fully paid him back, but honestly, I don't know if that's really what he turned on me over. I'll never know because I'm not gonna take abuse from people when I think it's not really deserved. I just think he got more and more involved with drugs and it just fucked up his brains and made him paranoid. But, as I say, I learned form it, I keep things as above board as possible and communicate things very, very clearly insofar as business and money are concerned. I'm an honest person and I don't even want the suspicion of me trying to screw people out there.

my other close friends just turned on me because I worked for their business and I didn't want to work for them anymore, that simple. Both times it was painful and those kinds of things just make me keep my world very, very small. I don't like people trying to rent space in my head and trying to make me think I'm something that I'm not. If I have to spend most of my time completely alone, that's what I'll do. It is not worth the drama for when people show their true selves. It's a lot of time and energy. It's difficult because I don't like saying no and somehow I attract people who always take advantage of that but I'm on it at all times trying to keep them all in check. In fact, I'm gonna change my cell number soon and tell people in my life to email me if they want to communicate. No one seems to respect boundaries.

The no longer working for close friends thing is a strange one, I have a friend who hasn’t had a payrise in a decade who works for his friends dad’s business and is worried about leaving and messing with the setup

If your so called friends had an issue with it then it probably wasn’t a friendship anyway and they saw you as somebody they could manipulate and exploit perhaps